Hey guys can a girl be too active for you?

[chevalier]

I have no problem with a feiry woman. In fact, that was part of my criteria for a wife!!

But some girls are just too busy…Always doing something…They never stand still or slow down. I really like a young woman who DOES do quite a lot…but she can sit still and talk. She isn’t distracted by the stuff she does. We can sit or stand together, and share a moment of silence.

Balance is good and attractive.

Agreed. On many levels. Anyway, yes, being always busy and too busy is an annoying trait. Like when you can’t get to spend a moment with that person. I’d rather be single than have to deal with that.

 

[whatevergirl]

Just like any character that is God-given, it can work providing the husband knows how to deal with that character and work with it.

However, I think many women see ‘fiery and strong-willed’ as an indication that because of that character trait, ‘rebellion’ against the husbands wishes is ok, and that a woman should be free to ‘live her own life’, even within the marriage.

From that point of view, you may be able to see why women who are a little more ‘masculine’ than others, in terms of frequent exercise, being strong-willed, and being highly active would be a little more risky in terms of looking towards having a happy, lasting, marriage

Maybe being highly active is also associated with radical feminism too?

Funny you say this Magic. I was going to add, but forgot…lol…that that doesn’t mean that women should be obstinate at all costs, bucking what is in the best interest of their marriages, and for the good of a relationship. Holiness is always the most important thing to look for in any person–male or female. A person’s personality can range, but as long as he/she is seeking God first, then being a little fiery or strong willed, shouldn’t be a problem.

 

[ack]

I’m not talking about doing a triatholon or anything of that sort but just being active like camping, volunteering, dancing what have you.

Maybe it depends on what you mean by “active”. Someone who does a lot of camping and sports could be described as “athletic” or “outdoors-y”. Such a woman would naturally attract a man with similar characteristics.

However, someone who does a lot of volunteering and leadership could just be called “busy”. Like other guys on this thread, I’ve also noticed that many single women make themselves so busy, there isn’t room for anybody or anything more in their lives. Have you ever met a woman who’s so busy with volunteering, hiking, running, school, work, remodeling, throwing parties, going out, playing music, going to church, and going dancing, that she barely has time to breathe? You can often spot such women because every time you see her, she’s mobbed by dozens of her girlfriends who haven’t seen her in ages because she’s so busy.

It is difficult for a guy to get to know such women because they’re always so busy. Also, a guy would be less motivated to ask a women out if she’s really busy, because it appears that the women won’t be able to make time for him.

 

[ack]

All the active people I know seem to be secular at the least. All the catholic people I know tend to be non active. I don’t know 1 catholic besides me who is active at all. In fact they seem to look at me with amazement when I tell them all the active stuff I do like they can’t relate at all. It seems to be a trend among catholics of my age I guess not to be involved in much. I hate to generalize but that’s been my experience. I’d love to meet other catholics who are active either male for female. Anyway the active part seems to turn guys off.

This seems a little odd, because the Catholics that I know are MORE active than their non-Catholic counterparts. I know at least 3 Catholic marathon runners, and no non-Catholic ones. Young adult groups around here frequently organize hiking and kayaking trips…

 

[Sam_Maloney]

I’m pretty active, ski a couple times a week in season, bike a few times a week.

So I’m big on the active thing, but I do know some women who are terrified of sitting still for a moment, who seem to be afraid that fat lives between the cushions of the couch, waiting to leap onto thier bums if they sit down for a moment to read a decent book.

Some times a well developed body means an under developed mind.

 

[Sierrah]

Maybe it depends on what you mean by “active”. Someone who does a lot of camping and sports could be described as “athletic” or “outdoors-y”. Such a woman would naturally attract a man with similar characteristics.

**However, someone who does a lot of volunteering and leadership could just be called “busy”. Like other guys on this thread, I’ve also noticed that many single women make themselves so busy, there isn’t room for anybody or anything more in their lives. Have you ever met a woman who’s so busy with volunteering, hiking, running, school, work, remodeling, throwing parties, going out, playing music, going to church, and going dancing, that she barely has time to breathe? You can often spot such women because every time you see her, she’s mobbed by dozens of her girlfriends who haven’t seen her in ages because she’s so busy.

