Friends: help me know what to do with in-laws this x-mas

  • Thread starter Thread starter sparkle
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

sparkle

Guest
Really could use some advice. Many of you know, my in-laws are abusive, not nice people. BUT, we’re staying home this X-mas, and I know we’ll be invited over there again on X-mas day, for dinner. For the past almost 16 years now, every Christmas has been awful. They’re criticizing, bitter, negative, they totally ignore, “stonewall” and ridicule me, in front of my hubby and kids, never give me a present, but give everyone else about 10, and it’s just plain miserable for me. For the past several years, I’ve felt we had to get away just to avoid the situation, and we always did, ski trips, etc… Well, this X-mas, we’ll be home, and they live 10 minutes away. Thought of perhaps having them over for apple cider and dessert on X-mas eve, just so kids can see their grandparents for X-mas, but I really don’t want to spend time in their home, it has just been too awful in the past.

Any suggestions? I feel to have them over to our home, helps things alot, rather than going there. Do you think I’m obligated to have X-mas dinner over there and I should go anyway? I’ve always tried to be so nice in the past, and just end up being slapped in the face for it. It’s not a healthy situation. Would appreciate anybody’s (name removed by moderator)ut who feels like giving it. I think at this point, I’ll just perhaps invite them over on X-mas eve for a short time, and tell them we’re just going to stay home and relax on Christmas. I’m tired of making excuses any longer not to come over. Then the best thing I guess to to tell hubby how I feel, don’t you all agree?

THX–

Luv,

Sparkle
 
40.png
sparkle:
Really could use some advice. Many of you know, my in-laws are abusive, not nice people. BUT, we’re staying home this X-mas, and I know we’ll be invited over there again on X-mas day, for dinner. For the past almost 16 years now, every Christmas has been awful. They’re criticizing, bitter, negative, they totally ignore, “stonewall” and ridicule me, in front of my hubby and kids, never give me a present, but give everyone else about 10, and it’s just plain miserable for me. For the past several years, I’ve felt we had to get away just to avoid the situation, and we always did, ski trips, etc… Well, this X-mas, we’ll be home, and they live 10 minutes away. Thought of perhaps having them over for apple cider and dessert on X-mas eve, just so kids can see their grandparents for X-mas, but I really don’t want to spend time in their home, it has just been too awful in the past.

Any suggestions? I feel to have them over to our home, helps things alot, rather than going there. Do you think I’m obligated to have X-mas dinner over there and I should go anyway? I’ve always tried to be so nice in the past, and just end up being slapped in the face for it. It’s not a healthy situation. Would appreciate anybody’s (name removed by moderator)ut who feels like giving it. I think at this point, I’ll just perhaps invite them over on X-mas eve for a short time, and tell them we’re just going to stay home and relax on Christmas. I’m tired of making excuses any longer not to come over. Then the best thing I guess to to tell hubby how I feel, don’t you all agree?

THX–

Luv,

Sparkle
Click to expand...
Make Christmas your new family Movie day… rent 2 or 3 of the movies you wanted to see this year but never had the chance, or rent or buy some old Christmas Classics… But have hordevours, or sandwiches and snacks… but start a new family tradition… that way you have a good excuse, but also a fun option for all… heck, make it a card party too, if you wish… now, that’s the easy part… the hard part will be to convince the others…peace and goodluck… 👍
 
If it were me, I would just lay it all out on the table. I would tell them exactly why I wasn’t coming. Of course Sparke I don’t know anything else about them or the rest of the situation. Is there a reason they seem to have such hatred for you? Or do they not even know they are doing it?

I think you are right. The best decision is to tell your husband exactly how they make you feel. I wouldn’t deprive them of their grandchildren altogether but I don’t see why you should be obligated to spend lots of time with them.

-Tim
 
40.png
timbo1980:
If it were me, I would just lay it all out on the table. I would tell them exactly why I wasn’t coming. Of course Sparke I don’t know anything else about them or the rest of the situation. Is there a reason they seem to have such hatred for you? Or do they not even know they are doing it?

I think you are right. The best decision is to tell your husband exactly how they make you feel. I wouldn’t deprive them of their grandchildren altogether but I don’t see why you should be obligated to spend lots of time with them.

