Healthy contraception ?

[faithbound]

My wife had major complications with our 2nd child and that was 6 years ago, and with our 3rd child, even worse to where our baby girl was born after 6 mo. at 2lbs. 2oz. but THANKS to God she’s doing great now at age 2. My problem is that my wife wants to use contraception now for fear of her life if she should get pregnant again and I’m on the fence on which way to go. I know that God disapproves but then again I don’t want to jeopordise my wifes health. I need help, please.

 

[SueKrum]

do you and your wife have faith? do you trust HIm to protect you? NFP is the only licit form of prevent child birth that I know of. if you disobay God’s law, do you think He will reward you for it? if you obay HIs law, do you think He’ll punnish you for it? even if something were to happen, do you not trust that it’s part of HIs will? Remember that God opens and closes the whom, not us. I believe Jacob’s wife Racheal died while baring Benjamen, Jacob’s most belovid son. I’m not saying that your wife will die or that you even have to have another child, but you have to obay God’s law, no matter what the cost is to you. compramising is never the answer.

 

[mikew262]

faithbound:

My wife had major complications with our 2nd child and that was 6 years ago, and with our 3rd child, even worse to where our baby girl was born after 6 mo. at 2lbs. 2oz. but THANKS to God she’s doing great now at age 2. My problem is that my wife wants to use contraception now for fear of her life if she should get pregnant again and I’m on the fence on which way to go. I know that God disapproves but then again I don’t want to jeopordise my wifes health. I need help, please.

The majority of folks here will give you the Catholic “book” answer. IOW, no to contraception of any kind. However, my advice to you is to pray and talk with your priest to ensure you get the “official” Catholic position on it, and ensure you have the best medical opinion possible. After that, and after your wife and you have discussed it in depth, let your conscience be your guide.

While the church is officially against contraception, IMO, God for sure is against your wife possibly risking death by getting pregnant again. God values your wife’s life, and to get pregnant again, knowing it could possibly kill her, I think is against God’s desire as well. I don’t think abstinence is the answer either. God gave us the intelligence and the good sense to think for ourselves.

If your decision leads you to some sort of contraception for medical reasons, ensure it’s the type that cannot lead to an unintentional abortion.

Lots of things to consider. Tough decisions. Good luck in whatever you choose.

 

[1ke]

faithbound:

My wife had major complications with our 2nd child and that was 6 years ago, and with our 3rd child, even worse to where our baby girl was born after 6 mo. at 2lbs. 2oz. but THANKS to God she’s doing great now at age 2. My problem is that my wife wants to use contraception now for fear of her life if she should get pregnant again and I’m on the fence on which way to go. I know that God disapproves but then again I don’t want to jeopordise my wifes health. I need help, please.

This is a valid reason to use NFP to indefinitely prevent pregnancy. Should there be concern regarding “effectiveness” then the most concervative rules (post ovulation) should be used.

There is no valid reason to use contraception-- it is gravely disordered and a sin in all cases.

There is never a “reason” to sin. NFP can be used for this just and serious reason to avoid conception.

 

[1ke]

mikew262:

The majority of folks here will give you the Catholic “book” answer. IOW, no to contraception of any kind. However, my advice to you is to pray and talk with your priest to ensure you get the “official” Catholic position on it, and ensure you have the best medical opinion possible. After that, and after your wife and you have discussed it in depth, let your conscience be your guide.

The only position of the Church is that contraception is never allowed. Any priest who would tell a parishioner otherwise is himself committing a grave sin by leading someone else to sin by malforming their conscience.

It is important to properly form one’s conscience, and the teaching of the church is quite clear-- leaving no doubt as to the moral choices in this instance.

mikew262:

While the church is officially against contraception, IMO, God for sure is against your wife possibly risking death by getting pregnant again.

That is why the church does not require people to continue to have children if they have a serious reason to avoid. NFP/abstinence is always a valid option. Contraception is never a valid option.

mikew262:

God values your wife’s life, and to get pregnant again, knowing it could possibly kill her, I think is against God’s desire as well. I don’t think abstinence is the answer either. God gave us the intelligence and the good sense to think for ourselves.

You are leading someone toward sin, and that is wrong of you. You are implying that God wants this couple to contracept. God is the author of the moral law. Contraception is against the moral law. Therefore, it can never be the will of God for a couple to contracept.

mikew262:

If your decision leads you to some sort of contraception for medical reasons, ensure it’s the type that cannot lead to an unintentional abortion.

