Getting men back to Mass

[FrStevenJones]

It seems there are fewer men in church these days. What’s the cause of this? Of course our culture and loss of religious belief is a big part. But it’s more than that, I believe! Some say the men stay away because of flaccid preaching, other’s say it’s effeminate music, some might say the Church has softened it’s teaching too much. But it’s crucial to get the men back, because statistics show that children often mimic Dad’s religious practices. So if Dad doesn’t go to Mass, when the children grow up, they won’t either.

So, why don’t men attend Mass, and how do we get them back? This priest would like to hear your ideas,so I may implement them at my earliest opportunity!

 

[YoungTradCath]

It seems there are fewer men in church these days. What’s the cause of this? Of course our culture and loss of religious belief is a big part. But it’s more than that, I believe! Some say the men stay away because of flaccid preaching, other’s say it’s effeminate music, some might say the Church has softened it’s teaching too much. But it’s crucial to get the men back, because statistics show that children often mimic Dad’s religious practices. So if Dad doesn’t go to Mass, when the children grow up, they won’t either.

So, why don’t men attend Mass, and how do we get them back? This priest would like to hear your ideas,so I may implement them at my earliest opportunity!

Oh God, the great big headache that this is. One of the best bits of advice I can give you is to try to connect to your male parishioners on a true man-to-man basis. This is especially true with homilies, and pertains even more closely to young men, who I think every priest should put an especial amount of work into forming into men, eg via altar boys, however politically incorrect that might be. Having a cadre of them to serve Mass and promoting camaraderie and respect for the Faith is one of the strongest things you can do for the future of Catholic manhood, imo. Regardless of what anyone says, it can’t be denied that males and females act differently when together than when separated.

Perhaps one thing you can try is holding retreats for men and women at your parish. The women will show up, I’m pretty sure. You should focus on marketing the retreats for men. Make them deep, spiritual experiences. If you can, it would be an excellent experience to do this at a good monastery somewhere.

Take the altar boys to visit seminaries.

But, perhaps most importantly, be clear in what you are trying to do. I wouldn’t go around berating people about this, but you shouldn’t be afraid to discuss the problem of Catholic manhood clearly, openly, and unabashedly if the topic presents itself.

Liturgy… you already sound plenty good in your ideas.

 

[Zekariya]

It seems there are fewer men in church these days. What’s the cause of this? Of course our culture and loss of religious belief is a big part. But it’s more than that, I believe! Some say the men stay away because of flaccid preaching, other’s say it’s effeminate music, some might say the Church has softened it’s teaching too much. But it’s crucial to get the men back, because statistics show that children often mimic Dad’s religious practices. So if Dad doesn’t go to Mass, when the children grow up, they won’t either.

So, why don’t men attend Mass, and how do we get them back? This priest would like to hear your ideas,so I may implement them at my earliest opportunity!

Just a few thoughts…

Women will and do attend masculine parishes. Men, however, do not generally like an effeminate parish. Byzantine Rite parishes tend to be a lot more masculine/man-centered and have more men involved outside of Mass (they generally have altar servers from adult males to five year old boys).

A parish that has only male altar servers foster more vocations to the priesthood than a parish with mixed-sex altar servers. Boys like to be boys and joining a group of girls isn’t seen highly by boys (this is also the same with adult men).

Traditional, historical hymns are generally more male-friendly than modern ones. None of this, “I love Jesus,” “Jesus loves me,” “We are one family,” “Everyone is welcome,” etc. I don’t have traditional Western examples on hand right now but, here is a Byzantine example:

Troparion of the Resurrection, Tone 2
When thou, O immortal Life, didst humble thyself unto death, then didst destroy death by the brightness of thy Godhead; and when thou didst raise the bowels of the earth, then all the heavenly powers exclaimed, O Christ, thou art the Giver of life! Glory to thee, O our God!

Theotokion of the Resurrection, Tone 8
Though who for our sake wast born of a Virgin, and didst suffer crucifixion, O good One, and didst despoil death through Death, and as God didst reveal resurrection; despise not those whom thou hast created with thine own hand; show forth thy love for mankind, O merciful One; accept the intercession of thy Mother, the Theotokos, for us; and save thy despairing people, O our Saviour.

 

[Marie5890]

Plenty of men line the pews in other denominations, so it most likely has to do with what the Church teaches or is perceived.