It is difficult for a guy to get to know such women because they’re always so busy. Also, a guy would be less motivated to ask a women out if she’s really busy, because it appears that the women won’t be able to make time for him**.

Another good point and I’ve thought of that too but frankly I like being busy and as I don’t have family obligations such as a husband, boyfriend or children I feel I should make the most of my time and enjoy life. If I had kids and such that sort of stuff would take presidence of course.

 

[KayFrisco]

Maybe it’s your area? Have you looked at other singles groups in your diocese?

I would rather voyage on alone then give up some of the activities I enjoy though I would be willing to scale down a bit… Should I sit at home and wait for some guy to notice me…never worked before. It would be nice for once though to meet other active Catholics.

DH and his buddy came to the same conclusion when they were about 40 and had never been married. I know single & active Catholic guys are out there, it just is a matter of crossing paths with the person who is right for you. They probably pray to someday meet you by some great miracle! One guy I work with is a bit older than DH, and he finally met his active match (I think he’s 46 now, and he’s really happy he waited for someone who fit him so perfectly). Keep believing and loving your life!

Thankfully DH never confused “fiery” with “rebellious”. Nor does take the attitude that his wishes rule, or that my disagreeing is rebellion! But how could I not often see things his way considering his own considerate and open behavior?

 

[Ailina]

One problem out there seems to be finding a guy that can keep up. If she likes to hike, bike and do a lot a physical sports related activities would this turn you off from pursuing a girl. I’m not talking about doing a triatholon or anything of that sort but just being active like camping, volunteering, dancing what have you. Or do guys really prefer a girl to just stay at home or keep things more low key. What’s the verdict? I’m not planning or making any changes to what I do I’m just curious.

Hmmmm…depends on where you live, perhaps? I know a lot of guys who like to do all of that, but I live close to the Rockies and outdoor pursuits are quite common here. There are lots of outdoor clubs that host these kinds of activities, and from the people I have met, most are friendly and down-to-earth.

 

[Henning]

One problem out there seems to be finding a guy that can keep up. If she likes to hike, bike and do a lot a physical sports related activities would this turn you off from pursuing a girl. I’m not talking about doing a triatholon or anything of that sort but just being active like camping, volunteering, dancing what have you. Or do guys really prefer a girl to just stay at home or keep things more low key. What’s the verdict? I’m not planning or making any changes to what I do I’m just curious.

No. I’ve found females can’t keep up. That’s just me

 

[Sierrah]

Hmmmm…depends on where you live, perhaps? I know a lot of guys who like to do all of that, but I live close to the Rockies and outdoor pursuits are quite common here. There are lots of outdoor clubs that host these kinds of activities, and from the people I have met, most are friendly and down-to-earth.

I live in MO. While it’s a pretty state our weather isn’t always the best. We do have some good biking and hiking trails though. But I’m sure it’s nothing like the Rockies.

 

[Sierrah]

Maybe it’s your area? Have you looked at other singles groups in your diocese?

DH and his buddy came to the same conclusion when they were about 40 and had never been married. I know single & active Catholic guys are out there, it just is a matter of crossing paths with the person who is right for you. They probably pray to someday meet you by some great miracle! One guy I work with is a bit older than DH, and he finally met his active match (I think he’s 46 now, and he’s really happy he waited for someone who fit him so perfectly). Keep believing and loving your life!

Thankfully DH never confused “fiery” with “rebellious”. Nor does take the attitude that his wishes rule, or that my disagreeing is rebellion! But how could I not often see things his way considering his own considerate and open behavior?

Area could be a factor not sure. I’m not going to change what I’ve been doing but I want to thank everyone for their ideas and suggestions. You’ve given me some things to think about.

I can’t say I’ve ever been considered Fiery except by my family. Maybe I do come off that way…hum. I think I may just come off as way too busy but that’s not something I can change in the immediate future. I just trust the right guy or friends would understand.

 

[NTOT]

The simple answer is that this would depend on the guy.

A less active guy would prefer a less active girl.

An active guy would prefer an active girl.

I think it’s perfectly reasonable for guys and girls to seek out people with similar activity levels.

