Help needed with doubt and resentment

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God bless your desire to grow ever closer to God and to seek his will. A very good meditation is from
2 Peter 1: 16-21 – You are a Catholic and how you live your faith is your choice before God. Your baptism was into Christ - into the Blessed Trinity and into the Church Christ founded. The Church (people of God) he gave up his life for. Yes, he died for all humanity; but he chose to give us the Church. The Catholic church is how all the protestants have their Bible.
Your choice. God gave you the greatest gift baptism, the mass, the sacraments and the Church. God never left you or his church. I hope you forget what you feel and in the gift of your will, will to come back and have the courage to go to the beautiful sacrament of reconciliation. Priests have heard it all and anyway you would be going to Christ for confession – the priest is his servant and we are called to look beyond the priest and see Jesus — Jesus just waiting to welcome us back in his mercy. Confession is entering into the risen Christ. He is not here, he has risen and He loves to shower us with his Mercy —The word was made flesh – God likes to use his priests as an instrument of grace and mercy. That is only if we really want to change our lives --Hoping for all the graces you need at this time.🙏
 
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Thank you 🙂 Yes, I think I get frustrated with my mind over-analysing everything and ending up down various mental rabbit holes, whereas God would know that I’m only human and that for various reasons I struggle to be “alone with my thoughts”. I guess I have to keep remembering that I’m never truly alone, haha… God knows 🙂

I am praying - almost daily - the Litany of Trust because it speaks to many of my hurts, doubts, insecurities, etc 🙂 I think this is related to what you have said!
 
Hi 🙂

Thanks for your response and good wishes! I must admit, your questions have gone a little over my head - I don’t know whether you mean that Jesus Himself is the greatest creation, or whether you are referring to man being the greatest among all God’s creation and suggesting that God coming to dwell among us (or become one flesh with us) is how the Creation is fulfilled by the Creator?

It may well be that you deliberately did not spell it out so I could come to a conclusion myself, or that I’m missing Catholicism (or Logic) 101 here 🙂
 
Oh yes, I’ve very much been questioning my feelings and motives in every direction. Even when my Protestant friends reassured me that all sins - past, present, and future - were forgiven (as long as I continued my Christian walk), I still didn’t feel free of the guilt, but I thought maybe that was some kind of guilty hold Catholicism maintained over me 😉 I care about truth, I’m just very confused and clouded. Some of that is my own doing, I realise.

You ask good questions 🙂 Don’t worry - I know it would be “easier” to be a Protestant, and that God really does seem to work and heal and free them. I found Catholicism very hard my first time around and it was far from a peaceful experience for me. I sometimes I wonder if I could sustain it as an adult (though I understand the concept of Him giving grace to strengthen me). I do believe that if you’re not convinced by something, you’re not called to it - but I know sometimes these things take time so I’m hoping that I’m doing the right thing by giving the Church another chance (that’s not meant to sound arrogant!!!) despite many doubts and concerns.

Thanks for the reminders!
 
Thanks 🙂 I have been learning more about the Sacraments and am seeing how Reconciliation in particular could be a gift rather than the burden I perceived it to be when I was younger.

I agree with you - we need to do what Jesus wanted even if we could “get away with” doing less. I guess for a while there I really did become convinced that the “Protestant Gospel” (and yes, I realise the churches have different teachings on some things like baptism) was true and that Catholicism added extra things and made everything very convoluted or took away from/contradicted the Gospel. I often still feel a bit like this, to be honest, even though I see more Scriptural evidence for the Sacraments and the authority of the apostles - along with the Early Church Fathers attesting to these things. I guess where Protestantism is a lot simpler, Catholicism is more thorough (with all sorts of conditions/criteria around sin, the Sacraments, indulgences, etc.) At least you know where you stand by reading the Catechism!
 
