S
Sina
Guest
haha well THAT is uplifting! Hehe
- Status
P
puzzleannie
Guest
S
Sina
Guest
1
1ke
Guest
You have already extended an invitation to this person orally. You cannot drop them, disinvite them, or replace them with someone else. Well, I guess you could-- but it would be in extremely poor taste.
Yes, the person who said this was certainly lacking in social grace. BUT, what the person does before or after attending your wedding is not your concern and should not be the basis on whether or not you invite them.Though a facial does not just come up in our schedules - it’s something that one has to schedule. That’s where I am having a problem.
Children’s sports event and such like that are pre-scheduled. Not facials and haircuts .
L
lizaanne
Guest
I don’t care if someone pays $5 or $50 a plate - you invite according to what the person means to you, not according to whether or not they might stiff you on a meal.
I would never NOT invite someone who I felt was important to me just because there was a chance they may not stay for the entire meal or have to leave early - what an insult to that person!Trust me - I know what it costs to put on a wedding. Been there done that - twice.
Cutting down a guest list for budget is one thing - but choosing one person who is important but might not stay, over another person who is a sure thing to be there till dawn, is not the way to choose a guest list. If the money is THAT tight, and that important, then the couple is way over spending on the event and not keeping their priorities in order.
~Liza
W
whatevergirl
Guest
Depending on how comfortable I would be with the friend…I would have said…can you reschedule it for later in the evening…or maybe the next day? I’d really like you to stay for the special day–if you can’t I understand–but it would be great if you could stay longer? I tend to do this with my friends…they know I’m blunt. But, again–it depends on how close you are. I agree with those who said it might be hard to uninvite her, especially since you work with her…negative vibes in the office, bla bl…it might be worth just telling her…‘hey, I thought about what you said…and is there any way you can reschedule your facial?’Yeah - I know. Guess a real friend though, would value my short wedding reception and re-book. hmmmm.
No - I certainly do not think her priorities are in place.But I will have to say that she will have flawless skin.
I hate facials personally. ha I might be able to make it…I don’t have anything scheduled that day.
B
beckycmarie
Guest
They call it a “wifebeater” because on the show COPS, just about every time they go to a trailer for a domestic call, they come out with a man wearing one of those and holding a beer.
1
1ke
Guest
What Liza said… only I was going to say it doesn’t matter if it’s $5 or $500 dollars per person…I don’t care if someone pays $5 or $50 a plate - you invite according to what the person means to you, not according to whether or not they might stiff you on a meal.
Trust me - I know what it costs to put on a wedding. Been there done that - twice.
Cutting down a guest list for budget is one thing - but choosing one person who is important but might not stay, over another person who is a sure thing to be there till dawn, is not the way to choose a guest list. If the money is THAT tight, and that important, then the couple is way over spending on the event and not keeping their priorities in order.
~Liza
Y
yessisan
Guest
My in laws all wore jeans, t shirts and tennis shoes to our wedding
I was so angry when they showed up like that! My husband said that you don’t always dress up for a wedding. 
Really? Well, all my uncles, aunts, even my 3 yr old cousins and the rest of the family were wearing suits and very nice dresses jrabs, I was going to say the same thing as whatevergirl… can you ask her if she can reschedule? It’s not like it’s the end of the worls if she has to reschedule. I’d be very angry if my friend did that. Well, one actually missed the ceremony and came to the reception about 3 hrs into the party, and my sister in law invited her baby’s grandparents (they don’t even get along and she brought them).
Your friend is pretty rude for having said that. I would have told her straight to her face (if she were my friend) that if she couldn’t stay, than I’d invite someone else. But then, that’s how I am. To my IL’s I didn’t say anything when they showed up in jeans, but I did tell DH I was angry they came in jeans. Anywho, I hope you can find a way to get her to stay the entire reception. Otherwise, if I were in your place, I’d tell to not show up. That shows you how much she values you.
J
jrabs
Guest
I expect that of some relatives.
L
lotusblossom
Guest
I was thinking about what you said and read all the replies…
Is your friend even going to be able to make it at all if her facial is scheduled 45 minutes into the reception? I mean, unless it is down the street, it’s going to take her a while to get into the car, drive there, and show up and then once her facial is done do it all over again. She probably won’t make it at all. If it comes up again, I’d say ask her about that in passing. The others are right in that YOU can’t uninvite her, but if she says she doesn’t think there will be time for both, then you can say you understand and then invite someone else.
Is your friend even going to be able to make it at all if her facial is scheduled 45 minutes into the reception? I mean, unless it is down the street, it’s going to take her a while to get into the car, drive there, and show up and then once her facial is done do it all over again. She probably won’t make it at all. If it comes up again, I’d say ask her about that in passing. The others are right in that YOU can’t uninvite her, but if she says she doesn’t think there will be time for both, then you can say you understand and then invite someone else.
