Help Advice about Finding good catholic Men!

[santaro75]

I don’t think lifelong virginity was God’s plan for marriage for women.

of course not, just every fathers hope for his daughter! just kidding.

but the point i was making was that Gods plan for when a woman should mary looks a lot different than our plan.

Woman getting married at 24 or 25 is our plan not Gods plan.

 

[prv]

HA I figured it out! ok I agree a chaste relationship is the way to go! In fact I feel sorta bad for my future spouse with everything he is going to be put through. I believe that any physical anything is wrong out side of marrige! It distracts one from listening to God most of the time. Plus how are you to truly get to know each other when you are constatly being put into temtations way. Sorry I am a BIG PRO-CHASTITY person! I mean truly chaste not just abstaining from sex. I didn’t mean to ramble but I am sure you understand a Little more where I am coming from.

God bless,

No need to apologize. “Big pro-chastity” is the only way to go.

 

[prv]

I have the same but opposite problem. There are very very few good catholic girls in the world.

However I still hold in faith to the fact that God has his timing and it doesn’t always match mine. He has a little more information that i do.

so stand firm to your beliefs and hold out. prince charming is on his way. God is forming him for you right now. Trust that God has this figured out and when the time comes you will meet him.

(God probably has him in medical school so that he can provide for the 13 children you plan on having) just kdding

blessings

Well, as a person who is contemplating medical school, I may not get married (if ever) until I’m in my late 30’s, so that I can support my studies both in time and financially.

 

[prv]

Sheesh. The poor girl asked about where she can find nice guys and gets lectured about why she HAS to go to college. Give it a break! If she isn’t interested in that, then why waste the time? Afterall, you’re not likely to get much out of something you aren’t seriously committed to, anyway. If, later on, she wants to go “back to school”, then she certainly can. But it’s not for everyone and it’s not necessarily the only route to getting a sustainable job or a good boyfriend. Sounds to me like this young lady has a solid background, a good head on her shoulders, and knows what she wants out of life better than most people her age. I’ll take the chance to commend her for that and offer my show of support rather than trying to finnegel her into following whatever my own preferred path for someone else’s life might be. Here’s hoping you find a man who’s recognizes what you’re really worth.

I think some have already mentioned:

Ave Maria Singles
campus ministry (student or non-student)
Pro-life activities sponsored by the (arch)diocese
Eucharistic adoration
Parish activities (orthodox Catholic parishes, of course)

Others?

 

[Norseman82]

Y’all may not be aware of the huge financial debt that is normally incurred with college. I’ve heard it stated that statistically speaking the most effective form of birth control is college debt. If she hails from a large family and plans to have a large family college isn’t always realistic financially.

Well, to cut down on costs, there is always a local community college where you can take “core curriculum” classes if they are transferable to a 4-year university, or public universities that you could commute to. Many people do that while working.

 

[chicago]

Of course, if there’s a college or university in her area, she could certainly hang out or even be involved with their student ministry people even if she doesn’t actually attend classes in the school.

 

[shirleytowers]

If all the Catholic men on here looking for a good Catholic girl could meet all the nice Catholic girls looking for a good Catholic man…

My advice is 1) work on making yourself the best possible human / mother-to-be / Catholic you can; 2) if you want children, an education will benefit your whole family, you will live longer, statistically, you will be a more interesting woman, you will be more able to support your children or family should that be necessary,* and you will be able to get more out of life because you will have a greater understanding of it; and 3) read about marriage and child-rearing; 4) pray for God to help you meet the person he chooses for you. Don’t be picking out a husband. Let God do it.

Men are not marriage-worthy until they can support a family and are willing to do so. This means a college degree and some assets. Maybe a house. Old fashioned, but sensible. Because kids can come along right smart after a wedding, sometimes within a year, and you have to be ready.

• my husband has Lupus and hasn’t been able to work for about seven years now and may never be able to again. What if I hadn’t gone to college and gotten a degree? We would be in bad straits, with three kids, no medical ins., unbale to afford our medicine, living in gov’t housing somewhere. Ai yi yi.

 

[MyriamMS]

Plus I have NO desire to go to college it would distract me from my calling to be a mother! My vocation is not to go to college but to be a wife and mother! Did you know most women that go to college and get a job most of the time do not want to give it up for “just being a mom”! I don’t want that for myself. I was raised in a family where the man was the bread winner and my mom did her side business but that is all she would have never gone to work cause it’s not her job! I tend to be of the same mind set!

