Here we go again - another problem waiting to explode

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TruthSkr said:
I am sure she will be very angry if I tell her I am leaving our group to go off by myself to attend Mass. I will surely start a huge argument and create a very nasty situation on our first day of vacation
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This really stood out to me.

Do you fight much? It honestly seems like an odd thing to fight about even if she doesn’t understand your pov. Surely she would know you go to church weekly? And you would discuss your want to go while on holiday?
 
So I had the conversation with my wife and while she did not “forbid” me from going to Mass she was angry. She said “why would you want to ruin our dinner together over a man made rule that no other Christian church on the planet has? If we were Protestant this wouldn’t even be an issue.” As for her “using the pedophile clergy” to rationalize her behavior there is another serious issue that I did not address here. Several years ago I told my wife that the Catholic Church forbids married Catholic couples from having sex if they were unable to have intercourse. That set off a firestorm. She responded by saying “we are forbidden from having sex while they are going after children!” She felt this was the height of hypocrisy. And herein lies the basis for her objection to the “man made” rules.
 
TruthSkr said:
So charitable, in fact, that what he told me was in sharp contrast to anything I read on this website. As a result, I discussed it with another priest who told me the exact opposite. I am to the point where I sometimes don’t know who to believe. Most of the people on this website are more knowledgeable than my parish priest, but are often a bit too harsh and rigid.
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I’m not at all surprised that your parish priest was more relaxed than many here. There are a lot of people here who adhere to a stricter standard than the church actually requires. I’m sure some of it is sincere, but a lot of it seems to be “look how pious I am, everyone” showboating.

As to the idea that people here are more knowledgeable than your parish priest, I wouldn’t be so sure. Remember there is a difference between wisdom and knowledge. Your parish priest may not be able to rattle off citations to Vatican pronouncements as readily, but he likely has a much better pastoral sense of ministery. I would trust his guidance, personally.
 
For the majority of other Christian sects/denominations, going to Church is optional. Taking a Sunday off to spend time with family and friends is often encouraged or seen as just as important.

Watch next time Christmas falls on a Sunday how many non-Catholic churches in your town cancel services “to allow our members to spend the holiday with their family”

This is one of the challenges for mixed marriages, those pesky obligations 🙂
 
TruthSkr said:
Several years ago I told my wife that the Catholic Church forbids married Catholic couples from having sex if they were unable to have intercourse.
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We try to stay PG here, but, there are certain acts that are not ordered toward procreation.

I would really suggest sitting down with a book written by a dependable apologist + PHd like Dr Popcack’s

https://www.amazon.com/Holy-Sex-Toe-Curling-Mind-Blowing-Infallible/dp/0824524713

It might help the both of you come to understand these teachings.
 
I brought the subject up only to explain why my wife feels the way she does. I have studied this subject at great length and fully understand the Church’s position. And although I tried to explain it to my wife it’s like trying to convince someone that their stance on a political position is wrong, and we all know how hard that is, especially today. I have learned to live by the Church’s rules but when others are forced to accommodate me they often feel like I am stepping on their toes.
 
My friend in Christ,

There are many blessings of peace and inspiration to be gained from trusting your Confessor with your struggles and sacrificial callings.

You do not have to bear this cross alone.
 
I never imagined being Catholic would be so hard. Everyone in my family has left the Church but me and so I do feel very alone. I’ve been going to Mass every Sunday and Holy Day by myself for years. That in itself is very hard. And while talking with my confessor might be helpful nothing with my family would change. My wife and I have been married for nearly 45 years and for the most part we get along very well. This is one of those sticking points that we cannot get past. She never complains or objects to me attending Mass at home. It’s just when traveling that it becomes an issue. But the fact that it comes up nearly every time we travels it gets very old and I am very tired of dealing with it. I pray that God will show us the way.
 
Actually, it was my pastor who told me that it was not a mortal sin to have sex with my wife without having intercourse. And he was so sure he was right that he said he was putting his soul on the line by telling me this. This is another reason why I struggle. My moniker, TruthSkr, as you probably guessed, stands for Truth Seeker. I came to this web site to learn the truth, no matter how hard it might be. And believe me, it’s been pretty darn hard.
 
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Random idea.

Next trip, look ahead and let’s say there is a Saturday 5 PM Mass or a Sunday 11 AM Mass. Could you book her a special spa/facial/massage/mani-pedi at the spa for the same time as Mass?
 
Thank you for trying to be helpful. I do appreciate it. But you see, it’s not that I need to make her feel special or appreciated. She just wants me to not interfere with plans, especially when it involves other people. One of the times she was most upset with me was when we were on a vacation to the beach with five other couples. The only Mass I could get to was at 5 PM and dinner for the group was planned for 5 PM. The entire group ended up waiting for me to get back. None of them complained but my wife was livid, not for herself, but for me inconveniencing all those people.
 
I wish there was a sad face option as well as the regular heart option for posts!

I’m sorry you’re going through this! No one should be put between a rock and hard place regarding Mass attendance!
 
TruthSkr said:
My wife has lost her faith and trust in the Church and I fear it will never return.
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I have heard of many similar sad stories. Perhaps under these circumstances it is better for you to stay with your wife. Why not check it out with your local priest before the trip.
 
TruthSkr said:
As a result, I discussed it with another priest who told me the exact opposite. I am to the point where I sometimes don’t know who to believe.
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We can always go looking for people who agree with us even if we want to disagree with ourselves. And when you go to a forum, you’ll just get everyone’s differing answers as we bicker about it.
 
CatholicSooner said:
Well you have your mind made up.
Evil Humans caused her heartache not Jesus
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What an incredibly cold and insensitive remark. Do you thinnk your claim makes her heartache any less painful? Wait, don’t answer. I can tell you. It doesn’t.

Your attitude could use some adjustment.
 
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JMMJ said:
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CatholicSooner:
Well you have your mind made up.
Evil Humans caused her heartache not Jesus
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What an incredibly cold and insensitive remark. Do you thinnk your claim makes her heartache any less painful? Wait, don’t answer. I can tell you. It doesn’t.

Your attitude could use some adjustment.
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If someone doesn’t want honest responses don’t post personal information on a message board.

Nothing I said was incorrect or harsh
 
TruthSkr said:
Thank you for trying to be helpful. I do appreciate it. But you see, it’s not that I need to make her feel special or appreciated. She just wants me to not interfere with plans, especially when it involves other people. One of the times she was most upset with me was when we were on a vacation to the beach with five other couples. The only Mass I could get to was at 5 PM and dinner for the group was planned for 5 PM. The entire group ended up waiting for me to get back. None of them complained but my wife was livid, not for herself, but for me inconveniencing all those people.
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Sounds like simple communication could be better and solve some issues
 
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