Girlfriend is tempting me to sleep with her!

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Hitetlen:
It may come as a surprise that an atheist agrees with the advices given, but I do. The reason: you two are not compatible. She is of course correct that being sexually compatible is of utmost importance, even though it is not be THE most important part. There were too many examples when physical incompatibility leads to other problems, and then two people are locked into a bad marriage - which cannot even be dissolved easily. (Of course in my eyes she is right and you are wrong, but that does not count, it is merely my opinion.)
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I’m surprised that nobody has challenged Hitelen on this point yet. Sexual compatibility is a myth. Here’s why.

The largest sexual organ is actually the human brain. When we are in an excited state - whether because of sexual arousal or because of a fight or flight response - the brain becomes extremely alert and absorbant. Memories, sensory (name removed by moderator)ut, and other parts of our experience are deeply imprinted on the brain. This means that our sexual experiences are imprinted on the brain. These imprints are the eventual cause of our sexual “preference.” Preferences are not inborn so that we have to go out and seek someone who is compatible with us. Rather, they are created through our experience. If our sexual preferences are formed around a single person, then that person will be compatibile with us!

It is actually damaging to have premarital sex because our preferences will be imprinted from a greater variety of experiences. Therefore our chances of finding a single person who is compatible with our sexual preferences become fewer and fewer the more people we have sexual encounters with.

Sexual compatibility is proven to be a dangerous myth by cognitive psychology, not just by faith.
 
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YinYangMom:
Since when???

God is Love…that’s no emotion and no decision.

We don’t choose who we love, but we **do **choose to whom we commit our lives as an expression of our love for them.
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God is love because it is the nature of the Three Persons of the Trinity to offer themselves as a complete gift to each other. When we say that love is a choice, we are saying that we are called to choose to offer ourselves to others as a complete gift. Whle we are called to love everybody in this way, marriage is a special school of love (JPII - Familiaris Consortio). Love is a choice if it is truly human, and truly in the Image of God.

However, love is also emotional because human beings are body and spirit. Emotions are part of our physical existence. Fully human love includes emotion, but our choice to love supercedes our emotional responses.

Love is not some mysterious force that we “fall” into and “fall” out of beyond our control. It is a choice. However, our emotional responses often make love more complex and mysterious and our fallenness makes love difficult. Because love is ultimately of God, it is also a mystery that we must explore and exist in rather than master.

So, love is defined as all of the above: God, choice, and emotion.
 
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Arrowood:
I’m surprised that nobody has challenged Hitelen on this point yet. Sexual compatibility is a myth. Here’s why.

The largest sexual organ is actually the human brain. When we are in an excited state - whether because of sexual arousal or because of a fight or flight response - the brain becomes extremely alert and absorbant. Memories, sensory (name removed by moderator)ut, and other parts of our experience are deeply imprinted on the brain. This means that our sexual experiences are imprinted on the brain. These imprints are the eventual cause of our sexual “preference.” Preferences are not inborn so that we have to go out and seek someone who is compatible with us. Rather, they are created through our experience. If our sexual preferences are formed around a single person, then that person will be compatibile with us!

It is actually damaging to have premarital sex because our preferences will be imprinted from a greater variety of experiences. Therefore our chances of finding a single person who is compatible with our sexual preferences become fewer and fewer the more people we have sexual encounters with.

Sexual compatibility is proven to be a dangerous myth by cognitive psychology, not just by faith.
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I will definitely use this in the future, this is great!!!
 
Stay focused… If she cannot see that this is important, then maybe she is not the one. Remember love is not a feeling it’s a decision… Do you want her in heaven??? Dose she want you in heaven??? If so WAIT! Why??? Because you want the best for her.
 
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Arrowood:
I’m surprised that nobody has challenged Hitelen on this point yet. Sexual compatibility is a myth. Here’s why.

The largest sexual organ is actually the human brain. When we are in an excited state - whether because of sexual arousal or because of a fight or flight response - the brain becomes extremely alert and absorbant. Memories, sensory (name removed by moderator)ut, and other parts of our experience are deeply imprinted on the brain. This means that our sexual experiences are imprinted on the brain. These imprints are the eventual cause of our sexual “preference.” Preferences are not inborn so that we have to go out and seek someone who is compatible with us. Rather, they are created through our experience. If our sexual preferences are formed around a single person, then that person will be compatibile with us!

It is actually damaging to have premarital sex because our preferences will be imprinted from a greater variety of experiences. Therefore our chances of finding a single person who is compatible with our sexual preferences become fewer and fewer the more people we have sexual encounters with.

