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kage_ar
Guest
Man, we 3 sisters used to force our brother into a dress, well - often. We would sing a little song to go along with the dress.
We were kids, we tormented each other - we also loved each other…
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We were kids, we tormented each other - we also loved each other…
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Madaglan
Guest
I have decided to stop posting on this thread. I hope that everything goes well. 
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BLB_Oregon
Guest
I think I would imagine myself talking to the mother of the next boy or girl those two take on, because without steps being taken, there will be another, and the behavior will probably escalate. You can’t say…
“How was I to know they were capable of that?”
“What was I to do?”
If you do nothing, they will re-offend. It could happen tomorrow. It could be happening now.
Your actions won’t just be for the good of children who won’t become their victims. It will be for the good of your son, who knows that he does not need to accept outrageous behavior from anyone, and for the good of your brother and sister-in-law, who will want to know what they’re dealing with (and if necessary, be forced to deal with it), and for the good of their children, who must not have any excuse in adulthood for the bankruptcy of their characters… at least not where you’re concerned.
Again, I wouldn’t file charges unless your brother and sister-in-law fail to take strong and appropriate action, and promptly. But if they don’t… do not hesitate and do not delay. This is a moral and ethical issue that involves more than just your family.
By the way, to the naysayers: my older brother terrorized me all the time we were growing up. Beat me up, called me names, put down whatever I did. If he had done anything remotely like what has been described here, I would call that one of the most traumatizing things that ever happened to me, because of the physical restraint, the cruelty and humiliation intended, the assault on my sexual identity, and the age of the witnesses. It would make all the difference in the world if my parents stood up for me and made it clear that my tormentor alone was to blame for what happened to me.
If you have a child or children who act out like that, never leave them alone with other children.
“How was I to know they were capable of that?”
“What was I to do?”
If you do nothing, they will re-offend. It could happen tomorrow. It could be happening now.
Your actions won’t just be for the good of children who won’t become their victims. It will be for the good of your son, who knows that he does not need to accept outrageous behavior from anyone, and for the good of your brother and sister-in-law, who will want to know what they’re dealing with (and if necessary, be forced to deal with it), and for the good of their children, who must not have any excuse in adulthood for the bankruptcy of their characters… at least not where you’re concerned.
Again, I wouldn’t file charges unless your brother and sister-in-law fail to take strong and appropriate action, and promptly. But if they don’t… do not hesitate and do not delay. This is a moral and ethical issue that involves more than just your family.
By the way, to the naysayers: my older brother terrorized me all the time we were growing up. Beat me up, called me names, put down whatever I did. If he had done anything remotely like what has been described here, I would call that one of the most traumatizing things that ever happened to me, because of the physical restraint, the cruelty and humiliation intended, the assault on my sexual identity, and the age of the witnesses. It would make all the difference in the world if my parents stood up for me and made it clear that my tormentor alone was to blame for what happened to me.
If you have a child or children who act out like that, never leave them alone with other children.
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La_Chiara
Guest
:tsktsk: Good thing the statute of limitations has run out for you, girl!!! And a good thing you didn’t get reported to the authorities!!! Maybe you would be e-mailing us from prison. :bigyikes: Or are you? Are you a hardened criminal?
Would the therapists in the house provide their opinions about girls who “would sing a little song to go along with the dress”? Oh, my.
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Princess_Abby
Guest
La Chiara:
If you’re going to quote me, do so correctly. I didn’t call this situation sexual assault.
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Princess_Abby
Guest
Same for me! Good luck, OP. You sound like a very caring mom and conscientious person willing to do the best you can for your son. Hope all of our opinions have been of some help.I have decided to stop posting on this thread. I hope that everything goes well.
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martino
Guest
well i guess im out too then! 
good luck and God Bless!
good luck and God Bless!
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yellowlablover
Guest
I am going to put my two cents. As a teacher I see bullying every day and it is so difficult to deal with because we are caught in between the parents of the bully and the administration and our desire to protect the victim. The parents say their child is too perfect to do that OR that they are just kidding etc. The adminstrators often want to play down as much as possible because it’s easier, they want the parent of the bully, (who are often bullies themselves) to not get upset. Teachers often have to fight to get consequences for bullying.
