Housewarming for non-married couple

[ARH521]

I was invited to a house-warming party for a non-married couple. Is it morally acceptable to attend?

 

[ahs]

In my opinion, no…you should not attend. The reason is that by attending you are showing support for them living together outside of marriage. It could give scandal and make you a cooperator in the sin.

That said, I don’t think there is any actual provision that forbids such. From what I’ve been reading, many people’s Priests will counsel them to take mayn thigns into consideration. For example, if you let the “couple” know that you cannot approve of their living together and that it is against Church teaching (and if they aren’t Catholic they might not care…but at least they’ll know) then you could probably attend as a way of stengthening friendship and giving you opportunity to give witness to Truth.

You should probably talk to your Priest, let him know you want to do the right thing, not just the easy thing, and see what he has to say about it.

 

[lizaanne]

No.

You would be endorsing their living in a continual state of mortal sin (or at the very least, scandal), and giving your acceptance of their situation if you attend.

Instead, stay home and pray a rosary for them. They will need all the spiritual help they can get — his and hers wine glasses and designer casserole dishes won’t help them avoid hell.

~Liza

 

[superamazingman]

I was invited to a house-warming party for a non-married couple. Is it morally acceptable to attend?

I certainly wouldn’t.

 

[Scoobyshme]

Absolutely not.

There are nine ways in which we can participate in the sin of another, thereby sinning ourselves.

1. By counsel (to give advice, one’s opinion or instructions.)
2. By command (to demand, to order, such as in the military.)
3. By consent (to give permission, to approve, to agree to.) By attending, you would be giving tacit approval of a sinful lifestyle.
4. By provocation (to dare.)
5. By praise or flattery (to cheer, to applaud, to commend.)
6. By concealment (to hide the action, to cover-up.)
7. By partaking (to take part, to participate.) By attending, you would be participating in the situation.
8. By silence (by playing dumb, by remaining quiet.) By not speaking up and saying that living together was wrong, you would be either playing dumb or remaining silent in the face of the sinful lifestyle.
9. By defense of the ill done (to justify, to argue in favour.)

 

[hannajomar]

I have been in this situation, and I chose to not go to an event that celebrates an unmarried couple living together. I do, however, go to their house to celebrate a birthday party, Thanksgiving dinner, or something else actually worth celebrating.

 

[Delaine75]

I’d have to agree with the others and say no, it’s probably not a good idea at all to attend this housewarming. Helping to celebrate a couple who have chosen to live in sin is wrong. If you don’t want to explain to the couple why you shouldn’t attend, maybe you could make yourself extra busy that particular day and just simply not have the time to attend!

 

[Julia_Mae]

I was invited to a house-warming party for a non-married couple. Is it morally acceptable to attend?

I am wondering why you were invited? You aren’t friends with them right?

I dunno. Jesus kept eating meals with hookers and thieves. I’m never sure why people think they should shun someone because they aren’t living up to the moral standards of the Church. Saint Augustine said we should believe others are better than we in the depth of their souls, even when we appear to be better than they.

Of course it’s morally acceptable to go to a house-warming. What they do in the bedroom is not your concern. But then, I don’t usually go to events where a gift is expected when the people aren’t actually friends of mine.

 

[Bookcat]

I would not be doing such …for it gives a kind of approval of their establishing a “home” together.

Catechism:

1868 Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:

• by participating directly and voluntarily in them;
• by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
• by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
• by protecting evil-doers.

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s1c1a8.htm#V

 

[revert_jen]

I dunno. Jesus kept eating meals with hookers and thieves. I’m never sure why people think they should shun someone because they aren’t living up to the moral standards of the Church. Saint Augustine said we should believe others are better than we in the depth of their souls, even when we appear to be better than they.

I don’t think anyone is suggesting that the OP should never visit their house or eat with them again. We are not talking about shunning anyone, just not attending a party that celebrates the fact that they are living together outside marriage in a stable environment. I also don’t think that failing to encourage others in their sin means that you think you are better than they are. I hope others (regardless of their spiritual status in comparison with mine–about which I refuse to speculate in either direction) will not encourage me in my sins.

I don’t remember any mention in the Gospels of Jesus attending a party that celebrated sin. Jesus loved the sinners too much for that.

–Jen

 

[Myqyl]

I’ll voice the minority opinion…

You can let them know that you are not endorsing or condoning thier living arraingment as it conflicts with your faith, but that you love them both and want to be there with them.

It is VERY specifically not our job to judge the sins and actions of others. Letting them know (privately) that you’re concerned for their souls is a wonderful thing to do… Standing in judgement of them is not

Just my 2 cents

God bless

 

[Aelred_Minor]

I would not shun the couple in the future, if you are invited to a Christmas party or something of that sort, but I would not personally go to a housewarming party for them since this is specifically celebrating their beginning to live in this house together.

 

[superamazingman]

I’ll voice the minority opinion…

You can let them know that you are not endorsing or condoning thier living arraingment as it conflicts with your faith, but that you love them both and want to be there with them.

It is VERY specifically not our job to judge the sins and actions of others. Letting them know (privately) that you’re concerned for their souls is a wonderful thing to do… Standing in judgement of them is not

Says who? We can most certainly judge the actions of others.

What we can not do, however, is judge their souls (tell them they are going to hell). But we can always judge actions. Without the ability to judge actions, morality falls into shambles.

 

[Bookcat]

I’ll voice the minority opinion…

You can let them know that you are not endorsing or condoning thier living arraingment as it conflicts with your faith, but that you love them both and want to be there with them.

It is VERY specifically not our job to judge the sins and actions of others. Letting them know (privately) that you’re concerned for their souls is a wonderful thing to do… Standing in judgement of them is not

Just my 2 cents

God bless

It not only involves the persons there but the scandal given to others present.