Contraception is never a moral choice.

mikew262:

Lots of things to consider. Tough decisions. Good luck in whatever you choose.

The teaching is clear-- the only decision is if one will willfully disobey it or embrace it.

 

[AlbertaRose]

I’m definitely an advocate of NFP and now that I know how my body works, I would never TRUST contraception if I wanted to avoid pregnancy. If I came down with a similar health issue where my life would be at risk if I conceived, I would guarantee you that having sex with contraception would be a lot more risky than NOT having sex during known fertile times!

AlbertaRose

 

[1ke]

AlbertaRose:

I’m definitely an advocate of NFP and now that I know how my body works, I would never TRUST contraception if I wanted to avoid pregnancy. If I came down with a similar health issue where my life would be at risk if I conceived, I would guarantee you that having sex with contraception would be a lot more risky than NOT having sex during known fertile times!

AlbertaRose

I agree completely. After learning NFP, I cannot see ever wanting to use contraception, especially if my life depended on it.

 

[mikew262]

1ke:

The only position of the Church is that contraception is never allowed. Any priest who would tell a parishioner otherwise is himself committing a grave sin by leading someone else to sin by malforming their conscience.

It is important to properly form one’s conscience, and the teaching of the church is quite clear-- leaving no doubt as to the moral choices in this instance.

That is why the church does not require people to continue to have children if they have a serious reason to avoid. NFP/abstinence is always a valid option. Contraception is never a valid option.

You are leading someone toward sin, and that is wrong of you. You are implying that God wants this couple to contracept. God is the author of the moral law. Contraception is against the moral law. Therefore, it can never be the will of God for a couple to contracept.

Contraception is never a moral choice.

The teaching is clear-- the only decision is if one will willfully disobey it or embrace it.

God is against indirect suicide too, which having more children for her could lead too. In a good marriage where they enjoy a healthly sex life, abstinence is not realistic.

NFP, I have no problem with. Yes, I should’ve mentioned that as an option. My bad there.

I told them to pray, seek guidance from their priest, and do what they think best. If contraception is their final choice, ensure it isn’t abortion causing.

This person is seeking common sense advice to a serious issue. I gave him that. Its up to him, his wife, and God to work it out.

 

[KCT]

There’s no morally healthy contraception Physically healthy is also debatable. Given that all forms of contraception have ‘failure rates’, how can you and your wife trust those?

NFP is safe, effective, morally acceptable and much healthier than anything else. (even tubals can cause LOTS of problems)
—KCT

 

[setter]

The majority of folks here will give you the Catholic “book” answer. IOW, no to contraception of any kind. However, my advice to you is to pray and talk with your priest to ensure you get the “official” Catholic position on it, and ensure you have the best medical opinion possible. After that, and after your wife and you have discussed it in depth, let your conscience be your guide.

In offense to the “advice” of mikew262, I will offer you some authoritative (“official”) Church statements (not opinions whether by laity or clergy) that make it clear that there are absolutely no “medical exceptions” (i.e., for the potential serious health risks to the mother associated with a future pregnancy).

“Legitimate intentions on the part of the spouses do not justify recourse to morally unacceptable means (for example, direct sterilization or contraception

).” (Catechism of the Catholic Church 2399)

“Contraception is to be judged so profoundly unlawful as to be never, for any reason, justified. To think or to say the contrary is equal to maintaining that in human life, situations may arise in which it is lawful not to recognize God as God.” (Pope John Paul II L’Osservatore Romano

, October, 10, 1983)

“It is not licit, even for the gravest reasons, to do evil so that good may follow there from”(Humanae Vitae

).