-Tim
Click to expand...
Hey Tim: thx so much for replying!!! I just think because I married their “youngest son”, and grandma wants to be pre-emminent. She thinks she does everything better than me, and I’m different from her. I’m more the creative artist type, she’s the practical (boring type)–the type to have the same meal for past 20 years where I like to try different recipies. And most importantly, she wears the pants in the family and always has, she pays the bills, gets on the roof and paints, calls all the shots, and I’m more of a girly girl I’ve been called, and want and expect my hubby to fit the bill, like my Dad did. But I’m proud of it. I’ve only been insulted for it in her book. She resents me, and I really don’t know all the whys about it.!!! All in all, we’re totally different. It makes life hard sometimes. She screams at me if she notices my nails are done…“how can you afford it”?..and then slaps my hubby around to no end…screaming at him how I should have a full-time job!!!Insulting me for being me, etc, yet totally enabling him from being a man.!!! Most sad~~~~

So, Tim, I covet your prayers, thx for responding!!!

Blessings~~
 
Does your dh see how they treat you? What does he do about it? I generally believe that the blood relative should deal with extended family. If my dh’s family was treating me badly, I would expect HIM to take care of it. I know now from this thread and the other we are talking on right now, that you like your dh to be “the man” and “take care of you”. So- it would follow that the obvious answer would be that it is your dh’s job to make this situation better.

If your dh is not willing to stand up for you, I would ask him to help you make some plans like what you are thinking of with Christmas Eve.

You could also consider having a real talk with your MIL and laying it on the line, telling her how you would like to be treated and asking her what you can do to make things better too.

One more thought- how do you think it affects your children to see you being treated this way? Is it healthy for them? are they learning to disrespect you and your dh?

I hope you find a way to have a very Happy Holy Christmas day.

~Patty
 
Sparkle,
I think Space Ghost’s idea about movie day is pretty interesting.

Tell your in-laws that you are coming to my house!

How about this one - tell them you will be there for dessert - at about 6 or 7. Stay for an hour. This way, your husband and kids get to see them but for a small period of time.

That is the best I can do for ya. Family is family - love them or hate them. Sorry your in-laws are nasty.
 
Hey, Sparkle!

Ah, dysfunctional families and Christmas. We know it well. My in-laws are great, my mom’s family is great, but my dad’s family- well, that’s another story.

My dad’s father died when four of the seven children were 20 or under, and his mother died a few years later (when the youngest, my aunt, was 18). This left a power vacuum, so to speak, in the family and has turned into an ongoing family politics struggle. Pretty much everyone defers to the second-oldest brother, who I will call Uncle T. For whatever reason, the family has never fully accepted my mom. It’s turned into the “damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t” situation. She tried for years to get acceptance, was sure that if she just brought the right gift or attended every little gathering (whether she had time, or was well, or not), or got my dad to change his attitude and not argue back, things would be fine. She even OK-ed naming Uncle T as my godfather when I was born. Well, things aren’t fine, and I’m 26. She’s finally accepted that things aren’t going to change, and she’s changed a lot instead. If she doesn’t want to go, she doesn’t. If my dad does want to go, she sends him by himself, and has stopped telling him to watch what he says (with hilarious results). My mom has also started strengthening her relationships with her own siblings as well, especially since her mom died last May. My parents are much happier as a result.

Uncle T has a big Christmas party at his house every Christmas day. It would be no big deal if we did show up- it’s pretty informal. But knowing what we do about family politics, and knowing what he and others say about us when we are not there (his granddaughters are pretty indiscreet about passing on nasty things said about us when we’re in earshot), we choose not to bother. If we show up, snide comments will be made about who showed up for a free meal. If we don’t show, snide comments will be made about who decided they were too good to have Christmas with the family. So why bother? Christmas is a major holy day for us, and there’s no reason to have it poisoned by bad feelings. My dad will usually try to reach everyone on the phone, and cards will be sent out, but otherwise we do our own thing at Christmas. Last year, DH and I cooked up a turkey and had my parents over, this year we’ll go to my in-laws’.

To sum it up, you are not obligated to spend one of the holiest days of the year taking insults from your husband’s family. If your husband and kids are resolute in their decision to go, then you may just have to grin and bear it. But maybe having your in-laws at your home on Christmas Eve would be an acceptable compromise. It usually helps to be in your own home and on your own terms, and your kids will still get to see their grandparents.

Aargh. This was hard to write. Really, I do love my dad’s family. I know they love me. But all this junk gets in the way and it’s messed up a lot of things. I promise, they’re not all bad.
 
