He decided to walk out

[yjenkins]

He no longer wants to stay married. He wants 50/50 custody so that he does not have to pay child support or pay anything else out of pocket. He wants to speed up the process however my children and I are not in a position to be on our own quite yet because I am currently a stay at home mom and going back to school for my second Bachelor’s. I’m not sure what to do. I feel lost and sad. It hurts me so much that my children are in the middle of this mess and they will suffer. Divorce is all my husband knows. He never had a stable home and sees divorce as the easy way out.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

He no longer wants to stay married. He wants 50/50 custody so that he does not have to pay child support or pay anything else out of pocket. He wants to speed up the process however my children and I are not in a position to be on our own quite yet because I am currently a stay at home mom and going back to school for my second Bachelor’s. I’m not sure what to do. I feel lost and sad. It hurts me so much that my children are in the middle of this mess and they will suffer. Divorce is all my husband knows. He never had a stable home and sees divorce as the easy way out.

See a lawyer, as soon as possible (yesterday). Do not allow him to weasel out of his responsibilities. He owes it to the children to provide for them until they are grown and out on their own.

 

[yjenkins]

He has the option to leave and sleep elsewhere. Should I have him leave? I suppose I would like for him to realize everything he will no longer have once we are out of his life.

 

[Linusthe2nd]

He has the option to leave and sleep elsewhere. Should I have him leave? I suppose I would like for him to realize everything he will no longer have once we are out of his life.

A terrible situation. If he wants to go you will have to let him go. And if he really wants to go you are better off without him. You are not alone, see if there is a program in the diocease for women alone. You will at least find sympathy there and perhaps some good advice. Prayers.

 

[twopekinguys]

See a lawyer, as soon as possible (yesterday). Do not allow him to weasel out of his responsibilities. He owes it to the children to provide for them until they are grown and out on their own.

While I am sure the OP is upset, and probably rightly so, we don’t know all of the details.

Rarely, if ever, is a broken marriage solely the fault of one person. Two people make a marriage, and two people break a marriage.

Also, more and more men are being granted joint and sole custody. Courts are finally trying to look out for the best interest of the children, instead of the parent. More and more mothers are being required to provide for the children. I am sure a person with 2 Bachelors degrees will fare quite well.

Remember, there are 3 sides to every divorce. Hers, his, and the truth.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

He has the option to leave and sleep elsewhere. Should I have him leave? I suppose I would like for him to realize everything he will no longer have once we are out of his life.

Talk to a lawyer. As soon as possible.

If he really wants to leave, you can’t stop him.

 

[yjenkins]

I’m not wanting him to stay. If anything I want him to leave so I can function. That statement was not meant for me to ask if I should let him leave because I do want him to leave. I just wanted to know if by him leaving will he realize what he will be missing out on.

 

[agnes_therese]

I’m not wanting him to stay. If anything I want him to leave so I can function. That statement was not meant for me to ask if I should let him leave because I do want him to leave. I just wanted to know if by him leaving will he realize what he will be missing out on.

Maybe he will. But you still need to talk to a lawyer immediately, especially since you think he may be trying to get out of paying child support.

 

[yjenkins]

I have contacted my lawyer and will be speaking with her tomorrow. Things are getting worse. He’s pulling the “this is my house” “if it weren’t for me you would not have this house” cards now. Because I have asked him to leave he is now wanting to know why. I explained to him why I want him to leave. His presence creates anxiety on my end and it’s hard for me to function. Ugh, it’s just getting worse!!! I told him, I am better off doing this on my own without you here. The faster I finish my degree the faster I can get out of his life.

 

[yjenkins]

We have a joint account and I have no money under my name. We have money in our savings and he is talking about getting another vehicle because we currently only have one and were planning on getting a bigger and another vehicle. I’m afraid he will use what we have in our savings and then I’m left with nothing. Oh and then he says it’s HIS money because HE makes it and so on and so on.

 

[Sebrina]

We have a joint account and I have no money under my name. We have money in our savings and he is talking about getting another vehicle because we currently only have one and were planning on getting a bigger and another vehicle. I’m afraid he will use what we have in our savings and then I’m left with nothing. Oh and then he says it’s HIS money because HE makes it and so on and so on.

This is why it’s so important to have a lawyer on your side, as freezing the assets might be necessary at this point. Best of luck to you and your children, I hope it all works out for the best.

 

[Francie3]

While I am sure the OP is upset, and probably rightly so, we don’t know all of the details.

Rarely, if ever, is a broken marriage solely the fault of one person. Two people make a marriage, and two people break a marriage.

