Gay Catholic asks for help.

[meltzerboy]

If people are convinced of this, then why don’t we let HeavenHelp answer for himself? I still think this is too much of a sensitive issue for anyone to be bluntly stating motives or claiming the user is abandoning God’s Law.

You may be right. However, the thing about forums such as this is they are not meant to be therapy sessions, in which clients may actually say something different from what they truly believe and the therapist attempts to understand what they really mean. Rather, we tend to take people’s statements at relatively face value; otherwise, we are playing the role of therapist.

 

[vsedriver]

There is a difference here, you made a choice to “forsake all other men for Him”, you at least have the consolation that you chose your path.

 

[InSearchofGrace]

If people are convinced of this, then why don’t we let HeavenHelp answer for himself? I still think this is too much of a sensitive issue for anyone to be bluntly stating motives or claiming the user is abandoning God’s Law.

catholic1seeks,

I directed the second paragraph to him so he can respond if he wants.

He is not being prevented to speak for himself, is he?

Yes, it is a sensitive issue, but after his second post that does not leave room except for one interpretation, that he already made his choice, a mealy mouth response would not serve.
,

 

[human_genome]

Up until recently I have lived a normal everyday life, centered around college work, my night job and my Catholic faith. It was everything I wanted it to be- It was all going to plan, a structured, respectable and Catholic life. I attended Mass every week, said my prayers daily, went to confession monthly and campaigned for Catholic social issues.

However, some time ago I became friends with a guy who was gay but still practices his faith in the best way that he can, we shared many common interests and it was just one of those friendships between two guys that every man has. Yet, after some time I realized that I actually had feelings for him in a more intimate way, this came as a shock as I had never had homosexual feelings before, I resisted the feelings for some time, I even stopped seeing him but because we work together it was impossible to avoid him completely. I really struggled with these feelings and it seemed that despite how often I knelt crying my eyes out and begging God to take these feelings away my prayers were not answered. I quickly sank into depression and I took to drink as a way of dealing with my pain. I wasn’t an alcoholic but I was binge drinking every weekend.

note: I cut your quote a little short due to space
Well my friend, I may not be a Catholic believer, but I am a follower of Jesus, have been for a long time. And quite frankly, we have become really close in the last year or so. Lots of healing, His initiative actually, and very welcome to me. Healing from a variety of issues in my background. The church has most of the time not been there for me, not much fellowship once the masks are off. But I found one thing to be true: God loves me! Regardless of how imperfect I am. He loves me all the time, and right now! And so it is with you. I was molested by an older cousin at a very early age, and have lived with a struggle in the sexual area for decades. Never felt I could be totally open in that area. Then again, I never really knew what drove this evil tendency in me until recently, I also found another thing to be true; we need to have someone to talk to, someone to confess it to and share it with. I have my wife now and she is just the best! It took her some time to comprehend this in me, to accept me with this “imperfection”, but she quickly got over it. So perhaps you can find someone like that. There is a Christ centered organization called Exodus, non-threatening, supportive which helps people, are there for them in this struggle. They have local chapters and also partners all over the country.You will find them on the internet at Exodus.com. I hope you are willing to reach out. Remember this, that you do not stand condemned if you are a believer in Christ; your sins, past present and future are covered by the blood He shed for you, regardless of what anyone says! Romans 8:1 states, that, “Therefore, there is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. NO condemnation, He loves you, He does not condemn you!
And remember, that this world will not offer us a dance on roses; ie. we will not come out “smelling good” all the time! So our image is broken, our dreams are shattered, the work that we put in to achieve acceptability is all for naught! What do we do now? Paul says in Romans ch. 8, that”…we are more than conquerors through Him who loved (and still loves) us. Jesus said, 'In this world you will have tribulations, but loh, do not be afraid for I have overcome the world." He is bigger than all our worries, bigger than the world. He is our refuge in times of trouble, and NOTHING, absolutely nothing can separate us from the love of God!
So what does your future look like? Well, why don’t you ask Him. He says no one knows or can comprehend all the wonderful things He has in store for those that believe. That sounds like a great future in my book! So you will have people that no longer will consider you that wonderful perfect person that you imagined yourself to be. Well, you do not live to please other people, you live now to please God! And he has great things in store for you. Focus only on Jesus, His love for you, His sacrifice on the cross for your sins(!) (done deal!), your relationship with you, and what you can do to make it better and stronger. When we sin against, we are not condemned, but our relationship with Him may become distant, perhaps we don;t hear His voice anymore as we used to do.
In an imperfect world, being His child and prodigy, remind yourself of this scripture reference in 2. Cor.1, 3-7. It refers to you specifically; it talks about how you going through your suffering will become useful for service to others, through the compassion that you received from God in your suffering. With the same compassion you will be able to comfort others in a similar situation that you were in. And one last scripture to remember, “Romans 8:28, " For all - ALL things work together for good for those that love God and are called according to His purpose.” He will work His purpose in you through hard situation that you go through in this life.
One more last thing, don’t ignore His scriptures, the Holy Bible is “God-breathed” and is the truth of God for us in our lives. The Spirit in us will help us live according to His Word. He gave us power and authority when we gave our lives to Him. I think that was a fair exchange, actually it was a “win-win” situation for us.
Live a victorious life in Him. You have everything you need to do so!
God bless you richly!
ps: don;t forget Exodus! Lot’s of like-minded people there to walk with you, and strengthen you.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

