I am not defending her but if she is as spoiled as they say, then who spoiled her? I am sure there is plenty of blame for both sides. Someone just didn’t turn into a spoiled brat over night and by themselves. This tragedy took years to make and is only the tip of the iceberg.
None of that matters.
This is false. Under NJ law, one must become fully emancipated, not just simply turn 18, before a parent’s responsibilities legally end. The parents are still responsible for her.
The law is unique in New Jersey. When a child goes to college the parent that pays child support is required to provide support while the kid is in college. It is not a jump to say that this can be extended to both parents.
Thus far, he’s seeing what a lot of people on the outside are seeing of this case:
The judge’s reaction was based on this voicemail:
Have a nice life, I hate you, I’ve written you off, but pay for me to go to the college of my choice?
Point taken.
No, not necessarily. Some kids just decide to go against their upbringing for reasons all their own. I’ve got a family member like that. It also involved a boyfriend that the parents didn’t like, just like this case. It could very well be that mom and dad told her that he was a bad influence and she flipped. It happens more often than parents want to believe possible. It happened with a close family member of mine, several friends while we were growing up, and almost got to that point with one of my kids. Praise Jesus my son snapped out of it and realized that life is much better at home instead, even if he had to follow our rules. My other family member is now an adult and still holds a deep grudge against her parents, except that now she is upset because they “allowed her to ruin her life” by not breaking up the relationship. She has been in a miserable marriage for 30 yrs now. Parents were bad because they tried to prevent them from being together and now they are bad because they allowed them to be together. Go figure. Sometimes parents are wrong no matter what they do.
Robert, rebellious teenaged children are a very normal thing. Not saying that it is obligatory, nor am I saying it’s optimal, but it is very normal.This is probably a case where everyone is guilty. We can see that the daughter a ‘spoiled brat,’ but how did she get that way? Same for the absence of love. Did all this happen overnight when she turned 18? No, my sense is that the daughter did not learn of love during her upbringing. And I can see where having to break-off the relationship with her boyfriend would be most cruel from her perspective.
LOVE!
Mark,
When I was 18, after the childhood I had with my parents, I felt very similar Denise. Not all parents parent well (or equally across children). Some parents are well-intentioned (as mine were) and end up severely scarring their children with experimental stuff. It’s not an uncommon reaction for a child in an abusive household to lash out at them when they come of age. I was admonished by countless people for how badly I treated my mom; I even made her cry several times in public. But at the time, all I could think about was how badly I had been abused as a child. I couldn’t see my mom as anything but the abuser that she had been (however well-intentioned she was), and so I couldn’t give her any form of decency. That voicemail does not make me see her as spoiled. If anything, it makes me think her case is more legitimate. No sane person would make a voicemail like that; it shows signs of abuse that she’d even MAKE it. And what kind of parent would release it to the court anyway?Thus far, he’s seeing what a lot of people on the outside are seeing of this case:
The judge’s reaction was based on this voicemail:
Have a nice life, I hate you, I’ve written you off, but pay for me to go to the college of my choice?
When I was 18, after the childhood I had with my parents, I felt very similar Denise. Not all parents parent well (or equally across children). Some parents are well-intentioned (as mine were) and end up severely scarring their children with experimental stuff. It’s not an uncommon reaction for a child in an abusive household to lash out at them when they come of age. I was admonished by countless people for how badly I treated my mom; I even made her cry several times in public. But at the time, all I could think about was how badly I had been abused as a child. I couldn’t see my mom as anything but the abuser that she had been (however well-intentioned she was), and so I couldn’t give her any form of decency. That voicemail does not make me see her as spoiled. If anything, it makes me think her case is more legitimate. No sane person would make a voicemail like that; it shows signs of abuse that she’d even MAKE it. And what kind of parent would release it to the court anyway to publicly humiliate their child?Thus far, he’s seeing what a lot of people on the outside are seeing of this case:
The judge’s reaction was based on this voicemail:
Have a nice life, I hate you, I’ve written you off, but pay for me to go to the college of my choice?
I’m sorry for the experience that you had, but this girl isn’t you. All you have to do is take a look at what our culture has unfortunately become and the things on which we place value. There are kids (and this girl is 18, so I use that term loosely) who are overindulged, disrespectful, and ungrateful, and that’s why from my POV it makes me think she has no case…
Got it. I try not to take too much personally on an Internet forum…you have to have a bit of a thick skin, otherwise you shouldn’t wade in the “mosh pit” in the first place.Mark,
I didn’t mean to insinuate that I thought you were too harsh on (your own) children. I hope you didn’t take it as such. I just wanted to correct your post, since NJ law has a unique twist to it.
I hope your daughter’s doing well
She also had problems with bulimia and she has been suspended twice for drinking and causing school problems. She also has a drinking problems. These issues just didn’t happen over night or due to a bad boyfriend. Her voice mail to her mom is pretty horrific. i think it is tragic and it looks like the judge wants the family to get together again and lets pray that it does.