Has anyone had this experience with Mormons?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Blanka
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
I know a lot of Mormons and yes, about 90% of them are like that. They are the best people on Earth and nobody can tell them otherwise. The worst probably is is having a big group of mormons at a dinner or someting and they are in there own group having a grand old time. If you try to join them, they will shun you and make you feel like an outcast. There are also mormons that don’t even look at you like a human being. They are so supirior that they will look right through you or look at you like you are a dog. But if you know them personally, like go to school with them, they are just fine, but if you don’t know them, you better watch out. These are my expirences with mormons, so it could be different areas with less mormons, but here in Montana, we have plenty to know them.
 
I appreciate all of the responses. I have learned a lot and am able to see this co-worker in a sympathetic light now. :gopray2:

I have honestly never known or worked with anyone who was so extreme in her focus on vanity. It is so sad to think that her life is so self absorbed. I worked with another Mormon woman years ago but she was only minimally adherent to her faith so I never saw these traits.
The current co-worker proclaims to be very adherent to her beliefs. I have noticed that she does seem to hold herself above others, by ignoring and discounting any co-workers who have live-in boyfriends or those who have children or grandchildren out of wedlock.
Thinking back, my husband had an Aunt (now deceased) who was Mormon and she had face lifts, was always dressed perfectly, had expensive cars, etc. Back then, my husband and I just thought she was a sporty older woman. Now I am seeing another side of the picture…

I have really had an education from this thread! :bigyikes:
 
Victor,
If I took your post and inserted “Jew”, “Mexican” or “Black” in place of the word “Mormon” would it help you see that you’re comments are bigoted and perpetuate stereotypes?

If I came here and wrote, “I’ve known a LOT of Catholics and 90% of them are vain. They think they are the best people on earth! If you try to join them for dinner they will shun you! They think they are so superior that they will look right through you or look at you like you are a dog!”

Even if the things I said were true (they are not) based on my limited personal experience would such comments add value? Do such comments help make the world a better place???

Is it fair to imply that my limited experience with Catholics should be representative of one billion Catholics and the church teachings?

Can’t you see that you’re applying a stereotype to 11 million LDS based on your puny little world view when you make bigoted comments like that?

I would expect more from a Catholic forum and from people that preach tolerance.

3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.
(Matthew 7:3 - 5)
 
Casen is right, I’ve known many Mormons (dated a Mormon Bishop’s daughter) and they were great people. She was a girl i would have married if I had been Mormon or she a Catholic. If Catholics were as good at living our faith and she was at living the Mormon faith we’d set the world on fire for God. Remember what John Paul the Great said “If you ARE what you SHOULD BE, you will set the world ablaze” Don’t get me wrong I completely disagree (respectfully) with Mormon theology, but being bigoted towards them is not Catholic.
 
40.png
nucatholic:
Casen is right, I’ve known many Mormons (dated a Mormon Bishop’s daughter) and they were great people. She was a girl i would have married if I had been Mormon or she a Catholic. If Catholics were as good at living our faith and she was at living the Mormon faith we’d set the world on fire for God. Remember what John Paul the Great said “If you ARE what you SHOULD BE, you will set the world ablaze” Don’t get me wrong I completely disagree (respectfully) with Mormon theology, but being bigoted towards them is not Catholic.
Click to expand...
I don’t think that we are trying to be judgmental or bigoted. In fact, I had not given LDS much thought one way or the other until I encountered this particular co-worker. Her behavior and comments are so extreme (and beyond anything I have ever seen or heard from anyone of any faith) that I originally posted the question to find out if this was somehow related to her faith. I try not to be judgmental of her. But sometimes I am shocked by what comes out of her mouth. I now feel very sorry for her because it must be a stressful life trying so hard to prove herself continually.
The information I received from posters here has helped explain why she says and does some of the things she does. Just yesterday at work I overheard her tell a divorced, female, Protestant co-worker that she didn’t have to work full time like the divorced co-worker because she had a husband who made “good money”. Needless it say, it hurt the divorced co-worker’s feelings. The divorced co-worker had not initiated anything in conversation that should have resulted in this kind of comment being made. The Mormon co-worker also talked to me yesterday about how Caucasian people show wrinkles and aging in their face more than people with darker skin. I was not even trying to discuss physical appearance. I had commented only on the death in another co-worker’s family. This is an example of how the Mormon co-worker takes every opportunity to emphasize physical appearance and having a husband who makes “good money”.
From a Catholic (Christian) perspective, how can one focus on love of neighbor and charity to others if one is absorbed in trying to look and be better than others? As you quoted Pope John Paul II above, “If you are what you should be, you will set the world ablaze.” Maybe my Christian co-workers and I can try to become better Christ- like examples for the Mormon co-worker. :gopray:
 