 

[TomD123]

So, why don’t men attend Mass, and how do we get them back? This priest would like to hear your ideas,so I may implement them at my earliest opportunity!

I don’t for sure…this is a great problem facing our times. I can say this though as a young (18 yo) male:

I know that lack of enthusiasm is a big problem. Lack of zeal. Bad sermons. Even more the vague wishy washy attitudes of many who teach Catholicism today like “Jesus just loves you where you are” “God is madly in love with you” “We are all wounded and God still feels our pain” “God is an emotional God who cries when we cry” …you get the idea. These are major turnoffs

The best thing to do is to bring back the beauty and idk the best word I guess power of the old days. In sermons, prayers, music (yeah Lord of the Dance, gather us in, all are welcome, etc. are all very bad bad bad), art, statues…etc.

Also, and this is huge, it needs to be made clear why the Mass is important and why we need it. The theology of the Mass needs to be explained. The Mass is a sacrifice that’s key

 

[Marie5890]

I don’t for sure…this is a great problem facing our times. I can say this though as a young (18 yo) male:

I know that lack of enthusiasm is a big problem. Lack of zeal. Bad sermons. Even more the vague wishy washy attitudes of many who teach Catholicism today like “Jesus just loves you where you are” “God is madly in love with you” “We are all wounded and God still feels our pain” “God is an emotional God who cries when we cry” …you get the idea. These are major turnoffs

The best thing to do is to bring back the beauty and idk the best word I guess power of the old days. In sermons, prayers, music (yeah Lord of the Dance, gather us in, all are welcome, etc. are all very bad bad bad), art, statues…etc.

Also, and this is huge, it needs to be made clear why the Mass is important and why we need it. The theology of the Mass needs to be explained. The Mass is a sacrifice that’s key

How do you explain the fact that men line the pews in other denominations?

 

[Tarpeian_Rock]

I know a number of men who ceased attending church in the wake of the abuse crisis. This was partially due to the abuse problem itself, partially due to loss of faith in the bishops (who were seen as political managers engaging in cover-ups similar to what men see in management at their work, and not true "spiritual leaders), and also a level of “suspicion” regarding priests and, frankly, what they might be hiding in their private lives – coupled with a tendency to see effeminate behaviors and “softness” in priests. None of which gets men back to Mass, but I have seen these factors in play.

A prior poster noted that there are plenty of men in other churches. My guess would be that one factor in that is men’s ability to relate to a “masculine” leader who has a normal life with a wife. I know that’s unpopular around here, but I believe that’s a real factor too. Not for everybody, but certainly for some.

 

[coachdennis]

Some of my comments will upset people, because I prefer people to look back at history with clear eyes and not with nostalgia for the “Catholic good old days”:

Let’s take faith out of the equation and look at the culture:

1960 is considered to be the high point of church attendance in the US, period among all denominations. Well, you had a generation that survived the Great Depression, World War II, and enjoying the postwar riches of the 1950s. Going to church in the 1950s was the American thing to do. It’s what separated us from the Communists. It was a political statement as well as a faith statement. It meant that you were part of the group, not different, you fitted in. Also, in many towns and neighborhoods it is where Tom the insurance man, saw Bill the banker, Tony the mechanic, George the accountant, etc. The people you did business with were there and it was good for your business and social standing to be seen in church.

AS we go through the 60s we have the counterculture where you don’t have to go to church to be accepted by your business peers, to raise a family, to be a success – in fact it may in fact, be a hindrance depending on how people react to you.

In short, Father, in my opinion the task today is to show men that there is a relevance to going to church. Today, you can be a successful man – raise a family, provide income, and even donate to charity and volunteer – without EVER stepping into a church. Why should a busy man add Mass to his life? If you (and I mean the Church by “you”) can’t provide a realistic, concrete, compelling answer to that question – then any outreach will fail.

 

[Zekariya]

How do you explain the fact that men line the pews in other denominations?

There are plenty of men in effeminate (Catholic and protestant) parishes. Why do they attend? They attend because it is right to worship God with other believers (and as a Catholic, take part in the Sacrifice of the Mass). Some attend to please their wife. Some attend to see their friends. Some because they like the social circle.

 

[crumblymunky]

I’m a 19 year old guy, and I 100% tell you the previous posts are right. More conservative music, more organs, more reverence, less feel good hoobityjoop. I love being in AWE of God, not feeling like he is the bro next door. Check out “Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence” and other awesome hymns.