You’ ve gotten a lot of wise answers, so I won’t add any more theory, just a short testimony.
I’m slightly older than you are - I’m 19. I too grew up in a family where the man was the breadwinner, and my mom ‘did her side of the business’. I too plan on being a SAHM, and have been actively preparing myself for this kind of life (I’m the eldest of a large family, so you can guess I have loads of practical experience). BUT, I go to college - I’m doing a law degree.
Why ?

1. I believe women are called to be ‘helpmeets’ - not servants, not housekeepers. One important aspect of the help they provide men with is, of course, the ‘practical’ one : managing the home is a woman’s business, that’s true. BUT, this is only a part of what they are called to; indeed, I believe - and I know from talks with my guy friends - that men also need a companion on an intellectual level. And as far as this task is concerned, college helps heaps !
2. You think you are mature enough for marriage. Well, so did I, until God helped me to realise that it may not be so. I can assure you that I had loads of practical experience in running a home, and still got to learn a lot, just by leaving my home and my family. I discovered what it means to be alone and totallyresponsible for myself : having to deal with feelings of loneliness, tiredness, doubt on my own. When you live at home, chances are in at least 50% of cases there is someone you can talk to, just to relieve your feelings. In your marriage, it is going to be different. Woman need to be aware that men have different needs and are not just a shoulder on which one can cry. There will be times when you will have to hold your tongue and avoid bothering your husband with your problems (and then, talking to your mother/father/sister won’t be an option, because there are things that shouldn’t be shared with people outside the couple - doing otherwise could be immature and lead to problems inside the couple). So…life away from your family is great when it comes to learn a couple of things about becoming an adult.
3. Granted, I may not get to know my husband at college. But I have gotten to know many, many guys, and developping a friendship with them has led me to discover tons of things about male psychology. Of course, I have already spent a lot of time observing my father and my brothers, but still learnt a lot from my male friends.
4. As others have mentionned, you never know what can happen. Were your husband to die, you would be left in a difficult situation, specially if you have children.
   My mother does not have any college education. My father works very hard to support the family. His health does suffer from this. I am very worried about it, because he’s my beloved father, of course, and I would be devastated if he were to die now. But there’s also an other aspect : the truth is, if that happened, I would have to support my family, because my mother is too old for this. And this would be a heavy burden on my shoulders. Would you want your daughter/son to have to worry about such a situation ?
5. And finally, well…being a SAHM is your plan, and mine. But what is God’s plan for our lives ? You know, you can be a working wife/mother and still be a very good Catholic and even a saint ! Think of Saint Jeanne Berretta Molla !

These are points you should maybe consider.

God bless you,
MyriamMS

 

[Norseman82]

If all the Catholic men on here looking for a good Catholic girl could meet all the nice Catholic girls looking for a good Catholic man…

My advice is 1) work on making yourself the best possible human / mother-to-be / Catholic you can; 2) if you want children, an education will benefit your whole family, you will live longer, statistically, you will be a more interesting woman, you will be more able to support your children or family should that be necessary,* and you will be able to get more out of life because you will have a greater understanding of it; and 3) read about marriage and child-rearing; 4) pray for God to help you meet the person he chooses for you. Don’t be picking out a husband. Let God do it.

Men are not marriage-worthy until they can support a family and are willing to do so. This means a college degree and some assets. Maybe a house. Old fashioned, but sensible. Because kids can come along right smart after a wedding, sometimes within a year, and you have to be ready.

• my husband has Lupus and hasn’t been able to work for about seven years now and may never be able to again. What if I hadn’t gone to college and gotten a degree? We would be in bad straits, with three kids, no medical ins., unbale to afford our medicine, living in gov’t housing somewhere. Ai yi yi.

Advice# 2 and 3 - agreed

Advice# 1 - what happens when you do that and it still doesn’t work?

Advice#4 - worst possible advice anyone could give for several reasons:

a) Theologically - CCC# 2230 implies that choice of spouse is up to us. We’re Catholics, not Calvinists. God gave us free will. What is the theological basis that God has our spouses pre-picked for us and at the right moment they are beamed down to our front doors?

b) How do we know that God picks one for you over another? “Gut feelings” are that - emotions, and those are not always the best indicator. We could be second guessing until the Bears win the World Series. That’s not good for a relationship. And it’s not good for our sanity.

c) It’s laziness and resolves us from personal responsibility when we make a wrong decision if we say “it was God’s choice”.

d) As an archdiocesan official said once, we need to temper our hearts with our heads.

I’ve stated this before, I’ll state this again: we need to get back to basics. We need the Church to preach that we should stop rejecting good Catholics, especially if they are rejected in favor of ineligible people.

