Healthy contraception ?

[kamz]

faithbound:

My wife had major complications with our 2nd child and that was 6 years ago, and with our 3rd child, even worse to where our baby girl was born after 6 mo. at 2lbs. 2oz. but THANKS to God she’s doing great now at age 2. My problem is that my wife wants to use contraception now for fear of her life if she should get pregnant again and I’m on the fence on which way to go. I know that God disapproves but then again I don’t want to jeopordise my wifes health. I need help, please.

Have you taken a NFP class?
I think if you take the class and make sure you have total understanding of it would be your first thing to do. My grandparents had 11 kids and with number 11 my grandma was 44 yrs old and almost died and the Catholic doctor said no more kids and he sent them to a NFP class, mind you this was 40 yrs ago They took the class and used NFP and never became pregnant again and my grandma was extremely fertile and got pregnant very, very easily and before this they never used NFP to space children she just breast fed to space them but once the doctor told her that her life was in danger and her uterus was shot and she must practice NFP for serious reasons they took the class and it worked for them.

First off I would go to a doctor maybe two or three and find out what they think, do they all say that your wife will be in danger if she has more kids, then if that is the case, go to a NFP class and explain the situation, I believe they will work with you until you feel totally comfortable. Thats just my opinion, I only wish my husband (he is Lutheran) would have done that for me, he didn’t and I had my tubes tied and although I have since been to confession and asked God for forgiveness, I regret it and I am angry that my husband would not be willing to use NFP and practice it faithfully for serious reasons, also, I love my husband very, very much but I wish I would have listened to friends when I was engaged who said “there at some point will be a conflict because you are Catholic and he is Lutheran” boy, they were correct, he does not feel the same way I do about the use of birth control etc. that has been really hard to deal with for me.
But…I’m rambling on now, good luck and your in my prayers.

 

[AlbertaRose]

mikew262:

Oh please!

you’re saying that some people have died from abstinence??

 

[kamz]

AlbertaRose:

you’re saying that some people have died from abstinence??

are you seriously suggesting the op should abstain for good??

I think that is totally wrong, if I did that to my husband I know at some point my marriage would suffer greatly.

The op really needs to post this question to ask an apologist.

Let’s try to be christian and charitable

 

[setter]

I gave some real world advice. Some of it was within Catholic Doctrine, some wasn’t.

Such a cavalier attitude toward knowingly leading another into grave sin.

Of course as a Catholic, we wish him to take the choice that is Catholic blessed. However, he should be aware of all the options.

Please refrain from speaking for all Catholics.

I’m sure he is an intelligent man and can figure it out. The options I gave him, he probably has thought about. He will read your posts back to me, and he’ll know your position on it, which is fine. He asked advice from anybody who would answer.

So you felt it encumbent upon yourself to offer illicit and reinforce moral options?

I answered him honestly. He can take or leave my advice, as well as anybody else who answers him. Hopefully, God will lead him and her to the right decision.

Unbecoming to not take personal responsibility for the spreading and promoting of error in matters of moral theology.

BTW, I assume this is an open forum, so I am free to speak (or write) honestly, as long as, I’m not being insulting, argumentative, or judgemental of other posters. I assume you feel the same?

Feelings aside, bottom line, your suggest and offer immoral sin options to a sincere husband seeking to know and do what is morally permissible by the Church in his particular situation. I repeat myself :tsktsk: .

 

[AlbertaRose]

No, I’m not saying that they would need to abstain for good.

I’m saying that with NFP, even when the strictest rules are applied, there is still opportunity for “romance” within the relationship. Abstinence at some times in the cycle, but certainly not always!

 

[1ke]

mikew262:

God is against indirect suicide too, which having more children for her could lead too.

No, it is not. Everyone dies, Mike. Living leads to dieing, and there are many things that can take that life. If her health is seriously jeopardized, it is her choice to avoid conception. Contraception is not an option in carrying out that choice.

mikew262:

In a good marriage where they enjoy a healthly sex life, abstinence is not realistic.

I disagree with you, and the Church does too.

mikew262:

NFP, I have no problem with.  Yes, I should've mentioned that as an option.  My bad there.

It is the only option other than total continence.

mikew262:

I told them to pray, seek guidance from their priest, and do what they think best. If contraception is their final choice, ensure it isn’t abortion causing.

You cannot suggest contraception as a moral option, and here you have done just that.

mikew262:

This person is seeking common sense advice to a serious issue. I gave him that. Its up to him, his wife, and God to work it out.

It is up to them to work it out with a well formed conscience. Church teaching is clear-- contraception is not a moral choice.

 

[TZiggy]

I wonder how many who have posted answers have encountered this same problem. I would ask all who feel they know the answer to take a step back if this hasn’t been your cross. The ease in which I read “trust God”, and “use NFP or risk your salvation” lacks true understanding. To be in this situation is scary, confusing, lonely, and frustrating to name a few emotions.