Also, more incense. And make people be quiet on their way out of mass. It is ridiculous that you should feel weird staying after mass in silent prayer because everyone is so loud and is clamoring to get to their cars.

I’ve almost switched to a Tridentine service just for the fact that the people there have a real reverence. I didn’t even know the service ended because everyone stayed after the mass and continued to pray for a good 15 minutes.

And more Latin. Consider converting one of your Sunday mass’s to a “high” Novos Ordo Mass.

 

[TomD123]

Perhaps one thing you can try is holding retreats for men and women at your parish. The women will show up, I’m pretty sure. You should focus on marketing the retreats for men. Make them deep, spiritual experiences. If you can, it would be an excellent experience to do this at a good monastery somewhere.

Take the altar boys to visit seminaries.

Deep spiritual experiences would be good however I think there needs to be caution. This could backfire if they turn out to be too overly emotional and stuff like that…

Similar with the seminaries…I went to one and it was a depressing experience because of how unenthused everyone was and how weak it felt. It was NOT something I’d encourage. I’d say visiit a seminary that is obviously a good one

 

[TomD123]

How do you explain the fact that men line the pews in other denominations?

They feel they need Jesus as a savior…Catholics don’t?

I am not sure. I don’t have all of the answers…my coments are based only on my own views from my own perspective as an 18 yo boy

 

[Joe_5859]

Some of my comments will upset people, because I prefer people to look back at history with clear eyes and not with nostalgia for the “Catholic good old days”:

Let’s take faith out of the equation and look at the culture:

1960 is considered to be the high point of church attendance in the US, period among all denominations. Well, you had a generation that survived the Great Depression, World War II, and enjoying the postwar riches of the 1950s. Going to church in the 1950s was the American thing to do. It’s what separated us from the Communists. It was a political statement as well as a faith statement. It meant that you were part of the group, not different, you fitted in. Also, in many towns and neighborhoods it is where Tom the insurance man, saw Bill the banker, Tony the mechanic, George the accountant, etc. The people you did business with were there and it was good for your business and social standing to be seen in church.

AS we go through the 60s we have the counterculture where you don’t have to go to church to be accepted by your business peers, to raise a family, to be a success – in fact it may in fact, be a hindrance depending on how people react to you.

In short, Father, in my opinion the task today is to show men that there is a relevance to going to church. Today, you can be a successful man – raise a family, provide income, and even donate to charity and volunteer – without EVER stepping into a church. Why should a busy man add Mass to his life? If you (and I mean the Church by “you”) can’t provide a realistic, concrete, compelling answer to that question – then any outreach will fail.

I agree. Swapping out one set of hymns for another (while it may make me personally very happy) is not going to solve this problem by itself. The problem is, unfortunately, more complex than that.

I’m sure football doesn’t help either, though.

 

[Humbly_Hopeful]

This is a good question and I have my opinion, but I must make a disclaimer that this is just an opinion of a new Catholic and I do not intend to upset anyone or undermine the Church in anyway.

I do think that the role for lay men in Mass is pushed out with women (oh I hope I am clear in stating my opinion) taking over roles men used to have. I think it is important to encourage men, especially if there is a man who stands out to you, to once again lead the readings and participate in Mass with specific roles you think they would be good in (reader, EM, so forth). I think that with the daily influence of third wave feminism culture men are now taught to feel/think that if they show anything that is perceived to put them above women, then they are degrading those women. This affects mass because men are our leaders, yet if the role of being a lay leader is offered to women and if culture teaches men that they better not interfere with women’s progress, rights, etc. then Catholic men will naturally step aside for the women they respect the most - Catholic women. In the end, this affects the attendance of men because their natural role to lead is diminished.

I understand the Church approves women to read and to distribute communion, etc. but so far of the small number of parishes I have been to, the parishes in which I see this taking place, I see less men participating and fewer men (and practically no single men or young adult men) at mass; while in parishes where men are encouraged to step up and take the lead they will do so and I see more families with their fathers and more single men, even young adult single men.

I really hope I didn’t offend anyone with my opinion and I fully follow, respect and support the Church rules and teachings - if I didn’t I never would have converted. I am not saying women should step down or anything but that I think there is a kind of natural flow as to why less men, especially single men, are at Mass. I fully support the priest taking the initiative in inviting men to these roles privately and maybe during a homily so that there is more of a balance of men/women assisting.

