Many might say as already some do, that i come first. i do not believe this. i believe my family comes first. I will do anything to make sure they are happy, and that i am doing God’s will, by being a wife and mother. It seems in this country, the “I” coming first seems to take priority. Many say drop anything, divorce your husband, for the sake of you being happy. They say “I did it”, and “you can too”. That YOU need to come first. i do not see this. i see life and what it is important as a sacrifice to Lord Jesus. i see the virtue of long-suffering, as a much needed one.
I struggle with this, too. In one way, I agree, and I hate the danger of the me-first mentality. But I do think there’s also something to be said for ‘refueling.’ We can’t run on nothing. I think Dennis Preger also has some wisdom in his belief that joy is a duty-- what good are we to our families if we serve them hand and foot and give them every good thing in life, but we’re miserable? They only end up resenting us for being a dark cloud over them.
i know i need to attend to myself however, and this i will do. it is very hard having so many to attend to.
If your children are all teenagers, there should be far less for you to be attending to. Are they carrying their load in the home? My children are 17 down to 15 months. The oldest ones do their own laundry and ride their bikes to do errands for me when weather permits (it also gets them some exercise, away from tv and computer games, and gives them a break from their siblings). They also take care of the younger children the days I work. They are all expected to do a certain number of chores every day. Being kids, that doesn’t always happen unless I make it, but they do know something is expected of them. They learned long ago that they’re much more likely to get privileges if they offer to help around the house, so they virtually always do. (Actually, they started that on their own!!) They also help me take care of the younger kids. On Sunday mornings, for instance, they each get themselves ready, and then start helping me find Sunday clothes and shoes, put together the diaper bag, load the youngest kids in the car, etc. They’re capable of serving dinner and cleaning up the kitchen. This list goes on and on. At the ages of your children, you really shouldn’t have to feel you’re attending to that many.
Please tell me how you do it? For I feel “frazzled” daily. Why, just now, taking a break, I have 6 washes to do, and much grocery shopping. i rarely have the time for me. i know as a good wife, we give up all, but it is indeed most hard. Do you not feel the same ktp?
No, I don’t. I’m not entirely sure I can tell you what I do, since I don’t know what you’re doing differently. But, for instance, I am now taking a break, too. Yes, I do have about 5,000 clothes on the table downstairs waiting to be folded. It doesn’t bother me, because I’ve learned that the housework will never be done, no matter how fast I run on that treadmill, and I’ve learned to be fine with that. The kids are all dressed in clean clothes, and if they want them folded and in their drawers faster, then they pitch in and help.
I have found it very helpful (in fact, essential) to look at what I HAVE accomplished instead of what I haven’t: True, I haven’t gotten the laundry folded, but I HAVE gotten myself dressed and looking nice, run errands, gotten cleaning supplies, gotten the baby his new jacket, bought music for my students, partially emptied the dishwasher this morning, gotten a little more done on the book I’m writing, done some grocery shopping, changed a few diapers, dressed little boys, prayed, read a bit more of a book on spiritual growth, planned dinner, wiped numerous noses, dealt with my 6th grader not doing her math homework and made arrangements for her to stay for homework help and have a ride home, supervised little boys, gotten them lunch, and cuddled a baby. And before the day is done, I will have made dinner and taught four hours worth of music lessons well into the evening to help our income.
I do not feel the least bit guilty for taking a break, and I do not worry in the least about the things that aren’t done. I’ll get to them.
I wonder if you are struggling to get a job done that can’t ever really be completely done, and feeling guilty? That would leave me frazzled, too.
I do have time for myself, because I take it. I do a few jobs each morning, and then I work on my book or visit friends on the internet, and then I go to work. My house is not perfect, but it is respectable, I’ve put in some work each day, and I find I’m much happier with my kids this way, than always pushing myself to accomplish the impossible.
I hope this is some help to you.
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) jacket, and that I have time to do things I enjoy.