Has women in the work force helped or hurt the family?

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irishpatrick said:
It has now been a well established fact that women pursue careers at nearly the same rate as men and they work fulltime at nearly the same rate as men. Those numbers have steadily increased for the last three decades. This has been the case long enough to help us create an informed opinion about the impact of these developments.

So, here are a few questions"
  1. Has women working fulltime outside the home been a good or bad development for the American family?
  2. Has our culture improved since women entered the workforce in massive numbers?
  3. Are our children better or worse off?
  4. Has women working fulltime made this nation stronger, weaker, or no impact?
  5. Have our children become stronger or weaker in the faith?
  6. Has entering careers and fulltime work been good or bad for women (and women who are moms)?
**Add on questions for married couples: **
  1. Would women prefer to work and let their husbands stay at home and care for their children? Or, would women rather both spouses work?
  2. Would it better to have men stay at home with the kids, rather then neither parent staying home?
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About all that, I’ll just not comment.

However, most of the women I know that were raised to be wives and mothers suffer from a huge inferiority complex due to being compared to “career” women. Motherhood in our culture is not considered a real vocation.

And it’s such a shame, especially for those that are called to it.
 
mark_a said:
About all that, I’ll just not comment.

However, most of the women I know that were raised to be wives and mothers suffer from a huge inferiority complex due to being compared to “career” women. Motherhood in our culture is not considered a real vocation.

And it’s such a shame, especially for those that are called to it.
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As a working mother, I’ve actually had quite the opposite experience… 😊
So I guess it just depends on individual circumstances…
 
Em_in_FL said:
As a working mother, I’ve actually had quite the opposite experience… 😊
So I guess it just depends on individual circumstances…
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I have nothing but the utmost respect for SAHMs. I do see their job as extremely important and skillful. I also hold my live-in nanny with the utmost respect for taking care of my beautiful children while I am at work.
 
Serap said:
I have nothing but the utmost respect for SAHMs. I do see their job as extremely important and skillful. I also hold my live-in nanny with the utmost respect for taking care of my beautiful children while I am at work.
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So do I! In fact, I would love to be one! 😃 That’s just not what God has in mind for me, though…

My response was regarding *some *SAHMs (certainly not all!) who assume all working mothers are in it for selfish/feminist reasons… which is so far from the truth, and probably more rare than they presume…

*Sometimes *threads like this (“how has working harmed the family/society?”) tend to perpetuate these ideas…
 
irishpatrick said:
So, since you had that experience from boths sides, how would you answer the general questions? Have things (along the lines of the question points) gotten better, worse, or no real impact?
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My kids are in their teens so little negative effects for them, however less time for meals, chats, husband. me time. I had no idea the difficulties women have had to try balance both work and home, thankfully as mentioned the kids are older and my husband is a way better cook. Having spent most of my school life without my parents (boarding school) I never experienced the relationship with my parents like the relationship my children have with me. My experience is therefore one which my staying at home benefited the whole family.
 
At first I thought this post was sarcasm, but then I realized it wasn’t. Where to begin?
Warrenton said:
Worse. Unless, of course, one believes that children prefer being raised by strangers.
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First of all, why do you assume a working mother has to leave her children with strangers? DOn’t you think mothers take the time to get to know their children’s caregivers?? Do you also not understand the strong bond that occurs between caregiver and child? And, finally, why do you think caregivers are raising these children? Are they deciding their schools? Where they attend church?
Warrenton said:
It would be difficult to argue they have become stronger, because many now have no one to teach them.
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Teach who what? Caregivers don’t teach?
 
*irishpatrick
Regular Member

So, would you say that our culture has improved, gotten worse, or had no impact as a result of women entering the workforce at easily 90% or higher rates?

