Have you ever felt embarrassed to confess a sin to a priest?

[KEVIN_WILCOX]

If you have no mortal sin to confess, you technically don’t need to go to confession. But like all sacraments, it confers graces and gives us strength. We should make it a habit to go regularly. For me, that means once a month. When it gets longer, I start to get complacent about my bad habits.

Thanks.
It’s possibly easier to get into bad habits (not going) than into good.
For me it’s a bit like the housework - when I can’t stand living with the fomites any more and I reach screaming point living in the squalor I give everything a good clean, gutters to floors (and the car) and all the rubbish I’ve been accumulating is got rid of. Hard work, takes some building up to it, takes a couple of days; and the energized-clean feeling afterwards is worth it.

One church I attend the priests get very worried if one goes up to receive without first going to confession. It’s almost obligatory; perhaps almost taking sacramental priority?

 

[KimberlyAnn0218]

Yes every time. It is hard to confess to someone you have to then see at Mass.

 

[KEVIN_WILCOX]

Yes every time. It is hard to confess to someone you have to then see at Mass.

Perhaps Vatican 2 has made it more difficult:
The priest is no longer “detached” from the laity, pre-Vatican 2 there was no eye-to-eye visual contact at Mass, liturgical dancing and joining hands at the Our Father.
Pre-Vatican 2 the Parish Priest “did his own thing,” the laity did theirs, now the lines of demarkation have become blurred, and we have (over-emphasized?) the ekonomia of “the priesthood of the laity.”
Pre-Vatican 2 there was a vertical hierarchy, now it’s horizontal, equality before God with functional difference.
With the “cult of the personality” maybe we have entered a strange new world: less Religious vocations; less people attending Holy Mass and less people going to confession (Is it a case of “Why should I confess my sins to another human being, especially when he is no different from anyone else?” A case of familiarity breeding contempt?)

 

[KimberlyAnn0218]

Prof. Scott Hahn told this to his confessor soon after his conversion to Catholicism. The wise priest asked him: “What do you want, new sins?”

Ha! I LOVE it!!! I lobe hearing things like that. It akes me feel more "normal "

 

[carletoncath]

I agree with the writer who said there’d be something wrong with you if you didn’t feel embarrassed. May I just add, it’s not only about feelings, they are fleeting. Being embarrassed is like being sorry, but we have to be more than sorry or embarrassed, we have to repent, true repentance leads to amendment of life, we shouldn’t be confessing the same mortal sin over and over again. Initially maybe yes, (frequency should decrease, etc) but we have to look at our will and resolve to amend our lives. Never be so afraid as to not confess something, I did that once and afterwards agonized about the lie more than about the sin that was concealed, but you know what?, I still found the merciful arms of Our Blessed Lord reaching out to embrace me, His forgiveness was still there for me praise God, I have learned a lesson but I also realize the great mercy of our God is not endless, I pray that I will never again presume that I can put off something and hope to confess it later. Now is the acceptable time says our God. I just love and thank Him with my whole heart!

 

[foundmyfaith]

Yes, I have been embarrassed to confess to our priest…but the shocking thing he said was “You’re too honest”!!! That was the last time I went to him (he was our pastor too).

Same with me, except I am now 39 and went 28 years without confessing one time. I had this giant list of sins, some pretty awful ones included. My Priest looked at me at one point and said, “you are so honest”. I said that if I couldn’t tell him (and really Him), there was absolutely no one to tell.

 

[KimberlyAnn0218]

`(Is it a case of “Why should I confess my sins to another human being, especially when he is no different from anyone else?” A case of familiarity breeding contempt?)

I don’t feel that way. Our priest is just months younger than I am and while that feels a little unsettling at first I have nothing but the utmost respect for his authority.

 

[Pat_Payne]

These days, it’s not so much embarrassed at the content of the sins – they’re (I’m guessing) relatively mundane (if you can call matter for confession mundane ), but that I seem to want to go now weekly, and I’m concerned at driving my confessor (who is a very patient, kind and good soul) up a tree one of these days by going almost constantly (running up to May 1, I was terrified that anything I did was a mortal sin and that I’d be receiving First Communion unworthily). For instance, I went last week for road anger, and now I’m going because (as a former punk rock fan) I sang a karaoke version of “God Save the Queen” by the Sex Pistols, and fearing that in doing so broke the 2nd Commandment…

So it’s a little bit of embarrassment at “hi… it’s me again…”

Not exactly happy about committing the sins, either, though…

Which I guess may be an answer to the dilemma – don’t sin…

 

[LaFleurDeLis]

I just joined the church during Easter and had my first confession a week later. I have to say it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I went in and began by confessing all the smaller sins I had committed, attempting to avoid the huge one I needed to confess. Finally I confessed it, felt awful, embarrased, yet soothed and relieved. It was most likely the hardest 5 minutes of my life!

