Homophobic reaction to the abuse crisis discouraging me - what should I do?

[Imdaman]

What do you do!

Stop fussing about it! No really I mean it. Listen the church is going through a crisis right now. With the McCarrick issue and the child abuse. Whether you agree or not it is (to a degree) an problem generated by homosexuality. Me saying this is not Homophobic.

That being said why does it have to affect your faith. I have been told by people in my church whom I thought we sturdy Catholics that they are ashamed of being Catholic. I say why??? It is not like you did anything wrong? You can not control what people say or think or do! Why is your faith predicated on how others live out there own faith.

Right or wrong is irrelevant in this regard. Kee p your eyes on Jesus ignore the rest!

 

[phil19034]

There are plenty of child molesters who aren’t actually pedophiles (because they have no inherent attraction to children), but choose to abuse children because they’re easy marks.

OK, this makes no sense. If you commit pedophilia, you are a pedophile. Molesters who are not pedophiles don’t sit around saying “shoot, I can’t rape a 14 year old so I’m going to rape the 6 year old even though I have zero attraction to children who have not begun puberty.”

If you commit pedophilia you are a pedophile. Period.

 

[Imdaman]

If you walked up to me, I’d accept you

In fact, I think you just have to find the right parish. Catholicism is big. It has no one political ideology or culture. My parish is actually pretty great - orthodox in teaching, yet welcoming and progressive otherwise. That’s the kind of place I fit in.

Still, the current dialogue at large is discouraging me. I’m trying to figure out my place in the Church. I don’t plan to live where I currently do for much longer. I’ve thought about further studying theology. What if people find out I’m gay? Will they not let me be a theology professor? Etc. It’s scary.

YOur plae in the church is sitting beside all the other sinners in the the church. Repent from your sins like the rest of us and try to live the best life you can.

 

[TheAmazingGrace]

If you commit pedophilia, you are a pedophile.

Pedophiles are people who experience sexual attraction to children. Not all of them act on their desires.

There are non-pedophile rapists who target children rather than adults because children are: easier to groom, easier to overpower, less likely to fight back, more likely to keep quiet, less likely to be believed, easier to gaslight, etc.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

If you commit pedophilia you are a pedophile. Period.

Pedophila is attraction to children. While it makes little sense grammatically, committing pedophilia is being attracted to children.

Moreover a pedophile may never molest a child. Pedophile /=/ child molester.

 

[nenabunena]

nenabunena:

I’m sorry but I don’t believe those ‘heterosexual’ men are heterosexuals if they are attracted to the same sex, it means that they have an excuse to express their homosexual bent.

I wasn’t talking about attraction. A lot of rapists operate based on opportunism, meaning they’ll take what they can get. There are plenty of child molesters who aren’t actually pedophiles (because they have no inherent attraction to children), but choose to abuse children because they’re easy marks.

I’m sorry but I cannot agree with what you said in any way, shape, or form. Let’s just agree to disagree.

 

[TheAmazingGrace]

I’m sorry but I cannot agree with what you said in any way, shape, or form. Let’s just agree to disagree.

You can believe whatever you want about human sexuality, but I’m still going to tell you if your stated beliefs don’t align with the facts.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

That isn’t their opinion; they are discussing definitions.

 

[nenabunena]

nenabunena:

I think men generally have a higher sexual drive than women and it’s easier for us to be celibate which is why it is such a sacrifice when men do it. I also don’t think most men are sexual predators, I have my brother and father to thank for that (plus I know celibate men who are virgins and not a part of the clergy). They are gentlemen. I don’t think the abusers did it overnight though, there must’ve been a process, years of acculturation until an environment was created in certain seminaries and the weaker ones were easily bent to go along and continue this practice.

Have you read Goodbye, Good Men? Is that what you mean by ‘rogue priests’? I don’t have access or can’t get the book in my country so wondering if that’s your source?

I can’t really relate to the sex drive part. I have a friend who struggles with masturbation but not pornography. I can’t understand that. For me without porn I don’t really have sexual desire. I hope things will heal with time, normally I go a few weeks and end up falling. It’s frustrating.