That really is my basic question. Have things gotten worse, better or remained the same?*

My late mother use to say, “Every generation gets weaker and wiser”. What does this mean? It means that we have a tendency to romanticize the past; ignoring its weaknesses. More women were stay at home mothers pre-1960’s (in the West), but we had legal segregation. Abortion was illegal, but domestic abuse was tolerated. Children spent more time with their mothers, but many fathers were absentee; working long hours. Women entering the workforce did not cause cultural decline, nor was it
legal contraception. The West has been in moral and spiritual decline for 500 years, since the Renaissance! 500 years! The cultural restraints which prevented full hedonism have been eroding for centuries. Remember, in the “good old days”, you could enslave human beings, rape women of color with impunity, lynch without trial, murder Jews in pogroms, exploit workers, ravage continents in the name of Colonialism, etc. Many of these injustices have only now been rectified within the last 60 years! The Civil Rights Movement began in the 50’s for a reason. Those dutiful, stay at home mothers kept their kids out of school, rather than let them sit next to an African-American child! Those stay at home mothers were members of country clubs, which excluded Jews and Blacks. Each generation is weaker and wiser!
 
sharmin said:
I’m sorry…I can’t help but be slightly offended by this. You do realize that working women are also able to raise their own children from birth to college too, right? You do realize you don’t have to be standing next to your child to raise him, right? And dads who work are also raising their children too, right? I’m not trying to be difficult, but to imply that working women are not raising their children is very hurtful.
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Well, since I wasn’t addressing you or any other working mother, I think you are taking my post too personally. It was my experience that I was speaking of, not yours.

But if it makes you feel better, I can see where my sons might respect or value me more if I hadn’t been around all the time - if their lives had been impacted by my working outside the home. They do tend to take the simple things for granted, but maybe all kids do this to some extent. I don’t regret my choice and I’m sure you don’t either.

One of the factors in our family is that when our younger son was 7, he was diagnosed with celiac disease, which is an autoimmune disease that requires a diet free from wheat, barley, or rye. At the time, there were very few gluten-free products on the market and what was there, was atrocious. I was used to cooking like most modern women, using semi-prepared products and being able to count on eating out some of the time. All that came to a screeching halt for us. No bread, no buns, no pasta, no pizza, no fast food, no cookies, no cake, etc. etc. I had to re-learn how to cook from scratch, which I did, because it meant the health of our son improved (at one point we believed he was dying).

There is NO WAY for us, even after 10 years, to do all that some families do, and still be able to eat. For example, this boy might have been in travel soccer, but since food was going to be a problem for both practice and then with me not being home to cook supper…it just couldn’t work. I had to work around not having the simple ability to send a sandwich with him for field trips.

Not looking for sympathy, just explaining why it made sense for me to be a homemaker. Working outside the home became nearly impossible at that point, so even if I had wanted to work, the family took precedence.

And I am grateful that I was called to have children and to be a homemaker. It was the best job I could have ever prayed for. Unfortunately it is only a season in one’s life because children grow up and leave home. Now what, God???

