GRRR! SIL undermining DH and my parenting decision!

[PatriceA]

Yeah. Like I said, I was wavering. In retrospect we probably would have let her see it. And I may let her see it with her besties.

Not the point though, of course.

I’m confused then. If you’re going to turn around and let it see it with her peers than what was the point in telling the SIL from the very beginning that you didn’t want her to see the movie? If you didn’t want her to see the movie, then you don’t want her to see the movie not matter what, regardless of its with the SIL or her “besties”. Why is seeing the movie with a bunch of 16 year olds different than seeing it with her 40 year old aunt? If this is how you approach this kind of situation in the past and the SIL knows that, no wonder she had your daughter ask again after the letter saying you wouldn’t let her see the movie. I would totally understand the SIL’s thinking giving that you have said you’d let her see this movie after all that has taken place.

 

[mandajane]

LOL, I saw Snow White and the Huntsman.

There was ONE very brief scene of “sensuality” (key word, sensuality, not sexuality… very mild stuff). It’s mainly just a fairy tale… I felt like I was watching Lord of the Rings.

I saw nothing in that movie that was too horrid for a 16 year old, but you’re the mom.

What about Kristen Stewart’s “acting”? That’s pretty horrid.

 

[Debora123]

What about Kristen Stewart’s “acting”? That’s pretty horrid.

Honestly, I love Kristen Stewart. I don’t think she’s a bad actress, I think she just has a certain distinctive style to her that may come off to some as bad acting, but it’s just how she is.

I think she’s very beautiful, and very unique.

 

[PRmerger]

I’m confused then. If you’re going to turn around and let it see it with her peers than what was the point in telling the SIL from the very beginning that you didn’t want her to see the movie? If you didn’t want her to see the movie, then you don’t want her to see the movie not matter what, regardless of its with the SIL or her “besties”. Why is seeing the movie with a bunch of 16 year olds different than seeing it with her 40 year old aunt? If this is how you approach this kind of situation in the past and the SIL knows that, no wonder she had your daughter ask again after the letter saying you wouldn’t let her see the movie. I would totally understand the SIL’s thinking giving that you have said you’d let her see this movie after all that has taken place.

It’s in the thread title. SIL undermined DH and my parenting decision.

 

[PatriceA]

It’s in the thread title. SIL undermined DH and my parenting decision.

I’ve read the title and the WHOLE thread. Just think you’ve sent a mixed message to everyone involved in the situation by saying “no,no,no…wait a minute…yep you can now go see the movie with your peers instead of an adult.” I don’t think much undermining your parenting decision actually took place if you eventually give a “yes” to any parenting decision you make. Like I said, if I’m the SIL and I know this is what usually happens with these kinds of decisions in your family, I totally understand why she had your daughter ask again because she knew once your daughter returned home, you were going to let her see the movie. No harm in asking is the way I would think if I was the SIL, and she still respected your wishes and didn’t see the movie that you now find appropriate for a bunch of 16 year olds to see together. That’s mixed up.

 

[Debora123]

I’ve read the title and the WHOLE thread. Just think you’ve sent a mixed message to everyone involved in the situation by saying “no,no,no…wait a minute…yep you can now go see the movie with your peers instead of an adult.” I don’t think much undermining your parenting decision actually took place if you eventually give a “yes” to any parenting decision you make. Like I said, if I’m the SIL and I know this is what usually happens with these kinds of decisions in your family, I totally understand why she had your daughter ask again because she knew once your daughter returned home, you were going to let her see the movie. No harm in asking is the way I would think if I was the SIL, and she still respected your wishes and didn’t see the movie that you now find appropriate for a bunch of 16 year olds to see together. That’s mixed up.

Well I don’t think it was intentional on her part. She did say “in retrospect we probably would have let her see it.”

Sounds like she just changed her mind after learning a little bit more about the movie and realizing there was nothing in it that was inappropriate for a 16 year old to see.

 

[PatriceA]

Well I don’t think it was intentional on her part. She did say “in retrospect we probably would have let her see it.”

Sounds like she just changed her mind after learning a little bit more about the movie and realizing there was nothing in it that was inappropriate for a 16 year old to see.

And like I said, if there’s a habit of “in retrospect” that the SIL has come to know is the norm with these kinds of decisions, the SIL isn’t the “bad guy” in this situation either.

 

[Debora123]

And like I said, if there’s a habit of “in retrospect” that the SIL has come to know is the norm with these kinds of decisions, the SIL isn’t the “bad guy” in this situation either.

Perhaps. Though I don’t think it matters anymore at this point.

To the OP,

Family grudges suck. Especially when they are between us and our spouse’s family. Just let it go. No need to hold petty contempt over a silly movie. It’s not worth it.

 

[PRmerger]

And like I said, if there’s a habit of “in retrospect” that the SIL has come to know is the norm with these kinds of decisions, the SIL isn’t the “bad guy” in this situation either.

Nope. There’s no habit of this.

Maybe once or twice in my 19 years of parenting.

 

[PatrickSebast]

To be fair to the aunt there is a level of necessity to discuss parenting decisions like that with a 16 year old ahead of time rather than just expecting her to explain and enforce your rules. Someone should have informed your daughter of the decision.

 

[PRmerger]

To be fair to the aunt there is a level of necessity to discuss parenting decisions like that with a 16 year old ahead of time rather than just expecting her to explain and enforce your rules. Someone should have informed your daughter of the decision.

There was absolutely no need to bring up that movie.

I would never tell my niece, knowing that her parents had not permitted her to, say, go out to dinner with us, “Gee, we really wanted you to go out to dinner with us, but your parents said no…”

That’s just a basic parenting 101 no-no. One would think everyone would know not to do that.