Have you ever moved, and then decided to move 'back home'?

[whatevergirl]

*Most of you know my lamenting stories of Florida. I’m better actually, I have been praying a lot for God’s will in this, and He has revealed some amazing things to both dh and me. For one, I think that He wanted us to come to Florida…and if we move BACK to Pittsburgh, we must do it for the right reasons. I wish God would be more specific sometimes.

That said, is it immature, stupid, whatever the word might be…to wish to move back to a place you resided for a while, because of old friendships? Dh and I have made some nice friends **here **in Florida, but I really grew close to neighbors and old work friends…we still stay in touch, but I miss them. :bighanky: I have missed them for a while, now.

My husband thinks it’s a bit on the foolish side to move back for ‘old friends.’ He said, we moved 1000 miles for ‘xyz,’ and ‘xyz’ happened. So, it’s not like we moved here, and everything went to pot. He added… "To move back…we need to make sure we do such a big move AGAIN for the right reasons.’’ (My husband loves Florida, and so I don’t know if I want to move back to place he really disliked–largely due to the long cold winters) But, he said last night, ‘wherever you and the kids are, that’s home for me.’ (but I know he hates the long cold winters)

I’m wondering if anyone here has ever moved away somewhere, and really missed the friendships that you built ‘back home?’ Did you ever move somewhere, and then move ‘‘back home,’’ shortly thereafter? If so, what motivated you to move 'back home?'

I’m mainly concerned with the bolded questions, but feel free to answer all three…thank you. *

 

[crazzeto]

I’m not sure, if I would characterise having those feelings as stupid or immature. I’ve had them my self, I moved to NC and actually had been (and on occation still do) thinking about moving back to the suburbs of Detroit MI where I grew up. Now, I feel like I do know the ultimate reason for God wanting me to come to NC and stay here as long as I did. I think believe that reason to be so I could meet my current fiance and marry her.

That said, I know a lot of people back in the Detroit area, including (obviously) my own family. I also really love the neighborhood I grew up in, it’s a very well established suburb which like the rest of the city is logically laid out (in a grid lol!) and there is even a mathmatical formula one might apply to the address of any location in the metro-detroit area to figure out it’s exact geographic location! Compare that to the RDU area here in NC where everything is a bunch of random circles over lapping eachother randomly because local governments chose to just hand over all city planning to a series of independant community developers to do whatever they wanted. Yuck! And don’t even get me started on wake county public schools (if I do indeed raise my family here my childeren WILL be going to Catholic school) as well as the lack of a sense of community because each city is sub-divided into isolated sub-divisions, and your kids aren’t very likely to go to school with their neighbors because of “busing to maintain diversity”.

lol, anyway I think you started me ranting again. Ultimatly it’s not all that bad here in NC. What I do have is a good group of friends. And that makes a big difference. Also my local parish is extremely active, with plenty of oppertunities for my future kids to be engaged with the faith (as opposed to me, I was among many catechised in the 80s, with my education stopping after confirmation and my only continuing connection to the church being I was forced to go to mass until I went to college).

 

[whatevergirl]

*Hi crazzeto;

I find it so interesting when I talk to ‘snow birds’ who moved to southern areas, that many of them (not all) would move back in a heartbeat, after spending time away ‘from home.’ That said, God has a plan with us all, and His plan sounds like for you, bigger than life. God’s plans are usually bigger than life, ours are always so small and incomplete.

Reading your post, I felt like I’m looking in a mirror, here. lol You hit on a lot of issues I have with Florida. Although, I really love where we live…our community…our parish (now after a long search)…and the life we have established. I have made peace with the commute. I spend that time praying more, and have grown in patience. And to be honest, if I lived far away from my office in Pittsburgh, I would have had similiar commutes to those I worked with. Nothing’s perfect, we know this…but, there is something profoundly different in the south, that doesn’t seem to exist up north. A sense of long lasting community I think it is…that feeling that people have pride of where they live (not pride in the bad sense) and not like they know they’ll be here for a short time, so they disrespect the community. We live in a nice area, and supposedly there was a group of teens who just moved in (people moving in and out here is CONSTANT) and completely trashed the community pool. Twice. lol I don’t know if I ever saw that in the suburb we lived in, in Pittsburgh.

Now, there is crime everywhere, I know…and there is very little where we live…but because of the schools, we chose a county that is known for good public schools…but the price is the long commute for me. But, I’d have it no other way–good schools come first before my comfort, to be honest.