Some people live optimistically with devastating personal illness. Others are permanently transformed (negatively) by the knowledge that a particular minor physical condition may limit their potential for marriage.

Suffering is not objective. By definition it is subjective.

Frankly I would prefer scourging followed by crucifixion to this state; dead is dead.

yes, we know that.

Your usage didn’t reflect it.

gay or straight we all choose our path. Although not by my choice, I am divorced by the laws of my State but married in the eyes of God and the Church. So I am living a chaste life. I chose this chaste life because I believe that loving God and keeping his commandments are more important than have an illicit sexual relationship.

This is the choice a gay person has to make. They didn’t choose to be gay but that doesn’t excuse them from following the commandments and leading a chaste life. One can learn to form loving relationships without the sex. After all, we often have better friendships with the people we don’t have sex with than the people we do have sex with. As for me, I will happily trade a little earthly happiness for an eternity of life in paradise.

I would say how much greater is God’s love for those who do what is right even though they feel like they get nothing out of it.

Celibacy or going to Hell isn’t much of a choice though I suppose one could marry a person of the opposite sex, but often that would be cruel to the other person.

For the scrupulous the self-doubt very well might rip them apart during an attempt to form disinterested friendships. By rip them apart I mean render catatonic. They would have to constantly check to make sure they weren’t getting too emotionally close to the person.

I have often heard that said, but it feels more like Hell on Earth.

 

[StJudeprayforme]

About 4% of adults in the U.S. are LGBT. About 28% of all adults never marry.
There are significantly more heterosexuals who remain unmarried that there are homosexuals period.
Yes, a great many are cohabiting, but not all. I know more heterosexual “never-married non-cohabitating” adults than I know homosexual adults, and I know plenty of adults who believe they are homosexual. Relatives, friends, co-workers, neighbors, parishioners, casual acquaintances.

Re: the bolded sentence above, every single person is “called to be celibate” if they are not married to a person of the opposite sex. It’s not a matter of how we feel. It is God’s plan for us.

All of us struggle with temptations, tendencies, and sin, as well as with suffering from external burdens such as illness, poverty and tragedy. Some struggles are more difficult than others – for heterosexuals and non-heterosexuals. Nothing unpastoral about saying this. I’m tired of seeing so many people pandering to those identifying as LGBT who seem to want everyone to feel sorry for them and to have a special “understanding” of what they’re going through. I have compassion for everyone being drawn away from holiness. Each of us has crosses to bear, some very heavy ones. God’s truth and love sets us free – let’s help each other to live in truth and love, no matter what the obstacles and difficulties are.

As Dakota already pointed out, you are using celibacy wrong. All of us are called to chastity according to our state in life, not celibacy.

Okay, yes, there are more middle aged heterosexual persons who are unmarried as compared to homosexual persons. Fine. That being said, you ignore my point about the OP being a college-aged male. Even if all chaste-never-married-middle-aged-heterosexuals are living with the same cross as homosexuals with all the same adjectives (something I do not admit, but for the sake of argument…), this is clearly not the case for the vast majority of people still in school or in their early-twenties.

