Friend spending the night

  • Thread starter Thread starter Two_of_Clubs
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
angell1 said:
exactly.

just want to point something out. Jesus stayed with mary and Martha, over several days after lazarus died, which would certainly include nights as well. gasp it is possible for it to be simply just what it is.
Click to expand...
Good point. And I’m sure Mary and Martha did NOT live in a multi-room mansion the way the Duggars and Bates do. (Or English gentlemen for that manner - though the Bingleys were technically NOT gentlemen and, of course, didn’t actually exist. But there is no hint that Jane staying with them for days was meant to be scandalous at all.)
no, we shouldn’t purposefully give scandal, however, I actually recently discovered that it is also a sin for the person who claims to be scandalized. especialy, if it concerns things that are not actually sinful. they are presuming and assuming without knowing the cfacts. it’s certainly not good for one’s spiritual health to try and see scandal everywhere
Click to expand...
 
angell1 said:
exactly.

just want to point something out. Jesus stayed with mary and Martha, over several days after lazarus died, which would certainly include nights as well. gasp it is possible for it to be simply just what it is.

no, we shouldn’t purposefully give scandal, however, I actually recently discovered that it is also a sin for the person who claims to be scandalized. especialy, if it concerns things that are not actually sinful. they are presuming and assuming without knowing the cfacts. it’s certainly not good for one’s spiritual health to try and see scandal everywhere
Click to expand...
I agree with you angell, and I think that this is a really good post.

In my own personal opinion, I think that it’s personally better to think positively of someone and give someone the “benefit of the doubt,” than to assume the worst of them and to think something negatively of them.

To me, if we–as in “anyone”–are to assume the worst of someone, we are assuming that they lack the maturity to make any kind of adult decisions for their lives, when this may not even be so.

Back when I was still living at home and was a young adult, I was allowed to have other friends over–both male and female. I didn’t have any male friends visiting that were staying overnight.

My male friends were allowed to come over to hang out and visit, but they had to stay where my Mom could see us hanging out together, and I asked permission to have my friends over, whether male or female.

My Mom and my Dad both knew who my friends were, and when I was dating, she–and my Dad–also knew who I was going out with, too.
 
oldgraymare2 said:
I agree with you angell, and I think that this is a really good post.

In my own personal opinion, I think that it’s personally better to think positively of someone and give someone the “benefit of the doubt,” than to assume the worst of them and to think something negatively of them.

To me, if we–as in “anyone”–are to assume the worst of someone, we are assuming that they lack the maturity to make any kind of adult decisions for their lives, when this may not even be so.
Click to expand...
I think many people who love to discuss how scandalized they are by certain activities, really are using their supposed moral superiority and outrage to cover up their own fascination with them.

It’s also IMHO a sin to use your influence with others to get them to see innocent acts as scandalous, I think this is “corrupting” someone in a way as well. One “reality” TV example is Jinger Vuolo, nee Duggar. There is very awkward footage from the TV show of her then-fiancée, now husband, Jeremy’s Italian grandfather reaching out to hug her in the conventional way, only to have her visibly flinch, pull away, and opt for a Side Hug ™ instead. Even though Jinger appears to be slightly more rebellious than her other sisters.

Raising a child in a way to make her equate all but minimal physical contact with the opposite sex to be scandalous and perverse, is IMHO, itself perverse. (On the other hand, I don’t think children should be bullied into accepting even innocent physical affection from others that they’re uncomfortable with, either.)
 
ToeInTheWater said:
It’s also IMHO a sin to use your influence with others to get them to see innocent acts as scandalous, I think this is “corrupting” someone in a way as well.
Click to expand...
Yup. We have enough mountains, so let’s leave the molehills alone.
 
pianistclare said:
You’re 24. not a child. Your parents are there.
If you can sleep in another room without sneaking in on her, peeking at her, or thinking lewd thoughts about her, I’d say, you’re fine. Be a grownup already.
There’s no church law against hospitality. That 's all this is.
Click to expand...
👍
 
She’s a guest of yor parents if you want to bextechnical, so don!t sweat it.
 
Tim_D said:
Oh, give me a break. Scandal for who? I’m sure that the neighbors don’t even know the girl and, in all probability, could care less.

Sir Lancelot would be proud. :rolleyes:

Clare had the best answer on the thread; “Be a grownup, already.”
Click to expand...
Yeah, seriously. There’s nothing “dishonorable” about her staying overnight as long as she’s going to be in a different room. The neighbors probably A) won’t notice and B) if they do, they’ll probably assume she’s a cousin or a niece or something and C) they definitely won’t care in the slightest.
 
ToeInTheWater said:
I think many people who love to discuss how scandalized they are by certain activities, really are using their supposed moral superiority and outrage to cover up their own fascination with them.

It’s also IMHO a sin to use your influence with others to get them to see innocent acts as scandalous, I think this is “corrupting” someone in a way as well. One “reality” TV example is Jinger Vuolo, nee Duggar. There is very awkward footage from the TV show of her then-fiancée, now husband, Jeremy’s Italian grandfather reaching out to hug her in the conventional way, only to have her visibly flinch, pull away, and opt for a Side Hug ™ instead. Even though Jinger appears to be slightly more rebellious than her other sisters.

Raising a child in a way to make her equate all but minimal physical contact with the opposite sex to be scandalous and perverse, is IMHO, itself perverse. (On the other hand, I don’t think children should be bullied into accepting even innocent physical affection from others that they’re uncomfortable with, either.)
Click to expand...
I’m off topic but, Jinger got married to an Italian American fellow? I guess he’s not Catholic.
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
I’m off topic but, Jinger got married to an Italian American fellow? I guess he’s not Catholic.
Click to expand...
He actually might technically be Catholic, as his parents started out Catholic and left the Church, and his father became an evangelical pastor. Depending on when exactly they did so, Jeremy Vuolo may actually have been baptized as a Catholic.

