I haven’t really noticed less men than women in our parish. Father, perhaps it’s a problem in your part of the country.
Also, keep in mind that men die younger than women, so many of the older women who attend Mass have lost their husbands and brothers to death. So there will probably always be more women in Mass just for this reason alone.
I am dismayed to see the “wish lists” for Mass that many of the men posting in this thread have made. Most of the men who are posting these lists already attend Mass, right? Do they really speak for all those who DON’T attend Mass?! I tend to doubt it.
I’ll be honest–I don’t think that the men (and women) who stay away from Mass would come back even if the Mass were “perfect” which it never ever will be on this earth.
**I don’t think men stay away from Mass because the Mass or the parish is “lacking” anything. I think men stay away because THEY are lacking something. **
Here are two things that I think many men “lack,” and I’ll warn you–this is honest writing from a woman, and I hope that it is helpful, not hurtful.
- Energy. Many men are exhausted from working at a job (or jobs) that keeps them desk-bound and stressed-out all week and often way over 8 hours a day. Many men have to be “on call” or work mandatory overtime (and in salaried jobs, that overtime doesn’t necessarily get them any more pay). Many men are working several jobs to be able to make ends meet in this economy that is not family-friendly (so much of the money earned goes to taxes, which never seem to benefit those working).
So when the weekend comes along, they find it difficult to just “sit” in church, and I think that many men are embarrassed to drift off to sleep or yawn all the way through Mass–so they just stay home to rest. For a lot of men, the time while their wives and children are at church is precious “down time” for them–they can finally have a little peace and quiet for just an hour without having to deal with the little ones or be “sensitive” to their wife’s’ needs.
- Purity. Half the married men in the U.S. are divorced. That means that unless they have gone through the annulment process, they are not able to receive Holy Communion, which makes them feel self-conscious in front of others at church. And frankly, I think a lot of men who are divorced are a little mad at the Church (and at the world in general) and probably pretty depressed, too. And many of these men are dating someone, and they know that this is “wrong,” but they are lonely.
Also, the vast majority of men in the U.S. use some form of porn (some struggle to stop, and others have just given up and use porn habitually), and they masturbate regularly. This is a mortal sin, and therefore, those who have committed it are not supposed to receive Holy Communion. But many men are embarrassed to go to Reconciliation week after week to confess the same sin. And I think that many Catholic men wonder if it really, truly IS a sin, because most Protestants don’t consider it a sin at all.
So it’s no wonder men don’t go to Mass–they can’t “legally” participate in Holy Communion, and they don’t see the use of going to just sit there and look like a “sinner” in front of others.
Again, I hope this is helpful. And once again, I don’t think the music, preaching, decor, or any of the deficiencies in the Mass has anything to do with lack of attendance. Men who are exhausted, or who are caught up in divorce, or in an impure sexual sin, will probably be even more likely to avoid a “perfect” Mass!