Also, more and more men are being granted joint and sole custody. Courts are finally trying to look out for the best interest of the children, instead of the parent. More and more mothers are being required to provide for the children. I am sure a person with 2 Bachelors degrees will fare quite well.

Remember, there are 3 sides to every divorce. Hers, his, and the truth.

We know some of the truth of the marriage from both sides from her earlier threads. She has tried to be fair.
She doesn’t hesitate to reveal less positive tendencies in herself, e.g. a passive-aggressive approach to some disagreements e.g. post 17 forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=708185&page=2
She does say the marriage had been difficult and painful for them both.

Both have ‘non-negotiable’ positions that needed addressing early.

Hopefully there can be healing communication even at this time.

At this point there is frustration and heartbreak for the couple and their children.
May God bless them and help them to find the best outcome

I don’t have any helpful advice, only prayer.

Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil. Amen

 

[yjenkins]

Thank you for your words. I have tried to salvage our marriage however he refuses to work on our marriage. He is used to this. His mom married 6 times and grew up in a broken home. One minute he agreed to work on our marriage and the next day he said he no longer wanted to go to counseling.

 

[yjenkins]

We know some of the truth of the marriage from both sides from her earlier threads. She has tried to be fair.
She doesn’t hesitate to reveal less positive tendencies in herself, e.g. a passive-aggressive approach to some disagreements e.g. post 17 forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=708185&page=2
She does say the marriage had been difficult and painful for them both.

Both have ‘non-negotiable’ positions that needed addressing early.

Hopefully there can be healing communication even at this time.

At this point there is frustration and heartbreak for the couple and their children.
May God bless them and help them to find the best outcome

I don’t have any helpful advice, only prayer.

Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil. Amen

I have accepted my mistakes and said I’m sorry. I have learned a lot about myself and was willing to get rid of my bad habits however he has already given up on us.

 

[Francie3]

I know that to live through this is like living in ongoing shock.
I hope you can manage take good care of your health as it can be hard to get any sleep when going through marriage upheaval or marriage breakup.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I’m not wanting him to stay. If anything I want him to leave so I can function. That statement was not meant for me to ask if I should let him leave because I do want him to leave. I just wanted to know if by him leaving will he realize what he will be missing out on.

Probably not. If you say he comes from a broken home he will rationalize it differently. Don’t do something based on what you believe he might feel or think. There have been times I have thought seriously about walking out on my husband and “proving” to him how much he would miss me. He’d survive, he’d do just fine. It almost never works out that a spouse realizes “Oh, I miss him/her/our kids!” Instead they close their heart and blame you for leaving or making them leave.

 

[yjenkins]

This has been horrible for me. I am not getting any sleep, I have a lot of papers to write and finals coming up as well.I have no idea how I am making it through the day or night. In some ways this has made me stronger. I have to be strong for my children. They need and rely on me.

 

[Catholic1954]

We have a joint account and I have no money under my name. We have money in our savings and he is talking about getting another vehicle because we currently only have one and were planning on getting a bigger and another vehicle. I’m afraid he will use what we have in our savings and then I’m left with nothing. Oh and then he says it’s HIS money because HE makes it and so on and so on.

Keep that appointment with your lawyer and take all of her advice. He may think he is entitled to everything, but the law will not agree. Do not let him talk you into a quick, easy settlement; you have to think of your self and any children.

 

[yjenkins]

Probably not. If you say he comes from a broken home he will rationalize it differently. Don’t do something based on what you believe he might feel or think. There have been times I have thought seriously about walking out on my husband and “proving” to him how much he would miss me. He’d survive, he’d do just fine. It almost never works out that a spouse realizes “Oh, I miss him/her/our kids!” Instead they close their heart and blame you for leaving or making them leave.

I wish you could see how cold hearted this man is. I’m not saying this because of what has been going on, I’m saying this because his true colors are showing and he only cares about himself.

 

[yjenkins]

Keep that appointment with your lawyer and take all of her advice. He may think he is entitled to everything, but the law will not agree. Do not let him talk you into a quick, easy settlement; you have to think of your self and any children.

My children are my number one priority. He is thinking about how much debt he has already and going to have. This is why he wants 50/50 custody. My only focus right now are my children. Oh yes…He set up an account with Care.com so that he can present to the judge that he has a plan for who can care for OUR children. I’m already two steps ahead of him. How can he hire someone and not know enough and only little information about that person and have them take care of OUR children. Are you kidding me? My children are my world and worth more than my life. I am not one to just pawn my children to just anyone.