Getting married soon and experiencing rude guests

  • Thread starter Thread starter jrabs
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I think everyone else is right. I was just a bit mad because of how insensitive she was, but you know, you can show her who the better person is. Let it go and enjoy. This must be a very stressful time for you and to waste your time and energy on her is not worth it. I remember when I was getting married I was freaking out about everything. Don’t do what I did, I was unbearable until the day of the wedding. In fact, I got mad at my mom so I cancelled the ball room so I had to have my reception outdoors in the middle of March. Try and take it easy and relax. Don’t make your wedding an event where you’ll remember the bad things.
 
Is she coming w/o a spouse or date? Does she know anyone else at the reception? Maybe she feels uncomfortable in social situations where she doesn’t know anyone, and she’s trying to find an early out? (She knows you but you certainly be quite busy on your wedding day.)
 
jrabs said:
Naw - I have not sent out invites yet. They go out this week.

I guess I beg to differ on the ranking of worthiness. Isn’t that the purpose of the invite list? Of course you only invite people worthy - else that would make it an open party to the public.
You invite people you value and hopefully those that value you.

But I do understand I can’t control the time that they stay - I have no problem with people leaving when they need to - but now I already know she is ditching for a facial 45 min into the event.
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Hi new here but I thought I’d respond.
Since you haven’t sent invitations yet and you’ll see her before you have to send her invitation and there will be a marriage ceremony and a reception.

Couldn’t you talk to her at work, down playing the reception and up playing (for lack of a better phrase) the marriage ceremony. Something on the order of “I know you’re busy and what really matters is your being there for the wedding ceremony. You could skip the reception, it’s mostly just a small group of family”.

Let her know she is welcomed and wanted at the wedding (the important part) and if she can to stop by at the reception (not
important) but it is not necessary. The casualness of “stop by” will (hopefully) imply that she is not included in any expectations of dinner etc. and still show that you would appreciate her presence.

If done right she gets to do what is important to her and you get to invite someone who otherwise would not have made the list.
 
lizaanne said:
If it were me - my response would have been, “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that you have a conflict! Well, I’m sorry you won’t be able to stay, you will be missed. I’m glad you will be able to make it for the ceremony.”

Let it go. Honestly - this is not the most important thing you should have on your mind right now.

~Liza
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I was going to say the very same thing. This puts her on the spot; having to make a decision to either commit to stay for the entire reception or not come at all.

But Liza is right. Don’t let this rattle you. It’ll make a good story years from now, regardless of what ends up happening with her facial.
 
Dacinom said:
What struck me about your post was not the wedding etiquette or rude manners or anything like that.

What struck me is what sadly seems to be the quality of your friendships.

You made it a point to say that very few friends made your list and this woman was one of them. That would indicate to me that she must be a very close friend, but it seems she really isn’t. She deliberately scheduled an appointment and is willing to leave you on such a special day. I can imagine someone being rude of course, but find it hard to imagine someones very close and dear friend saying something like this. It struck me as very sad that she must not be the close friend you thought.

I would not worry so much about the wedding or if she attends or gets her facial or if you invite someone in her place…instead I would take that time and spend it in reflective prayer. Pray for discernment in your friendships. Pray for God’s guidance in helping you find quality friends that will really enhance your life, and that you can enhance theirs in return.

All of us at various times in our lives have been let down by people and thought people cared when they really didn’t. God wants you to have friends…GOOD friends. Ask him for guidance. Hope this helps and God bless your marriage.
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good friends are always a blessing. I love that you got to that heart of the problem. Nice job!
She absolutely is not the closest of friends.
When we got engaged she begged to be included on the list. Guess she has has second thoughts. 🤷

The bulk of my good friends live out of town and have travel problems ( small kids, etc). But the rest of the few friends I selected are amazing blessings.
 
I haven’t read the entire thread, but I want to add my 2 cents.

Your “friend” has essentially hurt you by proclaiming that she values a facial more than she values YOU or your special day.

Now we all are capable of being selfish, not thinking through our actions, and of course, hurting people as we do it.

