Help me make sense of things

[wjp984]

I think I commented earlier but let me share with you why I have decided to be chaste and wait until marriage. I come from a very dysfunctional family that has probably messed all of us up in my family in some way since I attribute my problems with anxiety largely to it. My parents got divorced and there just was always a lot of problems and still are. As mentioned in an earlier post, I never really had any relationships with girls while growing up and had anxiety issues. I always prayed that I could finally have a relationship and know what it was like and my prayer was finally answered while studying abroad and meeting someone through the Catholic Society they had at the university there. I got invited back to the girl’s family for Christmas and saw something that ruined my whole perspective on life. What I saw was a wonderful family that was together and basically like nothing I had ever seen or experienced. It made me really sad thinking I never had the chance to grow up with any of that. I soon made the connection between Catholicism and this family being as together and successful as they were.

Now, at the given time I was ignorant in the rules of the church and my definition of chastity meant anything by sex, which is not really the case and while most of the children in the family clearly wanted to live up to their parents’ example, the girl I was with did not, but even she felt bad about it as she realized the importance of the Catholic faith and while she was supposed to come visit me and go on some road trip around the US her parents, while not liking the idea of the relationship in the first place, finally put a stop to that and wouldn’t let her go visit me. I was upset for the longest time and eventally we lost contact but looking back I am quite thankful now since they saved me my chastity. God answered my prayers and allowed me to be comfortbale knowing what a relationship was like and a kiss etc. while now allowing me to finish school and take care of my priorites beofre worrying about finding someone to marry.

Finally, I decided to join the Newman Center,a Catholic student organization, for the first time upon returning to the US and have foud out that there are more people than you think who desire to eb chaste. In fact, it kind of rubs off on you as the members who are active as they start to realize the importance of the faith and what it has to offer. Also, while this message is long the main point is I further concluded my theory of how to have a successful family as I have met a recently married couple who had one child and they seem to have all the potential of being a happy family like the one I met while abroad. Once again, the main thing that is differnt about them is they follw the Catholic faith.

So to sum this all up breifly, I really believe I can one day have a family that is successful unlike mine and I believe that possible through being chaste and the Catholic church.

 

[quixotic]

yes. i totally agree with you. i am really thankful that god gave me a chance to experience the feelings of being in a relationship and how it feels like to being cuddled and kissed. they joy of holding his hand. but i think i made some mistakes as well. i put him before god. i should have put god before him. i should have revolved god around god and not the other way around.

but all in all, i have learned a lot from the past 6 months and i am glad with my decision.

i feel for you. i know it feels like. seeing a happy family and finally realizing what you have been missing out. while i cannot say i come from a broken family, we have issues to deal with as well… i never had a close relationship with my dad, we never see eye to eye. my mom is always torn between us and my brother. well… i cannot really say i love him…

anyway, i’ll keep all of you in my prayer

god bless and rainbows
annie

 

[beckers]

quixotic:

hello everyone…
i am annie… i’ve been away from this site for a rather long time.
anyway, i’ve been in america for more than a year now and while i enjoy almost every second here, i have some issues to deal with.

i am a practising catholic and try to follow everything that the church teachers. i sometimes find that its only me who is doing and and then wonder, whats the point???

i’ll get to my point. i have been dating this guy for 6 months now, and all of a sudden, he just withdraw himself from me. after hours of conversation, he finally admited that the reason for him to break up with me was because i was againts pre marital activity. i have to admit, i only kissed him after 4 months and after that i told him that i will not engage in any thing that would lead on to, you know, sex.

i am now wondering, if everyone else is doing, why am i saving myself? while i know he is of no worth to keep, i am hurt. whats the point of not doing it when almost every other male have done it??? its usually only girls who takes vows of chasity … i dont know… i am just really hurt and confuse right now… please help…

prayers are most welcome

thanks and god bless
annie new jersey

AMEN SISTER!!!

I will tell you it’s hard to find a man period and it’s doublely hard to find a man who is willing to commit to the fact that as long as you are dating that he too will have to live a chaste life. I have a policy of telling a guy pretty upfront about my choice and the fact that as long as we are dating that i have boundries and if he tried to cross them i will let him know and if he doesn’t respect those boundires then—buh bye—. There are certain parts of me and certain feelings that i will only experience with my husband. If it turns out it’s him then he will realize what a gift it was and if he not my husband then maybe he learned something from being in a meaningful and non-sexaul realtionship. When ever i get down about not dating or missing an old boyfriend i just keep thinking “Wow these guys were great but in the end they turned out not to be correct for me then my gosh my husband is going to be amazing!”

know that you are not the only one out there feeling this way… Sister i got your back…so feel free to PM me whenever you are getting down…

 

[beckers]

AlanFromWichita:

My oldest son has convinced me that not all guys are like that; he was surrounded by attractive women, as he was the computer expert for journalism at his Catholic high school. Somehow he was able to see through their facades and realized how “whorish” (in his words) so many of them were. When he gets into a serious relationship it will be with someone like you are now – not like you feel you have to become to fit in.

Alan

Alan can you clone your son and make him a little older as i am in my mid-20’s …Amazing that he can read women so fast. Sadly enough it is very true about girls today. Many more are now the aggressor in relationship. Tell your boy to stay strong!

 

[AlanFromWichita]

beckers:

Alan can you clone your son and make him a little older as i am in my mid-20’s …Amazing that he can read women so fast. Sadly enough it is very true about girls today. Many more are now the aggressor in relationship. Tell your boy to stay strong!

Thank you. I am in tears over your beautiful post. I am so lucky to have a gift like him. His brothers and sisters are so different I’m afraid I wouldn’t know how to clone him if I tried! (different but excellent in their own way, certainly…) Although he is a computer nerd, and he hangs around with the guy that was the valedictorian for his high school, he is comfortable with himself, has nothing to prove, and not particularly impressed by the self-importance of others.

He has watched his friends, some of them strong and some of them not. He had lunch with his mother yesterday and said that another one of his good friends has recently “fallen” to the “double whammy” of a girl who gave him both sex and drugs. He won’t abandon his friend especially in this time of need, but he’s seen how crazy sex makes his friends and wants no part of it. Over the past ten years, in his little group they have watched each other fail and recover; each time one got involved in a woman in an unhealthy way the others could just see it in their whole outlook on life and bad decision making. To be fair, relationships did not have to be sexual in order for the men to go silly about them, but it did seem to exacerbate it.

Alan