But, where I work…I work for the same company I did in Pittsburgh…and while people are friendly, I trust no one here. Not sure why that is…it’s not me, I just see a lot more gossiping, whispering, and this type of thing here, and plus, I am like an oasis on my own…I don’t fit in with any ‘team,’ here. I did in Pittsburgh, that is where my entire team resides, but as we grow nationally, I am by myself here. And at first, I didn’t care, but it gets to you after a while, you know? I grew close to women back in Pittsburgh, and I still trust them to this day, with anything. I don’t have that here.

Is that a reason to move back though? I have been very happy in other ways…but I can’t shake that feeling of missing people back home. My husband said that nothing stays the same though. My boss is planning to move out of Pittsburgh soon…to be closer to his kids down south. Maybe dh and I should remain here…pretty soon, everyone we know will be moving to the south.

Sooooo…are you going to move back to Detroit anytime soon once you’re married?? (I don’t like NC, frankly…I find it to be an offshoot of Atlanta, another southern place I don’t like) Maybe it is me, maybe I’m just a northener at heart. *

 

[Stjudeprayforus]

I moved to California… beautiful, perfect weather California… from awful winter Indiana.

I loved it.

Then… the job market went south and I moved home.

I miss it. I wish I would have stayed. All my friends/family are here in Indiana but…
They came to visit all the time when I was in beautiful and perfect weather California.

Since the sky is gray and the weather is horrible right now… I cant imagine leaving sunshine and palm trees.

 

[dulcissima]

Yep. We moved from CA to MD, lived there for 8 years and loved it, then suddenly got homesick and moved back to CA.

 

[HouseArrest]

Maybe there’s something else you can factor into your thought process. Whenever we have a plan and go ahead with it, there are unknowns that weren’t in the equation before because, well, they were unknowns. There’s no way to plan for things you don’t know or don’t think are going to happen. For example - maybe the general attitude and atmosphere of the place you went to. Or maybe there are more bugs and you never thought of that. Whatever it might be, all of a sudden, you were trading good friends for xyz in Florida, and you got xyz and that seemed like a fair trade off to you, but you didn’t realize you were also losing pdq to go along with it. Does that make any sense???

Could that be part of the problem?

I feel bad you are going through this. It is such a tough decision. I feel myself going down the same road as I try to decide on a choice of high school for our kids (next year!). I’m not one to wait around for signs, heck I would drive myself nuts doing that (look, the sky is blue, and the public school’s doors are blue, is that a sign…???) so what I normally do is just go with my gut feeling, thinking that must be how I get signs. But for some reason I don’t trust it for this. As I read your questions about Florida I feel the same uncertainty. It might be easier for me, though, as I do have a time frame.

So that probably wasn’t much help to you. Just wanted to let you know I’ll pray for you.

 

[fabricdragon]

its normal to miss people, and places.

its not a reason to move “back” IF there are good reasons to be where you are. part of the issue appears to be that you still think of yourself as living “away from home” because you still think of Pittsburg as “home”

i would say, instead of moving. why not save up for a visit? or invite your cold northern friends to come stay with you for a weekend (appts only!) heck, i live in Philly… i would visit! i HATE cold.

i would say: think carefully about what you really miss.
make a list, and think about is it the long term friends? well KEEP them. my mom still visits old college chums from across the country!
is it the architecture? can you make your new home look more cozy?
is it the fall leaves? pictures, and decorations help.

seriously think about what you miss… and either try to find something like in where you are… or arrange to import it/visit it

 

[kage_ar]

I think the best move is when you move closer to family. Ya’ll have family in PA, right?

 

[puzzleannie]

oh no, I remember how you agonized over this decision in the first place, whatever transpires we will pray it is best for your family in the long run

we are talking about moving again, I want to be closer to the grandchildren, but he has other priorities, it should be interesting, and hinges on whether we can sell this house, but I am definitely through with commuting to work through slush and snow

 

[HouseArrest]

FYI I am about 3 hours north of Pittsburgh, so they have 10 degrees on us, but

IT IS SNOWING, AND STICKING, RIGHT NOW.

No kidding.

Does that help?

 

[Stjudeprayforus]

FYI I am about 3 hours north of Pittsburgh, so they have 10 degrees on us, but

IT IS SNOWING, AND STICKING, RIGHT NOW.

No kidding.

Does that help?

Hahaha…

Exactly if you move to the midwest… make sure you do it in the late spring or you will move back to paradise immediately.

 

[crazzeto]

*Hi crazzeto;

I find it so interesting when I talk to ‘snow birds’ who moved to southern areas, that many of them (not all) would move back in a heartbeat, after spending time away ‘from home.’ That said, God has a plan with us all, and His plan sounds like for you, bigger than life. God’s plans are usually bigger than life, ours are always so small and incomplete.

