Help needed with doubt and resentment

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Yes, this is true. Thank you - and yes, I’m well aware that God hears all our prayers. That was part of what prompted this thread to begin with.
 
I’m thinking that is what is going on here 🙂 It’s good to have fresh eyes on the subject - thanks!
 
Thank you for sharing your story and for your suggestions, Margaret! 🙂 I completely forgot about my Guardian Angel! That’s a comforting reminder. As I commented in a reply to someone else earlier, I have found a good priest; yes, a big part of this conflict within me has been the feeling that I have been doing a lot of this search without wanting others to know. Those resources sound good, too!

I’m glad your faith in the Real Presence has been restored - I commend your patience and fortitude after 12 years!!!

Do you feel that being a Eucharistic Minister somehow contributed to your doubt, or are you just highlighting that the doubt happened at a similar time?

My name is Jess (or Jessica, if I’m in trouble or being formal!) 🙂
 
You are right that Jesus telling us we must eat His Flesh & Blood is a strange concept to wrap our head around. That’s exactly why so many ran for the hills when Jesus told them that’s what they must do to have life. Even the Apostles were shocked as Jesus asked them if they wanted to leave too.

I got to thinking the other day as I was looking at my dog. I realised how my dogs level of intellegence and understanding is so below mine, and I’m way below my fellow peers, and even they are below people like Albert Einstein, and even he is below the dumbest angel, and the brightest angel is not even close to God’s intellegence!!! My brain hurts now lol.

I think this exemplifies the standards for our reasoning. Depending on the circumstance we must rely on a higher intellegence for the unknown. I tell my dog to eat this dog food, does she understand? When my kids were young, same thing, I told them things for their good they could never understand at their age. And so it is with the highest intellegence in the entire universe, God!!! Like my dog can’t wrap her head around my reasoning then it’s more than Ok to not always understand God’s reasoning, That’s when we must trust Him, that is faith!!!

“Eat my Flesh and Drink my Blood.” THE hardest saying Jesus ever said, also the largest crowd to ever leave Him and no longer follow.

I love it that God works in mysterious ways!! Keeps my miniscule brain really busy. Have a good day and thanks for responding back!!
 
AussieGirl said:
What I’m particularly struggling with, though, is the resentment that God seems to be working a lot in the lives of non-Catholic Christians while I have battled (e.g., with anxiety, OCD, some scrupulosity, and self-focused pride dressed up as false modesty) in this faith journey. Honestly, I resent their peace and sense of forgiveness, and I am angry at God that there doesn’t seem to be any incentive for them to move towards Catholicism if it’s the fullness of truth while I’m busting a gut trying to make sense of what the truth is and who is deceiving me.
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As a disabled person, there have been times when I have (do) resent able bodied people. My husband has a life threatening illness, I resent people who will be able to grow old together.

Things that help me are to read the Prodigal Son and to focus on the elder brother, to read about the laborers hired at different times in the field, to know that HE knew we would battle these things.

It also helps to get rid of all the “prosperity gospel” heresy that floods our world, to embrace our suffering. St Pope John Paul II’s writings on suffering are so, so, very vital to me.
 
Well, my suggestion to you is to “keep asking, keep seeking” and become deep in history. I suggest you look into eucharistic miracles, the writings of the early church fathers such as Ignatius, Clement, Iraneus, and Polycarp. Also, the lives of the Saints. One of my favorites is Padre Pio as there is modern evidence and data that backs up the claims. If you ask God for guidance, He will not let you down.
Don’t go to Catholics who don’t know their faith for advice either because you will most likely get incorrect information. I’m so glad to hear that you know a priest who you feel comfortable with. I have one of those too and it is such an amazing gift.
You and I are so much alike. Our stories and walk has so many similarities. I remember at one point praying “Lord, if I’m supposed to be Catholic, ok. Make it happen.” God did not forget me, and he won’t forget you, either. A lot of it is submitting our own will (and pride) to be obedient to God was necessary.
Hang in there. Keep knocking. God knows you and loves you and wants you safe at home. He’s not going to leave you. He will leave the 99 for you. Love you, sister.
 