Sexual compatibility is proven to be a dangerous myth by cognitive psychology, not just by faith.
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Who are these psychologists that have been doing this alleged research? What is wrong with being a natural, evolved human being? “Anything goes!” is not healthy, nor is “tight-*** perfectionism!” Be yourself, follow your heart, be honest with yourself ---- if she’s for real and true, you’ll know in your heart;
but if she’s just manipulating you, …think again. What do you really want? And if it’s too late now, hey, nobody’s perfect! 😉
Happy New Year, Julius :cool:
 
Julius Vander:
Who are these psychologists that have been doing this alleged research? What is wrong with being a natural, evolved human being? “Anything goes!” is not healthy, nor is “tight-*** perfectionism!” Be yourself, follow your heart, be honest with yourself ----
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This is basic cognitive psychology with a lot of research behind it. Biological psychology backs it up. I don’t have a list of names with me when I’m on the forum, but one experiment I read about tested the ability of a rat to find a platform underwater. Some rats were given a Beta-blocker, and they were less able to remember where the underwater platform was than those not given a Beta-blocker. The conclusion of the study was that the physiological effects of fear quickened the rats’ learning. When those physiological effects were blocked, learning was much slower.

Though he doesn’t explicitly talk about cognitive focus, one psychologist who studied the nature of human sex vs. animal sex was David Schnarch. Here’s a pretty cool article about human sexuality: Joy With Your Underwear Down.

Were you implying that I am being a “tight ***” perfectionist? Interesting. I thought I was just offering reasonable arguments - isn’t that what these forums are for? Or were you just making your own point apart from your comments about my previous post?
 
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Arrowood:
This is basic cognitive psychology with a lot of research behind it. Biological psychology backs it up. … one psychologist who studied the nature of human sex vs. animal sex was David Schnarch. Here’s a pretty cool article about human sexuality: Joy With Your Underwear Down.

Were you implying that I am being a “tight ***” perfectionist? Interesting. I thought I was just offering reasonable arguments - isn’t that what these forums are for? Or were you just making your own point apart from your comments about my previous post?
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Hey, cool it! :cool: That wouldn’t be you, surely. But I do recommend: don’t beat up on yourself! I’m not perfect; nobody’s perfect! So there’s no need to indulge in horrible feelings of grief or self-pity, for not being way up there! 😦 Self-hate is not a virtue, tho’ many perfectionists feel it is. That’s not you, surely, so don’t listen to them! Listen to yourself! What else have you to offer the world but your own self. Think about that. If your neighbor can abstain for 100 years, good for him! 😛 But if he cannot, who am I to judge him. I assure you, I cannot throw the proverbial “first stone,” but guess what? I have never met a single one who can. 😉
We’re all only human, don’t worry. And I was just making my point --apart from other comments. All the best for the new year!
Julius
 
It sounds like she may have a very immature understanding of human sexuality. You want to be careful to avoid someone who might just be using you for sex. Pray for her and try to teach her the truth of the Gospel.
 
Man, I wish I would have had a forum like this 17 years ago to avoid the greatest mistake of my life. Don’t give in, I speak from experience. You don’t know what kind of hell you will unleash on yourself if you give in. It will ruin your life because it will be a mortal sin since you know better and you will feel the effects - immediately. Think of Adam and Eve getting the boot out of the garden of Eden. If she loves you, then she will wait until marriage. If she can’t handle it, then she is not for you. God will provide you a wife if you trust him. There are good women out there who believe in chastity. Sex is only for marriage and it is a beautiful part of marriage and will enrich your soul. Outside of marriage it is fornication and it will destroy your soul. Please hold your ground. I will pray for you.
 
Franz said:
well, I must say that this thread has been interesting, and at times, heated, but it’s so nice to know people care about your soul, which is why I accept all opinions.

I had an amazing talk about it last night with her (with much encouragement from what I read here), kept it focused on my relationship with Jesus, and what doing things like pre-marital sex does to my relationship. Also, talked about how the whole idea of sex before marriage is a perversion of what sex is meant for, and if anyone stops to think about why there is so much disease in the world relating to sex, I believe it due to human abuse and having sex outside marriage.

That all said, I told her that I had onetime held her position, and that I understand where she is coming from, but this is what I believe and something I’m not waivering on. She was quite accepting actually, and had never really thought about things with that perspective I was showing her. I think I may have made some headway, it was the most direct I’ve been on the issue, and needless to say, she’s never had someone tell her that they had this position on pre-marital sex, and yes, she’s dating nothing but Catholics (all my friends are Catholic, and some from the Youth Group at church, and all engage in pre-marital sex…so I’m really taking the narrow path, lol).

Anyways, thats my update. I was wondering if there was any sort of information on the internet which would be beneficial as to why its so important to stay Chaste before marriage, something that may get through to someone who doesn’t necessarily hold that position.

Thanks.
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Praise be to God, that things seem to be turning around. Also–I would tell her that you are also looking out for her best interest. Did you see the Passion of the Christ? Do you remember the scene where Jesus extends his hand to help Mary Magdalene up? He looks at her like probably no other man had looked at her–with respect. He saw in her all she could be, and this you, too, can do for your girlfriend. Even if you never marry one another–hopefully, she will learn what it means to have a man truly love her for her–and not for what she gives up. I hope things work out for the best–and I wish you a holy and happy relationship.🙂
 
How do you go about finding and resurrecting these old threads?

