Here we go again - another problem waiting to explode

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TruthSkr

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Recently, I started two threads on the difficulty of attending Mass while traveling with non practicing Christians. Just when I thought I found answers to my situations another has cropped up. This summer my wife and I, along with her sister and husband are going on a trip to an island in the Bahamas. I located a Catholic Church about a half hour from where we’ll be staying. The problem is that the only Mass is at 6 PM on the Saturday we arrive. I am sure we would be having dinner at that time and, knowing my wife as I do, I am sure she will be very angry if I tell her I am leaving our group to go off by myself to attend Mass. I will surely start a huge argument and create a very nasty situation on our first day of vacation. This exact situation occurred in the past when Mass was at the same time as dinner with a large group of friends and it did not go well. I am also sure none of them will agree to accompany me at Mass as they refused in the past. They all feel that attending Mass on vacation is ridiculous. How does one handle something like this?
 
if it’s doable, we should always try to attend mass. but in this case, it would kind of depend, are you able to drive yourself, or does this depend on either your wife or another friend driving you?

I think the best thing would be to discus it with your parish priest. though ultimately, if it causes this much strife between you and your wife, there’s a bigger picture problem within your marriage.

generally missing one group dinner should not be that big of a deal to the rest of your friends and family
 
I would attend mass. Just explain to your wife now that you will be attending that mass and then plan the night accordingly. I can’t imagine that it would cause that big of a deal, though I don’t know your wife…

But in all seriousness, we need to attend mass and fill our Sunday obligation. You are physically able to attend, so do it.
 
Perhaps it would be better to discuss this with your wife now and not spring it on her when you get there. You may want to mention it to your friends too. If they are good friends, they will respect your mass attendance and leave you be. Tell them you are going to mass and to eat without you. Make a joke that you know they won’t even miss you, and off you go. If they protest, say that you are respecting their wishes not to go, they should respect your choice to go.
 
If there is no Sunday morning or evening mass there, I would go ahead and warn her and the others several times in advance of the trip so that no one is surprised and it doesn’t create a scene. On vacation (and even when not) it can be common to eat later, so maybe everyone could agree to eat later, say at 7 or 7:30.
 
Speak first with your wife. If you cannot resolve it now in peace, speak with your pastor.
 
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So, these are friends that you know well enough to join on vacation? Right?

And your wife.

These people should know and understand that you have a Sunday obligation to attend Mass. And that this obligation can be met on Saturday evening or on Sunday.

Speak with everyone before the vacation begins. And then plan accordingly.
 
TruthSkr said:
How does one handle something like this?
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Please talk to your priest.

There are people likely to come on this thread and insist you must go to mass at any cost. But the Church doesn’t teach that.

And going off resort by yourself in a country like the Bahamas is dangerous.

Stay with your group. Stay on the resort. Don’t go to mass. And if you absolutely can’t stand the thought that the Church doesn’t expect this of you, then ask your pastor for a dispensation. And then BE AT PEACE and don’t bring it up again.

And in case you are reluctant to take my advice… calling the bat priest. @edward_george1
 
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Look at it this way. If I was in the same situation but an event that was really important to me was happening half an hour away I’d be going. I’d make sure everyone was informed well in advance so there no last minute arguments.

Your wife and your friends should accept that it is important to you. That said, if you could get a dispensation, then there’s no problem at all.
 
After reading the many comments in this post I’m afraid I have presented my wife in a very negative light and feel a need to come to her defense. There are reasons she feels the way she does about the Catholic Church and its rules and they are as follows:
  1. My wife was raised Catholic and while she was a student at our local Catholic High School several of her female classmates were groped and kissed by the priests during high school dances.
  2. Her family was religious and was very involved in the Church. Her brother spent a lot of time at the rectory doing chores and errands for the priests as a young boy. On one occasion Father G took her young brother and another boy to a fancy dinner in New York City to reward them for their help. Some years later this priest was convicted and sentenced to prison for sexual molestation. When this came up during a family dinner everyone looked at her brother expecting him to say “He didn’t touch me!”, but he didn’t. He just sat in silence, nervously biting his nails. The priest died in prison and to this day my wife never knew if her brother was molested nor will she ever. Yesterday was the 15th anniversary of her brother’s death and she took it very hard.
  3. While we had our sons in CCD classes as pre teens there was a priest in our parish who was well know to have a strong interest in young boys. When my wife learned of this she pulled our sons out of CCD and stopped going to Mass or practicing the Catholic faith. This priest was later transferred to another parish. Some years later a friend from that parish said to me “Yeah, everyone knew about Father Bob.”
  4. We live in Pennsylvania and everyone knows about the scathing PA Grand Jury Report about sex crimes among the Catholic clergy in Pennsylvania.
    The effects of the abuse is far and wide and has impacted so many people that we may never know about and that impact will go on for many decades to come. My wife has lost her faith and trust in the Church and I fear it will never return.
 
Is there any way you can go Sunday morning?

If not, I would suggest a later dinner and then I’d go to Mass. If they didn’t want to change the dinner time, they would be free to eat without me, but I’m going to Mass.
 
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Attend Mass, if you are able. What others think is on them. What God wants is on you. Enough said. God bless you! 🙏🙏🙏
 
First, I feel sorry for you. It seems that neither your wife nor sister and brother in law respect you. I get the impression that you are young and partying is more important to your group than anything else. Having experienced something similar with my own nominally Catholic family, I feel your pain. As you and they grow older and mature, these things might change. For the time being, do the best that you can.
 
I don’t know how long you’re staying, but you could ask your priest for a dispensation from attending mass that weekend if the only possible times don’t work.
 
Folks, there are some harsh replies to our brother.

Did you understand that the place he is traveling is considered dangerous for people to go away from the resort? Even if it were not, the Church does not require that we cause a family blow-up in order to attend Mass while on vacation. The non-Catholics (and non-practicing Catholics) can respect someone greatly and still wish to have dinner together while on vacation.

I am a late supper person, all of my family is, so eating dinner at 8 or 9 or 10 pm would not be a big deal. Not every family is like me. The Church does not require us to be.
 
Right. I responded to the first message without reading all the posts. The OP addresses a much larger issue.
 
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