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dulcissima
Guest
That is good news. I am glad that you talked to your priest and I hope it goes well with your boyfriend tomorrow. You are in my prayers.
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cthulhubryan
Guest
Hallelujah! Continued prayers for the three of you.
J
joandarc2008
Guest
Good luck, prayers, and hugs to you Gabby.!!!
J
JustinR
Guest
my observations-
the moral advice has been given , so I will give some practical advice that I lived.
I don’t think the OP wants to be a part time parent, which is what will happen in Calif, she will see her kid only as the court schedules it. The mom will miss out much of the child’s life by walking. Calif is very joint parenting and does not favor the mother at all, I have sat in court and heard many cases.
many of the posts told the mother to take the 3 yo child and leave, because the father ‘may’ leave in the future. The thought being the father may leave, so beat him to the punch ? So is it better for the child to not have a father around everyday ?
Some suggest filing for child support. While living as a family this may cause the father to think there is a fight on , and he may fight back. This stupid step may get his parental instincts riled up. He is apparently supporting the family now and you want to get the state and lawyers involved ? That will only help the lawyer’s kids, not their child. Getting the court system involved in a family is not the answer to anything, it will tear apart a family.
And in Calif the mother will not like what happens in court, I was in family court in San Jose Calif from 1997 to 1999, spent $250,000 on court, I LIVED IT, with a mother who thought she could take the child and walk away, I now have ONLY custody of my son, his mother who is a Catholic school teacher, who I wanted us to marry and have the 5 kids we talked about before ( i realize we sinned, but i wanted to still be a family), but she (at 26 yo) would not marry or go to counseling, she thought she could just walk away with OUR child, she was wrong as we first we had joint custody, then I had primary, even though there was nothing wrong with her as a parent other than the court seeing her as the one who was not cooperative, then her rights were terminated because she fought me. I tried to have us raise the child together, but she fought me, so I had to respond. I told her to quit trying to take him from me, every time we went to court she lost more. I know how Calif courts work!!! They think a kid living in two differnet homes is normal, to only see each parent half the time. I don’t think the OP wants to be a part time parent. The moral advice given on many of the posts would guarantee this mom does not raise her child everyday and may goes days or even a week without seeing her, even at 5 yo.
As for marriage, I can see with what the Church has allowed the State to do to the Sacrament of Marriage, that some people do not want to be a part of it. I wish the Church would take back marriage from the State, for the Church to say who can marry, and not allow divorce, and I think the priests should not be doing both marriages. A priest is doing both a religious marriage and at the same time is performing the civil marriage for the State which only lasts until one person decides to divorce. We should go back to purely religious marriages and get the State out of the marriage business, that will solve the problem of same sex marriages, or polygamous marriages that the State will soon allow.
the moral advice has been given , so I will give some practical advice that I lived.
I don’t think the OP wants to be a part time parent, which is what will happen in Calif, she will see her kid only as the court schedules it. The mom will miss out much of the child’s life by walking. Calif is very joint parenting and does not favor the mother at all, I have sat in court and heard many cases.
many of the posts told the mother to take the 3 yo child and leave, because the father ‘may’ leave in the future. The thought being the father may leave, so beat him to the punch ? So is it better for the child to not have a father around everyday ?
Some suggest filing for child support. While living as a family this may cause the father to think there is a fight on , and he may fight back. This stupid step may get his parental instincts riled up. He is apparently supporting the family now and you want to get the state and lawyers involved ? That will only help the lawyer’s kids, not their child. Getting the court system involved in a family is not the answer to anything, it will tear apart a family.
And in Calif the mother will not like what happens in court, I was in family court in San Jose Calif from 1997 to 1999, spent $250,000 on court, I LIVED IT, with a mother who thought she could take the child and walk away, I now have ONLY custody of my son, his mother who is a Catholic school teacher, who I wanted us to marry and have the 5 kids we talked about before ( i realize we sinned, but i wanted to still be a family), but she (at 26 yo) would not marry or go to counseling, she thought she could just walk away with OUR child, she was wrong as we first we had joint custody, then I had primary, even though there was nothing wrong with her as a parent other than the court seeing her as the one who was not cooperative, then her rights were terminated because she fought me. I tried to have us raise the child together, but she fought me, so I had to respond. I told her to quit trying to take him from me, every time we went to court she lost more. I know how Calif courts work!!! They think a kid living in two differnet homes is normal, to only see each parent half the time. I don’t think the OP wants to be a part time parent. The moral advice given on many of the posts would guarantee this mom does not raise her child everyday and may goes days or even a week without seeing her, even at 5 yo.