Faithbound,
My wife and I have lived through this same situation. My first advice is to pray, and ask your wife to pray with you. God knows what you’re going thru. Pray for guidance, pray for discernment. It’s HIS will you seek, ask and you shall recieve. You are embarking on a journey at his bequest. I promise, as confusing as it is, you will look back one day and fall on your knee’s thanking him for the gifts he gives you for your hard work.
Secondly: I’m a proponent of NFP. If you haven’t explored this option do so. You’ll understand why those who use it are enthused.
Thirdly: If you have used NFP and didn’t get it right or your wife has medical conditions that make it difficult or down right impossible, know you are not being asked to abstain forever. You are being asked to abstain while you seek Gods will. Pray some more. Communicate, communicate, communicate! I’ve never talked so much about sex with my wife than I did when we were abstaining (she wanted to use birth control also). Communication is just one fruit of discernment that will serve you the rest of your life. Say the rosary when you just can’t take any more. My wife and I abstained for a period of time I wouldn’t have thought possible. At the end of that time, God made it abundantly clear how we were to proceed. It wasn’t easy, but I’d dare say I’ve been rewarded 100 times over.
Lastly: Read Humane’ Vitae’ (spelling). There are those out there that unwittingly foist burdens upon others without full knowledge of ones situation and how it pertains to church teaching. After doing this and asking God for guidance, seek the most holy, well grounded priest you know. Ask for his guidance. God - - IN HIS TIME - - will provide your answer.

God Bless you. You are embarking on a mission that will bring you closer to your wife than you thought was possible. Trust that God will guide and reward you abundantly!

 

[mikew262]

kamz:

are you seriously suggesting the op should abstain for good??

I think that is totally wrong, if I did that to my husband I know at some point my marriage would suffer greatly.

The op really needs to post this question to ask an apologist.

Let’s try to be christian and charitable

Finally, some common sense from somebody! Thank you!

 

[kamz]

AlbertaRose:

No, I’m not saying that they would need to abstain for good.

I’m saying that with NFP, even when the strictest rules are applied, there is still opportunity for “romance” within the relationship. Abstinence at some times in the cycle, but certainly not always!

OH, I understand what your saying

I know myself I could easily abstain without any problems but my husband would not be so cool about that, he takes it so personally, he assumes it means I don’t love him or want to be with him, I know thats sounds dumb, but in that area he is very low self esteem and he takes it totally wrong. But I can see totally abstaining during her fertile times but they first need to go to a really good class so they can learn about “when” her really fertile times are, so many people haven’t any idea, so I would try to find a really good NFP class and until then I would abstain until we totally understood what we were doing.

 

[fix]

mikew262:

Ah, more sarcasm.

No, not sarcasm. A legitimate question. Your post seemed to state there is an “official” position…and then the real world. I am interested in truth. Why is it unfair of me to ask what other issues am I free to look at simply as an ideal that I am free to reject for more practical reasons?

 

[setter]

kamz:

are you seriously suggesting the op should abstain for good??

I think that is totally wrong, if I did that to my husband I know at some point my marriage would suffer greatly.

The op really needs to post this question to ask an apologist.

Let’s try to be christian and charitable

If the couple absolutley cannot incur the medical risks to the wife associated with another pregnancy, then ONLY until post-menopause, NOT for good!!

The only 100% way to prevent pregnancy is either 1) marital continence, 2) castration or removal of the ovaries.

The only truly christian and charitable response encompasses the morally licit.

 

[kamz]

TZiggy:

I wonder how many who have posted answers have encountered this same problem. I would ask all who feel they know the answer to take a step back if this hasn’t been your cross. The ease in which I read “trust God”, and “use NFP or risk your salvation” lacks true understanding. To be in this situation is scary, confusing, lonely, and frustrating to name a few emotions.

Faithbound,
My wife and I have lived through this same situation. My first advice is to pray, and ask your wife to pray with you. God knows what you’re going thru. Pray for guidance, pray for discernment. It’s HIS will you seek, ask and you shall recieve. You are embarking on a journey at his bequest. I promise, as confusing as it is, you will look back one day and fall on your knee’s thanking him for the gifts he gives you for your hard work.
Secondly: I’m a proponent of NFP. If you haven’t explored this option do so. You’ll understand why those who use it are enthused.
Thirdly: If you have used NFP and didn’t get it right or your wife has medical conditions that make it difficult or down right impossible, know you are not being asked to abstain forever. You are being asked to abstain while you seek Gods will. Pray some more. Communicate, communicate, communicate! I’ve never talked so much about sex with my wife than I did when we were abstaining (she wanted to use birth control also). Communication is just one fruit of discernment that will serve you the rest of your life. Say the rosary when you just can’t take any more. My wife and I abstained for a period of time I wouldn’t have thought possible. At the end of that time, God made it abundantly clear how we were to proceed. It wasn’t easy, but I’d dare say I’ve been rewarded 100 times over.
Lastly: Read Humane’ Vitae’ (spelling). There are those out there that unwittingly foist burdens upon others without full knowledge of ones situation and how it pertains to church teaching. After doing this and asking God for guidance, seek the most holy, well grounded priest you know. Ask for his guidance. God - - IN HIS TIME - - will provide your answer.

God Bless you. You are embarking on a mission that will bring you closer to your wife than you thought was possible. Trust that God will guide and reward you abundantly!