“. . . Similarly excluded is any action which either before, at the moment of, or after sexual intercourse, is specifically intended to prevent procreation—whether as an end or as a means.” (Humanae Vitae)

In contrast, “every action which, whether in anticipation of the conjugal act, or in its accomplishment, or in the development of its natural consequences, proposes, whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible” is intrinsically evil:

Thus the innate language that expresses the total reciprocal self-giving of husband and wife is overlaid, through contraception, by an objectively contradictory language, namely, that of not giving oneself totally to the other. This leads not only to a positive refusal to be open to life but also to a falsification of the inner truth of conjugal love, which is called upon to give itself in personal totality. . . . The difference, both anthropological and moral, between contraception and recourse to the rhythm of the cycle . . . involves in the final analysis two irreconcilable concepts of the human person and of human sexuality.(CCC 2370

)

While the church is officially against contraception, IMO

, God for sure is against your wife possibly risking death by getting pregnant again. God values your wife’s life, and to get pregnant again, knowing it could possibly kill her, *I think * is against God’s desire as well. *I don’t think * abstinence is the answer either. God gave us the intelligence and the good sense to think for ourselves.
More surmising and opinion independent of reference to Church teaching in matters of moral theology.

If your decision leads you to some sort of contraception for medical reasons, ensure it’s the type that cannot lead to an unintentional abortion.

IOW – If you take my advice to go ahead and sin, try not to sin twice.

Lots of things to consider. Tough decisions. Good luck in whatever you choose.

IOW – Now that I have given you my “advice” that strictly contradicts clear Church teaching pertinent to your presented situation, I wish you “good luck in whatever you choose”.

I will pray for you and your situation that the holy Spirit will guide you in the right moral decision.

 

[Jennifer_J]

Barring sterilization and abstinence, there is no 100% form of artificial contraception, and even sterilization has been known to fail. So, even if you and your wife decide to contracept, there is still a chance of pregnancy. Nothing but 100% abstinence is a guarentee of no more babies.
With NFP, you learn to read your wife’s body’s signs and know when she is fertile/infertile. If you don’t follow the rules of NFP, then pregnancy can occur. Following the most conservative rules the chance of pregnancy is next to nil.

Here are some online resources for NFP
ccli.org
boma-usa.org
creightonmodel.com
omsoul.com

Also, I wonder if the problems your wife encountered during pregnancy could be controled with meds or some medical intervention? I would get several different opinions on her condition before making such a drastic decision.

God bless you both
Jennifer

 

[setter]

God is against indirect suicide too, which having more children for her could lead too. In a good marriage where they enjoy a healthly sex life, abstinence is not realistic.

We do not always get to choose our crosses nor the grace that God’s affords.

NFP, I have no problem with. Yes, I should’ve mentioned that as an option. My bad there.

No, your bad there is suggesting to this sincere husband immoral options.

I told them to pray, seek guidance from their priest, and do what they think best. If contraception is their final choice, ensure it isn’t abortion causing.

This person is seeking common sense advice to a serious issue. I gave him that. Its up to him, his wife, and God to work it out.

As the previous poster pointed out, coaching, guiding, leading others into serious sin choices is a very bad thing to do and to which Jesus had some strong words for. :tsktsk:

 

[mikew262]

setter:

In offense to the “advice” of mikew262, I will offer you some authoritative (“official”) Church statements (not opinions

whether by laity or clergy) that make it clear that there are absolutely no “medical exceptions” (i.e., for the potential serious health risks to the mother associated with a future pregnancy).

More surmising and opinion independent of reference to Church teaching in matters of moral theology.

IOW – If you take my advice

to go ahead and sin, try not to sin twice.

IOW – Now that I have given you my “advice” that strictly contradicts clear Church teaching pertinent to your presented situation, I wish you “good luck in whatever you choose”.

I will pray for you and your situation that the holy Spirit will guide you in the right moral decision.
Spare me your sarcasm. I’m sorry you took offense, but I wasn’t directing my advice to you. I was directing some advice to the poor husband of a woman who could possibly die if she gets pregnant again.

I’m sure this person knows the Catholic “book” answer already. I believe he was seeking any other option. I give him a couple different directions to consider. I didn’t mention NFP, and that was my serious error.

NFP is the best way to go. I think Abstinence is unreasonable, but is another possible solution. However, if some form of contraception is their choice, try to minimize the harm by using non-abortion causing methods. In my mind, abortion is a much greater evil than contraception.

Unless you’ve been in this person’s shoes (I haven’t), it’s very easy to be self-rightous and condemning if somebody makes a decision that doesn’t exactly agree with Catholic doctrine.

 

[setter]

In offense to the “advice” of mikew262, I will offer you some authoritative (“official”) Church statements (not opinions

whether by laity or clergy) that make it clear that there are absolutely no “medical exceptions” (i.e., for the potential serious health risks to the mother associated with a future pregnancy).