Reading your post, I felt like I’m looking in a mirror, here. lol You hit on a lot of issues I have with Florida. Although, I really love where we live…our community…our parish (now after a long search)…and the life we have established. I have made peace with the commute. I spend that time praying more, and have grown in patience. And to be honest, if I lived far away from my office in Pittsburgh, I would have had similiar commutes to those I worked with. Nothing’s perfect, we know this…but, there is something profoundly different in the south, that doesn’t seem to exist up north. A sense of long lasting community I think it is…that feeling that people have pride of where they live (not pride in the bad sense) and not like they know they’ll be here for a short time, so they disrespect the community. We live in a nice area, and supposedly there was a group of teens who just moved in (people moving in and out here is CONSTANT) and completely trashed the community pool. Twice. lol I don’t know if I ever saw that in the suburb we lived in, in Pittsburgh.

Now, there is crime everywhere, I know…and there is very little where we live…but because of the schools, we chose a county that is known for good public schools…but the price is the long commute for me. But, I’d have it no other way–good schools come first before my comfort, to be honest.

But, where I work…I work for the same company I did in Pittsburgh…and while people are friendly, I trust no one here. Not sure why that is…it’s not me, I just see a lot more gossiping, whispering, and this type of thing here, and plus, I am like an oasis on my own…I don’t fit in with any ‘team,’ here. I did in Pittsburgh, that is where my entire team resides, but as we grow nationally, I am by myself here. And at first, I didn’t care, but it gets to you after a while, you know? I grew close to women back in Pittsburgh, and I still trust them to this day, with anything. I don’t have that here.

Is that a reason to move back though? I have been very happy in other ways…but I can’t shake that feeling of missing people back home. My husband said that nothing stays the same though. My boss is planning to move out of Pittsburgh soon…to be closer to his kids down south. Maybe dh and I should remain here…pretty soon, everyone we know will be moving to the south.

Sooooo…are you going to move back to Detroit anytime soon once you’re married??* (I don’t like NC, frankly…I find it to be an offshoot of Atlanta, another southern place I don’t like) Maybe it is me, maybe I’m just a northener at heart.

Wow you, seems like there’s a lot of similarities. Honestly right now we have no specific plans to move back. In fact I know my fiance wants to be here with her family for a fact, so I have a feeling we’ll be here for a while. Plus my parenst plan is to retire back to Lima Peru from whence our family came to this nation (long story, lots of moving around in my family, I’m actually a naturally born American though lol). But we’re not sure if that’s going to happen because SE Michigan is entirly auto-industry dependant and well, the auto industry has seen better days. At least it’s getting better. But regardless, for the time being it’s next to impossible to sell a home, even in the nicer well established suburbs. So who knows what’s actually going to happen.

Personally, i would love to move back. But I think I’m going to continue with my personal rule of life. Just flow along with Gods plan and see where it takes you.

 

[Consecrated]

• (I don’t like NC, frankly…I find it to be an offshoot of Atlanta, another southern place I don’t like) Maybe it is me, maybe I’m just a northener at heart. *

lol heeeeeeeeeeeeey don’t knock NC! It’s a beautiful place to live… beautiful people, beautiful weather, very close communities… although not many Catholics. I grew up in western NC near the mountains. It’s nothing at all like Atlanta. the bigger cities, maybe. but not the rest of the state.

 

[happymommy]

FYI I am about 3 hours north of Pittsburgh, so they have 10 degrees on us, but

IT IS SNOWING, AND STICKING, RIGHT NOW.

No kidding.

Does that help?

I’m an hour north of Pittsburgh, rain and snow mixed right now, same for tomorrow and Sat. Snow showers on Sunday!!
But you know what, I’ve been to Florida many times, my brother has lived there for as long as I can remember and we used to go every year to see him. Nice place to visit, wouldn’t want to stay!! The bugs are HUGE!! Anyway, I like the change in seasons and the different types of trees. That’s just me. But I’m not real thrilled with snow in October. Although, I do remember trick or treating in my snowsuit before!! Hey, there was free candy to be had

 

[CatholicFireman]

Oh what did I start, whatevergirl LOL.

 

[whatevergirl]

I think the best move is when you move closer to family. Ya’ll have family in PA, right?

Yes, my husband being one of nine kids…he has two brothers here in Florida that we see sometimes…not as much as we had thought would take place. Isn’t that always the case? But, his mom is 87…and you know, seeing her in July this year…(when we went up for that wedding, etc) it was hard leaving her. She fell when we were there, her wig flew off, it took everything I had not to burst out crying. I had never seen her like that…she was always so solid, but she is so frail now…otherwise in good health, but fragile. I just wanted to stay right then and there and care for her. (she lives though with one of my husband’s brothers who is thinking of putting her in a home) :crying: That won’t do, I told my husband…I would rather her move in with us, have us move back, than see her in one of those homes. My dh was angry at his brother…didn’t show it, but he was angry. So, that is also a driving force behind my desire to be back there, closer to her.