 

[chicago]

Men are not marriage-worthy until they can support a family and are willing to do so. This means a college degree and some assets. Maybe a house. Old fashioned, but sensible.

Old fashioned? Not really. Most men in decades and centuries past got married while still young, absent a college degree, and probably not particularly well off, though perhaps working hard just to make ends meet.

 

[aimee]

Well, MY 17 yr old ought to stay locked up safely in her room until she’s about 30!

But, really, it just depends upon the people involved and their maturity. There are 17, 18, 19 year old young ladies who get along just fine with men several years older than them. Maybe that’s a very good thing, in fact (and even more natural) than the delaying, delaying, delaying perpetually until you’re (never really) “ready”.

A man should be about 15 yrs older than woman …ideally

 

[chicago]

A man should be about 15 yrs older than woman …ideally

So, let’s see, if I were, theoretically, 32… hey you wouldn’t happen to have a 17 year old daughter, would you?

 

[aimee]

So, let’s see, if I were, theoretically, 32… hey you wouldn’t happen to have a 17 year old daughter, would you?

no

And he should be able to salsa…:dancing:

women shouldn’t commit until finished with their education…maybe 20 yrs old

 

[chicago]

no

Will she be 17 anytime soon? Is she already 18?

And he should be able to salsa…:dancing:

Best I can do is a little lindyhop.

women shouldn’t commit until finished with their education…maybe 20 yrs old

That’s an awful long time to finish up with the 8th grade!

 

[OriginalJS]

Let’s wake up and smell the coffee here.

First, getting married during the teen years is an invitation to disaster.

Second, while you may dream about staying home baking cookies for a mob of well adjusted, heathly children coming in the front door after school, at best those years only last so long.

Third, if you don’t have much education, chances are your spouse won’t either.

Fourth, most educators will tell you that the most important single predictor of academic success of a child is the educational level of the motherl

Fifth, all marriages end by divorce or death. Right now, about 50% of marriages end in divorce. You have to consider where you will be when the marriage ends.

Sixth, Don’t be led down a primrose path believing that you can live on love and that money is not important. There is an old true adage, “When debt comes in the door, love goes out the window.” Do not relearn this the hard way.

Seventh, Economists estimate today that it will take $250,000 to rear a normal, healthy, child to adulthood and provide a decent education. Four children -$1,000,000! Over twenty-five years that comes out to $40,000 a year after taxes just for the kids. A lot of families don’t make much more that that when everything is added up.

Good luck.

 

[santaro75]

Let’s wake up and smell the coffee here.

First, getting married during the teen years is an invitation to disaster.

Wrong! only by todays society is it a disaster. Throughout history teens got married. The Virgin was a TEEN. Our faith in God has dwindled and therefore we have foresaken his plan

OriginalJS:

Second, while you may dream about staying home baking cookies for a mob of well adjusted, heathly children coming in the front door after school, at best those years only last so long.

Why do we need such a cooshie cookies and milk life. what does God care about cookies and milk and cooshieness.

Third, if you don’t have much education, chances are your spouse won’t either.

What does God care about Education. Does he only favor the educated? Was Joseph or Mary or Moses educated?

Fourth, most educators will tell you that the most important single predictor of academic success of a child is the educational level of the motherl

My mother was not even highschool educated. i have a degree and work in a very technical field. She has a heart of Gold and her faith in God is the center of her life. She has wisdom PHD’s would envy. The spirit gives you wisdom and truth not books. books just give you human knowledge

Fifth, all marriages end by divorce or death. Right now, about 50% of marriages end in divorce. You have to consider where you will be when the marriage ends.

Where does faith in God play into this attitude?

Sixth, Don’t be led down a primrose path believing that you can live on love and that money is not important. There is an old true adage, “When debt comes in the door, love goes out the window.” Do not relearn this the hard way.

How many times has Jesus told us to not worry? God has you. You just have to put all faith in him. It is your lack of faith that prevents you from being cared for.

Seventh, Economists estimate today that it will take $250,000 to rear a normal, healthy, child to adulthood and provide a decent education. Four children -$1,000,000! Over twenty-five years that comes out to $40,000 a year after taxes just for the kids. A lot of families don’t make much more that that when everything is added up

Who says you have to rear children with the american standard of college, cars and everything else. What about what God wants. the problem in this country is we always put God second. We only think about our own resourcefulness and our own desires, plans and wants. We need to get back to having faith in God and in God alone!

With your thinking, there will never be Catholics open to having lots of kids for God.