At this point, your unmarried heterosexual has literally ANY vocation that they want open to them. Some homosexual men have the option of priesthood, but for the large number of them, the only option is the single life if they are to remain within the Church’s teachings. To be stuck in this state while all of your friends are dating, getting engaged, etc. and to know that you don’t even have this option can be quite demoralizing. Yes, celibacy is objectively better. Yes, it means that the individual will have the opportunity to be near to the suffering Christ in a special way, but that doesn’t change the fact that for many it is a terribly heavy cross to bear. People on CAF should keep this in mind.

Elizabeth502:

Interesting that you mention the Spirituality subforum, because I was just about to suggest that to him (as a more appropriate location than Moral Theology), when the next I knew he had posted the apparent retraction which both of us quoted, and had privately renamed the thread,

Gay Catholic Doesnt Ask for Help

Again, charity.

 

[CopticChristian]

Up until recently I have lived a normal everyday life, centered around college work, my night job and my Catholic faith. It was everything I wanted it to be- It was all going to plan, a structured, respectable and Catholic life. I attended Mass every week, said my prayers daily, went to confession monthly and campaigned for Catholic social issues.

we shared many common interests and it was just one of those friendships between two guys that every man has. Yet, after some time I realized that I actually had feelings for him in a more intimate way, this came as a shock as I had never had homosexual feelings before, I resisted the feelings for some time,I really struggled with these feelings and it seemed that despite how often I knelt crying my eyes out and begging God to take these feelings away my prayers were not answered. He told me that he had feelings for me and that he knew that I had feelings for him, he kissed me. I knew right then that this wasn’t some kind of phase or confusion, I had always felt like this but had never realized it. I realized that I love him.

As great as that feeling was the despair returned quickly as I knew straight away that if I followed my heart I would never again be able to play the role that I have played. I have worked tirelessly for my faith all my life, I love my Church and I try to be loyal to it but I cannot ignore him either. I now have to choose between the man I love and the faith I hold so dear. I do not want to give up either, He created me then I cannot be part of his communion, that I cannot receive the same help from the sacraments as His other children, such a God would be by His very nature an unjust God. I now am left agonizing over what to do, broken hearted for my faith. I want to ask you all, whoever you are, Can anybody give me advice and above all their prayers.

Help,

However, some time ago I became friends with a guy who was gay but still practices his faith in the best way that he can,

I am going to high lite several problems I see and the first is this. Imagine…

I recently met a Prostitute who still practices her faith the best way she can…
I recently met a married woman who told me she commits Adultery and practices her Faith the best way she can
I recently met a woman that makes Pornography movies and practices her Faith the best way she can

Who we choose to associate in our Faith speaks volumes for our own dedication. Your first error in judgement was to believe that someone can be involved in any sin against Chastity in continuity and practice their Faith the best way they can. So, the question is what boundaries do you have as you see the practice of your Faith and do you believe that it is acceptable to practice the best way you can sinning against Chasity?

I quickly sank into depression and I took to drink as a way of dealing with my pain. I wasn’t an alcoholic but I was binge drinking every weekend.

You experienced depression and wrongly chose to make it worse and cloud your mind. The effects of alcohol are an impaired judgement. So you did not recognize bad judgement and then ruminated about issues related to bad judgement, rather than recognizing bad judgement and then chose to make it worse by clouding your senorium to make more bad judgements. What is it you believe your brain was created for, good or bad judgement?

I even stopped seeing him but because we work together it was impossible to avoid him completely.

No it is not. You have the ability to speak and act. You can say, listen, you and I are not going to be friends. Please leave me alone. Is that something you are unable to do?

He and I are now seeing each other, but I now know that I will now be committing mortal sin, that I will never enjoy the Eucharist again or be able to pray in the same way, that I can never attend Confession again or enjoy the peace that comes from being Catholic all because of the way that I was born.

So, what you are saying is that you have not studied the Bible/Catechism and do not know that you are not to be conformed to the world but to be transformed by the renewal of your mind and you trade the truth for a lie. Ok, I understand.

I cannot believe that God created me like this and has given me such capability to love but demands that I don’t love, that if I act in the way

He did not create you this way, if you go back and see the choice you made, you allowed yourself to be conformed to the world and now plead as if your were born this way=Essentialism a secular lie. You accept a secular lie and deny revealed truth. This is a choice you make.

One night, we were at a party together and well, I got quite drunk, I went outside for a cigarette and he followed me.

Now, realize that you have evidence of an addictive personality. Smoking is the most addictive substance on this planet. The tragedy of Nicotine is that it prevents you from having the lows that normal people feel. You never experience the normal swings in mood that all of us have to deal with. You have a history of depression and all you are doing is preventing yourself from allowing your mind to work normally.

