Getting married soon and experiencing rude guests

[jrabs]

I am getting married April 5th.
We are severely restricted to the number of guests attending the sit down afternoon reception at a tiny art gallery. So restricted, in fact, that I am not even inviting several first cousins. But we both want a small celebration.

Now for the rudeness:
I have a co-worker friend that I have included on the list. We double date on occasion and have a wonderful time together - she is one of the very few friends that made my list. My friend and I have discussed the reception constraints at length so she knows my situation.

That said, this week she approached me to ask what time the reception was ending. She has a facial scheduled during the middle of the reception and would like to make sure she can keep the appointment.

Wow -I was shocked at the callousness in actually telling me this - but perhaps I am just too stretched at this point. Fiancé thinks she ought to get booted from the event in favor of someone else as seating is tight.

Anyone else deal with such rudeness when getting married. I bet there are some doosies.

 

[mary_bobo]

How about gifting her with a book on wedding etiquette and one on appropriate social customs and manners.

 

[1ke]

She may lack in the social graces, but your fiancee’s comment shows some poor manners as well. You cannot uninvite a guest nor should you rank guests according to their worthiness to attend your reception. Remember, you invite guests. Guests are free to come and go as they please. Guests do not have to meet your minimum qualifications to be worthy of staying on the guest list. They are guests, you are host and hostess. Hosts and hostesses are gracious to every guest, whether they stay 5 minutes or until you are turning the lights off.

I hope she was just blowing off steam and not serious.

 

[dontknow]

Yikes… I’d ask for the invitation back.

Fine demonstration of the maturity, responsibility and “care” of that individual.

 

[beckycmarie]

Rude guests are bound to happen. I had one family member send back the RSVP with 6 attending (even though I’d only invited 2), then none of them showed up to the wedding.

I had a cousin’s husband show up in jeans, sneakers, and a wifebeater, and when questioned he said, “I don’t get dressed up for nobody.”

Stuff like this is bound to happen. Just remember that no matter what, at the end of the day, you’re still married.

 

[aimee]

I am getting married April 5th.
We are severely restricted to the number of guests attending the sit down afternoon reception at a tiny art gallery. So restricted, in fact, that I am not even inviting several first cousins. But we both want a small celebration.

Now for the rudeness:
I have a co-worker friend that I have included on the list. We double date on occasion and have a wonderful time together - she is one of the very few friends that made my list. My friend and I have discussed the reception constraints at length so she knows my situation.

That said, this week she approached me to ask what time the reception was ending. She has a facial scheduled during the middle of the reception and would like to make sure she can keep the appointment.

Wow -I was shocked at the callousness in actually telling me this - but perhaps I am just too stretched at this point. Fiancé thinks she ought to get booted from the event in favor of someone else as seating is tight.

Anyone else deal with such rudeness when getting married. I bet there are some doosies.

Was she trying to be funny? …I’d say bad manners for sure

 

[jrabs]

She may lack in the social graces, but your fiancé’s comment shows some poor manners as well. You cannot uninvite a guest nor should you rank guests according to their worthiness to attend your reception.

Naw - I have not sent out invites yet. They go out this week.

I guess I beg to differ on the ranking of worthiness. Isn’t that the purpose of the invite list? Of course you only invite people worthy - else that would make it an open party to the public.
You invite people you value and hopefully those that value you.

But I do understand I can’t control the time that they stay - I have no problem with people leaving when they need to - but now I already know she is ditching for a facial 45 min into the event.

 

[jrabs]

Was she trying to be funny? …I’d say bad manners for sure

Nope - no joke. ugh. Guess I have enough details to think about and plan for at this time instead of getting bent about a person.

 

[Sina]

A FACIAL?!?!? Oh my!!! That is TOTALLY insensitive. Is she married? Does she know what it is like to have a wedding?? I am shocked!!!

My best friend is getting married on February 29th ( yes leap year! ) and she is dealing with all kinds of tricky situations too but I should tell her your story and she might feel better!

She has that problem with people she has invited who are saying " oh and I would like to bring my boyfriend of the week ". Some people she has had to repeatedly explain that the guest list is very tight and no guests are allowed unless specifically mentioned in the invite. They keep trying and trying to add more people to their party. How rude!

 

[jrabs]

She has that problem with people she has invited who are saying " oh and I would like to bring my boyfriend of the week ". Some people she has had to repeatedly explain that the guest list is very tight and no guests are allowed unless specifically mentioned in the invite. They keep trying and trying to add more people to their party. How rude!

I completely understand. Your poor friend.
I know that people will be standing all afternoon if my singles all bring dates. I simply cannot fit a spare chair in.

 

[Orionthehunter]

Jrabs, I’m kinda a heartless guy but here is my suggestion:

I would confirm that she is going to be late, invite another, and let her just show up late. When she gets there, have an usher tell her that all of the seats have been taken but she is free to stay and mingle.

 

[lizaanne]

She may lack in the social graces, but your fiancee’s comment shows some poor manners as well. You cannot uninvite a guest nor should you rank guests according to their worthiness to attend your reception. Remember, you invite guests. Guests are free to come and go as they please. Guests do not have to meet your minimum qualifications to be worthy of staying on the guest list. They are guests, you are host and hostess. Hosts and hostesses are gracious to every guest, whether they stay 5 minutes or until you are turning the lights off.

