Help me by telling me about your marriage!

[LaughingBoy1503]

How did you meet your spouse and how long did you date until you got married? Here is why I ask…

I am a 32 year old man and single. I have been having a hard time meeting women for the last several years that I have been a practicing Catholic. I came into The Church from Protestantism back in 2013. So far, every woman I have ever met through my parish is either already married, engaged or has a boyfriend. I have no prospects and I never do. I volunteer, I am active at my parish and nothing. I work in construction, which is 99.9% men. The only women any of my friends know are all women who have 2 or 3 children and pretty much did nothing throughout their 20’s except make babies out of wedlock. No thanks. I would date a single mother of 1 child but not a woman with several. Not to mention none of them are practicing Catholics.

I have been using online dating for years, with some success… One relationship, met several women and made some friends. The problem is that it takes a very long time to find another woman interested in me so as a result I get maybe 2 dates with 2 different women a year. And out of all of them so far, only one wanted to be with me and she was definitely the least knowledgeable Catholic of all of them. The practicing ones just seem so hard to get to give me a chance although we always connect so well on the spiritual level.

How did you meet your spouse? Maybe I can get some ideas.

 

[po18guy]

Pray. First. Last. Always. Wait. Be patient as the Lord has been patient with you. And, as to your personal standards, do not judge the Lord for what He intends for you. Give up of yourself and you will receive many times your donation. Joy will ultimately overflow.

 

[pensmama87]

If you get along well with any of the married women (or men) at your parish or through Church activities, I would let them know you are actively looking to date and to please let you know if they have someone in mind that you might like to get to know.

One thing I would say is that even if things don’t work out romantically with a person you get to know, I wouldn’t burn that bridge. Not saying that you do this, but if you meet someone and think she’s attractive, then she mentions a boyfriend or you see a ring or whatever, it can be tempting to just mentally “shove her out of the way” so you can move on to the next person. It’s still very good to get to know people, for lots of reasons, including building your social skills (through practice or if there’s something “off” about you that you don’t know about, good friends can kindly clue you in) and widening your social circle. Susie may be married, but she knows Jane who isn’t, and even if you go on a date with Jane and don’t have a spark, Jane might think, “he’s really into stamp collecting like my friend Mary, maybe he should meet her.”

Here’s the other thing - you said you had a woman interested in you, but she wasn’t very knowledgeable about the faith. That’s one thing, sure, but even if she’s not at the same level as you, did she seem willing to learn?

I think it’s rare that people perfectly line up in their interests and hobbies. Usually there’s some overlap but one person may be into something to a much higher degree. I can’t tell from your description if you’re saying, “Well, she doesn’t have a theology degree,” or “She never goes to Mass and is adamant that she won’t change her mind about that.” There’s a big gap in there.

To answer your first question in your post, my husband and I met online (on a group for students at our school). We met in person a few times, but we didn’t start dating until some of our mutual friends helped us out - a girl who lived down the hall from me, who was dating one of his fraternity brothers, and another of his fraternity brothers who did some extracurriculars with me.

 

[AClaire11]

I gave up on meeting someone and then a few months later, a friend at uni introduced me to her brother. We had a long stance relationship until partway through our engagement.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

Pray. First. Last. Always. Wait. Be patient as the Lord has been patient with you. And, as to your personal standards, do not judge the Lord for what He intends for you. Give up of yourself and you will receive many times your donation. Joy will ultimately overflow.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Patience is a virtue…

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

I do not need to hear more about how I need to pray and be patient. That is what I have been doing for years. I hear it all the time. that it just makes me roll my eyes and shut down. I am already doing that. The purpose of this thread is for ideas on how to meet women. I am asking for water, do not give me gasoline

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

If you get along well with any of the married women (or men) at your parish or through Church activities, I would let them know you are actively looking to date and to please let you know if they have someone in mind that you might like to get to know.