 

[Shellie]

I was wondering where are all the good Catholic men? I have a strong call to the Married life and I am trying {really I am} to be patient in waiting for God to bring me the right man.

I was hoping to hear myself were the good Catholic boys are as a convert with a 16yo daughter!

I married at 18 (found him at college) , first child at 19 and we just celebrated 17 years of marriage. Four kids and I do homeschool.

My husband is a doctor and we just insure him for enough so that if he dies, I’m covered. BUT we couldn’t afford the insurance to do that for YEARS and it was touch and go as we had 3 children before he left med school.

However, I did get my college degree. I’m not impressed and my children know far more than I did with my history degree. While you’re waiting, I’d encourage you to learn a useful skill: web design, proofreading, medical transcription, associate’s degree (do they still have those?) in nursing, etc. Or something you can do from home.

While hubby was in med school, I worked at night (so one of us was always home with kiddoes) as an insurance claims specialist (not a highly trained job I can tell you that!). Just something to bring in money during the early years. And always at night while he worked (not 40 hours per week, of course).

But that’s just me. You know yourself better than we. You know if it’d be a good experience for you to commit to one semester at college to pursue friendships, developing your mind through literary exploits, etc. I’d think it could not hurt and maybe you’ll find that you WOULD actually enjoy a bit of college. Then again, maybe not.

I wish you great blessings in your life! I do not discourage young marriages covenanted with the parents knowledge and approval (if they are godly, discerning parents – that’s the hope).

 

[Mirdath]

Wrong! only by todays society is it a disaster. Throughout history teens got married. The Virgin was a TEEN. Our faith in God has dwindled and therefore we have foresaken his plan

Well hello, today’s society is the one we’re living in

Why do we need such a cooshie cookies and milk life. what does God care about cookies and milk and cooshieness.

Mrs Cleaver is overdoing it a little, but why not be happy and take comfort in the little things in life?

What does God care about Education. Does he only favor the educated? Was Joseph or Mary or Moses educated?

Moses was definitely extremely well-educated as an adoptive royal. Joseph and Mary quite possibly had some amount of education as well, being of a high bloodline – King David’s.

What does God care about education? I dare you to ask a Jesuit that. We are told to be stewards of this world, and that means understanding it.

My mother was not even highschool educated. i have a degree and work in a very technical field. She has a heart of Gold and her faith in God is the center of her life. She has wisdom PHD’s would envy. The spirit gives you wisdom and truth not books. books just give you human knowledge

A heart of gold is a wonderful thing, and wisdom is beyond price; however, would it have been a bad thing for her to have those things as well as an education? You’re in tech, with a degree, and you’re saying education is worthless?

Human knowledge can be gained without books, and spiritual knowledge can be gained through them. Don’t discount either path, or any.

How many times has Jesus told us to not worry? God has you. You just have to put all faith in him. It is your lack of faith that prevents you from being cared for.

‘Trust in Allah but tie up your camel’. God provides for the lilies of the field, but humans get to make their own way.

Who says you have to rear children with the american standard of college, cars and everything else. What about what God wants. the problem in this country is we always put God second. We only think about our own resourcefulness and our own desires, plans and wants. We need to get back to having faith in God and in God alone!

You don’t have to, but it is usually best for children, parents, the marriage, the whole deal. Putting God first is a noble goal, but there should still be secondary goals – we still have responsibilities as human beings, and from what I can see, that’s one of the few core elements of your God’s plan.

With your thinking, there will never be Catholics open to having lots of kids for God.

That’s not at all true, and with ‘that thinking’ the incoming hordes of children will be better-educated, better ready to face the world and live in it rather than becoming a starving rabble once the last educated people die out. Quality of life should have at least as much priority as quantity.

 

[lak611]

Let’s wake up and smell the coffee here.

Third, if you don’t have much education, chances are your spouse won’t either.

Many men with college degrees expect their wives to have them as well. Even if the wife chooses to stay at home with children, a man wants somebody he can relate to on an intellectual level that complements his. I have friends who are college graduates and REFUSE to date women without degrees.

 

[Gamera]

Back in my single days, a couple of times I asked out women after Mass. Yeah, really. Twice I noticed a cute woman was there alone, and went up to her after Mass and said, “Excuse me, but I noticed you during Mass and I don’t think I’ve seen you here before, and I just had to introduce myself. My name’s Paul.” Both times I got a date. So don’t be shy about striking up a conversation with someone you see at Mass who’s unaccompanied.

Good luck. I hope you meet someone special soon.