Thank you 🙂 Yes, God has never left me though He certainly seems very silent at times (though looking back at some of my behaviour, I deserve it!). I do believe He has taken me on this journey. It’s too long to go into here, but I truly believe that God used these non-Catholic Christian friends, experiences, and workplaces to teach me about Him in a new way that I hadn’t grasped when I was younger. (I mean, the ways that He answered my agnostic prayer and that I got this current job at a Christian organisation have Him written all over it, even if these events weren’t at all Catholic.) That’s not meant to be disrespectful towards Catholics, but that’s the only way I can make sense of it… unless I’m eventually supposed to turn around and try to help lead them to Rome, haha! Sort of like “(Friend) introduced me to the Bible, now I’m going to introduce them to the Church!” Of course, these things are all God’s doing anyway.

Who knows? That’s the thing, one can read into these things any number of ways, and I have driven myself crazy doing just that, so I’m just hoping and praying for some clarity and peace… and certainty, which may not ever come.
 
I do believe and have read from saints who loved Jesus, that he wants you to have his peace, just like it is expressed in the sacred word of God. Praying for you. 😊
 
Thanks so much 🙂 Yes, I think most of the time it’s me getting in the way of His forgiveness and peace - not allowing myself to receive it!
 
I usually don’t post, but I wanted to comment here. I was in a very similar situation as you. Even to the point of working for a protestant organization and going through the feeling of having to lose friends over our reverting.
I guess the question is: If the Church is what Christ has ordained, is there any amount of suffering that is unbearable to ba a part of it?
I am a stronger Catholic now than if I had never left. You are right in saying that you have gained a deeper understanding of scripture through your walk outside…but, now it’s time to come back home.
I believe too that some of what you are experiencing now has to do with spiritual warfare. You need to fight this.
Whenever I think of my return to the Church, I laugh at the time my friend took me to confession and I was literally trying to do anything besides go in. She ended up pushing me in so I would stop allowing everyone in creation to go before me. I don’t know where I’d be had she not helped me.
Do you have any devout Catholic friends that can give you a “push” in the right confession…I mean direction??
 
AussieGirl, the things you say sure resonate well with me. I use to think the Church had way too many rules and they drowned out Jesus. It didn’t help that I had a rebellious spirit lol. When I went church hoping I felt free, but was I? Did my feelings set me free? Not really in reality. I learned my lesson the hard way (long story). The Sacrament of reconcilation when I came back to the Church nearly 25 years later is what really set me free. Even this one Sacrament does more for you than any preaching, any entertainment, or any Protestants advice can do for you girl. As Jesus told the Apostles “As the Father sent me, so I send you,” that is to hear and forgive sins. And to think I once thought of it as a rule and a burden. (I’m sorry Jesus)

It is awesome you are reconsidering your Catholic faith, so many of us left before we realized what the Church offers. Where else you going to find so much? Or better yet what can replace the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and what can top being fed the ultimate gift of all, THE REAL BODY & BLOOD OF CHRIST.

Jesus invites you back, not just to stay a while, but to stay FOREVER! I’m cheering and praying for you!!!

Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of Thy faithful and enkindle in them the fire of Thy love. Send forth Thy Spirit and they shall be created. … O God, Who did instruct the hearts of the faithful by the light of the Holy Spirit , grant us in the same Spirit to be truly wise, and ever to rejoice in His consolation.
 
AussieGirl said:
I don’t know whether you mean that Jesus Himself is the greatest creation, or whether you are referring to man being the greatest among all God’s creation and suggesting that God coming to dwell among us (or become one flesh with us) is how the Creation is fulfilled by the Creator?

It may well be that you deliberately did not spell it out so I could come to a conclusion myself, or that I’m missing Catholicism (or Logic) 101 here 🙂
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You are definitely on the right track with much of your analysis! 😄

Catholicism 101 knows that God’s greatest creation is making beings in his image to share in his blessed life. (See CCC#1)
And it is through the Sacraments that we become one in Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity with our Creator!