 

[KEVIN_WILCOX]

I think it wise to ask oneself the underlying motivation of an action:

• Why am I doing this?
• What am I hoping to gain?
• What am I wanting to get out of this.

It can have a great effect on one’s journey and relationships with others.

Q. What does one do in an emergency?
A. First check one’s own pulse.

 

[Batfink]

Can I ask another question more-or-less related but slightly on a tangent? I didn’t think it was worth a new thread, but just skip over if you want to stay on topic.

I’ve been going to confession regularly for several years. Then, a few weeks ago I started to get a nagging feeling that I needed to change - there was a ‘sin’ I had been committing regularly for years but I had never considered it to be sinful, it didn’t bother me that I was fully aware of Church teaching on the matter as my conscience didn’t condemn me. Suddenly, last week, I came to the realisation of how wrong I was. I went through this huge process of who was I to question the Church etc. I was so sorry that I had been lying to myself and to God all this time.

So, I went to confession. I confessed the actual sin which had been ongoing, plus I confessed having multiple times received Communion whilst in mortal sin. I also confessed having abused the Sacrament of Reconciliation because all these years I had been confessing without ever mentioning this one semi-continuous sin (not that I had brought it up in an examination of conscience and dismissed it and deliberately not confessed it, but just that I genuinely didn’t see it as sinful until this week so it didn’t enter into my examinations at all). So I said all this (in tears!) and said that I was so sorry for having abused the Sacrament and obviously all my previous declarations and intentions to love God with my whole heart and dedicate my life to him were completely false since I was holding this back. Then I said that obviously this invalidated all my previous confessions and I would like now to put things right.

The priest replied that my previous confessions were not invalid and that I did not need to make a general confession. Now I’m not sure. I believe in an all merciful God who is out there looking to forgive us if we just come towards him so I can see the point of view that I am truly sorry for all my sins and do truly desire to unite myself to God so I probably shouldn’t be legalistic about it. But, I still can’t shake off the feeling that I should have made a general confession. Should I go to a different priest, explain it all, and try again? Or should I just accept that I have been absolved and move on?

 

[KEVIN_WILCOX]

Trust the priest and thank God for progressing on the journey.
The devil will play with your mind - drive you to despair, thoughts of hopelessness, and suicidal ideation. The closer you get to God, the stronger the attacks - he just ramps up the volume.
Maybe worth reading the Fall in Genesis: To commit a sin the thing has to be a sin, and we have to commit the sin knowing it’s a sin.
Some of the saints suffered scrupulosity. This is where obedience comes in - if the priest is wrong (and here he’s not) obedience will save your soul.

 

[Batfink]

Thank you for your reassurance, Kevin. I do usually trust my confessor, but as this wasn’t my regular confessor and a priest whom I know to be not academic/liturgical ‘rules’ minded I worried. I don’t usually suffer from scruples, anything but!

The only thing I would comment on (re. Genesis) is that the thing I was doing (and thank God he has given me the grace to realise what I was doing and stop) is objectively sinful and I knew full well that it was, I just chose to live in the arrogant assumption that my own conscience was superior to Church teaching.

But thank you anyway for your encouragement. I totally agree re. obedience

 

[KEVIN_WILCOX]

Thank you for your reassurance, Kevin. I do usually trust my confessor, but as this wasn’t my regular confessor and a priest whom I know to be not academic/liturgical ‘rules’ minded I worried. I don’t usually suffer from scruples, anything but!

The only thing I would comment on (re. Genesis) is that the thing I was doing (and thank God he has given me the grace to realise what I was doing and stop) is objectively sinful and I knew full well that it was, I just chose to live in the arrogant assumption that my own conscience was superior to Church teaching.

But thank you anyway for your encouragement. I totally agree re. obedience

I can see you’re a sensitive intelligent soul.

St Francis was once told of a priest who was living in sin with a woman, people hoped the saint would go and chastise him. St Francis searched the city for this sinner, and when he found him he got down on his knees and kissed the priest’s hands. Hands which turn bread and wine into the Body and Blood of God.

Jesus said to his priests “whose sins ye remit, they are remitted unto them, and whose soever sins ye retain, they are retained” (Jn 20:23) Nothing personal in what Jesus did, and yet everything personal about it.
(Mt 14:24-33) When Peter looked at the troubled water he started sinking, and when he looked at the Master he walked it.

The more human you become, the more you discover you’re frail, vulnerable humanity the more God can use you. Saints have feet of clay, and there are no wings on their shoulders. No halos on their heads. Instead, they learn to become totally dependent on God.

Another name for Satan – “Accuser of the brethren.” And Jesus uses his poison against him. Jesus comes in like light into a dark room, we see ourselves for who we are; St Benedict tells us progress is measured in degrees of humility.

