There is a whole lot of grey area between what you describe (comatose) and both parties being ‘equally’ enthusiastic. Besides some people are highly expressive and some are more passive.
When we are talking about life shattering implications, we need to do better. Whether for moral or other reasons regret is a real thing by both men and women. Far too many people feel regret and would love to put the responsibility on someone else by recalling they were not equally enthusiastic. Expecting people to say “yes” or “no” (at any time) is not too much to ask.
Sitting there like a sack of potatoes is not “comatose”–it’s sitting there like a sack of potatoes.
You’re right that some people are more or less expressive, but unresponsiveness is a flashing STOP sign that something is wrong and physical intimacy should not proceed further. The absence of a yes is a no.
What I think both sexes need to learn is to figure out when they and the other person want completely different and irreconcilable things (see Aziz Ansari, for example) and then wish the other person Auf Wiedersehen, instead of sticking around trying to persuade the other person to want what we want them to want, rather than what they want, which is a fool’s errand.
But I have to point out here that there’s a major problem with the 20th century dating script for men, where they try to get whatever they can, whereas women are tasked with getting them to exchange suitable amounts of commitment for each quantum of physical intimacy. This is a very transactional, conflictual model for sexuality, and it’s not a good preparation for marriage for obvious reasons. I’ve talked before about the hockey goalie model of dating for women, where the idea (especially in the past and still to the present day) was that women were supposed to be the sex goalie in dating, while men were supposed to be constantly trying to get pucks into the net while the women constantly fight to keep them out. And then, if the woman is really, really good at this, she gets rewarded with getting to marry the guy she’s been fighting this whole time! Understandably, fewer and fewer women are willing to play this fun game.
There are a lot of problems with the hockey goalie model. This is not an exhaustive critique, but a) it’s conflict rather than cooperation-oriented b) it hands the woman 100% of the responsibility for chastity and zero to the the man c) it’s inherently unfair d) it creates an ingrained habit of saying no to one’s future husband and e) it does not promote male leadership (because the guy needs to be fought non-stop until the altar) and f) (very importantly for this discussion) it’s a no-consent model. The guy gets to take whatever he can get, and who cares what the woman does or doesn’t want–that’s not part of the game.
) ,no…I stand by " my guys". …Unmovable…Real gentlemen and chapeau!