🙂
 
irishpatrick;It has now been a well established fact that women pursue careers at nearly the same rate as men and they work fulltime at nearly the same rate as men. Those numbers have steadily increased for the last three decades. This has been the case long enough to help us create an informed opinion about the impact of these developments.
So, here are a few questions"
  1. Has women working fulltime outside the home been a good or bad development for the American family?
GraceDK: I’ll answer as a European. Women’s fulltime job is not bad per se, however children need a parent at home when they are very young, and they need to know that they are loved and appreciated. Both my parents worked fulltime… My mother’s work has been a blessing to my whole family and I would never have wanted her to give that up. I think she would have gone insane at home. Me and my sisters had nannies, we never doubted our that mom loved us and was there for us.
  1. Has our culture improved since women entered the workforce in massive numbers?
As a young woman I can honestly say I prefer to live now, instead of say, 100 or 500 years ago. There are really positive things in modern culture - although we often like to talk about the bad things - like democracy, equal rights, equal education and career opportunities, focus on people’s psychological and emotional well being… etc. etc.
  1. Are our children better or worse off?
**As I said, I am a young woman working on my masters degree, having been brought up by loving parents who gave me good values and who were both having fulfilling jobs that made them happy. Why would I change that? **
  1. Has women working fulltime made this nation stronger, weaker, or no impact?
**People must always prioritize their time. We have in the past seen a lot of psychological problems and abusive situations that were not dealt with but silenced to death… I believe women’s contribution in the public life as equal citizens have been a great contribution to the humanization of society.
Children can suffer if they are not sure of the affection in mind and deed by both their parents. In my former church we talked alot about the fatherless society… we didn’t just mean fathers that left the mothers, but fathers who were either absent or abusive or indifferent in the home. I have many friends who suffer from such absent fathers. The attitute of the parent is most crucial… there is quantity and quality… I didn’t need my mom and dad to be looking at me all day as a child… But I needed to be sure of their unconditional love and support **
  1. Have our children become stronger or weaker in the faith?
**The overall society has become weaker in the faith, spurred on by men such as Nietzche, Freud, Darwin, Kinsey, Bultmann and others who believed in their errors… Men and women alike pass on their indifference or hostility to faith. Its a sad thing… **
  1. Has entering careers and fulltime work been good or bad for women (and women who are moms)?
It depends on the woman… some women have mental break downs at home and can scarcely take care of their children… others get stressed at work and want only to be at home with their children. If God ever blessed me with children, I’d like to be a part time worker… I need adult contact too.

Add on questions for married couples:
7. Would women prefer to work and let their husbands stay at home and care for their children? Or, would women rather both spouses work?

When the kids are below 2 years of age its good that a parent stays home. Women are naturally - biologically and psychologically best skilled to this task.
  1. Would it better to have men stay at home with the kids, rather then neither parent staying home?
It depends on the age of the child.
 
glencora said:
*irishpatrick
Regular Member

So, would you say that our culture has improved, gotten worse, or had no impact as a result of women entering the workforce at easily 90% or higher rates?

That really is my basic question. Have things gotten worse, better or remained the same?*

My late mother use to say, “Every generation gets weaker and wiser”. What does this mean? It means that we have a tendency to romanticize the past; ignoring its weaknesses. More women were stay at home mothers pre-1960’s (in the West), but we had legal segregation. Abortion was illegal, but domestic abuse was tolerated. Children spent more time with their mothers, but many fathers were absentee; working long hours. Women entering the workforce did not cause cultural decline, nor was it
legal contraception. The West has been in moral and spiritual decline for 500 years, since the Renaissance! 500 years! The cultural restraints which prevented full hedonism have been eroding for centuries. Remember, in the “good old days”, you could enslave human beings, rape women of color with impunity, lynch without trial, murder Jews in pogroms, exploit workers, ravage continents in the name of Colonialism, etc. Many of these injustices have only now been rectified within the last 60 years! The Civil Rights Movement began in the 50’s for a reason. Those dutiful, stay at home mothers kept their kids out of school, rather than let them sit next to an African-American child! Those stay at home mothers were members of country clubs, which excluded Jews and Blacks. Each generation is weaker and wiser!
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👍
I second that.
The golden age is a nothing but a fiction…
 
irishpatrick said:
Thank you. How do you think the general public would respond to men in large numbers taking over such duties?
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I think they respond fine. I’ve seen it first hand. I teach in a Catholic school and more than 50% of my parents had stay at home dads last year. Almost that many this year too. It was great, actually! The kids loved having dad on their field trips, class parties, etc.
 
irishpatrick said:
How would you feel if your husband wanted you to go to work so he could stay home and take care of your family? Even if that is not what you both chose in the beginning, what if he changed his mind and wanted to reverse that? How would feel and would you let him do that?
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I would be fine with it! But, we don’t make enough money for one of us to be a stay at home parent.
 
Serap said:
:confused:

Is this guy doing some kind of research for a paper or something?
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Nope, not at all. I was/am curious…nothing more.

This has been a most informative thread and I honestly do appreciate that.