“As I see it, God has placed us apostles last in line, like people condemned to die. We have become a spectacle for people and angels to look at. We have given up our wisdom for Christ, but you have insight because of Christ. We are weak, but you are strong. You are honored, but we are dishonored. To this moment, we are hungry, thirsty, poorly dressed, roughly treated, and homeless. We wear ourselves out doing physical labor. When people verbally abuse us, we bless them. When people persecute us, we endure it. When our reputations are attacked, we remain courteous. Right now we have become garbage in the eyes of the world and trash in the sight of all people.” (1 Cor 4:9-13)

“Right now we have become garbage in the eyes of the world and trash in the sight of all people” - first of all in the opinion of ourselves.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Yes, I admit it. Some of my sins are really embarassing to confess. Does anyone else feel like I do?

I am always embarrassed by my sins. That’s why I’m thankful that the church I go to for confession has the rooms with screens.

 

[KEVIN_WILCOX]

(In my personal opinion) removal of the screens from the confessional goes along with the unfortunate spirit of Vatican 2.
In the confessional with no screens the sacrament tends toward an encounter with communal Man, as with Holy Mass. When the screen is in place the encounter is one of Man meeting God on the hierarchic vertical.
Vatican 2 swung everything around to the horizontal plane, away from the vertical: We went from Transcendent God to Imminent God.
I wonder, now the “reigns are being tightened” with Holy Mass, will we see a re-introduction of screens in the confessional?
Are we once again returning to a reintroduction of a theology emphasizing the Transcendency of God?

 

[Batfink]

“Right now we have become garbage in the eyes of the world and trash in the sight of all people” - first of all in the opinion of ourselves.

Thanks once again for your reassurances.

That quote you gave reminds me of a story about St. Dominic. He was reputed to think of himself as the worst of sinners. Not because his sins were objectively the gravest matter, but because he recognised that he had been given so much grace that when he rejected it in any small way, he was deliberately choosing to turn away from the love and mercy of God, as opposed to some people whose sins may have looked worse than his, but who had not had his advantages in life.

I guess I think like that sometimes (don’t we all?), that my sins must be all the more hurtful to God when he has given me every opportunity to know, love and follow him. Of course, there’s the added blow when I commit sins which are clearly grave matter, then I really do feel as though I’m the worst sinner in the world.

But then, I turn towards God and see his glory and I rejoice in so great a God! My priest is fond of saying that any old ‘god’ can be omniscient, it’s relatively easy for people to understand that God sees and knows all our thoughts and actions, but what is so amazing about God is that, knowing and seeing everything we have done and will do against him, he’s willing to forget it!

 

[mariafransisca1]

Me too:shrug:

But I try not to look the priest in the face when I confess, I think this is normal

To reduce embarassment (so that we can confess lightly, truly, honestly)
Is to recall the 2 greatest commandments, 10 commandments, 7 deadly sins. They are complete, and rather impersonal. And all your burdens are lifted up

Next time you just say

Father Bless me for I have sinned,
I have not loved God with all my heart, soul, mind
I have not loved my neighbor as myself, as jesus loved me

I have had other god before God
I have spoken the name of God in vain
I have not keep the Lord’s day holy
I have not honored my mother and father
I have murdered (through anger, hatred dsb)
I have commited adultery ( in thoughts, hearts)
I have stolen (… it depends , maybe stolen other people happiness)
I have wanted another’s wife (or boyfriend, or husband)
I have coveted other people’s good unjustly

I also have pride, avarice, gluttony, lust, envy, anger, sloth

Voila, you’ve covered all, nothing is left, and it’s very impersonal:thumbsup:

But Jesus lifts up your burden waaay up! And he forgives, you can start anew and be holy

You can read the life of Dominic savio, written by St. Don Bosco, in 88 pages or so, to learn and see how he confessed so that you wouldn’t be scared anymore:thumbsup:

saintsworks.net/books/St.%20John%20Bosco%20-%20The%20Life%20of%20Dominic%20Savio.rtf

 

[baltobetsy]

What good is an impersonal confession?

 

[KEVIN_WILCOX]

Batfink

Presumption is also a sin.

Pray and confess your sin whilst there is still time to be forgiven. “Will he reserve his anger for ever? Will he keep it to the end? Behold, thou hast done evil things as thou couldest” (Jer 3:5)

“Thou art weighed in the balance and found to be wanting” (Dan 5:27)

“O Lord, according to all thy righteousness, I beseech thee, let thine anger and thy fury be turned away from thy city Jerusalem, thy holy mountain: because for our sins, and for the iniquities of our fathers, Jerusalem and thy people are become a reproach to all that are about us” (Dan 9:16)

God is Merciful, He is also Just.

“But blessed are your eyes, for they see: and your ears for they hear” (Mtt 13:16)