But now, not only is he not a practicing Catholic, he is vehemently anti-Catholic evangelical pastor, actively seeking to convert them, as is his father. He actually called Catholicism a “pagan religion” in one of his sermons.

starcasm.net/archives/371923
I just want to say this, kind of as an aside for us here in Laredo. There are spiritual strongholds in our world today, aren’t there? Just as Paul and Silas encountered the demonic in Phlippi, so we encounter that here in Laredo. In this city we have the pagan religion of Catholicism gripping the souls of the majority.
Click to expand...
I admit I still catch snippets of Duggar shows at times, but I switch the channel when the Vuolos come on. I hope for Jinger’s sake that there is more to this marriage then just getting away from her family and having more freedom. I certainly got the sense the allure of Jeremy, was that he was the closest to a “bad boy” that she could ever get her father to approve her having anything to do with, much less marrying. He is on the older side for marriage per most evangelical standards at age 28 (maybe 29 by now), and a former pro soccer player who at one point lived a stereotypical promiscuous athlete lifestyle, then he supposedly found God and became a pastor.

Sorry for the OT post. Anyway my point is that even the Duggars, who are pretty extreme in many ways, would probably approve of the OP’s arrangement as long as the parents are around to “chaperone”. I can think of at least one episode where Jinger and Jeremy apparently stayed in the same apartment overnight prior to the wedding, but did so with a chaperone. (Though it’s also possible they just edited the footage to make it look like they did and she actually stayed in a hotel or something. I know their show is quite heavily edited these days.)
 
Agreeing with most of the others here. Seeing that you’ll be in separate rooms, you should be fine.
ToeInTheWater said:
Cheap $69 motels aren’t always known for being dignified, respectable bastions of morality, either. I stayed in such a place once when I was short on cash, and I hardly slept a wink, fearing someone was going to break in and rob me or worse – I felt terrified from the moment I saw how the hotel clerk was barricaded behind both bars AND (I assume) bulletproof glass! :eek:
Click to expand...
Agreed.

I stayed in a place like this last year while my home was being repaired.

I didn’t feel unsafe but as you say these places have a reputation for activities that are less than respectable.
 
signit said:
I stayed in a place like this last year while my home was being repaired.

I didn’t feel unsafe but as you say these places have a reputation for activities that are less than respectable.
Click to expand...
I can think of many cheap motels in my region that keep making the news for police raids and such.

If a male friend of mine, or even an actual “boyfriend” I was dating invited me to stay with his parents, with him sleeping in a different room for me, I personally would not assume he has some kind of nefarious motive. If he said “let’s go meet my parents, but to avoid scandal you’ll have to stay in Motel 6” I would NOT consider it gentlemanly.

(Not that all Motel 6’s are bad, some are safe and clean, they just have “bare bones” accommodations. But the very scary motel I mentioned in my prior post, was indeed a Motel 6).
 
Two_of_Clubs said:
I have a friend who’s traveling and is going to stop by and visit.

I’m male and she is female.

In any case, she would need to stay the night.

Some relevant details: First, this is my parents’ house, so we wouldn’t have the place to ourselves (I don’t own my own apartment.) Second, I’d sleep in the family room, and she would take my room—no sleeping in the same bed.

But I’m unsure whether I’d be committing a sin or not even under these circumstances. Any (name removed by moderator)ut would be appreciated!
Click to expand...
Not a problem.

It’s not uncommon to have out of towners stay at a house.
 
BoomBoomMancini said:
Yeah, seriously. There’s nothing “dishonorable” about her staying overnight as long as she’s going to be in a different room. The neighbors probably A) won’t notice and B) if they do, they’ll probably assume she’s a cousin or a niece or something and C) they definitely won’t care in the slightest.
Click to expand...
Why is a situation like this at nighttime considered an appearance of evil but the daytime isnt?
 
Is still like to know how spending the night at a friend’s house compromises a woman’s dignity. :rolleyes:
 
Tim_D said:
You don’t believe in avoiding jumping to unjustified conclusions?
Click to expand...
You don’t think overnight sleeping has an appearance of evil? I’m not talking about putting your head on somebody’s shoulder, I mean sleeping together during the night.
 
Sky_River said:
You don’t think overnight sleeping has an appearance of evil?
Click to expand...
No, I really don’t. You see, most people have to sleep at night and most humans sleep in enclosed places. When people have a friend or an acquaintance who needs a place to stay for the night in a safe, secure, clean and friendly environment, we often offer the resources we have available. The word is hospitable.

To my thinking, the type of people who presume that overnight sleeping has an appearance of evil are those who either harbor evil thoughts and desires within themselves or are too immature to think like a rational adult. Believe it or not, but not everyone in this world is consumed with carnal desire for any and every person who becomes available to them.
 
Tim_D said:
No, I really don’t. You see, most people have to sleep at night and most humans sleep in enclosed places. When people have a friend or an acquaintance who needs a place to stay for the night in a safe, secure, clean and friendly environment, we often offer the resources we have available. The word is hospitable.

To my thinking, the type of people who presume that overnight sleeping has an appearance of evil are those who either harbor evil thoughts and desires within themselves or are too immature to think like a rational adult. ** Believe it or not, but not everyone in this world is consumed with carnal desire for any and every person who becomes available to them.**
Click to expand...
Well said. 👍
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top