Hi Sparkle,
I think the first thing you need to do is tell your husband how you feel and then pray together on this. You are not obligated to go to their house to be insulted for Christmas dinner. If yoyr husband agrees, the little get together on Christmas eve sounds like a good compromise. I’ll be praying that your mil’s heart is softened toward you and she comes to appreciate you. She ought to have my dil and then she would think you were the greatest!!
40.png
sparkle:
Really could use some advice. Many of you know, my in-laws are abusive, not nice people. BUT, we’re staying home this X-mas, and I know we’ll be invited over there again on X-mas day, for dinner. For the past almost 16 years now, every Christmas has been awful. They’re criticizing, bitter, negative, they totally ignore, “stonewall” and ridicule me, in front of my hubby and kids, never give me a present, but give everyone else about 10, and it’s just plain miserable for me. For the past several years, I’ve felt we had to get away just to avoid the situation, and we always did, ski trips, etc… Well, this X-mas, we’ll be home, and they live 10 minutes away. Thought of perhaps having them over for apple cider and dessert on X-mas eve, just so kids can see their grandparents for X-mas, but I really don’t want to spend time in their home, it has just been too awful in the past.

Any suggestions? I feel to have them over to our home, helps things alot, rather than going there. Do you think I’m obligated to have X-mas dinner over there and I should go anyway? I’ve always tried to be so nice in the past, and just end up being slapped in the face for it. It’s not a healthy situation. Would appreciate anybody’s (name removed by moderator)ut who feels like giving it. I think at this point, I’ll just perhaps invite them over on X-mas eve for a short time, and tell them we’re just going to stay home and relax on Christmas. I’m tired of making excuses any longer not to come over. Then the best thing I guess to to tell hubby how I feel, don’t you all agree?

THX–

Luv,

Sparkle
Click to expand...
 
Sparkle, my in-laws, of 15 years, don’t like me either. I’m a PRACTICING Catholic (boooo) and hubby is the only son. Mostly, we stay away from each other but Christmas is “obligation” day with them. I just bite the bullet for a couple hours.
BUT, it sounds as though your in-laws are mentally abusive to you in the presence of your children and that would cap it for me. I agree you should just tell hubby and the in-laws how you feel (probably be like prying a gorilla off your back too!), do the Christmas eve deal and be done. Your children cannot be learning ANYTHING good from their behavior.
 
Sparkle–

So sad to read about your situation. Perhaps it gives me a little insight into our respective positions on another thread given your MIL’s personality.

Someone much wiser than I wrote something on another thread that really struck home with me about spending time with unpleasant/pathological family members. The observation was something to the effect that while we get to choose our friends, God choses our family for us and thereby forces us to spend time and deal with their personalities. If we believe he blesses our marriages this extends to the in-laws. I think the greatest testimony to one’s character is how they deal with challenging situations. Ditto for making an impact on children.

I do think your husband has a role to play here, too. Family or not, no one needs to endure abuse, much less a wife from her husband’s mother. Enlist his help. As for you, be the model of patience and kindness, don’t challenge her, pick a few innocuous conversation topics and stick to them and for pete’s sake don’t feel you need to justify limiting your time with her. She sounds incredibly needy and insecure and lashes out to compensate. This may never change. But at the end of the day you’ll be able to put your head on the pillow and sleep in peace secure about who you are and why you make the choices you do.
 
You need to demand that your husband deal with HIS mother. The fact that you have put up with this for 16 years is just plain ridiculous! Hubby needs to say, “Mom, I am tired of you insulting my wife. A man grows up, gets married, and cleaves to his wife. My wife comes first now. If you cannot be nice than you cannot be in our life. Period.”

If your husband will not do this then you need marriage counseling and Fast. The fact that your husband has not done anything about it up until now may mean that he agrees with his mother and uses her to jab you on issues he doesn’t dare mention.

Even Dr. Laura will say that you are not obligated to put up with toxic people. Your children do not need relationships with people who disrespect their mother in an obvious manner. This is distructive to your relationship with your own children. Do you want your children to grow up and take disrespect from their in-laws? Then show them how to stand up for themselves.

God Bless.
 
Hi Sparkle,

This is a situation very close to my own heart.

My husband and I have been married a year and a half and are still pretty young. He is the only son and his parents, before I came along, clung to him for emotional, physical and financial support. (His dad is a senior bank vice president and his mother is an insurance agent, but they do not share money and his mother constantly wanted Paul to “subsidize” her buying habits.)