Actually, I believe they say opposites attract.

 

[Sierrah]

Actually, I believe they say opposites attract.

Yes I’ve know many couples who came off as being opposites. Example I know a very social woman married to a very shy antisocial guy for 30 years…

 

[DustinM]

I prefer to workout regularly, and then be really laid back and relax whenever it’s not workout time. (Exception: Occasional wild playtime with my daughter.) I’m not into sports or camping etc. So my personal preference is someone who likes to workout and stay in shape, but then be more calm the rest of the time…to match me, so we’re doing the same things at the same time.
I wouldn’t want her to be bike-riding while I lift weights, and then dancing when I’m done (for example), and not be able to see her.

As for the strong willed fiery character idea…for me that’s a turn-on and turn-off at the same time. I prefer a girl who has a will of her own, but at the same time, that can lead to butting-heads too frequently. I also have trouble approaching such a character even if I’m attracted. I’m more of an introvert.

What’s a really big turn on is a fiery spirit that’s will to calm down for me specifically, and no one else…without me having to ask.
In other words, she’s very strong willed, but won’t be super argumentative when we disagree. Willing to really listen to my side, no matter how strongly she feels about hers. That’s just good period, but it would make me feel special to get special treatment.

Another turn-on would be a woman who is calmer/softer spoken, but intelligent, and bouts of fire on important issues that we agree on (like being pro-life, for example).

 

[Sierrah]

I prefer to workout regularly, and then be really laid back and relax whenever it’s not workout time. (Exception: Occasional wild playtime with my daughter.) I’m not into sports or camping etc. So my personal preference is someone who likes to workout and stay in shape, but then be more calm the rest of the time…to match me, so we’re doing the same things at the same time.
I wouldn’t want her to be bike-riding while I lift weights, and then dancing when I’m done (for example), and not be able to see her.

As for the strong willed fiery character idea…for me that’s a turn-on and turn-off at the same time. I prefer a girl who has a will of her own, but at the same time, that can lead to butting-heads too frequently. I also have trouble approaching such a character even if I’m attracted. I’m more of an introvert.

What’s a really big turn on is a fiery spirit that’s will to calm down for me specifically, and no one else…without me having to ask.
In other words, she’s very strong willed, but won’t be super argumentative when we disagree. Willing to really listen to my side, no matter how strongly she feels about hers. That’s just good period, but it would make me feel special to get special treatment.

Another turn-on would be a woman who is calmer/softer spoken, but intelligent, and bouts of fire on important issues that we agree on (like being pro-life, for example).

Sounds like you’re a no drama sort of person. I’m that way myself. Life is too short to look for things to complain about. Anyway I do think you might have some trouble finding a lady who will be content to hang around or do nothing while your weight lifting. Remember even though marriage involves a lot of togetherness there is such a thing as too much of it. I think people need a chance to breathe once in a while and should be into doing their own thing. Just not all the time maybe. I think you want a spouse or partner to complement you not fill the void you have to do that yourself. But thanks for your imput.

 

[DustinM]

Sounds like you’re a no drama sort of person. I’m that way myself.

Well I had a relationship as a teen that was overly dramatic. I think I half-liked that at the time, but I’ve outgrown that type of thing.

Anyway I do think you might have some trouble finding a lady who will be content to hang around or do nothing while your weight lifting. Remember even though marriage involves a lot of togetherness there is such a thing as too much of it. I think people need a chance to breathe once in a while and should be into doing their own thing. Just not all the time maybe. I think you want a spouse or partner to complement you not fill the void you have to do that yourself. But thanks for your imput.

Actually, I was indicating that the ideal would be that she not just be sitting around doing nothing while I’m weight lifting.
“to match me, so we’re doing the same things at the same time.”
“same things” meaning being active…not necessarily the exact same activity. (Sorry, I admit, I wasn’t clear.)

Basically, it would probably be ideal if the activity level matched mine, and not going over mine. I was implying that it would be cool if she’s doing her “staying active” activity while I’m working out, then we both spend time together afterward. (Unless she wanted to lift weights too; that would change things.)
I’m not saying I need that in a relationship, mind you, just that it would be cool.