In addition to spelling it out for the sake of allowing you to come to your own conclusion, I also wanted to see your openness to consider the concept, and I also hope in the long run, leaving the question open, in the future might serve to alleviate your scepticism upon recognizing that the Catholic Church is indeed sharing the Fullness of Truth with us all along.

The one point I would like to clarify is that Jesus is God, the second person of the Holy Trinity, also the Creator of everything, and therefore he is not a creation. In creating other beings equal in capability and morality to the Creator, the Creator must remain the all-knowing judge, the Father, while becoming the God-man Redeemer, the Son, while being the sanctifier in man, the Holy Spirit.

Thank you for your open spirit of discussion and consideration!
 
I’m Ukrainian Greek Catholic (same Pope, different Liturgy 😉).

This is my story:

From the time of my First Holy Communion at the age of 7 to my senior year in college God gave me an unshakable Faith in the Real Presence of Our Lord in the Holy Eucharist.

To back up a bit, please note that In the Byzantine Catholic Tradition, Holy Communion is distributed only a bishop, priest or deacon. Laymen are not allowed to distribute It during the Divine Liturgy.

Anyway, in my senior year, I reluctantly became a Eucharistic Minister due to the influence of some Catholic friends. I was a Eucharistic Minister for about a month when I had to leave college (that’s another story).

Shortly after that I started having doubts about the Real Presence of Our Lord in the Holy Eucharist. Everything you’re posting now is similar to my experience except for the fact that God in His Mercy kept me from leaving the Church (another story).

All the priests I went to for Confession told me that either Our Lord meant what He said in John 6 or He was a liar. Since He is the Son of God, Truth Incarnate, He cannot lie. Therefore, He meant what He said and He has the power to keep His Promise.

They encouraged me yet I still felt like a hypocrite at Liturgy, saying: “O Lord, I believe and profess…” (the Byzantine Prayer before Communion) when I didn’t believe. Rarely would I go to Holy Communion if at all (I forced myself to go during Paschaltide).

I went on many retreats asking for advice. In 2000 I made my first General Confession on retreat and that helped me immensely.

For 12 years God allowed me to endure this desolation in my soul. On the Feast of St. Teresa of Avila 2005 God delivered me. I can’t explain it - all I can say is that I knew without absolute certainty that He delivered me from all my doubts and lack of faith in the Real Presence of Our Lord in the Holy Eucharist.

Cont’d
 
Cont’d from previous post

The Enemy will use every infernal tactic to keep you from coming home to the Catholic Church and/or keep you in doubt and resentment. Our Lord Jesus Christ - Victor over sin, death and the Enemy - wants you to come home.

Some suggestions:

Prayer - Even if you don’t feel like praying, at least begin and end your day with prayer. Especially pray to your Guardian Angel. He wants you to come home too!

Advice - Ask your Catholic relatives & friends if they can recommend a good priest with whom you can talk. St. Ignatius in his Spiritual Exercises says that the Enemy wants his designs kept secret (don’t tell your father/mother; your friends will make fun of you; what will the priest think of me?), but if you tell someone (parents, priest) then they can give you advice and the Enemy is frustrated.

Study - Read good Catholic books. Tan Books (www.tanbooks.com) has really good stuff. One book I highly recommend This is The Faith. It’s a catechism written for converts. Two booklets in particular - Confession of a Roman Catholic and The Catholic Church Has the Answer by the late Paul Whitcomb - are easy to read and chock full of Scripture verses. (He was a Protestant minister who came into the Catholic Church.)

I hope these and the suggestions others have made will help you in your decision to come home.

Finally, what is your first name? I’d like to pray for you by name if that’s OK.

In Christ,

Margaret
 
AussieGirl said:
Thank you 🙂 Yes, I think I get frustrated with my mind over-analysing everything and ending up down various mental rabbit holes,
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You can read a dozen books on how to build a brick wall. All that information is useless, until you pick up the first brick and do something. Building the wall becomes a journey, always one brick at a time.
 