My school district has had a major anti-bullying campaing for the past two years. We have had all kinds of training on the effects, preventing it, identifying it etc. Fact: Bully victims are TRAUMATIZED! They will often joke about it because they don’t want anyone to know how hurt they are. However, victims of repeated bullying have been so traumatized that they have committed suicide. Adults who were victims of bullying say that it severely effected their esteem and is something they always carry with them.
I urge every parent, if you have a child who has been bullied don’t sit back and say “It’s kids being kids.” Listen to your child. Investigate the circumstances and if you have to, fight to see that the bully receives consequences. You may not only help your child, you might just save the bully from ending up in prision or some place worse!
aimekuelmc I too am very sorry at what happened to your son. It was horrible. I understand that your brother is a good person. Could it be his desire to “be understanding” that may be causing him to be too lenient?
My school district has had a major anti-bullying campaing for the past two years. We have had all kinds of training on the effects, preventing it, identifying it etc. Fact: Bully victims are TRAUMATIZED! They will often joke about it because they don’t want anyone to know how hurt they are. However, victims of repeated bullying have been so traumatized that they have committed suicide. Adults who were victims of bullying say that it severely effected their esteem and is something they always carry with them.
I urge every parent, if you have a child who has been bullied don’t sit back and say “It’s kids being kids.” Listen to your child. Investigate the circumstances and if you have to, fight to see that the bully receives consequences. You may not only help your child, you might just save the bully from ending up in prision or some place worse!
aimekuelmc I too am very sorry at what happened to your son. It was horrible. I understand that your brother is a good person. Could it be his desire to “be understanding” that may be causing him to be too lenient?
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BLB_Oregon
Guest
La Chiara said::tsktsk: Good thing the statute of limitations has run out for you, girl!!! And a good thing you didn’t get reported to the authorities!!! Maybe you would be e-mailing us from prison. :bigyikes: Or are you? Are you a hardened criminal?
Would the therapists in the house provide their opinions about girls who “would sing a little song to go along with the dress”? Oh, my.
Sometimes, bullies grow out of it. My brother has grown up and we get along well now. Mind you, though, he was a I’m-the-only-one-who-gets-to-bully-her type. He also stood up for me, whether I wanted him to or not.
But you’re right…even when the bullies grow out of it doing it, they either have the shame of it to carry around or a callous on their hearts where their sense of pity should be. Their victims have the shame of their humilation to carry around. Without some help, those things put a lasting mark on a person, whether they want to admit it or not. It doesn’t necessarily call for years of therapy, but there needs to be notice taken–the boil needs to be lanced, if you will.
To be innocent, in its root, does not mean to be without guilt. It means to be unwounded. This action was a crime against the innocence of all the children involved. The perpetrators don’t need a spanking. They need amendment, some inroads into their ability to feel for others. This incident cannot go by without some amendment being attempted, not in a “good Catholic family.”
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antiaphrodite
Guest
we’re praying for your family, aimekuelmc!!!
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carol_marie
Guest
I am the parent of a teenager (13 - boy) and I have lots of neices & nephews - all the kids play together, often unsupervised while the parents are upstairs visiting. I am so sorry this happened to your son - and at the hands of his cousins. What was done to him was very mean and I think the cousins should be punished by their parents and if it were me, I think I’d have a thing or two to say to them as well. I would tell them that some parents would even go so far as to call the police - that holding ANYONE down against their will is abusive and they better NEVER pull anything like that again. Then I would let the incident go. It was mean - it got out of hand - and my take on it is that the kids didn’t realize how creepy pulling off his shirt & forcing him into a dress sounds later… they were just being stupid kids - probably thinking it was hysterically funny. In the future I would keep a closer eye on the 14 year old - he sounds like he’s already troubled…
And then maybe sign your son up for karate (sp?) so he can learn to defend himself. Some kids get picked on - for whatever reason more than others. If he was bullied in school & now bullied by his cousins, unfortunatly maybe he’s one of those kids who are an easy target?
Peace,
CM
And then maybe sign your son up for karate (sp?) so he can learn to defend himself. Some kids get picked on - for whatever reason more than others. If he was bullied in school & now bullied by his cousins, unfortunatly maybe he’s one of those kids who are an easy target?
Peace,
CM
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