Anyway, his mother is an undiagnosed, violent and extremely manic bi-polar alcoholic, control-freak. She screams, yells, throws things, pushes, shoves, threatens, manipulates and LIES. She is the best clinical example of a pathological liar I think I’ve ever met, even professionally.

His father is a passive-aggressive, absentee husband that uses his lack of verbosity to be intimidating non-verbally. He refuses to engage in any conversation that doesn’t involve talking about his financial success, movies or hollywood. He reads magazines like USWeekly and Star and feverishly reports to all of us the goings-on of young movie stars, singers, etc. He watches MTV and openly “appreciates” the assests of young women he encounters–even my little sisters at the wedding.

How my husband surfaced from this highly dysfunctional set of parents, I simply don’t know. It can only be attributed to the grace of God. He is the most solid person I know, both spiritually and emtionally. He has a faith in God that spills over into every corner of his life, thus making me his first priority–under God, of course. However, that has meant some painful sacrifices for him.

After we got engaged, his parents reached new heights of psychosis. It continued to escalate, even after the wedding, becoming worse and worse until finally Paul felt he needed to make a choice between his parents and myself. So, we went to a Catholic Therapist to help give us support through this painful process, and we no longer have these poisonous people in our lives. I can’t even begin to describe how grateful I am for this man who, even so young, refuses to subject me or himself to their abusive ways.

Abuse is a deal-breaker. You simply cannot expose yourselves or your children to behavior that is abusive. Paul has said many times that if the status quo continues, his parents will never see our future children. We are soon moving 1200 miles away to gain the support of my family, who, while they have their issues, aren’t abusive. 🙂 (Of course, they have no idea we are leaving.) What my husband and I feel good about is the knowledge that the craziness he grew up with stops with us. We do not have the same conflicts or problems that his parents do, and or will will pass their negativity on to our children.

It has taken a lot of work, a lot of communication, a lot of sacrifice, a lot of praying–and even though we are sometimes lonely on holidays that we can’t fly home for, it’s worth it to be healthy. Everyone deserves to have peace in their lives.

(I also don’t mean to say that removing them from our lives was a one time thing. It’s taken almost a year (though we haven’t seen them once) reiterating our wishes with the same consistent message, giving them the name of our counselor and ignoring many, many, MANY hurtful things. It takes time to remove a cancer, and they were definitely a disease to us.)

We pray for them every day, too.
 
I have the same problem, however, with my own family. They HATE my husband. They never want him around, if he is, they ignore him, or try to coerce him into saying something that they can use as fuel for the fire. My little sister is the only person in my huge family that sees him as a good person and she defends him. When we started dating, they hated him for his last name (small town politics). Then they learned a few other things about our relationship that they didn’t agree with. They knew that we were getting serious and they didn’t like it. Eventually, I was grounded for 3 years and not allowed to go anywhere, but I got 4 hours a week to spend with who ever (more often than not, it was him). When I was with him, my parents had endless spies around town that, literally, followed me around. Towards the end of my stay with them, they began to twist events around to make me the victim. For example, last year I told them that DH would be coming for christmas dinner, my mother fought with me tooth and nail until finally she agreed as long as she didn’t have to talk to him. Everything went fine…except now I find out that they are telling the entire family that they have always invited to DH to every family gathering, but I simply refused to go or to tell him he was invited (not true). They’ve also been telling everyone that they think he’s a great guy, ,but I’ve been telling them vicious lies about him and completely twisting it in their favour…so this year, the whole family wants nothing to do with me. Great. So I have the same dilemma. Basically, I take it in stride, and tell myself that one day, this will not matter at all.

Personally, I would tell your husband to stand up for you and himself and not let his mother control your every move as if it were her right, because it’s not anymore.
 