So here you are, allowing emotion to rule your mind, drinking/binging, clouding your mind, smoking and further making your mind inadequate to experience life and you believe that you need help with a situation you allowed to happen.

You need to reflect on your role in what you have allowed to happen and stop.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

As Dakota already pointed out, you are using celibacy wrong. All of us are called to chastity according to our state in life, not celibacy.

Okay, yes, there are more middle aged heterosexual persons who are unmarried as compared to homosexual persons. Fine. That being said, you ignore my point about the OP being a college-aged male. Even if all chaste-never-married-middle-aged-heterosexuals are living with the same cross as homosexuals with all the same adjectives (something I do not admit, but for the sake of argument…), this is clearly not the case for the vast majority of people still in school or in their early-twenties.

At this point, your unmarried heterosexual has literally ANY vocation that they want open to them. Some homosexual men have the option of priesthood, but for the large number of them, the only option is the single life if they are to remain within the Church’s teachings. To be stuck in this state while all of your friends are dating, getting engaged, etc. and to know that you don’t even have this option can be quite demoralizing. Yes, celibacy is objectively better. Yes, it means that the individual will have the opportunity to be near to the suffering Christ in a special way, but that doesn’t change the fact that for many it is a terribly heavy cross to bear. People on CAF should keep this in mind.

Again, charity.

A lot of people don’t marry because they don’t find their “soulmate” because their is no “magic connection” and a lot of others cohabit or engage in casual relationships.

 

[John_of_Woking]

I will pray for you. This is a choice between taking up your cross and following Jesus or betraying Him. Choose Jesus

 

[clem456]

I just wanted to bring this post to the top of the pile again. This is a great post. It doesn’t pretend to give satisfying pat answers to a hugely difficult problem. Rather it’s an invitation to begin seeing his life and suffering in a more fully Christian context.

First: Read “Washed and Waiting”, by Wesley Hill.

Now that that’s out of the way, let me tell you that I know where you’re coming from. I’m what those in the culture would generally call “bisexual” – though I would simply define myself as a son of God – and I’ve spent large portions of my life longing for intimacy with men. (I’m currently married to the most wonderful woman in the world, which is awesome, but doesn’t “solve” everything.) I don’t know that I have a ton of wisdom about your question, but I do have a bit of experience.

First of all, I have a question for you: What is the purpose of your life? Is life about what you give or what you get? Supposing that God exists, how does his existence impact your purpose?

Think for a moment about why we admire people: say, somebody like Saint Francis or somebody like Martin Luther King. We admire them, not only because of what they did, but because of what they gave up. Francis wouldn’t have been Francis if he had stayed in his rich and comfortable life, with a wife and kids and all the luxuries of bourgeois Italy. MLK risked his life continually to advance the cause of other people.

But talk to somebody like that, talk to a saint, and they’ll tell you: It’s not what you give up; it’s what you get.

Personally, I have yelled and screamed at God continually because “his stinkin’ law” won’t let me experience the sexual, intimate touch of a beautiful man. But why do I want this so much? Is it because such a sexual relationship will free me up to be a better man, to serve and love those around me in need? I’m not sure. I think it’s more about me, getting what I want.

Many men marry (or simply have sex with) women for that reason, to get what they want. But the Christian message, from the very beginnings of Christianity, is that this is a bad reason to get married (or to have sex). The focus of Christianity is inside-out: it is only in giving that we receive.

Let me say something a bit more encouraging, though. God loves you, and God wants you to live in the light. God wants you to struggle with this, yes, but it is because He has something unbelievably good planned for you. The more you try to grasp at your idea of goodness, the more it slips away from you. If you haven’t noticed that yet, try it out. No man or woman can fulfill you.

You have an opportunity for holiness here, my brother. God’s not worried about you failing, and you shouldn’t be either. But you need to trust in His word. A love affair with Jesus is far, far more rewarding than a love affair with one of his creations. God’s not looking to condemn you for your sin, and God doesn’t want you to hide. But God wants you to be mature and healthy, and I’m not sure that the impulses leading you into this relationship are mature and healthy.

Feel free to argue with me, if you like. I’m game. (Though I’ll be out of town till Monday).

But know how deeply the Father loves you, that He sent His son to die for you. That was not easy, and your cross isn’t easy either.