Wow, thank you! Yes, I am concerned about the idea of telling my Protestant friends. I’ve mentioned to a couple that I’m still looking into Catholicism and that I might one day return if I was convinced by it… but I feel that I’ve always come across as being driven by guilt and fear, probably due to feeling some of that inside.

I’m also concerned about whether I might have to leave my job if I revert. I work for a Christian media organisation that is big on spreading the Gospel but also promotes the idea of the sinner’s prayer being a way you become a Christian/saved… if I get to a point where I’m definitively convinced that this is not the case (or at least not what Christ intended), then I may have a moral dilemma on my hands… not to mention that I specifically moved to my current city for this job… anyway, one thing at a time.

In light of all this, I’ve been doing a lot of this searching in secret, and I feel that I’ve been living a double life, which has made it feel quite wrong! I don’t feel like I can talk to people at work about it (or maybe I’m afraid that they’d try to talk me out of it, which says something in itself but has caused me some guilt). I’ve watched a lot of educational YouTube videos (including from Catholic Answers) and Formed videos, and have been going to a weekly Catholic Enquiry Group at a traditional church nearby. I’ve started going along to Mass more (even Latin Masses though I hardly know what’s going on!) and have been fading away from my previous church (an Anglican one that a friend went to - very similar to Catholic, and kind of a convenient excuse for me to get out of the Reformed one which - while good in a lot of ways - jarred me, and I seriously questioned my pride about that reaction).

I have started to make some Catholic friends in this process, and have been meeting with the priest that runs the Catholic Enquiry Group. He’s been very good - I’ve written many words in emails to him (really?!) and used many tissues in his office. I think I have a few people who would love to push me into a confessional!

Yes, I did wonder about the spiritual warfare. I couldn’t decide if it was the devil trying to pull me back into “evil Catholicism” or whether he’s trying to stop me from returning to Catholicism. I just know I’ve had absolutely unprecedented levels of guilt, confusion, anxiety, and turmoil in these last few years since working where I do (though mental health has been a challenge basically all my life!). The priest is telling me to pray for childlike faith and meanwhile I’ve been wondering whether the fact that I’m stuck is God’s protection of me from bad doctrine, haha. So many possibilities… and while ever I’m undecided, I can’t be wrong (but I can be very conflicted!).
 
I knowwwww. I know!!! Hahaha 🙂 And the research I’ve been doing has been good - but I know that the barriers have not just been from a knowledge perspective.
 
Haha, I think I have a mixture of a rebellious spirit and very much being a rules girl. I often say, my (Catholic) mother taught me the faith (at least a little), and my (atheist) father taught me to question it. I’m grateful for both influences, though it can make things confusing! I know that if I ever marry, I will need to be on a similar wavelength with the guy!!!

It’s such a bizarre concept, isn’t it, that we eat His body and drink His blood?! I don’t know if I’ll ever get my head around that one.

Thank you so much for your cheers and prayers - it really is encouraging to know that others have been in similar situations!
 
AussieGirl said:
I’m also concerned about whether I might have to leave my job if I revert. I work for a Christian media organisation that is big on spreading the Gospel but also promotes the idea of the sinner’s prayer being a way you become a Christian/saved…
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We are not enemies, in our town ministers from many denominations meet together and pray together every month; including Catholic priests. When Christians pray and do things together amazing things happen. We have four homeless shelters, basics food bank, debt aid, recovery courses, Street Pastors, a good neighbours scheme and more because of our unity for the common good.

Despite all our differences, the same God hears all our prayers. Only Jesus can say who will be saved, we only have opinions.
 
What strikes me about what you say here is that sometimes one’s faith journey is roundabout. Perhaps you were meant to benefit from the Protestant friends you made who instilled in you a faith you had not found previously. However, this may not be the end of your journey. Now you can take that faith and better appreciate the place where you began, which is the faith in which you were raised. So you see, this may not be your fault, contrary to what you think; rather, it may be G-d’s plan for you.
 
Haha, thank you! Oh yes, you’re right - clearly I still don’t get the Trinity!
 
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