Spare me your sarcasm. I’m sorry you took offense, but I wasn’t directing my advice to you. I was directing some advice to the poor husband of a woman who could possibly die if she gets pregnant again.

I’m sure this person knows the Catholic “book” answer already. I believe he was seeking any other option. I give him a couple different directions to consider. I didn’t mention NFP, and that was my serious error.
So you label my taking you to task as sarcasm?

Let’s be perfectly clear and accurate here, “I give him a couple different IMMORAL directions to consider”.

NFP is the best way to go. I think Abstinence is unreasonable, but is another possible solution. However, if some form of contraception is their choice, **try to minimize **

the harm by using non-abortion causing methods. In my mind, **abortion is a much greater evil ** than contraception.
I note your attempt to minimize and rationalize sin as you offer validation for immoral choices/options that you suggest to this sincere husband.

Unless you’ve been in this person’s shoes (I haven’t), it’s very easy to be self-rightous and condemning if somebody makes a decision that doesn’t exactly agree with Catholic doctrine.

Why does personal subjective experience only qualify one to offer authoritative Church teaching pertinent to a presented moral situation?

 

[AlbertaRose]

“I think Abstinence is unreasonable”

No one has ever died from abstinence.

AlbertaRose

 

[fix]

mikew262:

The majority of folks here will give you the Catholic “book” answer. IOW, no to contraception of any kind. However, my advice to you is to pray and talk with your priest to ensure you get the “official” Catholic position on it, and ensure you have the best medical opinion possible. After that, and after your wife and you have discussed it in depth, let your conscience be your guide.

While the church is officially against contraception, IMO, God for sure is against your wife possibly risking death by getting pregnant again. God values your wife’s life, and to get pregnant again, knowing it could possibly kill her, I think is against God’s desire as well. I don’t think abstinence is the answer either. God gave us the intelligence and the good sense to think for ourselves.

If your decision leads you to some sort of contraception for medical reasons, ensure it’s the type that cannot lead to an unintentional abortion.

Lots of things to consider. Tough decisions. Good luck in whatever you choose.

Interesting moral reasoning. Does this apply to other issues as well? What other “official” positions is one free to reject?

 

[mikew262]

setter:

So you label my taking you to task as sarcasm?

Let’s be perfectly clear and accurate here, “I give him a couple different IMMORAL directions to consider”.

I note your attempt to minimize and rationalize sin as you offer validation for immoral choices/options that you suggest to this sincere husband.

Why does personal subjective experience only qualify one to offer authoritative Church teaching pertinent to a presented moral situation?

Geez! :banghead:

I gave some real world advice. Some of it was within Catholic Doctrine, some wasn’t. Of course as a Catholic, we wish him to take the choice that is Catholic blessed. However, he should be aware of all the options. I’m sure he is an intelligent man and can figure it out. The options I gave him, he probably has thought about. He will read your posts back to me, and he’ll know your position on it, which is fine. He asked advice from anybody who would answer.

I answered him honestly. He can take or leave my advice, as well as anybody else who answers him. Hopefully, God will lead him and her to the right decision.

BTW, I assume this is an open forum, so I am free to speak (or write) honestly, as long as, I’m not being insulting, argumentative, or judgemental of other posters. I assume you feel the same?

 

[AlbertaRose]

To the OP

The best course of action that you and your wife have is to learn NFP properly, from a qualified instructor.

I’d highly recommend going to the bulletin board at Delphi Forums dedicated to NFP. They can guide you as to which variation of NFP would work best for you as a couple.

forums.delphiforums.com/nfptalk/start

You can learn how to chart & interpret her fertility together. If you need help, there are wonderful ladies on the Delphi board that love to help others using NFP.

It’s hands-down the safest way to NOT get pregnant.

Hope this helps
Praying for you and your wife

AlbertaRose

 

[mikew262]

“I think Abstinence is unreasonable”

No one has ever died from abstinence.

AlbertaRose

No, but marriages have. A healthy sex life is key to having a good marriage. Is it the THE key, no. However, a marriage w/o a sexual relationship sure stacks the odds against you. IMO, anybody who tells you different, is wrong.

 

[mikew262]

fix:

Interesting moral reasoning. Does this apply to other issues as well? What other “official” positions is one free to reject?

Ah, more sarcasm.