You will be told by the moderators to not resurrect these threads and to start a new one instead.

Franz (original poster) has not posted since Jan 9 2006!!
 
Franz said:
Here is my situation. I’m dating a woman, who is not really a practicing Catholic. I have told her about why I think its important to wait for sex until we get married, the whole shabang. We are getting more and more intimate, where one thing is leading to another. I feel helpless in stopping this, as she will see it as a rejection of her rather than my commitment to Christ, and I stand to lose her, I’m sure of it, because she will think there is something wrong with me. She thinks its important that we find out if we are sexually compatible prior to getting too involved, because that is such a big part of spending a lifetime together.

What the heck do I do? I understand her reasons, but I don’t want to commit mortal Sin. I don’t want to continue going through life looking for someone, only to lose them because of my insistance that we abstain from sexual relations prior to marriage, but at the same time, I know what I’m doing to my soul. I feel helpless. Any idea’s?
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This may not be very comforting, but you do not need someone so badly that you lose your soul for them- there isn’t a single person worth *losing *your soul for- not a single one. Pray for the grace to live a pure life. As for the compatibility thing…it’s way overrated.
 
Franz said:
Here is my situation. I’m dating a woman, who is not really a practicing Catholic. I have told her about why I think its important to wait for sex until we get married, the whole shabang. We are getting more and more intimate, where one thing is leading to another. I feel helpless in stopping this, as she will see it as a rejection of her rather than my commitment to Christ, and I stand to lose her, I’m sure of it, because she will think there is something wrong with me. She thinks its important that we find out if we are sexually compatible prior to getting too involved, because that is such a big part of spending a lifetime together.

What the heck do I do? I understand her reasons, but I don’t want to commit mortal Sin. I don’t want to continue going through life looking for someone, only to lose them because of my insistance that we abstain from sexual relations prior to marriage, but at the same time, I know what I’m doing to my soul. I feel helpless. Any idea’s?
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Wow, I read this and thought I was reading my own story from 3 1/2 years ago. My short answer is this: Break up with her.

I was in this exact situation, and I fell into mortal sin, in MANY ways. It most likely will not stop at this particular sin. Your girlfriend is putting herself before God. In my case, it didn’t stop at pre-marital sex. For example, there will probably be Sundays in your life with her where she will resent you for wanting to go to Mass instead of staying home with her.

If she is wanting pre-marital sex, odds are she is using artificial birth control, especially since she wants to know your “sexual compatibility prior to getting too involved”. Having sex with someone is as “involved” as you can get with them!

Its hard to hear, and I couldn’t hear it 3 1/2 years ago myself, but break up with her and start your search again. My guess is that it is what God wants you to do. Look for someone who won’t fight you on your beliefs for their own selfish reasons.
 
m134e5 said:
This may not be very comforting, but you do not need someone so badly that you lose your soul for them- there isn’t a single person worth *losing *your soul for- not a single one. Pray for the grace to live a pure life. As for the compatibility thing…it’s way overrated.
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briang72 said:
Wow, I read this and thought I was reading my own story from 3 1/2 years ago. My short answer is this: Break up with her.
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Franz has not posted for 2 years and 20 days and just over 15 hours, not since Januuary 9th 2006.

Time to stop beating this dead horse.
 
Mirror_Mirror said:
Franz has not posted for 2 years and 20 days and just over 15 hours, not since Januuary 9th 2006.

Time to stop beating this dead horse.
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But maybe these replies could help someone else going through the same thing?? Neva know…
 
whatevergirl said:
But maybe these replies could help someone else going through the same thing?? Neva know…
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Whle that may be true, forum rules dictate that these threads should not be brought up and if the subject should need to be revisited a new thread should be started.
 
Mirror_Mirror said:
Whle that may be true, forum rules dictate that these threads should not be brought up and if the subject should need to be revisited a new thread should be started.
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Well…since we’re here anyway…😉

I don’t necessarily agree that this is a situation where an automatic dumping is the best thing. Perhaps this is a situation where the GF is being led back to the Church, and the OP (or anyone else in that situation) could make a difference in their life.

If that can be done, Hurrah! :extrahappy:

That being said, though, I’d say it’d be very difficult not to be drawn oneself into an occasion of sin. Everything in society would tell him to go for it. 😦
 
as much as the fallen one is tempting you with the flesh of this young lady, it is undeniable that you, too, are a tempting force against it. which force is stronger?

truth being, the beast knows well our weakness, but he does not know the full force of our righteousness. demonstrate that righteousness.

do not abandon her, inasmuch as she is crying for truth. and you, young man, are the Nazarene’s instrument of that truth.

therefore, be courageous and rejoice in the opportunity of being pitted against an old adversary.
 
Just a thought. If she is this way with you, has she been this way with others before you and “not found them compatible?”
Deacon Ed B
 
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