 

[fix]

Up until recently I have lived a normal everyday life, centered around college work, my night job and my Catholic faith. It was everything I wanted it to be- It was all going to plan, a structured, respectable and Catholic life. I attended Mass every week, said my prayers daily, went to confession monthly and campaigned for Catholic social issues.

However, some time ago I became friends with a guy who was gay but still practices his faith in the best way that he can, we shared many common interests and it was just one of those friendships between two guys that every man has. Yet, after some time I realized that I actually had feelings for him in a more intimate way, this came as a shock as I had never had homosexual feelings before, I resisted the feelings for some time, I even stopped seeing him but because we work together it was impossible to avoid him completely. I really struggled with these feelings and it seemed that despite how often I knelt crying my eyes out and begging God to take these feelings away my prayers were not answered. I quickly sank into depression and I took to drink as a way of dealing with my pain. I wasn’t an alcoholic but I was binge drinking every weekend. One night, we were at a party together and well, I got quite drunk, I went outside for a cigarette and he followed me. He told me that he had feelings for me and that he knew that I had feelings for him, he kissed me. I knew right then that this wasn’t some kind of phase or confusion, I had always felt like this but had never realized it. I realized that I love him.

As great as that feeling was the despair returned quickly as I knew straight away that if I followed my heart I would never again be able to play the role that I have played. I have worked tirelessly for my faith all my life, I love my Church and I try to be loyal to it but I cannot ignore him either. He and I are now seeing each other, but I now know that I will now be committing mortal sin, that I will never enjoy the Eucharist again or be able to pray in the same way, that I can never attend Confession again or enjoy the peace that comes from being Catholic all because of the way that I was born. I now have to choose between the man I love and the faith I hold so dear. I do not want to give up either, I cannot believe that God created me like this and has given me such capability to love but demands that I don’t love, that if I act in the way He created me then I cannot be part of his communion, that I cannot receive the same help from the sacraments as His other children, such a God would be by His very nature an unjust God. I now am left agonizing over what to do, broken hearted for my faith. I want to ask you all, whoever you are, Can anybody give me advice and above all their prayers.

Frankly, this sounds like a set-up. You present this tidy story that pits truth against emotion. If any of this is true why not place yourself in God’s care through the Blessed Mother? Abandon your relationship. Seek help from a priest and psychiatrist.

There are people right now in much worse circumstances that have no way to deal with their cross unlike you have. People confined to hospital beds, jails, cannot pay their mortgage, children lost to drug abuse. You can seek and find help. You have options. That is if any of this is true.

 

[vsedriver]

Celibacy or going to Hell isn’t much of a choice though I suppose one could marry a person of the opposite sex, but often that would be cruel to the other person.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

interesting that you compared celibacy to living in Hell. Yes, one could marry a person of the opposite sex, get married, have a family. I don’t see how it would be cruel to the other person. It would only be cruel if you didn’t love them and treat them as if you loved them.

We should always have sympathy for those who are suffering and pray for them. But it is far worse to lead someone away from God. I believe in supporting my friends and relatives who are gay. But I couldn’t excuse them for choosing to live in an illicit sexual relationship anymore than I would excuse one of my children from choosing to live with a boyfriend or girlfriend without the sacrament of marriage.

you mean no one has any good close friends and if they do they always have to be on guard should they fall madly, passionately in love? Isn’t the difference between maturity and immaturity the level in which we control our emotions? Yes, this is difficult to do at age 20. But it is doable. Everyone experiences suffering in their lifetimes. Doing God’s will is hard. If it were easy we wouldn’t need these forums to remind us of how hard it is.

I’m not entirely sure what this is in reply to. But it can only feel like Hell on Earth if we insist on doing things our way instead of God’s way.

The word “or” does not make comparisons. Very few people would marry them if they are upfront about it and if they aren’t then there they are being deceptive.

I never advocated leading people away from God. The problem we face in evangelisation is that many Catholics are utterly clueless about evangelisation and confuse hubris with charity.

No.

 

[CarlM86]

Up until recently I have lived a normal everyday life, centered around college work, my night job and my Catholic faith. It was everything I wanted it to be- It was all going to plan, a structured, respectable and Catholic life. I attended Mass every week, said my prayers daily, went to confession monthly and campaigned for Catholic social issues.