One thing I would say is that even if things don’t work out romantically with a person you get to know, I wouldn’t burn that bridge. Not saying that you do this, but if you meet someone and think she’s attractive, then she mentions a boyfriend or you see a ring or whatever, it can be tempting to just mentally “shove her out of the way” so you can move on to the next person. It’s still very good to get to know people, for lots of reasons, including building your social skills (through practice or if there’s something “off” about you that you don’t know about, good friends can kindly clue you in) and widening your social circle. Susie may be married, but she knows Jane who isn’t, and even if you go on a date with Jane and don’t have a spark, Jane might think, “he’s really into stamp collecting like my friend Mary, maybe he should meet her.”

Here’s the other thing - you said you had a woman interested in you, but she wasn’t very knowledgeable about the faith. That’s one thing, sure, but even if she’s not at the same level as you, did she seem willing to learn?

I think it’s rare that people perfectly line up in their interests and hobbies. Usually there’s some overlap but one person may be into something to a much higher degree. I can’t tell from your description if you’re saying, “Well, she doesn’t have a theology degree,” or “She never goes to Mass and is adamant that she won’t change her mind about that.” There’s a big gap in there.

To answer your first question in your post, my husband and I met online (on a group for students at our school). We met in person a few times, but we didn’t start dating until some of our mutual friends helped us out - a girl who lived down the hall from me, who was dating one of his fraternity brothers, and another of his fraternity brothers who did some extracurriculars with me.

The point I was trying to make was that the only woman who has been willing to give ME a chance so far has been one that was not very knowledgeable about the faith was that the ones that are very devout and knowledgeable are so hard to get to even go on a date with me. I have only had one girlfriend in my life and I am 32. I cannot tell you if she was willing to learn or not. She got confirmed just a year earlier before a failed engagement so that she could be married in The Church, seems to me if she was willing to learn she would have gone out of her way to learn. I do not judge her in that way. My point was simply devout women very rarely go out with me and none have been willing to enter into a relationship with me so far.

Thank you for your advice and for answering my question.

 

[oldgraymare2]

I met my husband when I least expected to, as I “wasn’t looking to meet anyone.” I had stopped trying, so to speak. That was the irony, to me.

I had actually met my husband through our two best friends.

My best girlfriend was going out with his best guy friend. We just hadn’t met up with each other yet.

I was already good friends with his best guy friend, since my girlfriend had been going out with him for a long time, and the three of us would go out together and would hang out together.

They thought that my husband and I would make a great couple, so they invited me to go out with them, so that I could meet him. They would already go and hang out with my husband, and they thought that I would like him.

So, I went with them one night to meet my husband, and I started going out with him after that.

This was before we had internet dating, back when you would either go on a “blind date” with someone, or just meet them in person.

 

[Convert_in_99]

It seems like your standards are too high. If you will only date the most devout Catholics, then you might have to keep waiting a while. If you will date other “less devout” Catholics, and really get to know them, you may realize they have more “marriage potential” than you once thought. I didn’t have luck with Catholics. They were either taken or discerning the priesthood. My husband is a holy, loving and generous Protestant Christian. Our marriage is happy and going on eleven years this February! You just never know where you’ll find true love.

 

[utah_rose]

I gave up on meeting someone and then a few months later, a friend at uni introduced me to her brother. We had a long stance relationship until partway through our engagement.

Make sure your friends know you’re looking to date. I broke up with a boyfriend, and we had attended to marry. I figured no more dating for me for awhile, then a friend of mine wanted me to blind date a guy as she was dating his friend. I was literally pushed into it, and you know the rest of the story. He was attending a Catholuc college but never would have met hi if I hadn’t gone. We’ve been married for 51 years.

You sound a little picky too. Yes some women may have more than 1 child, but you shouldn’t put off dating her just because of this. And maybe enroll in a course at one of your parishes. May meet someone there.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Make sure your friends know you’re looking to date. I broke up with a boyfriend, and we had attended to marry. I figured no more dating for me for awhile, then a friend of mine wanted me to blind date a guy as she was dating his friend. I was literally pushed into it, and you know the rest of the story. He was attending a Catholuc college but never would have met hi if I hadn’t gone. We’ve been married for 51 years.

You sound a little picky too. Yes some women may have more than 1 child, but you shouldn’t put off dating her just because of this. And maybe enroll in a course at one of your parishes. May meet someone there.