I listened to this homily: Bold Homily From Priest addressing today's scandals

I just listened to that and bookmarked it. It’s pretty scary if true. IDK what to make of it tbh. I think I’ll check the sermons and videos of Fr. Robert Altier on yt.

 

[nenabunena]

nenabunena:

I’m sorry but I cannot agree with what you said in any way, shape, or form. Let’s just agree to disagree.

You can believe whatever you want about human sexuality, but I’m still going to tell you if your stated beliefs don’t align with the facts.

You sound like you are trying to normalize pedophilia and homosexuality that anyone can engage in… You are stating that people who do not have pedophilia inclinations will engage in it and those who do not have homosexual inclinations will engage in it - that type of mentality has become a problem and cause for the situation the Catholic Church is in now and the prevalent issues that have been widespread in the west. The fact that they can perform and will do so shows that there is an attraction.

I just came by this so your comments are truly scaring me tbh:

Bold Homily From Priest addressing today's scandals Moral Theology

Maybe you’re right.

 

[PennyinCanada]

What do I do?

Do as our lady asked at Fatima. Pray the rosary daily, offer sacrifices for the conversion of sinners and peace in this world and live a holy life.

Any time we feel discouraged with life, we are like Peter who got out of the boat to meet the Lord. He can actually walk on water! and yet the wind and the waves made him panic. We are to continue to lead holy lives and to bring the Gospel into the world as best we can. Holy lives can change the course of human history. This is our time to be amazing!

 

[Bruised_Reed]

You are stating that people who do not have pedophilia inclinations will engage in it

That isn’t what they are stating. Pedophilia is attraction to children. One does not need to be attracted to children to sexually abuse children.

and those who do not have homosexual inclinations will engage in it -

They do. For various reasons. I’ll stick my neck out and say that if I had engaged in sexual acts with another woman, for reasons I can’t imagine, that wouldn’t make me gay…experimental at the most.

that type of mentality has become a problem and cause for the situation the Catholic Church is in now

Noooooope. Not to put too fine a point on this but a lot of posters are ignorant of definitions, maybe you heard someone put it that way but it’s inaccurate and misleading which is why I’m addressing it.

The fact that they can perform and will do so shows that there is an attraction.

No…a straight person can be curious and want to see what it’s like to be sexual with another adult of the same sex and once the curiosity is satisfied won’t do it again. There are bisexual people; they aren’t homosexuals either. Someone, and they don’t need to be an adult, who is not a pedophile and has never abused a child can be curious about the same thing and will continue to abuse when they realize that children are easier targets.

Not all pedophiles are child molesters.
Not all child molesters are pedophiles.
Some pedophiles do not want to harm children and do understand using children to meet their own needs harms children. Some choose not to harm children.
Child molesters understand this too but don’t care if it hurts someone and choose to do it anyway. The clergy who abused children and adults made a choice to do so.

Stating that all pedophiles (adults and older teens who are attracted to children) are child molesters actually makes children less safe. It forces pedophiles to never disclose so they might get help it isolates them leaves them without support. That is what makes children more vulnerable to sexual violence. It may be repugnant to you to want to support a pedophile so they don’t molest children but when you paint with a broad brush and say they are one and the same with child sexual abusers it makes it harder for them to be honest about their attractions and get help. Why would they even bother trying if you’ve already painted them a child abuser?

 

[TheAmazingGrace]

The fact that they can perform and will do so shows that there is an attraction.

No, it doesn’t. If sexual activity was the sole determinant of sexual orientation, then we would have to categorize virgins as asexuals, closeted men married to women as heterosexuals, etc.

I just came by this so your comments are truly scaring me tbh

I don’t follow.

 

[TheAmazingGrace]

Stating that all pedophiles (adults and older teens who are attracted to children) are child molesters actually makes children less safe. It forces pedophiles to never disclose so they might get help it isolates them leaves them without support. That is what makes children more vulnerable to sexual violence. It may be repugnant to you to want to support a pedophile so they don’t molest children but when you paint with a broad brush and say they are one and the same with child sexual abusers it makes it harder for them to be honest about their attractions and get help. Why would they even bother trying if you’ve already painted them a child abuser?

Spot on, BR. If we insist on conflating pedophilic attraction with child abuse, it’s only going to deter non-offending pedophiles from seeking treatment.