However, some time ago I became friends with a guy who was gay but still practices his faith in the best way that he can, we shared many common interests and it was just one of those friendships between two guys that every man has. Yet, after some time I realized that I actually had feelings for him in a more intimate way, this came as a shock as I had never had homosexual feelings before, I resisted the feelings for some time, I even stopped seeing him but because we work together it was impossible to avoid him completely. I really struggled with these feelings and it seemed that despite how often I knelt crying my eyes out and begging God to take these feelings away my prayers were not answered. I quickly sank into depression and I took to drink as a way of dealing with my pain. I wasn’t an alcoholic but I was binge drinking every weekend. One night, we were at a party together and well, I got quite drunk, I went outside for a cigarette and he followed me. He told me that he had feelings for me and that he knew that I had feelings for him, he kissed me. I knew right then that this wasn’t some kind of phase or confusion, I had always felt like this but had never realized it. I realized that I love him.

As great as that feeling was the despair returned quickly as I knew straight away that if I followed my heart I would never again be able to play the role that I have played. I have worked tirelessly for my faith all my life, I love my Church and I try to be loyal to it but I cannot ignore him either. He and I are now seeing each other, but I now know that I will now be committing mortal sin, that I will never enjoy the Eucharist again or be able to pray in the same way, that I can never attend Confession again or enjoy the peace that comes from being Catholic all because of the way that I was born. I now have to choose between the man I love and the faith I hold so dear. I do not want to give up either, I cannot believe that God created me like this and has given me such capability to love but demands that I don’t love, that if I act in the way He created me then I cannot be part of his communion, that I cannot receive the same help from the sacraments as His other children, such a God would be by His very nature an unjust God. I now am left agonizing over what to do, broken hearted for my faith. I want to ask you all, whoever you are, Can anybody give me advice and above all their prayers.

I’m homosexual, and what I say here I believe to be in conformance with Church Teaching -

And what I want to say is, you know, it’s fine - you don’t have to have sex with him. And there’s nothing wrong with having sexual feelings for somebody - you can’t help that. Just be his loving friend and have him be a loving friend to you too.

I don’t see what’s so difficult in your situation. Sounds like you have met a great guy you can be close to. You can be close and support each other and even hug. It’s called friendship, and you two have a chance of having a beautiful and special friendship, and you can help each other live out the Catholic faith in its fullness. And you are free to love him and have him love you. Love is part of every true friendship, and there’s nothing wrong with that in the eyes of the Church.

Your sexual feelings will fade with time. Until then, if being alone with him might lead you to sin, then avoid that until you’re both able to avoid getting sexually involved. And know, that if you do get sexually involved, you run the risk of ruining what you have. Sexual relationships between two men seldom last long. A friendship between two men can last a lifetime. If you slip up, confess, and avoid these situations in the future, and the friendship you two have will grow.

So it’s fine. Don’t worry. Thank God for the wonderful friend you’ve found.

 

[CopticChristian]

I’m homosexual, and what I say here I believe to be in conformance with Church Teaching -

And what I want to say is, you know, it’s fine - you don’t have to have sex with him. And there’s nothing wrong with having sexual feelings for somebody - you can’t help that. Just be his loving friend and have him be a loving friend to you too.

I don’t see what’s so difficult in your situation. Sounds like you have met a great guy you can be close to. You can be close and support each other and even hug. It’s called friendship, and you two have a chance of having a beautiful and special friendship, and you can help each other live out the Catholic faith in its fullness. And you are free to love him and have him love you. Love is part of every true friendship, and there’s nothing wrong with that in the eyes of the Church.

Your sexual feelings will fade with time. Until then, if being alone with him might lead you to sin, then avoid that until you’re both able to avoid getting sexually involved. And know, that if you do get sexually involved, you run the risk of ruining what you have. Sexual relationships between two men seldom last long. A friendship between two men can last a lifetime.

So it’s fine. Don’t worry. Thank God for the wonderful friend you’ve found.

Carl,

Your advice should be seen in the context of what you profess in other threads…

I’m homosexual and I understand and accept Catholic teaching on homosexuality even though I don’t live by it.

So as a gay guy, one of the bad, unchaste ones too, I have nothing but praise and gratitude to the Catholic Church. If only more people knew.

It would be best to avoid any occasion of sin, even if it means abandoning this friendship.

 

[Elizabeth502]

I’m homosexual, and what I say here I believe to be in conformance with Church Teaching -

And what I want to say is, you know, it’s fine - you don’t have to have sex with him. And there’s nothing wrong with having sexual feelings for somebody - you can’t help that. Just be his loving friend and have him be a loving friend to you too.