As for marriage, I can see with what the Church has allowed the State to do to the Sacrament of Marriage, that some people do not want to be a part of it. I wish the Church would take back marriage from the State, for the Church to say who can marry, and not allow divorce, and I think the priests should not be doing both marriages. A priest is doing both a religious marriage and at the same time is performing the civil marriage for the State which only lasts until one person decides to divorce. We should go back to purely religious marriages and get the State out of the marriage business, that will solve the problem of same sex marriages, or polygamous marriages that the State will soon allow.
J
JustinR
Guest
just an add on to my post,
since you have been living as a family for 3 years, please do not do anything rash, as some of the posts told you to take your child and leave or go to the state for support which will lead to court.
by doing any of the above things you need to consider in Calif you most likely will not have your daughter every other Christmas, not have her every other birthday, miss out half of the holidays each year, etc. Spend time meeting to pass off the kid. The courts will be in your lives for years and decide much of how your life will be, they have standard parenting plans that they use for most families, and I don’t think you will like it. In some states they favor the mom, but not in Calif.
you want to get your soul and your daughter’s soul to heaven, however you also need to live in this world and the secular courts will decide your life if you choose to split up the family you have now, If you do split up your family then your daughter will not go to Mass every week as she will be at her dad’s house for half the weekends, and then if he gets a new girlfriend, then your daughter will be raised by the new step girlfriend too, and maybe in a new religion. Not a good situation
please take time to find a better way and keep the courts out of your lives
since you have been living as a family for 3 years, please do not do anything rash, as some of the posts told you to take your child and leave or go to the state for support which will lead to court.
by doing any of the above things you need to consider in Calif you most likely will not have your daughter every other Christmas, not have her every other birthday, miss out half of the holidays each year, etc. Spend time meeting to pass off the kid. The courts will be in your lives for years and decide much of how your life will be, they have standard parenting plans that they use for most families, and I don’t think you will like it. In some states they favor the mom, but not in Calif.
you want to get your soul and your daughter’s soul to heaven, however you also need to live in this world and the secular courts will decide your life if you choose to split up the family you have now, If you do split up your family then your daughter will not go to Mass every week as she will be at her dad’s house for half the weekends, and then if he gets a new girlfriend, then your daughter will be raised by the new step girlfriend too, and maybe in a new religion. Not a good situation
please take time to find a better way and keep the courts out of your lives
R
RHC
Guest
I just wanted to say, :hug1: I am so happy that you met with Father!
Speaking as one who spent most of her life outside the Church, the road home may be long, but it is so worth it. You, your daughter and your BF are in my prayers.
J
joandarc2008
Guest
Still praying for you, him, and your daughter.
B
Brooklyn
Guest
I’ve been away from here for a few days and I can’t believe that you people are still coming after me. You say it is wrong to condemn and I agree. I did not condemn anyone. I just put a name to a sin. So if it is wrong to condemn why are you all condemning me?! And don’t say no one is condemning me. I have been completely slammed by many of you. And I think the real problem is that many of you have been guilty of this sin and you don’t want to admit it is as bad as it is. If what I have said is so terrible and out of line, why hasn’t the moderator called me on it. I do wish for your own sakes you would stop all these personal attacks on me and show the compassion you accuse me of not having. I for one have not seen a whole lot of Christian love here. Remember Gabbie herself did not get upset with me. It was all of you
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choy
Guest
GabbieDear,
do what i do whenever i have problems or challenges in life. i pray to Jesus and i submit myself totally to God’s will. in my prayers i tell Jesus how i feel and what i expect to happen, i open my heart and then in the end i submit myself to the will of the Father. then i let the events unfold totally believing that everything that happens is in accordance with God’s will.
Matthew 6:25-34
25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
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AshleyBelle
Guest
Hi Gabbie 
I wanted to say God bless you, and I hope that some of the wonderful advice here has blessed you and your family!
But I have a question for you, sort of turning things around a little… and I wondered if you could help?
