Good luck on your journey.
The Catholic Church claims to be an instrument of God that can infallibly discern objective truth; truth that is independent of the church’s opinion or wishes. If the church says something is true, and then changes its mind and says it was wrong, then the church logically cannot be infallible.
From my extensive studies and reflection, I have found that every religion on Earth, save the Catholic religion, has fatal logical flaws that must mean they are wrong. I have found no such flaw in the Catholic Church. There are numerous issues that were not explicitly defined in the bible or by the early apostles. There have been long debates to discern the truth. Some sides in these debates were wrong. It was the church as a whole that discerned the truth, and in most instances, the incorrect side humbly submitted to the church.
I accept as a matter of faith that the Catholic Church is the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic church founded by my Lord incarnate, Jesus Christ. I accept this rationally and logically. I have inspected each doctrine and found it perfectly internally consistent. I acknowledge as a matter of intellectual honesty that the church is led by very intelligent philosophers who are never going to allow any deviation from this perfect consistency. It is by faith alone that I ascribe this to divine guidance rather than greed and lust for power.
And I assume that you realize that your last two paragraphs are 100% subjective conclusion made by you personally as you continue to fine tune your informed conscience.
I, using similar tools of research, introspection, prayer and the like have come to the conclusion that the Church clearly understands, in the aggregate, that there are rules and teachings that are questionable, and that our brothers in Eastern Right and Protestant Churches have some good, credible points of view.
Vatican II was not allowed to deeply engage in three main topics, two of which are Priest Celibacy and Artificial Birth Control. Pope Paul pulled them from the agenda. It had become clear that the majority of the Bishops were inclined to update the teachings in a way that could cause the “thread of consistency” to be stretched thin.
The Curia also held sway in the end to the central core control of Vatican, as just enough of the Curia members resided on key councils to prevent what the majority of Bishops wanted to see changed from happening. Even when over 80% of Bishops (over 2,100) were leaning in one direction, the Curia maintained enough control to halt that progress.
So, I come away with a wonder for how much was accomplished at Vatican II, how great the work truly was…yet also, with an understanding that some of the key issues of dispute remain as they are today only by pulling them out of the debate.
As a matter of fact, there are some who conclude that if the Catholic Church does not continue down a proper pathway for implementing Vatican II policies without losing the ultra conservative monarchial management of the Church, that future generations may undo do much of the work. Yes, even if that means a much smaller, more myopic but committed “people of God” remain.
Finally, I too have Faith in Christ’s message of Salvation to me, and his instructions to walk down my personal pathway to holiness. This involves service to my family, my parish community, my local secular community in His name. I love and embrace the Sacraments as the best outward sign of God’s grace…what a joy they are
The rest of the rules and such…not so much, and very cautious about absolute statements.