I know all about over-analyzing thoughts that lead to mental rabbit holes. Maybe it’s because the older I get the more I try to simplify my relationship with God. For me today, knowing He knows where I am and the graces I need are enough for me. I’m guessing I’m finally learning to fully trust Him in all things…no matter what they look like to me.
God’s peace

Patti
 
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Thank you for sharing honestly 🙂 I’m sorry to hear about the struggles you and your husband are going through.

I love that Jesus is able to sympathise with our weaknesses (as in Hebrew 4:15) - those parables are great reminders 🙂 I will have to check out St Pope John Paul II’s writings!

Yeah, I think the prosperity gospel has certainly blurred things. I understand Jesus came to set us free and give us life in abundance, and that He can and does heal/deliver people - but I also believe suffering is very much part of our deal here on earth. I sometimes get a little dubious when Christians “command” certain things over a person’s body or life in Jesus’ name, saying (whatever hardship) “has no place” there. I struggle to draw the line between Christians confidently and rightfully being the agents of God-given power to heal, cast out demons, etc… and an unrealistic expectation of not suffering. Maybe I’m drawing a false dichotomy. Anyway, I could go on a very big tangent here! I think the Catholic (?) understanding of uniting our sufferings to Christ’s is really intriguing and profound.
 
Cheers! I’m feeling the love and it’s made my day 🙂 I so appreciate your beautiful words! I’m really glad that you can relate and have made it out the other side!

Thank you for naming the church fathers so I actually know who to read about. As for Saints, my Confirmation saint (Clare, whom I admittedly chose because I like the name!!!) had a miracle involving the Blessed Sacrament! 🙂 I’ve heard Padre Pio’s name a bit lately. Okay. He must be kind of a big deal.
 
I think simplifying things would definitely be a good thing for me! The trust thing is coming slowly, I think 🙂 God’s peace to you, too!
 
AussieGirl said:
Do you feel that being a Eucharistic Minister somehow contributed to your doubt, or are you just highlighting that the doubt happened at a similar time?
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Looking back now after all these years, I would have to say yes it did. As I posted previously, in the Byzantine Tradition only a bishop, priest, or deacon distributes the Holy Eucharist at Liturgy. By distributing Holy Communion (even though the Roman Catholic Church permits it), I as a laywoman was going against my own conscience and my own Tradition as well as usurping the duty of the priest.

I know most of the CAF contributors will disagree but with God nothing is small. He punished the man who tried to save the Ark of the Covenant by striking him dead (he was not allowed to touch the Ark; only priests and Levites could carry it - that’s in the OT) as well as rewarding a cup of cold water given in His Name (NT).

Pope Paul VI issued Memoriale Domini 50 years ago in 1969. I had read it before becoming an EM but still went through with it.

I was much younger and more naive back then too.
 
AussieGirl said:
I think the Catholic (?) understanding of uniting our sufferings to Christ’s is really intriguing and profound.
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It IS profound. I suffered from depression for many years and had a very negative view of myself. Prayer was my lifeline (and it still is!). Self-help books were ok but didn’t really satisfy me. This is what did it:

http://w2.vatican.va/content/pius-x...ii_enc_29061943_mystici-corporis-christi.html

From paragraph 44:

This is a deep mystery, and an inexhaustible subject of meditation, that the salvation of many depends on the prayers and voluntary penances which the members of the Mystical Body of Jesus Christ offer for this intention and on the cooperation of pastors of souls and of the faithful, especially of fathers and mothers of families, a cooperation which they must offer to our Divine Savior as though they were His associates.

When I read that, I felt as though Our Lord took the chains around my heart and broke them in His Hands.

Outside of confession, this was one of the most liberating experiences in my life. My prayers and work mattered to God, and they still do! When I neglect my prayers, I’m hurting you, the Church and the world. When I pray or do something for God, that in turn may help you or someone else in need.