Blanka,
I am Mormon and my husband is Catholic. His twin sister is devoute Catholic, but she has had 3 facelifts since I have known her, we have been married 6 years, and I have known her 12 years. She has had peels and tummy tucks and everything imaginable. She can’t go out if it is windy and she has to have dimmers on all the lights. She is mean self-centered and just about the most vain woman I know. What I am trying to tell you is that vanity is present in all religions, it has nothing to do with what religion a person practices. They are still only human beings and not perfect. Mormon women can be just as irritating as Catholic women and protestant women, if they are inclined to behave that way and put their priorities in the wrong place. We are warned about that by our Prophet, and I am sure your Pope warns your Catholic women about following Christ and not the world. The world is out there influencing all persons of all faith, and not all persons who profess to have faith keep the commandments of the Lord, or practice their faith.
You might point out to this woman, at an oppotune moment, that she is not a very good example of her faith and that you have been watching and judging 12 million LDS by her actions and words.
I hope you have discovered in this forum that there are indeed very good and kind and faithful followers of Jesus Christ in our religion as well as yours, and also, some not so good and kind, and obviously not following Jesus Christ’s example.
Charity Never Faileth,
BJ
I just thought of the scripture(not sure where it is in the bible, just popped into my head)“Let your light so shine, that others may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in Heaven” We all need to be aware that others are learning by our example, be it good or bad. 👍
 
I am far from perfect! I struggle with how to deal with this co-worker when I see her making cruel remarks to others. I try to juggle between reassuring the person offended and also trying to remain kind to the Mormon co-worker. I am praying a LOT about this situation. I want to show her Christian charity and kindness. I try to be helpful to her at work and listen patiently while she discusses her “topics.” I have only disagreed with her on the topic of God’s forgiveness and mercy because I truly believe that all people can be forgiven if they are sorry for their sins. I refuse to believe that some people are condemned to hell with no chance for repentance even before they die.
I do believe there are some good and kind Mormons based on the comments on this site. BJ Colbert had a good point that I may need to point out to the co-worker at an opportune time what the Mormon belief is about such things. What does the Prophet say about vanity? It would be great to use his own words. I do not want to be harsh to the co-worker. I want to reach out to her in love and charity. :bowdown:
 
40.png
Blanka:
I am far from perfect! I struggle with how to deal with this co-worker when I see her making cruel remarks to others. I try to juggle between reassuring the person offended and also trying to remain kind to the Mormon co-worker. I am praying a LOT about this situation. I want to show her Christian charity and kindness. I try to be helpful to her at work and listen patiently while she discusses her “topics.” I have only disagreed with her on the topic of God’s forgiveness and mercy because I truly believe that all people can be forgiven if they are sorry for their sins. I refuse to believe that some people are condemned to hell with no chance for repentance even before they die.
I do believe there are some good and kind Mormons based on the comments on this site. BJ Colbert had a good point that I may need to point out to the co-worker at an opportune time what the Mormon belief is about such things. What does the Prophet say about vanity? It would be great to use his own words. I do not want to be harsh to the co-worker. I want to reach out to her in love and charity. :bowdown:
Click to expand...
That’s great, just so you realize that her problem has nothing to do with being a mormon, just like what ever weaknesses you have, is not the fault of you being catholic.
 