I don’t see what’s so difficult in your situation. Sounds like you have met a great guy you can be close to. You can be close and support each other and even hug. It’s called friendship, and you two have a chance of having a beautiful and special friendship, and you can help each other live out the Catholic faith in its fullness. And you are free to love him and have him love you. Love is part of every true friendship, and there’s nothing wrong with that in the eyes of the Church.

Your sexual feelings will fade with time. Until then, if being alone with him might lead you to sin, then avoid that until you’re both able to avoid getting sexually involved. And know, that if you do get sexually involved, you run the risk of ruining what you have. Sexual relationships between two men seldom last long. A friendship between two men can last a lifetime.

So it’s fine. Don’t worry. Thank God for the wonderful friend you’ve found.

So true, and so beautifully put.
And plenty of heterosexuals have “forbidden” (can’t act on them) sexual feelings for others, but maintain a similar caring friendship which respects the integrity of the other and manages to restrain the physical passions. It’s been done for centuries. The only difference now is that the world has been propagandized to believe that all sexual impulses must be acted on, or the person will be unhealthy and unhappy, permanently.

 

[Elizabeth502]

Carl,

Your advice should be seen in the context of what you profess in other threads…

It would be best to avoid any occasion of sin, even if it means abandoning this friendship.

If it becomes an occasion, yes. If not, then no.

(Is there something this poster has said previously, which contradicts the chastity aspect?)

 

[CopticChristian]

If it becomes an occasion, yes. If not, then no.

(Is there something this poster has said previously, which contradicts the chastity aspect?)

yes…

I’m homosexual and I understand and accept Catholic teaching on homosexuality even though I don’t live by it.

So as a gay guy, one of the bad, unchaste ones too, I have nothing but praise and gratitude to the Catholic Church. If only more people knew.

 

[Elizabeth502]

OK. that ^ does seem contradictory.

However, he does acknowledge that he doesn’t live by the Church’s teaching, yet respects it.

 

[Zenkai]

Up until recently I have lived a normal everyday life, centered around college work, my night job and my Catholic faith. It was everything I wanted it to be- It was all going to plan, a structured, respectable and Catholic life. I attended Mass every week, said my prayers daily, went to confession monthly and campaigned for Catholic social issues.

However, some time ago I became friends with a guy who was gay but still practices his faith in the best way that he can, we shared many common interests and it was just one of those friendships between two guys that every man has. Yet, after some time I realized that I actually had feelings for him in a more intimate way, this came as a shock as I had never had homosexual feelings before, I resisted the feelings for some time, I even stopped seeing him but because we work together it was impossible to avoid him completely. I really struggled with these feelings and it seemed that despite how often I knelt crying my eyes out and begging God to take these feelings away my prayers were not answered. I quickly sank into depression and I took to drink as a way of dealing with my pain. I wasn’t an alcoholic but I was binge drinking every weekend. One night, we were at a party together and well, I got quite drunk, I went outside for a cigarette and he followed me. He told me that he had feelings for me and that he knew that I had feelings for him, he kissed me. I knew right then that this wasn’t some kind of phase or confusion, I had always felt like this but had never realized it. I realized that I love him.

As great as that feeling was the despair returned quickly as I knew straight away that if I followed my heart I would never again be able to play the role that I have played. I have worked tirelessly for my faith all my life, I love my Church and I try to be loyal to it but I cannot ignore him either. He and I are now seeing each other, but I now know that I will now be committing mortal sin, that I will never enjoy the Eucharist again or be able to pray in the same way, that I can never attend Confession again or enjoy the peace that comes from being Catholic all because of the way that I was born. I now have to choose between the man I love and the faith I hold so dear. I do not want to give up either, I cannot believe that God created me like this and has given me such capability to love but demands that I don’t love, that if I act in the way He created me then I cannot be part of his communion, that I cannot receive the same help from the sacraments as His other children, such a God would be by His very nature an unjust God. I now am left agonizing over what to do, broken hearted for my faith. I want to ask you all, whoever you are, Can anybody give me advice and above all their prayers.

You said you never had homosexual feelings before. Does that mean you had heterosexual feelings? Do you think you can still be attracted to females? If so, then you can still get married (to a female, of course) and you wouldn’t have to live chastely.