Frustration in being continuously told "its just a date"

  • Thread starter Thread starter NappingDragon
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
GospelOfMatthew said:
Figured they would be interested in a guy who knows religious stuff? No??
Click to expand...
Yes, but if you talk exclusively about religion, it can feel like you’re not quite “human” in a way. It can make you seem very serious and a girl may be worried that you have an image of her that she won’t ultimately live up to.
 
I didn’t suggest either mind games or manipulation, but I suppose your accusation will have to stand because the post is gone and to repeat any of it so as to defend myself against the mischaracterizations would only result in further moderation. So I guess “you win”.
GospelOfMatthew said:
To be honest I have way too many colognes and hair products. I obsess too much about my hair and clothes and it bothers me when something is slightly off.
Click to expand...
This is likely a bigger problem than whatever you are talking about.
 
Last edited:
GospelOfMatthew said:
then after some laughs they leave and don’t talk to me at all around campus or at the dining hall until the next Religious get together.
Click to expand...
Do they know you’re looking for companionship? Do you talk to them about it?

From what you described, you sound like you’re hitting all the right notes insofar as being a religious leader among your peers, but do they get to know you as someone more than that?

Do you ask them about themselves?
 
Unhealthy and condescending rather than offensive, I’d have said. Still, whether you agree with the mods’ decision or not, when you’ve been flagged its wise to reflect on the fact that what you have said is not ok to your Catholic community. I’ve been there and so have many others here. We all get things wrong and we can all do better.
 
Last edited:
I’ve asked briefly about like their major and interests and stuff. But they either don’t ask me about myself or they say they have to go. It’s strange, lots of girls like to hear my comments at religious clubs and stuff I run and love that I run a group rosary. They always thank me for that. But they don’t seem to care who I am outside of these meetings, it’s like I only exist at these meetings.

I don’t think they know I’m looking. I’ve had multiple girls say to me “wow you are so religious and very active in it. Wish I had the time for all that.” Maybe this isn’t actually a complement?
 
Last edited:
The girls who happen to have met you and knew you were very knowledgeable on religious stuff, would probably think that the girl you were looking for would be very similar to the Virgin Mary. Very holy, unblemished, a living saint.

No way can they qualify for that.
 
I just want someone whose very “nerdy” religiously and is funny. Maybe I don’t come across as very approachable and “holier than thou.”
 
I’ve been told that I come off as intimidating. This surprised me.

Maybe we give off vibes we aren’t aware off but people do pick up on and cause them to distance themselves from us.
 
Last edited:
What this means is that the religious stuff you are doing is not a plus for these particular girls. Maybe it isn’t a negative, but it just doesn’t add to your value for them, or any value it adds is outweighed by other factors.
GospelOfMatthew said:
Maybe this isn’t actually a complement?
Click to expand...
Probably not, but it probably isn’t an insult either.

How many of these girls have you asked out FOR A DATE?
 
I’d say that’s a very wise and humble thing to say and it’s very possible for any one of us to be taken at face value rather than what we are inside the trick is to keep going until we find the one who likes us as we truly are, friends first and then a significant other
 
Maybe it is a compliment but they are probably intimidated.

I know I do the same when I chatter on about my favorite subjects which let’s face it border on obsession. 😊
 
Honestly, if I met a young man who spoke of himself with regard to all of his religious activities, whom I only saw at religious activities, I would assume he had no interest in dating. I’d imagine that he was likely headed for a monastery after graduation.

Go to some social things that are not religious. Really, it is okay to have fun.
 
Four. One I asked to multiple events on campus and she said she would come and each time didn’t.

Another told me “you are not even remotely close to someone I would ever consider associating with.”

One we both became busy and didn’t really see each other much so we stopped talking.

One straight up said to me “listen idk what you are thinking, but I don’t have time for anything as I’m very busy with school work and I’m not interested in you anyway so stop talking to me please.”
 
Or perhaps organize some social activities that will give all those involved a chance to get to know each other.
 
I haven’t gone to a single social event that wasn’t religiously related in my tenure at college. I usually spend my weekends in some academic common room by myself watching football and reading religious books. That or being in adoration at the chapel (praying that I find my future wife…) I organize talks with groups I give but they are religious talks. I don’t socialize with anyone outside of class or religious events to be honest.

Edit: sometimes my male friends ask if I want to go out to some restaurant. Usually I say I’m busy (when I’m not that busy) but occasionally I join them
 
Last edited:
Okay, so out of four of these girls there was one who was even possibly interested. I’m not trying to be harsh, but it is what it is. Most guys have been there, nothing to be ashamed of., but it does give us some indications.

This is the hardest part here. How do you look? You said earlier you have a lot of hair products and obsess a little bit about your appearance. I know that when I was younger, I had the same problems (of obsessing over my appearance) and it was because of some insecurity about my looks.
 
Last edited:
GospelOfMatthew said:
I don’t socialize with anyone outside of class or religious events to be honest.
Click to expand...
The message you are sending out is that you are not “fun”.

While it is possible some girl will walk into Adoration and you will hit it off, it is a very minute chance.

Join a club, volunteer at the Animal Shelter or at Habitat for Humanity. Be in the world. We cannot be a light to the world if we are holed up hiding all of the time.
 
Nothing diagnosed but I’ve had doctors tell me they think I have something emotionally/socially related and should get further testing. I have many relatives with diagnosed conditions. But I didn’t want to get any further testing because I don’t want to know. I already have embarrassment from life-threatening food allergies which makes any social situation with food very awkward and depressing…

I’m an extrovert with few friends and don’t socialize
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top