 

[Sierrah]

Well I had a relationship as a teen that was overly dramatic. I think I half-liked that at the time, but I’ve outgrown that type of thing.

Actually, I was indicating that the ideal would be that she not just be sitting around doing nothing while I’m weight lifting.
“to match me, so we’re doing the same things at the same time.”
“same things” meaning being active…not necessarily the exact same activity. (Sorry, I admit, I wasn’t clear.)

Basically, it would probably be ideal if the activity level matched mine, and not going over mine. I was implying that it would be cool if she’s doing her “staying active” activity while I’m working out, then we both spend time together afterward. (Unless she wanted to lift weights too; that would change things.)
I’m not saying I need that in a relationship, mind you, just that it would be cool.

Yes if two people can fine tune their activities levels to match each other that is an ideal but I’m wondering if that’s always possible.

 

[ladylinguist]

One problem out there seems to be finding a guy that can keep up. If she likes to hike, bike and do a lot a physical sports related activities would this turn you off from pursuing a girl. I’m not talking about doing a triatholon or anything of that sort but just being active like camping, volunteering, dancing what have you. Or do guys really prefer a girl to just stay at home or keep things more low key. What’s the verdict? I’m not planning or making any changes to what I do I’m just curious.

I’m a girl, and I love working out. I do 6-8 cardio workouts a week and 2-3 strength training workouts, depending on my schedule. Nothing too crazy. But you’d be surprised how many guys take it the wrong way. Me: I’m going for a run (or to the gym, or pool, etc). Him: Why? Do you think you’re fat?
Ummm. . . huh? I’ve come across a lot of guys who assume that my desire to work out stems from the a personal conviction that I’m fat. They get very confused about the idea that a girl could want to be active for the sake of the activity and the enjoyment it brings. Alternately, I knew guys who got really cranky when they realized I was a faster runner than they. Some guys aren’t comfortable with strong females, unfortunately. That’s one of the great things about my fiancee. He’s active and I’m active and he supports me in my physical pursuits. I say I want to run a marathon and he goes “That’s awesome!”, instead of “Why? That’s ridiculous.” It’s all about finding someone who appreciates your strengths.

 

[Appleby]

Just like any character that is God-given, it can work providing the husband knows how to deal with that character and work with it.

However, I think many women see ‘fiery and strong-willed’ as an indication that because of that character trait, ‘rebellion’ against the husbands wishes is ok, and that a woman should be free to ‘live her own life’, even within the marriage.

From that point of view, you may be able to see why women who are a little more ‘masculine’ than others, in terms of frequent exercise, being strong-willed, and being highly active would be a little more risky in terms of looking towards having a happy, lasting, marriage

Maybe being highly active is also associated with radical feminism too?

I have found over my lifetime (60 years so far) that most men and boys hate competitive women who excel in something that the men cannot do. That includes sports, but also may include intellectual pursuits, playing “Trivial Pursuit” or “Risk”, or diagnosing problems with the car. I was told back in the Fifties that the way to gettaman was to always act as if you are not as smart, not as strong, not as capable and not as well informed as he is – and to oooh and coo at everything he does and says, because men just simply cannot stand to be outdone by girls. (This was when men were men and women were girls.) A man broken an engagement with me once because I correctly diagnosed a serious problem with his car that literally could have killed us both (the manifold had a hole in it and the air conditioner was pulling CO into the car) after he had contemptuously told me that “Girls don’t know anything about cars.”

I found when I got into my forties that weak, dependent, unsuccessful men adore competitive, active women because they can leach off us. A certain kind of strong and domineering man also likes competitive active women, because it is his desire to break us down.

When I passed fifty and was no longer marriage bait and could be treated as “one of the boys”, I suddenly had way more boy chums than all the other women…and I was just exactly the same as I had been all my life long.

In Mensa we girls (20% of the membership) used to say, “Dumb men like smart women. Smart men like dumb women.” You could substitute “uncompetitive” or “submissive” for “dumb” with ease, I think.

 

[ladylinguist]

Can ‘she’ be too active? Yes, of course.

I’m curious about this. What would you consider to be “too active”?