40.png
Princess_Abby:
Hi Sparkle,
This is a situation very close to my own heart.
How my husband surfaced from this highly dysfunctional set of parents, I simply don’t know. It can only be attributed to the grace of God. He is the most solid person I know, both spiritually and emtionally. He has a faith in God that spills over into every corner of his life, thus making me his first priority–under God, of course. However, that has meant some painful sacrifices for him.
After we got engaged, his parents reached new heights of psychosis. It continued to escalate, even after the wedding, becoming worse and worse until finally Paul felt he needed to make a choice between his parents and myself. So, we went to a Catholic Therapist to help give us support through this painful process, and we no longer have these poisonous people in our lives. I can’t even begin to describe how grateful I am for this man who, even so young, refuses to subject me or himself to their abusive ways.
Abuse is a deal-breaker. You simply cannot expose yourselves or your children to behavior that is abusive. Paul has said many times that if the status quo continues, his parents will never see our future children. We are soon moving 1200 miles away to gain the support of my family, who, while they have their issues, aren’t abusive. 🙂 (Of course, they have no idea we are leaving.) What my husband and I feel good about is the knowledge that the craziness he grew up with stops with us. We do not have the same conflicts or problems that his parents do, and or will will pass their negativity on to our children.
It has taken a lot of work, a lot of communication, a lot of sacrifice, a lot of praying–and even though we are sometimes lonely on holidays that we can’t fly home for, it’s worth it to be healthy. Everyone deserves to have peace in their lives.
(I also don’t mean to say that removing them from our lives was a one time thing. It’s taken almost a year (though we haven’t seen them once) reiterating our wishes with the same consistent message, giving them the name of our counselor and ignoring many, many, MANY hurtful things. It takes time to remove a cancer, and they were definitely a disease to us.)
We pray for them every day, too.
Click to expand...
Hi Abbey:

YOU are so lucky your hubby sees all this, and has courage enough to take a stand! Bless You Both. My hubby, I’m afraid does not fully see the abuse, as it is most subtle (little jabs, pesterings here and there, *very *deregatory statements, inquiries, leaving me out of family photos, etc., (why in their home you wouldn’t even think their grandkids had a mom–there is not 1 pic of me anywhere, but plastered pics of their son and their grandkids–everywhere)-----really hurts-----dad (FIL) is the same as yours, totally “passive-aggressive” --only way he has dealt with his wife, my MIL, the “army sargaent” I suppose.

Just be so grateful Abbey–your H sees it. I think sometimes it’s better if you have totally obnoxious, drunkards for parents, rather than than wolves in sheep’s clothing–know what I mean?

Blessings~~
 
I am so sorry to hear that these in laws are treating you all so terribly. I can’t understand it unless they lack faith in God. Do you think that is the reason they are so nasty? I’m finding that the battle over worldviews is behind so much dissention in families today. It has really heated up since the election results showed that moral issues won the election for the President. My husband, oldest son and daughter in law are the only Catholics in the family and we are looked at as so odd. The Scripture verse about division in the family is so true today, isn’t it?
 
Hi Sparkle,

Yes I am very blessed. Most of the behavior I described is what happens when it escalates and there is alcohol involved. The rest is all very covert–it’s why it took Paul a little while to really see that yes, this is abusive behavior.

His mother’s pathological lying and manipulation is VERY under the radar most of the time…but when she has alcohol in her, it gets nuts and out of control. It’s actually the more subtle stuff that bothers me too. It’s much more vicious, in my opinion.

They don’t have any pictures of me or us at our wedding, either. They printed off ON REGULAR TYPING paper the pictures from our photographer’s website and put a couple of those in frames. Seriously. It’s so ridiculous.

Anyway, stay away from venomous people!!! You deserve more than that sort of treatment.
 
Hi Monica,

You have nailed exactly what my husband and I attribute this issue to. He grew up in a nominally Catholic home, but they slowly lost their faith over the years and chose sin and selfishness over God. I have to be careful not to cast the first stone, as we are all sinners, but the depth of their hopelessness is so sad. They still claim to be “Catholic,” but his two younger sisters are encouraged in immoral ways, etc. (His 19 year old sister was allowed to live in their McMansion with her boyfriend for a year. In my husband’s old bedroom, no less.)

They use my husband’s Catholicism “against” him all the time. Saying that if he were a TRUE Catholic then he would honor his mother and father over me, submit to their behavior and wishes over mine, etc.

However, the interesting thing is that his parents hate each other and they each run to their OWN set of parents (all of whom are in their 90s) for validation and affirmation.

But, despite calling themselves Catholic, they don’t attend mass nor practice the precepts of our faith. It is almost as if they are drowning in their own sin and despair.

It has taken me a long time to feel any compassion, as the hurts run very deep and they are endless in description.