This is your best advice here so far.

People are going to be rude, and there is bound to be someone in every bunch who has no clue about social graces. We had a couple who did the dine-n-dash routine at our wedding, and another VERY close friend who tried to invite her daughter’s boyfriend! I just didn’t let it bother me - the dine-n-dash couple at least showed up, and the daughter with her boyfriend sat in the lounge and didn’t attend at all - fine by me, I didn’t really care, it was their choice.

People have lives - and they don’t necessarily revolve around you and your wedding. Sometimes things come up or are scheduled ahead of time. Whether or not it is a facial or surgery should not matter to you. You put forth the invitation, it is up to them to attend or not attend as they are able. Your friend just needed to have a bit more decorum when telling you about her conflict - there are ways to be discreet and still get the info you need.

Just enjoy and worry more about your marriage and the rest of your lives together than the party and everything will be just fine.

~Liza

 

[jrabs]

Jrabs, I’m kinda a heartless guy but here is my suggestion:

I would confirm that she is going to be late, invite another, and let her just show up late. When she gets there, have an usher tell her that all of the seats have been taken but she is free to stay and mingle.

Ohhh I love this! Though I am feeling kind of heartless also. - Momentary lapse I guess. I’ll get over it.

 

[jrabs]

People have lives - and they don’t necessarily revolve around you and your wedding. Sometimes things come up or are scheduled ahead of time. Whether or not it is a facial or surgery should not matter to you. You put forth the invitation, it is up to them to attend or not attend as they are able. Your friend just needed to have a bit more decorum when telling you about her conflict - there are ways to be discreet and still get the info you need.

Yes I understand that. Though I have not sent out invites yet and would rather send to someone who has an appreciation for my rather short afternoon.

Though a facial does not just come up in our schedules - it’s something that one has to schedule. That’s where I am having a problem.
Children’s sports event and such like that are pre-scheduled. Not facials and haircuts .

 

[lizaanne]

Though a facial does not just come up in our schedules - it’s something that one has to schedule. That’s where I am having a problem.
Children’s sports event and such like that are pre-scheduled. Not facials and haircuts .

It’s not your place to set priorities for someone else. As important as your day is you to - she may want to be there, but also has other things to do that are important to HER. It’s not your call to tell her what is the priority in her life.

Then don’t invite her. And then you will have to deal with the aftermath of working with this person who you have shared all your plans and ideas with, and explain to her why you did not invite her - because YOU thought she didn’t have her priorities in line.

~Liza

 

[jrabs]

Then don’t invite her. And then you will have to deal with the aftermath of working with this person who you have shared all your plans and ideas with, and explain to her why you did not invite her - because YOU thought she didn’t have her priorities in line.

Yeah - I know. Guess a real friend though, would value my short wedding reception and re-book. hmmmm.

No - I certainly do not think her priorities are in place. But I will have to say that she will have flawless skin.

 

[Sina]

This is your best advice here so far.

People are going to be rude, and there is bound to be someone in every bunch who has no clue about social graces. We had a couple who did the dine-n-dash routine at our wedding, and another VERY close friend who tried to invite her daughter’s boyfriend! I just didn’t let it bother me - the dine-n-dash couple at least showed up, and the daughter with her boyfriend sat in the lounge and didn’t attend at all - fine by me, I didn’t really care, it was their choice.

People have lives - and they don’t necessarily revolve around you and your wedding. Sometimes things come up or are scheduled ahead of time. Whether or not it is a facial or surgery should not matter to you. You put forth the invitation, it is up to them to attend or not attend as they are able. Your friend just needed to have a bit more decorum when telling you about her conflict - there are ways to be discreet and still get the info you need.

Just enjoy and worry more about your marriage and the rest of your lives together than the party and everything will be just fine.

~Liza

Lizanne, the thing is, that a lot of people pay around $50/plate at the reception… and they have to leave out inviting certain people because of the budget and space restrictions. I think it is really hard to ignore what guests will actually show up and when if you are spending money on them and have someone else in mind to attend if they aren’t serious about being there.

 

[puzzleannie]

get used to it, wait until you see how many people accept and don’t show up, leaving you to pay for uneaten food, and wish you had invited someone else you really wanted to share this day with you.

 

[puzzleannie]

I had a cousin’s husband show up in jeans, sneakers, and a wifebeater, and when questioned he said, “I don’t get dressed up for nobody.”
.

I have never seen this garment, and am curious, especially as to why someone would wear it to a wedding, of all places.

If a guest or friend made that comment to me, I would know exactly what his opinion of me is, and act accordingly in the future. can’t imagine what he wears to church. wonder what they will put on him when he is in the casket.

 

[rayne89]

I have never seen this garment, and am curious, especially as to why someone would wear it to a wedding, of all places.

If a guest or friend made that comment to me, I would know exactly what his opinion of me is, and act accordingly in the future. can’t imagine what he wears to church. wonder what they will put on him when he is in the casket.

You’ve seen the garment, it’s a man’s sleeveless undershirt.