Yes, many available women in their thirties could easily have a child(ren). Is there a reason you would be against a Catholic widow with a few kids?

 

[Sarcelle]

Make sure your friends know you’re looking to date. I broke up with a boyfriend, and we had attended to marry. I figured no more dating for me for awhile, then a friend of mine wanted me to blind date a guy as she was dating his friend. I was literally pushed into it, and you know the rest of the story. He was attending a Catholuc college but never would have met hi if I hadn’t gone. We’ve been married for 51 years.

You sound a little picky too. Yes some women may have more than 1 child, but you shouldn’t put off dating her just because of this. And maybe enroll in a course at one of your parishes. May meet someone there.

Well I can see the reason behind his standards.

Chances are, single mothers with children are either divorced or have had their children out of wedlock.

So if the woman is divorced, he cannot marry her unless her former marriage is annulled.

Now if the woman has had several children out of wedlock, there could be a lot of baby daddy drama.

I don’t know about the OP, but for me, the less drama the better.

 

[Convert1]

I gave up on meeting someone and then a few months later, a friend at uni introduced me to her brother. We had a long stance relationship until partway through our engagement.

Just when I thought all was lost, this great guy showed up. I had totally given up. I was 35 years old, divorced with three very young children. I thought there was no use trying to date, what man would want a woman with three young children? And then, out of the blue, God sent him to me. We met through mutual friends. We dated four years and got married. We both received annulments and were received into the Church. (One of my proudest moments outside of the birth of my children) He came into my life when I thought I would live out my life alone and raise my children. I was not looking for him, but there he stood and I thank God every day for him.

I don’t know how to comfort you, Laughing Boy. I am so sorry you feel the way you do. I will pray for you as I can relate to how lonely it gets when you have so much love to give and no one to give it to. Please, whatever you do, don’t give up. Please know that there is someone out there for you and you will find her. I just know it.

 

[pensmama87]

The point I was trying to make was that the only woman who has been willing to give ME a chance so far has been one that was not very knowledgeable about the faith was that the ones that are very devout and knowledgeable are so hard to get to even go on a date with me. I have only had one girlfriend in my life and I am 32. I cannot tell you if she was willing to learn or not. She got confirmed just a year earlier before a failed engagement so that she could be married in The Church, seems to me if she was willing to learn she would have gone out of her way to learn. I do not judge her in that way. My point was simply devout women very rarely go out with me and none have been willing to enter into a relationship with me so far.

Thank you for your advice and for answering my question.

But why couldn’t you have asked her this?

You’re welcome to your criteria, of course, but like I said, there’s a wide gulf between “not practicing” and “theology degree.” If you have a very high bar for “devoutness” and knowledge about the faith, you’re going to exclude a lot of eligible people. Obviously I wasn’t part of this relationship and I don’t know this woman, but seems to me like this really may have been a missed opportunity.

One fun thing about dating (and marriage, too) is doing things together and learning about things together. We don’t come prepackaged with everything already in place.

Another thing - if you’re very, very “churchy,” you can turn off people even with a lot of faith. What other hobbies or interests do you have?

 

[Convert_in_99]

But why couldn’t you have asked her this?

You’re welcome to your criteria, of course, but like I said, there’s a wide gulf between “not practicing” and “theology degree.” If you have a very high bar for “devoutness” and knowledge about the faith, you’re going to exclude a lot of eligible people. Obviously I wasn’t part of this relationship and I don’t know this woman, but seems to me like this really may have been a missed opportunity.

One fun thing about dating (and marriage, too) is doing things together and learning about things together. We don’t come prepackaged with everything already in place.

Another thing - if you’re very, very “churchy,” you can turn off people even with a lot of faith. What other hobbies or interests do you have?

Yes! Great points PM.

 

[Convert1]

Just when I thought all was lost, this great guy showed up. I had totally given up. I was 35 years old, divorced with three very young children. I thought there was no use trying to date, what man would want a woman with three young children? And then, out of the blue, God sent him to me. We met through mutual friends. We dated four years and got married. We both received annulments and were received into the Church. (One of my proudest moments outside of the birth of my children) He came into my life when I thought I would live out my life alone and raise my children. I was not looking for him, but there he stood and I thank God every day for him.