Of course, there are so many men and women who stray from the Church because, well, it is just easier. It just is. It’s easier to be a part of society instead of trying to change it. Especially because people expect instant results these days and culture takes a long time to change, even on a local level. It is easier to just follow what you want instead of practicing temperance. But I think this correlates to men and women and doesn’t specifically address the question you asked Fr.

 

[Aelred_Minor]

The Catholic Church and certain mainline Protestant denominations seem to be almost alone among religious groups in attracting more women than men. In most religions it is the opposite. Of course in today’s world, so torn apart by gender wars, the support of women is a good thing. Unfortunately though I think this is more a result of alienating men than particularly appealing to women.

What is the cause? From my perspective I’d call it the campy spirit that pervades the whole liturgy (music, preaching, often even the priest’s way of speaking during the eucharistic prayer and elsewhere) at least in any parish I’ve been able to regularly attend.

 

[Mark121359]

It seems there are fewer men in church these days. What’s the cause of this? Of course our culture and loss of religious belief is a big part. But it’s more than that, I believe! Some say the men stay away because of flaccid preaching, other’s say it’s effeminate music, some might say the Church has softened it’s teaching too much. But it’s crucial to get the men back, because statistics show that children often mimic Dad’s religious practices. So if Dad doesn’t go to Mass, when the children grow up, they won’t either.

So, why don’t men attend Mass, and how do we get them back? This priest would like to hear your ideas,so I may implement them at my earliest opportunity!

The thing is, that Mass attendance in general is abysmal. What’s it like roughly 1/4 attend Mass regularly here in the U.S.? Worldwide, not much better. Crisis? I think so. What to do? I have no clue. Look at the culture as you rightfully point out. More importantly, look what Catholics in this culture believe when it comes to things such as so-called SSM, abortion, divorce, children out of wedlock, contraception and on and on and on. Things that the Church clearly teaches that are gravely wrong, go largely and willingly ignored. I heard Fr. Charles P. Connor say something interesting on EWTN Live with Fr. Mitch Pacwa. The topic was the Second Vatican Counsel. And he mentioned the catechetical confusion that developed after Vatican ll and how catechetics was devastated. And as a result he said “We probably have a couple generations of Catholic illiterates now, people who do not know the Faith.” That’s no lightweight problem!

So getting back to your question of how to get them back? Again, I wish I could offer you an answer Father, but I have none to give at this point. I can only tell you things that I observe with Catholics in general, and not just men. And all of these “things” when thrown together make a volatile mix that leaves me wondering…what in the world can be done? And I don’t think the Church has an answer as well. And that’s scary! It’s a question that my feeble brain can’t fathom an answer to! I’m also very sorry for my pessimistic view, but seeing various polls on what Catholics believe, even those attending Mass regularly, is appalling, and leaves me saddened to say the least. But I also trust and strongly believe that Our Lord is definitely still very much in control. And He is my hope! By the way here’s a link to that interview with Charles P. Connor if you’re interested.
youtube.com/watch?v=urff5rqhd3o

Peace, Mark

 

[Deus_tecum]

I heard a radio program on this subject a couple years ago, and went on to read an article about it, although it was about Christian Church attendance in general rather than just Catholic Church attendance. It seems that men are not exactly “lining the pews” in any mainstream churches. The article mentioned the churches seeming to market to women and it was even reflected in the music. They cited a song lyric that went “Jesus I am so in love with you”. This they said implied a romantic love such as a woman could have for a man, but not an appropriate sort of love for a man to have for a man. We would not for example say to our father, brother, or best friend, “I am so in love with you.”

They went on to talk about church small group meetings and the touchy-feely exercises of people “getting to know one another” by “sharing” how each member felt in this or that emotional situation in their life. Women tend to enjoy sharing their feelings. Men don’t, at least not with just anybody. Again they concluded that this aspect of church life was geared toward the needs and wants of women.

It all rang true, but to my recollection they did not hash out a solution other than to say that churches need to change their approach if they want more men in the pews.

 

[TimothyH]

Whatever the cause, for married couples it is a cycle that feeds on itself

As any given man stays away and as his wife becomes the spiritual leader of the houshold, he is less likely to want to step into that role and more likely to fall away from the faith, reject the Church as useless, etc. I think wives want their husbands to be the spiritual leader of the household but once the man has lost that role he is often somewhat embarrased to take hold of it again.