1 Cor. 12: 24-26.
 
AussieGirl said:
I struggle to draw the line between Christians confidently and rightfully being the agents of God-given power to heal, cast out demons, etc
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The Church understands that these “agents” are the Bishops and Priests of the Church. Anyone attempting these things without the express permission of his/her Bishop is “going rogue”.

It is all about authority and knowing where we fit in chain of command.
AussieGirl said:
Anyway, I could go on a very big tangent here! I think the Catholic (?) understanding of uniting our sufferings to Christ’s is really intriguing and profound.
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Having spent much of my youth in those name it and claim it groups, had I continued there I would be an atheist today.
 
I hear you. Going against the conscience does bring discomfort, but I hope you haven’t been too hard on yourself!

With regard to your other response about suffering and the prayers/penances being vital for the salvation of many… I guess a lot of non-Catholic Christians believe this, too, in the sense that they pray and fast for others… but I’ve recently started to “offer up” my discomforts in the hope they might help others; there’s something about that that I really like - maybe a sense of connection with the wider world. (I still don’t really get the idea of offering things up in atonement for our sins/others’ sins - I feel like that should have been well and truly taken care of between the Cross, the confessional, and penance, but I’m still learning with that one!

Wow, “as though [we] were His associates”! How often do I forget that?! I’m glad Jesus released you; I, too, struggle with a negative view of myself sometimes. Self-compassion does not come easily to me!

Prayer is such a responsibility, even when I don’t feel like it! (Which is more often than I care to admit.)
 
The Church understands that these “agents” are the Bishops and Priests of the Church. Anyone attempting these things without the express permission of his/her Bishop is “going rogue”.

It is all about authority and knowing where we fit in chain of command.
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Fair call. It just seems to work, though, which leads me back to my initial sentiments of this thread. I guess God is merciful and gracious to those with sincere faith and doesn’t limit Himself.
Having spent much of my youth in those name it and claim it groups, had I continued there I would be an atheist today.
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I find that fascinating 🙂 Would love to hear more if you could be bothered - here or in a private message - but no pressure. Yeah, only yesterday I was talking with a friend who possibly fits into the “name it and claim it” scene; the stories she continues to tell me about how God makes things happen in amazing timing when people listen to and act on what the Holy Spirit is telling them, do my head in! That said, she is very prayerful and I can’t fault her desire to seek God’s will first. There’s a lot of “God told me…”/“The Holy Spirit told him to do XYZ and he did and then (God opened a door at just the right time)”. I’m not trying to knock them and I certainly don’t doubt that it is the work of God. Like I said, just a bit resentful/jealous!

I know: it still comes back to, if the Catholic church is truly what Jesus established, I have to follow it. I just have a lot of doubts and things like this seem to emphasise them, but I’m probably too black-and-white, us-and-them, all-or-nothing, false-dichotomy in my thinking.
 
I know exactly what you are talking about. I suffered a lot as well and that has really frustrated me. I like to think of the parable in which Jesus talks about Lazarus and the rich man. Lazarus was poor and suffered so much, but his reward was great Heaven. the rich man, did evil things on Earth but was sent to Hell. I promise you, good things are coming. God always gives hints, but many times we ignore them. I was thinking about becoming Catholic a few years ago, I hesitated and struggled. Once I did decide to become Catholic, it was the best thing I ever did. Whenever I feel resentful towards God, I count my blessings. God bless you!
 
Thank you!

I’m sorry to hear that you suffered a lot - I hope things are better now 🙂 Also, I hope I didn’t come across in any way as though I wish suffering on other people because I have struggled, or that I don’t think non-Catholic Christians suffer. I also know that He has worked in my life; it’s just making sense of things that seem to contradict each other that is my battle. I’d have to have the mind of God to understand how it all fits together, but that doesn’t stop me trying to work it out!

I hope good things are coming and that I can see the hints for what they are 🙂
And yes, I do try to practise gratitude, thanking God for different things throughout my day. It does make a difference!

I am glad to hear that Catholic life has treated you well - may it continue to do so!
 
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