I don’t know how to comfort you, Laughing Boy. I am so sorry you feel the way you do. I will pray for you as I can relate to how lonely it gets when you have so much love to give and no one to give it to. Please, whatever you do, don’t give up. Please know that there is someone out there for you and you will find her. I just know it.

Oh, one more point. I converted to Catholicism after meeting him. He introduced me to an amazing beautiful spiritual life. I knew nothing of the Catholic faith until he taught me.
I just thought you should know that.

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

I spent seven years purifying myself and recreating myself on my knees begging for help.

Infant of Prauge answered my prayers, finally, when I simplified my prayer request to, " Can I just have a date with him?" … I went in for donutes and my dear friend of 78 years asked me if she could play matchmaker. I said, sure, is he a good catholic? My advice, get to be friends with the old ladies. They have been around the block and know who’s who. Plus, those old gals can party. Plus, it drives them crazy to see miserable single ppl. Warning, they may not stop until they have succeeded have found you a mate.

Next thing I know she called his mama … he called me … we dated … got married … have two girls … have his parents aged with dimensia … and we still love each other and God.

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

I met my first wife while going to Country Dances , we both liked country music & country dances , Going to Country dances can be a good way to make friends,

My Secong wife I met in a Dateing chat room , I first met several ladies that seemed great chatting to , but in that very first second I saw them, my Heart said No,
Then I met Helen in a chat room, was really interesting chatting to her ,
She seemed totally oppersite to my religious & Political views , but found her opinions thought provoking , well , after a while we decided to meet,
The very first second I saw her, my Heart said Yes, the rest is history ,
15 years together , she had a son & Daughter, both now live away,career minded,
We Both wish we had met many years ago,would have saved us both years of hardship,
I suggest chat rooms,but you must be extremly careful while chatting, can lead you in the wrong direction, there is possibly Catholic chat rooms,or Catholic Dateing sites,

 

[Convert_in_99]

I spent seven years purifying myself and recreating myself on my knees begging for help.

Infant of Prauge answered my prayers, finally, when I simplified my prayer request to, " Can I just have a date with him?" … I went in for donutes and my dear friend of 78 years asked me if she could play matchmaker. I said, sure, is he a good catholic? My advice, get to be friends with the old ladies. They have been around the block and know who’s who. Plus, those old gals can party. Plus, it drives them crazy to see miserable single ppl. Warning, they may not stop until they have succeeded have found you a mate.

Next thing I know she called his mama … he called me … we dated … got married … have two girls … have his parents aged with dimensia … and we still love each other and God.

Wow! What an inspiring story!

Lol about the little old ladies. Too funny! But SO true!

 

[fbl9]

How did you meet your spouse and how long did you date until you got married? Here is why I ask…

I am a 32 year old man and single. I have been having a hard time meeting women for the last several years that I have been a practicing Catholic. I came into The Church from Protestantism back in 2013. So far, every woman I have ever met through my parish is either already married, engaged or has a boyfriend. I have no prospects and I never do. I volunteer, I am active at my parish and nothing. I work in construction, which is 99.9% men. The only women any of my friends know are all women who have 2 or 3 children and pretty much did nothing throughout their 20’s except make babies out of wedlock. No thanks. I would date a single mother of 1 child but not a woman with several. Not to mention none of them are practicing Catholics.

I have been using online dating for years, with some success… One relationship, met several women and made some friends. The problem is that it takes a very long time to find another woman interested in me so as a result I get maybe 2 dates with 2 different women a year. And out of all of them so far, only one wanted to be with me and she was definitely the least knowledgeable Catholic of all of them. The practicing ones just seem so hard to get to give me a chance although we always connect so well on the spiritual level.

How did you meet your spouse? Maybe I can get some ideas.

When i was 28 i said screw it, i am not looking any more she has to find me.
Later that year i became involved with my now wife. I don’t want to be with anyone else.
However i had it easy cause i was not faithful. Thanks be to God we are both in the Church now.