That is an awesome post, you are a wonderful person, I can feel your love for your wife, what a true blessing

 

[AlbertaRose]

setter:

If the couple absolutley cannot incur the medical risks to the wife associated with another pregnancy, then ONLY until post-menopause, NOT for good!!

I don’t agree with that. With NFP you can be CERTAIN that you have ovulated so in Phase III of you cycle, you can be assured that you wouldn’t get pregnant. But you have to get proper instruction and be highly motivated to follow the rules to the T.

AlbertaRose

 

[kamz]

setter:

If the couple absolutley cannot incur the medical risks to the wife associated with another pregnancy, then ONLY until post-menopause, NOT for good!!

well, good thing they are both Catholic

As I stated, I’m Catholic and my husband is Lutheran and I could very easily abstain for the rest of my life ( I’m 31 ) but my husband would NEVER be willing to do that and I know it would destroy our marriage.

Again, this is why I pray to God daily that my four Catholic chidlren will marry Catholis, you just don’t realize how important that is until you marry someone of a different faith

 

[kamz]

AlbertaRose:

I don’t agree with that. With NFP you can be CERTAIN that you have ovulated so in Phase III of you cycle, you can be assured that you wouldn’t get pregnant. But you have to get proper instruction and be highly motivated to follow the rules to the T.

AlbertaRose

That should be very reassuring to the op

 

[LeahInancsi]

faithbound:

My wife had major complications with our 2nd child and that was 6 years ago, and with our 3rd child, even worse to where our baby girl was born after 6 mo. at 2lbs. 2oz. but THANKS to God she’s doing great now at age 2. My problem is that my wife wants to use contraception now for fear of her life if she should get pregnant again and I’m on the fence on which way to go. I know that God disapproves but then again I don’t want to jeopordise my wifes health. I need help, please.

After reading your question carefully, I don’t see that your wife’s life had been at risk in the last two pregnancies. If she wants to contracept, it’s possibly because see doesn’t want to endure the suffering involved with difficult pregnancies. That’s a pretty lame reason for artifical contraception.

In this case, I would recommend NFP and consult medical specialists on how to prevent any future pregnancies from the difficulties encountered with the 2nd and 3rd pregnancies.

If your wife’s life were truly at jeopardy, I would tell you to follow your conscience since three children would be left without a mother. As it is, I think you still have viable alternatives before you turn to artificial contraception.

 

[AlbertaRose]

kamz:

OH, I understand what your saying

I know myself I could easily abstain without any problems but my husband would not be so cool about that, he takes it so personally, he assumes it means I don’t love him or want to be with him, I know thats sounds dumb, but in that area he is very low self esteem and he takes it totally wrong. But I can see totally abstaining during her fertile times but they first need to go to a really good class so they can learn about “when” her really fertile times are, so many people haven’t any idea, so I would try to find a really good NFP class and until then I would abstain until we totally understood what we were doing.

My husband abstaining for MY well being is one of the greatest gifts that he can give me. It proves that he loves me and is willing to sacrifice for me - much like Jesus did dying for us.

AlbertaRose

 

[setter]

AlbertaRose:

I don’t agree with that. With NFP you can be CERTAIN that you have ovulated so in Phase III of you cycle, you can be assured that you wouldn’t get pregnant. But you have to get proper instruction and be highly motivated to follow the rules to the T.

AlbertaRose

See my amended post – If future pregnancy poses a serious/lethal health risk to the mother, then any form of ABC or NFP leaves open the possibility of pregnancy. To give the poster 100% CERTAINTY of no chances of pregnancy with NFP is misleading, however minute the chance of pregnancy when properly used.

 

[fix]

faithbound:

My wife had major complications with our 2nd child and that was 6 years ago, and with our 3rd child, even worse to where our baby girl was born after 6 mo. at 2lbs. 2oz. but THANKS to God she’s doing great now at age 2. My problem is that my wife wants to use contraception now for fear of her life if she should get pregnant again and I’m on the fence on which way to go. I know that God disapproves but then again I don’t want to jeopordise my wifes health. I need help, please.

Certainly speak with your priest. It would seem if one spouse wanted to contracept and one did not, regardless of what religion, the couple could still have relations and the non contracepting spouse would not be sinning. I would think the non contracepting spouse would, from time to time, try to encourage and explain to the other why contraception is wrong.

That does not mean one should ever contracept , it means that one spouse cannot stop the other spouse from contracepting.

 

[kamz]

AlbertaRose:

My husband abstaining for MY well being is one of the greatest gifts that he can give me. It proves that he loves me and is willing to sacrifice for me - much like Jesus did dying for us.

AlbertaRose

I agree, my husband has a very long way to go, he was brought up without religion and he is like a little child, slowly, learning, one step at a time, of course if I was the man I would do this for him but I am not and although I have actually been very, very angry at times inside that my husband is not the Christian husband that I had hoped I would be married to, I married him 13 yrs ago and at that time I was fallen away from God and made my choice and now with four kids, I have this cross to carry, and I keep praying that my husband will someday be the Christain husband and Father that I know deep down he can be, I’m indeed very jealous of you, you are really lucky and I can see that very clearly.