Have past sexual experiences been tough for you in future relationship?

[Anicette]

For your third question, I answer “yes” for me.
Of course past does matter and influence your present relationship, and sexual behaviour, and the other feelings, especially in the beginning of the relationship/marriage.

 

[Anicette]

It is heartache but isn’t it better to know about the past than to wonder? Knowing my anxiety the wondering would destroy me. I’d rather know and deal with the pain

It depends for each person and relationship. We cannot ask on general. You would see how you feel about it when you would be in this situation. Don’t stress too much before.

 

[Ite_Ad_Mariam]

I think it’s important to keep in mind that as humans we are imperfect and subject to temptation and mistakes. A lot of times we make mistakes in our past, and present, either because we fell in weakness to temptation, or at the time we weren’t in full communion with the teachings of the Church and didn’t understand the error in our ways. I am not married so I cannot speak to that question. But I know, due to my own failings, that temptations of the flesh can be incredibly difficult and if you are not vigilant about what circumstances you are putting yourself into, it is easy to fall to varying degrees. I think the important thing to look for is that there is sorrow for the faults we have committed and an intention to move forward in a better and stronger way. Personally, I don’t believe I can hold the shortcomings of a partner against them because I know that in my own ways I have failed in the past and would not want them to hold them against me.

Mary Magdalene was known as a promiscuous woman, and yet Christ loved her and welcomed her to Him with open arms because she came to him humbly in recognition of her failings and with a desire to be a better, holier person. I think this example speaks volumes. Whether the shortcomings/sins/mistakes of our spouses/significant others were sexual or not, we should not dwell on what they may or may not have done in the past, but rather on how they are striving to live their lives now. St. Augustine, one of the greatest saints, in my opinion, also had a sinful and sexual past, and yet he is now a great saint. It’s hard to not think of our significant others sharing that bond with others, but I believe that if we focus on the love they are offering us now, that the people they were with in the past and the mistakes they made in the past, should be left there. And I can speak from experience in that being constantly reminded of your sins of the past and how they hurt the person you love doesn’t help you move forward spiritually either. You end up miserable or hating yourself and getting stuck in your past sins because of the effect they are having on your present, rather than being able to progress. And, assuming you are a decent human being, you hate the thought that something that is now out of your control, and yet at the same time your fault, is hurting someone you love and impeding their desire/ability to be with you. You want to be able to change the past for their sake, but you cannot.

 

[AdamP88]

Has anyone found that past sexual experiences, especially if they were multiple times (I mean consensual experiences) have made it tougher for you in future relationships?

Yep. They made it a bit difficult at the start, but I’m married nearly three years now and it’s never really been an issue in our marriage.

Do you feel guilty or sad or regretful or feel that you should apologize to the person you are currently in a relationship with?

Sometimes it bugs me and I get a bit down about it. Then I remember that my wife chose me anyway and I’ve been forgiven in confession and there’s no need to let something that happened years ago drag me down.

I used to apologise for it but I don’t anymore because it’s not an issue anymore.

Marriage gives a lot of grace to get beyond wounds like this. Looking back I would certainly not do things the same because these things do cause wounds. But I learned some valuable lessons the hard way and the Lord brought good out of my falls somehow.

 

[QwertyGirl]

No issues.

Truthfully, it gave me the wisdom to know what I wanted in a spouse. Not just sexually, but in a lot of other areas. My husband felt the same way.

We chose each other to marry. That is all that really needs to be said.

 

[fisherman_carl]

Read Matthew, chapter 10. You are worth more than many sparrows.

The way you put that comes across as kind of funny to me. How many sparrows for a human these days? You are worth more than all the sparrows.