Part of the problem is that men are afraid to be seen as weak. As an EMHC, I see men in tears as they approach our Lord and Savior, big strapping guys, firefighters and police officers, who are not afraid to cry after they recieve. These are the same guys I see in line for confession every Saturday. Liturgy isn’t going to fix this.

Perhaps one thing you can try is holding retreats for men and women at your parish. The women will show up, I’m pretty sure. You should focus on marketing the retreats for men. Make them deep, spiritual experiences. If you can, it would be an excellent experience to do this at a good monastery somewhere.

Take the altar boys to visit seminaries.

But, perhaps most importantly, be clear in what you are trying to do. I wouldn’t go around berating people about this, but you shouldn’t be afraid to discuss the problem of Catholic manhood clearly, openly, and unabashedly if the topic presents itself.

Liturgy… you already sound plenty good in your ideas.

The idea of men’s retreats and other men specific functions is excellent, spot on. That’s why the Evening of Recollection for Men put on monthly here in Atlanta by Opus Dei is so wonderful - it’s just guys praising Jesus, and there is nothing weak or unmanly about hearing 40 or 50 guys sing Holy God We Praise Thy Name at Benediction.

Get the guys together. Talk about porn, addiction, struggles in marriage and dating, growing old, society telling men what it means to be a man, and the radical alternative offered by Christ who washed the disciples feet and gave up everything for those whom he loved, and gave us the sacraments.

YTC has it exactly right here. Give men a spiritual retreat. Pray with hem individually. Lay hands on them. Pray for healing and strength, to be the men God called them to be, like the men of the Old Testament, like King David who wasn’t afraid to ask God for help. Mass attendance will then take care of itself.

-Tim-

 

[MJJean]

My husband left the Church and recently returned. He brought with him myself and 2 of our 3 children. We’re working on getting the 3rd to go.

My husband left in his teens because he doubted the passion and beliefs of those instructing him and of the priest. He said that when he went to Mass it was… please excuse the crudeness…like a combination of a pizza delivery and a peep show booth. From his descriptions, parishioners walked in with heads down or staring straight ahead and ignored each other at best or seemed ashamed to be there at worst. No sense of community.

In addition, the services and religious instructions were fast, without meaning or explanation and without a sign of passion or thought. He even had a joke about it “All the Sacraments in 30 minutes or less!”

When he decided to go back, more than 20 years after he left the Church in particular and religion in general, he began by searching online and watching lectures and sermons given by priests. He learned there were priests out there that really believed, had a passion for their vocation, were intelligent and thoughtful. So, he went searching for a church locally that would suit him.

My husband decided to try a Jesuit church. This was thinking outside the box as no one ever suggested to him before that perhaps he could attend a different church more suited to his personality and needs.

We found a church that had a lively priest with a sense of humor that really puts thought and passion into his services. He nourishes the intellect as well as the spirit. His faith inspires faith.

The church members were very welcoming, very inclusive. Within weeks my husband was “drafted” into the choir because he sat near them one Sunday and they heard him sing. Then our daughter joined and was also made to feel very welcome. I have been asked to take classes to help with the religious education of youngsters.

The membership is also very active. Soup kitchen volunteer groups, parish picnics, various calls for folks to volunteer for other needs. Their general belief seems to be that everyone has a gift and an obligation to join in and use that gift. If you aren’t sure what your gift is, Father S and Sister A will find something for you to do while you figure it out.

I think, to increase Mass attendance in general, leaders really need to encourage inclusiveness and welcome. They need to inspire through their own faith and passion. They need to make people feel they are being useful and of service to the Church and community. They need to make attendance a peaceful and joyful experience. And if someone is unhappy they should be encouraged to seek out another Catholic church that meets their needs better.

 

[TARRAT]

I haven’t followed this complete thread all the way through so I’m not sure this issue has been addressed. In our geographic area a group called The Kings Men has been started and tries to address this very problem. It gathers men to do “manly” things and also entails scripture studies with other men and faith sharing with other men of the parish. One of it’s main pushes from a “manly” perspective is a retreat in the “Wild”. They get men to commit to a retreat in a camping type situation. They build an altar out of the things they find in the wilderness. The have speakers come in and address men’s issues. They have mass in the wild, they have confession in the wild. They have social events such as fishing, learning how to shoot a gun, and other things the local area could relate to.

You may try starting one of these groups in your parish. It would probably work best if you were involved. Get the men acting cohesively and it could help get the men involved in the parish.