Blanka, I don’t think Gordon B.Hinckley has said specifically not to have face lifts, but he has told us to live the commandment to love one another, and also tells us… " A person who follows this commandment will not stoop to do a mean or cheap thing. Jesus commanded us to love our neighbors as ourselves. He illustrated this great teaching with the example of the good Samaritan, who performed acts of kindness and mercy when no one else would help. The Savior said “Go and do thou likewise.” The Savior taught us to love and do good to one another—even those who have different standards. These differences are no excuse for avoiding others or being unkind." We are taught to be fair and compassionate in our dealings with other human beings. We are told to be humble, when you receive a compliment, receive it graciously, but don’t let it go to your head. a person who is humble is teachable. Humility is about keeping one’s balance.
As siblings we must see that our Heavenly Father loves His children equally, as any good earthly father would. Courtesy, kindness, generosity, and forgiveness are all elements of proper conduct among family members. Imagine the disappointment of a perfect, loving Father who sees His children treating each other badly.
Blanka, you sound like a very compassionate person, who is trying to follow what I have described above and I believe that if you just do what seems to be natural to you, you will eventually give the right message to this unfortunate co-worker. It sounds as if she may be overcompensating for what may really be a deep insecurity on her part. I personally believe that many women who have facelifts have some problems that go far beyond vanity. She seems to be one of those unfortunate women. I know my sister-in law is very insecure. It came from being taken to an orphanage when she was 6 years old. She grew up being abused and molested and has no self esteem at all, but puts on a front of being perfect. I have to remember all of that, to be kind to her when she is being unkind. It is really difficult sometimes.
BJ 🙂
 
Eventhough this particular women’s vanity is her own personality, the culture of the church isn’t probably going to discourage this much, especially if she is or ever was a “Utah Mormon” (kinda a sub-culture within the church).

When I saw this post it reminded me of an experience I had at BYU (the main lds church college, which probably boasts the nicest looking students in the world!). I had a friend (we’re both from Northern California) whose husband was going to the University of Utah (rival college with different dress code) who came down to visit me at BYU. We went on campus and she was shocked at how the girls dressed. She thought they all looked like they were preparing for a beauty contest! I remember her saying, “Where are all the backpacks? Where do they carry their books? Do they hide them under their dresses?” Of course she was joking, and she was faithful lds so she wasn’t bashing the dress code, just shocked at how nice everyone looked. In Utah there is much more of an emphasis on appearance than there is here in California. There’s a saying, “Even an old barn looks better with a coat of paint” from an lds prophet that seems to be taken pretty seriously by some women.

I do have to disagree with an earlier post about women being discouraged to work. Although this used to be true, and in theory I guess still is, in my area it’s the opposite. A women is held in high esteem for being more ‘productive’ by working outside the home. This is probably a regional thing.

Momathome
 
I guess I am like the women you describe. I have always tried to look my best when out in public. I would never think of appearing in curlers or with my hair and clothing askew and dirty. It is a matter of good grooming for me. If good grooming is a sin, then I guess I am guilty. My husband is also guilty and he is Catholic, but he would never go out in torn or dirty clothing and he has to have his hair cut at least once a week. I don’t think good grooming is a fault or privy to Mormons. There are others who have been taught to be well-groomed in public and there are those who just don’t care what they look like. Am I interpreting what you said correctly? It just doesn’t seem to me to be a bad thing to care about your appearance, as long as you don’t become obsessed to the exclusion of all other things in life, and to become obviously vain about it. I would say a person who has numerous facelifts has a big problem, unless she has been disfigured in some way. Persons who have good grooming habits do not have a problem. Persons who do not take care of their personal toiletries do have a problem in my opinion.
I personally think that this whole discussion is not about a particular religion but about differences in personalities and grooming habits. I have seen many Catholics who dress nicely, look at Maria Shriver, or Jackie Kennedy(deceased) or any of the Kennedys. I have never seen them dowdy or unkempt. I was on campus at BYU last week and saw girls in jeans and t-shirts with backpacks, just as any other school would have. When I went there in the 60s it was a joke about getting the MRS degree, but in the 60s most girls of any religion thought that getting married and having children was the main goal. Things have changed drastically since the 60s and now education is as important for women as it is for men. Education is stressed as a continuing goal. Women are told that it is also just as important to raise you own babies and not turn them over to day care, if financially possible. If they must work while their children are babies then it is understood. Even my children who are not active in church realize the importance of being home for their children and have arranged their jobs to allow this.
BJ 👍
 
No I don’t think you interpeted what I said correctly at all. I don’t see anything wrong in looking nice and clean . I certainly try not to go out in public looking(or smelling) like I just worked in the garden. I never said good grooming was a bad thing. This same friend who laughed at the byu girls now lives in Utah again (after 10 years back in California) with her family, and she has adapted to Utah dress standards. Church dress is dressier, and from what she tells me even casual dress is dressier than it is here in our part of California. Is this a bad thing? Personally I don’t think it matters.

