Has the #Metoo movement made men more unsure how to relate with women?

[Pup7]

Well, I don’t think a sane company would think saying that constitutes as harassment unless it’s repeated behavior + the person knows it makes the other uncomfortable…

But I can totally see why that would come across as inappropriate. Most guys I know would not compliment a girl on her looks unless they were flirting so if I was in that situation, I would not view it as a friendly comment. But I would not expect him to get punished for it unless it starts getting worse (eg commenting on my body/anything sexual)

But in most cases it’s not about the company or what it thinks.

It’s about the perception of the one who believes they are a harassment victim.

I have a lot of male friends. In the military it’s inevitable. And a lot of them - and a few are officers with a bit of rank on their shoulder - are very concerned about how anything and everything they say may or may not be perceived.

These are good men, family men - in two cases Catholic men. Good people. Good officers.

Good men - and most men are indeed good men - are getting the short end of the stick here, because if you listen to the current rhetoric, it almost says there are no good men left and they’re all potential rapists.

I have a husband and brothers. I have nephews. I worry. Call me nuts, but I do.

 

[Pup7]

Lea101:

Yeah. Personally I would rather marry a guy who has slept with a couple of his ex girlfriends rather than a guy who had a porn addiction, if I had to make a choice.

Unfortunately, a lot of women get both…

The nice thing about ex-girlfriends compared to an ongoing porn habit is that at least the girlfriends don’t live with you.

Plus “ex” girlfriends ring of a normalcy that “porn addiction” does not.

 

[Werbenjagermanjensen]

It just gets sadder the older they get, because it’s only going to get less likely that the virginal 20-year-old of their dreams is going to find them appealing.

Yea, if you’re in your late 20’s waiting for a virgin you might want to reevaluate your priorities. A lot of those men end up in developing countries where the dating market favors them a bit more.

 

[Xantippe]

But in most cases it’s not about the company or what it thinks.

It’s about the perception of the one who believes they are a harassment victim.

I have a lot of male friends. In the military it’s inevitable. And a lot of them - and a few are officers with a bit of rank on their shoulder - are very concerned about how anything and everything they say may or may not be perceived.

These are good men, family men - in two cases Catholic men. Good people. Good officers.

Good men - and most men are indeed good men - are getting the short end of the stick here, because if you listen to the current rhetoric, it almost says there are no good men left and they’re all potential rapists.

I have a husband and brothers. I have nephews. I worry. Call me nuts, but I do.

I just heard a story about a guy who got his acceptance to a graduate program yanked.

But he’d just sent an unsolicited Very Personal Photo to another prospective graduate student.

 

[DarkLight]

In practical terms the issue is the same: a lover who exists only in fantasy can make it impossible for the one who wants a relationship in real life. It can be far worse than a real former lover with whom a person had a real relationship with its real-life trials and real-life human connections and real-life consequences. The former could be a far bigger obstacle to a happy and holy marriage than the latter.

Yup.

I’ve also pointed out…I could maybe look like that if I had a team to work over all my body, choose only the most flattering angles, and then touch up afterwards. A real live ex sometimes gets zits and doesn’t have makeup on and bangs their toe one the bedframe.

 

[DarkLight]

But he’d just sent an unsolicited Very Personal Photo to another prospective graduate student.

I really wonder about this one. I have yet to know of a woman who actually wants those - and I have a fair few friends who are quite secular and have no issues with casual sex.

 

[Xantippe]

I really wonder about this one. I have yet to know of a woman who actually wants those - and I have a fair few friends who are quite secular and have no issues with casual sex.

Ditto.

I was talking to a female friend about that story and my friend was wondering the same thing. “Why not a face picture? Or chest? Or arms?”

I mentioned it to my husband and he suggests that it sounds like some men badly misunderstand what women actually like.

Going back to the title “Has the #MeToo movement made men more unsure how to relate with women?” unless a woman asks for it, you can assume that she doesn’t want a Very Personal Photo from you.

 

[Lea101]

In real life, things are a little more complicated. They are individuals who are very different from each other. I would not mind being with someone who overcame a porn addiction if he is a strong and holy man who is respectful etc (you get the idea). After all, Christ makes all things new.

Sometimes deal-breakers are more theoretical and will get muddled once there’s actually a person in mind, imo.

 

[Lea101]

I used to keep getting them from complete strangers when I was around 13. There are literally guys who would sent these pics out to a large number of people randomly. It was awful.

 

[Xantippe]

In real life, things are a little more complicated. They are individuals who are very different from each other. I would not mind being with someone who overcame a porn addiction if he is a strong and holy man who is respectful etc (you get the idea). After all, Christ makes all things new.

Sometimes deal-breakers are more theoretical and will get muddled once there’s actually a person in mind, imo.

Yeah.

I used to keep getting them from complete strangers when I was around 13. There are literally guys who would sent these pics out to a large number of people randomly. It was awful.

OH MY GOODNESS!

That is awful.

 

[Werbenjagermanjensen]

The men who send those pics understand very well that women don’t want to receive pictures of their genitals. The idea of a woman finding them repulsive is simply part of the turn on.

 

[Xantippe]

The men who send those pics understand very well that women don’t want to receive pictures of their genitals. The idea of a woman finding them repulsive is simply part of the turn on.

That’s plausible. EWWW.

 

[Pup7]

I’ve also pointed out…I could maybe look like that if I had a team to work over all my body, choose only the most flattering angles, and then touch up afterwards.

What’s even worse is that most of them don’t even look like that. It all furthers the unrealistic expectations.

As for the “unsolicited photos” I have never been able to figure that one out - either the alleged appeal or why someone thought that would be a good idea in the first place.

 

[Werbenjagermanjensen]

And there is that. All these preconceived notions about what you will or will not accept in a spouse go out the door when you meet someone you have chemistry with. A lot of these men we’re talking about will talk a big game online but melt at any pretty girl who smiles at them.

 

[DarkLight]

Yeah I had kind of figured that. You get similar results if you post in any sort of female-oriented community that’s not invite only, especially if there’s any discussion of things men consider sexy. (Bras do this a lot, because a lot of men think bras=sexy, but at the same time there’s a lot of pretty mundane things about them women might want to talk about.)

 

[Xantippe]

A lot of these men we’re talking about will talk a big game online but melt at any pretty girl who smiles at them.

Except a lot of them are still single…

 

[DarkLight]

I admit I have laughed at one or two areas of single men telling married women what women fall for.

 

[Werbenjagermanjensen]

Except a lot of them are still single…

Not by their choice… I’m saying they talk a big game about not accepting a non-virgin but if a pretty girl bats her eyes at them the will be all ga ga

 

[Rozellelily]

Personally I would rather a guy who has slept with ex girlfriends over a guy who has a porn addiction.
Primarily because I think that pornography can hugely warp how men view women.
From what I’ve seen/read,men with this addiction seem to develop distorted perceptions about women’s looks,and have distorted expectations “between the sheets” and even misunderstand women’s characters and personalities.

Maybe God can fix pornography addictions,but often you hear of men “relapsing” and I don’t that’s something I could deal with.
To me an ex girlfriend is an ex,but a guy who is viewing pornography while in a relationship it’s almost like an affair.

 

[DarkLight]

What’s even worse is that most of them don’t even look like that. It all furthers the unrealistic expectations.

I think that’s what I was trying to say. A professional team dedicated to making the woman look as attractive as possible for the camera can achieve some pretty good results. The same woman on a normal grocery store run likely looks pretty ordinary.

They also never do unsexy things on camera.

Incidentally, I’ve also heard of a lot of self-esteem problems in young men as well. Male porn stars tend to be selected for being above average in a certain department.