I am SO THANKFUL to our GRACIOUS LORD that He has delivered my husband from this den of snakes and made him the holy Catholic husband he is. I truly am so blessed. His conversion story is very, very interesting…the power of God is awesome, truly. 🙂

Thank you for your kind words.
Abby
 
Dear Abby,
It sounds to me like they are dealing with subconscious guilt over their loss of faith. If they were baptized Catholic, even if they were poorly catechized, they must know in their hearts that they are wrong. I think this may be what my son (who married the atheist) may be dealing with. In order to have “peace” with his wife he has had to bury his faith. You are so right when you say it’s like they are drowning in their own sin and despair. In my conversations with God over this heartache, I’ve come away believing that this little gal was put in our lives in order to pray for her because she has no one to pray for her and she needs them so badly.
40.png
Princess_Abby:
Hi Monica,

You have nailed exactly what my husband and I attribute this issue to. He grew up in a nominally Catholic home, but they slowly lost their faith over the years and chose sin and selfishness over God. I have to be careful not to cast the first stone, as we are all sinners, but the depth of their hopelessness is so sad. They still claim to be “Catholic,” but his two younger sisters are encouraged in immoral ways, etc. (His 19 year old sister was allowed to live in their McMansion with her boyfriend for a year. In my husband’s old bedroom, no less.)

They use my husband’s Catholicism “against” him all the time. Saying that if he were a TRUE Catholic then he would honor his mother and father over me, submit to their behavior and wishes over mine, etc.

However, the interesting thing is that his parents hate each other and they each run to their OWN set of parents (all of whom are in their 90s) for validation and affirmation.

But, despite calling themselves Catholic, they don’t attend mass nor practice the precepts of our faith. It is almost as if they are drowning in their own sin and despair.

It has taken me a long time to feel any compassion, as the hurts run very deep and they are endless in description.

I am SO THANKFUL to our GRACIOUS LORD that He has delivered my husband from this den of snakes and made him the holy Catholic husband he is. I truly am so blessed. His conversion story is very, very interesting…the power of God is awesome, truly. 🙂

Thank you for your kind words.
Abby
Click to expand...
 
If it were me, I’d go and kill them with kindness. I’d be the picture of graciousness. I’d give them each a gift that I’d picked out specially, with a gift receipt included in case it didn’t meet their liking. I’d offer to bring food, and compliment whatever they chose to serve. I’d thank them for having the dinner at their place. I’d help out tirelessly. I’d heap the burning coals of goodness on their heads. And I would expect them to treat me just as badly as every other year and try their hardest to take everything the wrong way, just to preserve their status quo.

What a gift to your children, to have them look back at how classy you were to such odious people, just because they were your husband’s family. It will be a huge sacrifice, but it will bear fruit.

Christmas is the day when Jesus came in to an unwelcoming world, recognized only by a few. Even those few were the foreigners, the lower class, the dirty, the underfed and underclothed, those whom everyone else felt entitled to treat like dirt. Give Jesus the gift of imitating him on the feast of his birth, and he will give you a Christmas gift such as you have never experienced. That will be better than any gift your in-laws could wrap up in a box.
 
40.png
BLB_Oregon:
What a gift to your children, to have them look back at how classy you were to such odious people, just because they were your husband’s family. It will be a huge sacrifice, but it will bear fruit.
Click to expand...
It’s only a gift if the parent in question can drop it as soon as the family gathering is over, and can completely shield the children from experiencing any of it. For my parents, once we were away from a gathering of my dad’s family, the arguing would start. Mom would be upset and depressed, Dad would be angry and helpless, and then the fighting and silent treatment would start. This went on for years, until my mom finally decided she wasn’t going to take it anymore. She didn’t fight back, she just stopped going. Now she’s happier. She stopped telling my dad to be nice and agreeable and not to argue with his siblings, and guess what? Now my dad’s happier that he can tell his siblings exactly what he’s thinking without it starting another fight at home.

It also doesn’t do the kids any good to see a parent abused by other relatives. The kids love their parents and speaking from experience, watching your relatives treat your parents unfairly and then coming home to the aftermath is no fun. It’s confusing. It’s scary. And it’s hard to get past that behavior in the relatives. In fact, witnessing that behavior from my relatives has only 1) made me protective of my parents, 2) made me deeply pity my relatives at the same time that I am furious with them, and 3) made me resolve to see them as little as possible now that I am an adult and am old enough to both make my own decisions and to be another target for abuse.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top