I thought it might help some of those outside the lds church to have a glimpse inside lds church culture (just as glimpsing catholic culture helps me understand the people in the catholic church better). I though it was funny. And sometimes we’re not aware of our own idiosyncrosies in the church. It’s a pretty common thing for lds outside of Utah to poke fun at Utah mormons (sometimes a state of mind more than anything else). Some outside of Utah see those in Zion as obsessed with status and appearance.

Of course being obsessed with one’s appearance like the woman mentioned in the original post is a sign of narcissism, and that’s different than the general counsel in the church to be neat and clean. There are churches out there that never feel the need to mention grooming to their members, so it does set the lds church apart somewhat.

Well, it sounds like byu has changed (although I’m sure many girls still go there to get their mrs degree). I know that the dress code has relaxed over the years. I haven’t been there for a few years…when we were there the big dress code fight was over the boys not being allowed to wear their topsiders without socks. At the time it was cool to not wear socks with topsiders, and it was a hot topic among those who cared about such things.

Momathome
 
As a young healthy male attending BYU in the early 90’s I certainly appreciated all the women dressing nicely! I attended two other universities after graduating from BYU and frankly got a bit tired of the dumpy grunge look that seems to have taken over most college campuses.
 
I was told once by a Mormon friend in college that good grooming and the appearance of financial success was key when Mormons went to missionize. According to him, people would be more likely to talk with him at the door and be more attracted to the Mormon Church if the men were handsome, the women demure and beautiful, and all were happy and prosperous. He said it appealed to the areas the prospective convert might feel were deficient in their lives and inspire a desire to join so they could also be happy, clean, pretty and prosperous. That made perfect sense to me. I must admit I’ve never had a badly groomed or dressed Mormon missionary at my door. On the other hand I have had some incredibly badly dressed Jehovah Witnesses come to the door. However, in neither case did I feel any desire to join LDS or JW. So I don’t know how correct he was. And he was one of the most gorgeous men I ever met. But, for my self, I’ve never found looks to be a requirement for any relationship.
 
RE: …if the men were handsome, the women demure and beautiful…

Hmmm, having been a missionary myself I wouldn’t say ALL the mormon missionaries are handsome and the women all beautiful… There is only so much you can do with the looks God gave you… but they do try to be neat and clean.
 
Y’know this thread is really bothersome. OF COURSE Mormons have members who are vain and self-centered–every church and (I daresay) every religion has. Yes, the hierarchical, ladder-climbing orientation of the LDS culture can foster a ‘keep-up with the Joneses’, appearance-oriented attitude–but it’s not as if LDS church leaders aren’t aware of this and try to encourage and model better behavior.

Roman Catholic priests can be pretty focused on moving up in their own hierarchy–or NOT, if they are half-way decent human beings who really want to serve their Lord and His people. I live in a (formerly) Catholic-dominated town. Would you like me to judge the Catholic faith by it’s misfits and/or it’s Pharisees? Or by the ideals that Catholic leaders set before you and the holiness of it’s best members?
 
40.png
iwonder:
I was told once by a Mormon friend in college that good grooming and the appearance of financial success was key when Mormons went to missionize. According to him, people would be more likely to talk with him at the door and be more attracted to the Mormon Church if the men were handsome, the women demure and beautiful, and all were happy and prosperous.
Click to expand...
That’s not just something with LDS. That’s a basic tenant of any type marketing. If you want to sell something it needs to look good. People need to have the feeling that what they’re offering fits something they’re missing.
 
I would like to appogize to everybody here. I didn’t realize all what I wrote was so offensive and bigoted. I see that know and will be more carefull in the future. I thak all of you for opening my eyes and I am so sorry. Please forgive me!! I am very sorry!
 
40.png
tkdnick:
That’s not just something with LDS. That’s a basic tenant of any type marketing. If you want to sell something it needs to look good. People need to have the feeling that what they’re offering fits something they’re missing.
Click to expand...
This is true. It reminds me of the time I was waiting ro Mass to begin at the Newman Chapel and I happened to catch a glimpse of the priest working hard at the “combover”- you know that bit men do when they only have one strand of hair left and they try to get it to cover the largest expanse of scalp possible? Anyway, This little glimpse at the humanity of the priest hood cracked me up . I was giggling for quite some time. He was sooo disapproving of himself in the mirror! Yes, vanity is a temptation frequently. You know the Mormons might be on to something by sending out men not yet old enough to go bald! Most of my priests are bald. Just kidding. Some of you people are incredibly uptight, you need a good laugh.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top