I have a friend I’ve known since highschool, that I would really love to reconnect with. She was a convert to the faith the same year my husband and I joined the Church. Through the years, we’ve kept in contact, and manage to visit or have dinner together a couple times each year. She is such a sweet and caring person, and I’ve always loved her company!
Well, this past month she had her first baby! He is precious, and she will be a wonderful mother! But she is also living in a similar situation to the one you described… She has been with the same guy several years now, and they have a beautiful child together. She (as far as I know) wants to live the Catholic faith, but hasn’t expressed any desire to be married or even that she is uncomfortable that she has lived with this man for several years, and now they are unwed parents.
I guess, what I most want to ask you, is how could I best reconnect with her? I want to reach out and be there for her… she is a new mom, and I’ve been married almost 7 years with baby number 4 on the way. I don’t want to come across as “self riteous” to her at all, so I haven’t raised the issue… But it breaks my heart to know that her situation is potentially harmful to she and her family, and I care about her soul
Do you have any words of encouragement or support I could give her, that maybe YOU would like to hear from a friend in your situation?
Thanks so much, and prayers with you as you try to do what’s best for you and your family
I wanted to say God bless you, and I hope that some of the wonderful advice here has blessed you and your family!But I have a question for you, sort of turning things around a little… and I wondered if you could help?
I have a friend I’ve known since highschool, that I would really love to reconnect with. She was a convert to the faith the same year my husband and I joined the Church. Through the years, we’ve kept in contact, and manage to visit or have dinner together a couple times each year. She is such a sweet and caring person, and I’ve always loved her company!
Well, this past month she had her first baby!
He is precious, and she will be a wonderful mother! But she is also living in a similar situation to the one you described… She has been with the same guy several years now, and they have a beautiful child together. She (as far as I know) wants to live the Catholic faith, but hasn’t expressed any desire to be married or even that she is uncomfortable that she has lived with this man for several years, and now they are unwed parents.I guess, what I most want to ask you, is how could I best reconnect with her? I want to reach out and be there for her… she is a new mom, and I’ve been married almost 7 years with baby number 4 on the way. I don’t want to come across as “self riteous” to her at all, so I haven’t raised the issue… But it breaks my heart to know that her situation is potentially harmful to she and her family, and I care about her soul
Do you have any words of encouragement or support I could give her, that maybe YOU would like to hear from a friend in your situation?Thanks so much, and prayers with you as you try to do what’s best for you and your family
B
Brooklyn
Guest
I have also been away from this thread for a few days, and I can’t believe that I am still the subject of so much criticism. Gabbie is showing herself to be a very confused young lady, as she posted earlier in the thread that I did not say anything she didn’t already know and that I did not offend her. I think the fact that all of you have been piling on and castigating me for what I wrote has made her feel much more of a victim.
But that really doesn’t matter. Believe it or not, my intention was never to “name call”. It was to wake Gabbie up to the fact that her soul is in mortal danger. She has been away from the Sacraments for 9 years. She is completely cut off from the Grace of God and her soul is quite literally in danger of hell fire. This is a very serious situation. There is only one answer to it, and that is to repent and change immediately, if not for her own sake, at least for the sake of her daughter. As I said in my very first thread way, way back - DO NOT under any circumstances continue to sleep with this man. There is a child involved so you can’t just kick him out of your life, your daughter does need her father, no matter what the circumstances (unless of course he is abusive, which I assume he is not). But you definitely need to kick him out of the bedroom, and that means tonight! As has been stated in other posts, your soul and that of your daughter is all that really matters here. Every time you give in to your own feelings, you are pushing yourself further away from God and eternal life. You are trading in the most precious treasure for rotten garbage. Try very hard to remember that.
As for the rest of you, who believe I am heartless, cruel, and completely devoid of compassion - the way you try to show me how to become compassionate is by beating me over the head?! Wow, if I thought that was what Christianity was about, I would completely renounce it. It’s either agree with what you think, or I am a worthless human being not worthy of any kind of recognition? I am very grateful our Lord does not subscribe to your religion.
I can already hear the responses: “Well, I’m glad our Lord doesn’t subscribe to your religion.” Sigh.
One other thing - if what I wrote was so completely untrue and offensive, why hasn’t the moderator come after me for it? Think about that.
G
GabbieDear
Guest
Brooklyn, believe me when I tell you that there is no harsh feelings here. I am very grateful for your advice and your prayers, I really am.
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