Thanks to all for the wonderful responses…most illuminating. 🙂
 
I did both. I worked when the kids were younger. I have 4 kids. I was an engineer but was able to work part time. It was tough with a husband that traveled all the time. I had deadlines at work that needed to be met and it was difficult completing everything on 20 hours a week. I was often given as much work as the full time employees. Even on my days off, I would get phone calls at home. I felt like I was being pulled in two directions.

I eventually quit my job and focused on the kids. What a blessing. I have a son with sensory issues and ADHD. He needed constant attention and even needed to be homeschooled at one point. I was able to help him learn how to succeed in life. It was not unusually to get phone calls from multiple teachers in one day. Now he is in high school and doing great.

I love that I can go to my kids games. That I am home when they get home from school. I never have to worry about snow days, teacher workshops or school delays. Life is so much easier not working.

There are negatives. I haven’t worked in 8 years. How do I get back into the job market now? What if I wanted to leave my husband, how would I support myself and my children? I often feel trapped. By giving up my job, I became dependent on a man. I prefer to rely only on myself.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Well, since I wasn’t addressing you or any other working mother, I think you are taking my post too personally. It was my experience that I was speaking of, not yours.🙂
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Thank you for clarifying. Yes, I can see how your situation called for it. I did sah for a time. I did enjoy it. I just took exception to the wording you used when you phrased your sah status as “raising your children”…it seemed to imply that had you been working you wouldn’t have been raising your children. I am glad to see that’s not what you meant.
 
cviolette said:
I eventually quit my job and focused on the kids. What a blessing. I have a son with sensory issues and ADHD. He needed constant attention and even needed to be homeschooled at one point. I was able to help him learn how to succeed in life. It was not unusually to get phone calls from multiple teachers in one day. Now he is in high school and doing great.

I love that I can go to my kids games. That I am home when they get home from school. I never have to worry about snow days, teacher workshops or school delays. Life is so much easier not working.

**There are negatives. I haven’t worked in 8 years. How do I get back into the job market now? What if I wanted to leave my husband, how would I support myself and my children? I often feel trapped. ** By giving up my job, I became dependent on a man. I prefer to rely only on myself.
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Yes, the son with celiac disease also has ADHD, same sorts of issues. I wanted to homeschool him during middle school since ADHD kids have a lot of trouble at those ages, and indeed, he did, but my husband did not support my reasoning so he was in Catholic middle school.

Your last paragraph could be me, as well. I have lived an independent life and supported myself since I was 19. Worked since I was 14. Now I have no resume whatsoever. It’s hard to even think of what to put on a resume’ after 20 years of being a mother and homemaker.

I think women have a hard time no matter what we choose. Really.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Yes, the son with celiac disease also has ADHD, same sorts of issues. I wanted to homeschool him during middle school since ADHD kids have a lot of trouble at those ages, and indeed, he did, but my husband did not support my reasoning so he was in Catholic middle school.

Your last paragraph could be me, as well. I have lived an independent life and supported myself since I was 19. Worked since I was 14. Now I have no resume whatsoever. It’s hard to even think of what to put on a resume’ after 20 years of being a mother and homemaker.

I think women have a hard time no matter what we choose. Really.
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My husband was also against homeschooling. But one day, my son was being screamed at and in the office before school even started. That was the last straw. I pulled him out of school against my husband wishes. It was 6th grade. Yes - middle school is the hardest for ADHD. It was great homeschooling. No phone calls from school 🙂 He is very intelligent so teaching him was easy.

It is hard but maybe this is an opportunity for us to do something new. I have been thinking about going back to school.
 
Wow, what a controversial subject!

I am one of those women who would’ve preferred to live when it was normal to be a stay at home mommy and just be a homemaker with a loving husband…
I feel like motherhood is stigmatized almost because I’m expected to be feminist.

I would hate to supress another woman’s right to pursue her happiness just because this is what i want. And I would hate to have my pursuit of happiness done away with because of radical feminists.

I do believe a stay at home parent makes a difference in a child’s life. Good or bad depending on the parent!

I don’t have much else to say, I’m not educated enough to have a fully formed opinion on this subject.

Just a curious agnostic…
 
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