 

[whatevergirl]

lol heeeeeeeeeeeeey don’t knock NC! It’s a beautiful place to live… beautiful people, beautiful weather, very close communities… although not many Catholics. I grew up in western NC near the mountains. It’s nothing at all like Atlanta. the bigger cities, maybe. but not the rest of the state.

*THAT’S IT! THAT’S IT! In the south, there are not as many Catholics as up north! I think that is the problem…I’m not kidding when I say this. I love all of our brothers and sisters in Christ, but I miss the Catholic-ness of Pittsburgh…it’s something I took for granted. I took for granted the beautiful churches, the reverent masses (that could be heard at EVERY parish), the fire and brimstone priests, homemade perogies, (it was special there), etc etc…I think you have helped me see what one of my main problems is here in Florida.

Sorry …didn’t mean to knock NC. :tiphat: I should be mindful that I might be offending someone here! :hug1:*

 

[whatevergirl]

Maybe there’s something else you can factor into your thought process. Whenever we have a plan and go ahead with it, there are unknowns that weren’t in the equation before because, well, they were unknowns. There’s no way to plan for things you don’t know or don’t think are going to happen. For example - maybe the general attitude and atmosphere of the place you went to. Or maybe there are more bugs and you never thought of that. Whatever it might be, all of a sudden, you were trading good friends for xyz in Florida, and you got xyz and that seemed like a fair trade off to you, but you didn’t realize you were also losing pdq to go along with it. Does that make any sense???

Yes it does…I might pm you, if I could…do you charge for your services? Seriously, my husband and I discussed this very thing. Like ‘xyz’ did happen, but I didn’t bank on ‘ABC’ happening…excellent insight!

Could that be part of the problem? Yes

I feel bad you are going through this. It is such a tough decision. I feel myself going down the same road as I try to decide on a choice of high school for our kids (next year!). I’m not one to wait around for signs, heck I would drive myself nuts doing that (look, the sky is blue, and the public school’s doors are blue, is that a sign…???) so what I normally do is just go with my gut feeling, thinking that must be how I get signs. But for some reason I don’t trust it for this. As I read your questions about Florida I feel the same uncertainty. It might be easier for me, though, as I do have a time frame.

* on your comment about blue sky blue doors of high school…that must be a sign! I believe in signs though. :ehh: My dh tells me…'your signs could be detour ones. ’ He doesn’t believe in signs. But, shouldn’t we believe that God could give us a sign to turn this way or that? *

So that probably wasn’t much help to you. Just wanted to let you know I’ll pray for you.

*Actually, you were a huge help. *

 

[crazzeto]

*THAT’S IT! THAT’S IT! In the south, there are not as many Catholics as up north! I think that is the problem…I’m not kidding when I say this. I love all of our brothers and sisters in Christ, but I miss the Catholic-ness of Pittsburgh…it’s something I took for granted. I took for granted the beautiful churches, the reverent masses (that could be heard at EVERY parish), the fire and brimstone priests, homemade perogies, (it was special there), etc etc…I think you have helped me see what one of my main problems is here in Florida.

Sorry …didn’t mean to knock NC. :tiphat: I should be mindful that I might be offending someone here! :hug1:*

There’s also a problem with the “catholicness” up north. I find the churchs there take it for granted. They aren’t quite as active is my parish here in RDU. If I wanted to be involved in as many ministries up there as I am involved in down here i would literally have to approch the priest, then probably bishop and archbishop about the idea of creating young adult ministries etc… We have all that set up down here, it’s a little easier in that regard

 

[whatevergirl]

FYI I am about 3 hours north of Pittsburgh, so they have 10 degrees on us, but

IT IS SNOWING, AND STICKING, RIGHT NOW.

No kidding.

Does that help?

*LOL…You’re making me laugh, today Housearrest. I will say, October was always too early for snow for me…my husband …he liked maybe snow on Christmas, beyond that, he was not a happy man. I mean, he was not unhappy…football season helped. Sleigh riding with me and the kids. But, he just hates cold weather…whereas the kids and I didn’t love it, but we could stand it…I loved baking Christmas cookies, with a snow fall…you can’t duplicate that here…not even at Disney. :dts: (and they are usually able to duplicate anything) lol

I looked beyond the weather and saw the beauty of a big city, with a small town heart. That is where my husband and I differ so much. He sees an old tired city, with bad weather. *