O
OraLabora
Guest
No it’s not. That’s a very black-and-white dualistic world-view.
In reality life is much messier than that. You can’t lecture someone on what to do without fully knowing the nature of the relationship. What I would do is based on what I know about my sons and may or may not be right for the OP.
There’s a delicate balance between having a child take offense and ostracizing his parents, and the need to remain an positive influence in our children’s lives, in other words to be in a position to continue evangelizing one’s family. If one’s son says “it’s OK dad, I know you have trouble with this and I won’t ask you to attend something you don’t believe in and I’ll still love you no matter what”, that’s one thing. But not all sons or daughters would do that. That’s a very personal aspect of one’s relationship with one’s children, and only the OP knows what kind of relationship he has with his son.
What is wrong is to pontificate about what someone should do in a case like this without knowing anything about the nature of the relationship the OP has with his children. The potential do to serious harm to a family relationship is not something we should take lightly on an anonymous Internet forum because very real people risk being hurt. Being ostracized means no longer being in a position to do what it is perhaps our second duty as Christians (after loving God and our neighbours): evangelize. If we drive someone away from the Truth, as you very well know, we will have a lot to answer for on Judgement Day. The OP is in a very delicate position that none of us wish to be in, and I think he should think it through very carefully to determine what course of action would better work towards evangelizing his son.
As Saint Paul says:
The most useful thing we can do for the OP is to pray for his loving discernment and perhaps advise him to seek the counsel of his pastor.
Sylvia - you certainly are not alone in your views, since little o’l me totally agrees with you. Your son certainly understands your views on gay civil marriage. Your attendance at this civil ceremony will not cause the sky to fall or California to fall in the oven - what it will do is assure your son that your love is there forever. Let’s be real and face the facts that civil marriage for LGBTQ people is going to be upheld by the SCOTUS in late June without a doubt. Not attending your sons wedding would achieve no purpose except to ruin his day and most likely alienate him from you. A dear friend made the decision that he and his wife would not attend their daughters wedding held at a park because it wasn’t a sacramental marriage ceremony. If you ask him now, four years later, if it was worth it loosing relationships with six of his seven kids, I believe he would answer NO.