J
jrabs
Guest
I really have to agree.Your friend is pretty rude for having said that. I would have told her straight to her face (if she were my friend) that if she couldn’t stay, than I’d invite someone else. But then, that’s how I am. To my IL’s I didn’t say anything when they showed up in jeans, but I did tell DH I was angry they came in jeans. Anywho, I hope you can find a way to get her to stay the entire reception. Otherwise, if I were in your place, I’d tell to not show up.** That shows you how much she values you**.
This is a facial that she scheduled and she has known about the wedding for 9 mos now. I do find that rude. Or at least do not tell me about it. ugh.
Face it, in life we make time for the things that are important and plan our days accordingly. We all have to do that.
A facial is important to her and a priority. I am less of a priority in her life. Oh well.
I did ask if she could reschedule. I am bold.
S
Sina
Guest
Her face is also going to be all red isn’t it?
Maybe there is more to it than you know? Like maybe the facial specialist she is going to is a celebrity faciologist and you need to book 9 months in advance to even get them? Who knows!
Lizaanne and 1ke, I didn’t mean that I would disinvite someone to a wedding if they pulled this stunt, but I just wish people out there appreciated that it costs a lot of money to have a wedding and it means a lot to the couple having the wedding.
I was lucky that none of my friends did this to me. I only invited 65 people to my wedding and none of them were coworkers because none of my coworkers mean that much to me. All of my guests were close friends and family and they were all respectful and pleasant.
Maybe there is more to it than you know? Like maybe the facial specialist she is going to is a celebrity faciologist and you need to book 9 months in advance to even get them? Who knows!
Lizaanne and 1ke, I didn’t mean that I would disinvite someone to a wedding if they pulled this stunt, but I just wish people out there appreciated that it costs a lot of money to have a wedding and it means a lot to the couple having the wedding.
I was lucky that none of my friends did this to me. I only invited 65 people to my wedding and none of them were coworkers because none of my coworkers mean that much to me. All of my guests were close friends and family and they were all respectful and pleasant.
L
lizaanne
Guest
But never had an invitation in her hands to know ABSOLUTELY that she was invited. So, what is she supposed to do, not schedule ANYTHING on that date on the off chance you MIGHT give her an invitation?
If it were me - my response would have been, “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that you have a conflict! Well, I’m sorry you won’t be able to stay, you will be missed. I’m glad you will be able to make it for the ceremony.”
She is your friend, right? Is that not what you called her? Then be the graceful host and friend, and welcome her to your wedding, and accept her - bad manners and all. Or don’t consider her a friend, and don’t invite her. But also don’t expect to talk about it when you get back to work either.
Let it go. Honestly - this is not the most important thing you should have on your mind right now.
~Liza
G
gmarie21
Guest
I think majority of people do understand the costs of weddings and the meaning for having loved ones attend. But that is also why it’s a rule of thumb for final counts to be less than actual confirmed replies because life does happen. If you recieve 200 yes responses don’t confirm the final head count to be 200, but 180. Depending on the facility, they can always add tables and meals if more than the final head count show up. Also, most, if they can’t show up at the last minute, send cards and gifts/money to the couple anyway. What one shouldn’t do is get upset if a guest who confirmed can’t make it at the last minute based on the cost per person for the meal and open bar. It’s not the guest’s fault that the couple is spending x amount of dollars per person. I think it’s crazy to pay more than $25 per person (most of my family pays $40 - 50 per person). I have a cousin who’s wedding was $80 per person and about 380 people attended. Now that IS crazy imho.
S
Sina
Guest
Fair enough. The best thing to do is not to worry too much and just chill. It will all work out in the end anyways.
A piece of advice though based on this topic? Never ever ever have name cards on tables unless you don’t mind changing names and reprinting the cards over and over, even 20 mins before the wedding reception begins!
A piece of advice though based on this topic? Never ever ever have name cards on tables unless you don’t mind changing names and reprinting the cards over and over, even 20 mins before the wedding reception begins!
J
jrabs
Guest
Sina - true enough!
I’ll see what I decide next week when the invites go out. Right now, I just am not sure.
To whom ever suggested that she was seeing a specialist, you are very and have a good nature. But no - she is not seeing a specialist that needs to be booked 9 mos in advance - since she did tell me where she was going. In fact she had just booked the appointment min. before she told me. So she said.
She actually asked me to make sure I invited her when we got engaged. So we can all try and graciously make excuses for people. It’s sweet. But sometimes human nature is simply selfish.
Simple fact is we all tend to do what is important to us. That is the choice we make.
E
ElizabethAnne
Guest
I could not agree with you more jrabs. If it were me, I would reschedule much more important events than facials for a wedding. Goodness, I’m so excited about my friend’s baby shower (her first child, except she’s having twins, so her first two children) that I have the whole day marked down and nothing else is going to get scheduled there.
At least she’s coming to the wedding itself though. Maybe receptions are just not the priority for her.
J
jrabs
Guest
Now that is a wonderful point. And she is bringing an extra guest to the Mass.
S
Sina
Guest
Also, what goes around comes around. If she does this to other people, I bet when it comes for her wedding, or her baby shower or whatever, people won’t feel they HAVE to show up for the whole thing or on time or anything because she doesn’t seem to care much about that stuff.
- Status