CALMLY telling her that her choice has hurt you may change her mind about the facial. If the facial is so important to her that she would rather keep the appointment, calmly tell her that you will be giving her seat to another, but hope that she’ll have dinner or celebrate with you and DH another night. You do have to work with her, so handling this gently is my best advice.

I am sorry a “friend” would do this to you.
 
jrabs, Miss Manners has an answer for you!!! Too cool!!! That lady has an answer for everything.

Rather than banishing her, or rescinding the invitation, or verbally nailing her fanny to the barn door, you say something to the effect of, “Oh, I wouldn’t dream of interrupting so important fof you. Of course you should keep your appointment! I’m sorry we won’t be seeing you there.” Smile when you say it, and be as sincere as possible.
 
I just wanted to share my expierences as well. My fiance and I are also getting married on April the 5th, and I have had some reactions like this from Family! My mother is a theater director and they have a competition that day, and she refuses to let her assistant director take the lead that day, she doesn’t even do anything but sit in the audience that day. She even flat out called me, and on a separate occasion called my fiance, and asked us to move the wedding date for her. She even got mad at us for having it on this date because she can’t do anything creative for the wedding or reception. I had no clue this was one of competition days, but even so, it is my fiance and my decision to choose the day of our wedding. My Father is a local News Caster (although he only works Mon - Fri, he has places he is required to be on Saturdays for speeches and events that he is required to appear at) and he had an even that had been planned for over a year, that he flat out canceled to be at the wedding. Sorry for the vent, just wanted to share my story.
 
OutinChgoburbs said:
jrabs, Miss Manners has an answer for you!!! Too cool!!! That lady has an answer for everything.

Rather than banishing her, or rescinding the invitation, or verbally nailing her fanny to the barn door, you say something to the effect of, “Oh, I wouldn’t dream of interrupting so important fof you. Of course you should keep your appointment! I’m sorry we won’t be seeing you there.” Smile when you say it, and be as sincere as possible.
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:rotfl:
 
Xander said:
I just wanted to share my experiences as well. My fiancé and I are also getting married on April the 5th, and I have had some reactions like this from Family! My mother is a theater director and they have a competition that day, and she refuses to let her assistant director take the lead that day, she doesn’t even do anything but sit in the audience that day. She even flat out called me, and on a separate occasion called my fiancé, and asked us to move the wedding date for her. She even got mad at us for having it on this date because she can’t do anything creative for the wedding or reception. I had no clue this was one of competition days, but even so, it is my fiancé and my decision to choose the day of our wedding. .
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OK - Xander - that beats my pity party. I have just decided to move on and not dwell.
Let’s the 4 of us decide that it is just not going to bother us and have a delightful and blessed time just the same.

It will be a lovely day and
 
Xander said:
I just wanted to share my expierences as well. My fiance and I are also getting married on April the 5th, and I have had some reactions like this from Family! My mother is a theater director and they have a competition that day, and she refuses to let her assistant director take the lead that day, she doesn’t even do anything but sit in the audience that day. She even flat out called me, and on a separate occasion called my fiance, and asked us to move the wedding date for her. She even got mad at us for having it on this date because she can’t do anything creative for the wedding or reception. I had no clue this was one of competition days, but even so, it is my fiance and my decision to choose the day of our wedding. My Father is a local News Caster (although he only works Mon - Fri, he has places he is required to be on Saturdays for speeches and events that he is required to appear at) and he had an even that had been planned for over a year, that he flat out canceled to be at the wedding. Sorry for the vent, just wanted to share my story.
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Let me throw in my two cents worth (ironically, we are also planning my daughter’s wedding and her dad is a newscaster!)

Did you ask your parents about the date before you chose it? Sometimes, all it takes to avoid confrontations and disappointments such as this is taking others’ lives, plans, etc., into consideration when choosing the date.

As it turns out, my other daughter and son-in-law will be missing the wedding of my son in law’s longtime (since kindergarten!) best friend, for whom he would have been best man; the other couple set the date and booked the reception venue without asking those they most wanted in the bridal party if they had previous commitments. SIL had long since committed to be in our daughter’s wedding.

That said, I can understand your mom feeling miffed, but I would also certainly expect her to put your wedding first.
 
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