And it is actually does fall to us to judge the sins and actions of others –in the sense of the objective nature of the action. Such is different from “judging” the persons guilt.

This will be of interest:

blog.adw.org/2010/06/correcting-the-sinner-is-not-being-judgmental-it-is-an-essential-work-of-charity/

blog.adw.org/2009/11/fraternal-correction-the-forgotten-virtue/

The particular problem here is that one is “celebrating” and thus praising and approving the objectively wrong living arrangements. And such does not only involve the couple themselves but others there too who see that one is celebrating such. See the Catechism above (forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=9905036&postcount=9)

I will add this too for readers from Pope Benedict XVI (this wonderfully written of course):

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/messages/lent/documents/hf_ben-xvi_mes_20111103_lent-2012_en.html

 

[ahs]

Says who? We can most certainly judge the actions of others.

What we can not do, however, is judge their souls (tell them they are going to hell). But we can always judge actions. Without the ability to judge actions, morality falls into shambles.

It not only involves the persons there but the scandal given to others present.

It is actually does fall to us to judge the sins and actions of others –in the sense of the objective nature of the action. Such is different from “judging” the persons guilt.

This will be of interest:

blog.adw.org/2010/06/correcting-the-sinner-is-not-being-judgmental-it-is-an-essential-work-of-charity/

blog.adw.org/2009/11/fraternal-correction-the-forgotten-virtue/

The particular problem here is that one is “celebrating” and thus praising and approving the objectively wrong living arrangements. And such does not only involve the couple themselves but others there too who see that one is celebrating such. See the Catechism above (forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=9905036&postcount=9)

I will add this too for readers from Pope Benedict XVI (this wonderfully written of course):

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/messages/lent/documents/hf_ben-xvi_mes_20111103_lent-2012_en.html

Indeed. I need to correct my initial comment. Attending a house-warming party for them, which is the case here, directly celebrates their choice to live together outside of marriage. Attending this specific function is a cooperation in the sin, as many have noted. It also gives scandal to those witnessing a Catholic showig support for such sin.

Outside of this event, it’s still okay to remain friends and visit, etc…but one does have the moral obligation, pointed outto us MANY times in Scripture, to correct the sinner…to admonish one another when we err. Christ certainly ate and befriended sinners…but He NEVER condoned, or accepted sin. He always called it for what it is and rebuked the sinner to sin no more. He has admoinshed us to do likewise. (see the links provided above)

 

[Julia_Mae]

I don’t think anyone is suggesting that the OP should never visit their house or eat with them again. We are not talking about shunning anyone, just not attending a party that celebrates the fact that they are living together outside marriage in a stable environment.

I see no difference. And what they are celebrating is buying a house. If you visit them and eat with them, you can’t go see their new house?

I don’t remember any mention in the Gospels of Jesus attending a party that celebrated sin.

“Celebrated sin?” They bought a house not a king-sized bed. If we don’t go to the house-warming parties, can we go to the “new pool” party if they put one in? Does one “celebrate sin” but not the other? Both? If one of them dies, can we go to the wake to comfort the bereaved partner left behind, or would we be approving their sinful relationship?

 

[Julia_Mae]

Christ certainly ate and befriended sinners…but He NEVER condoned, or accepted sin. He always called it for what it is and rebuked the sinner to sin no more.

There’s not a shred of evidence in Scripture that this is true. We have several instances of Jesus at dinner and hardly any examples, or none, really, of Him rebuking sinners. He called out those Pharisees a lot, though. Did you notice that while He pointed out to the woman at the well she was living with a man to whom she was not wed, He didn’t tell her to change anything?

 

[ahs]

There’s not a shred of evidence in Scripture that this is true. We have several instances of Jesus at dinner and hardly any examples, or none, really, if Him rebuking sinners. He called out those Pharisees a lot, though. Did you notice that while He pointed out to the woman at the well she was living with a man to whom she was not wed, He didn’t tell her to change anything?

Do a word search on an online Bible source for “go and sin no more”. Then there are the sellers at the Temple…then teh rebuking of the disciples with little faith…woe to you or Chorizon (comparing them to Sodom or Ghamora"…the separating of the goats from the lambs…“get behind Me Satan!” (rebuking Peter for having the thoughts of man)…“whoever causes one of these little ones to stumble…better a millstone be tied around his neck…”…the teaching on adultery and why a writ of divorece had been allowed, yet calling such adultery…calling out the hypoocrits who tested Him…rebuking the Apostles for being afraid in the boat…“if they do not listen to you [disciples preaching the Gospel], shake the dust from your sandals as testimony against them…”

…shred of evidence indeed.

 

[Julia_Mae]

Do a word search on an online Bible source for “go and sin no more”. Then there are the sellers at the Temple…then teh rebuking of the disciples with little faith…woe to you or Chorizon (comparing them to Sodom or Ghamora"…the separating of the goats from the lambs…“get behind Me Satan!” (rebuking Peter for having the thoughts of man)…“whoever causes one of these little ones to stumble…better a millstone be tied around his neck…”

I was responding to what you actually wrote which was this:

Christ certainly ate and befriended sinners…but He NEVER condoned, or accepted sin. He always called it for what it is and rebuked the sinner to sin no more.

Do you know how many times we see Jesus eating with people in their homes? Do you know, of those times, how many include Him rebuking anyone at the table or in the house for any sin?

What you said about Jesus is simply not factual as far as we know. I already pointed out at least one instance where Jesus did not tell the sinner to “sin no more” or rebuke her for doing just what we are talking about here: living with someone to whom she was not married.

 

[Bookcat]

Did you notice that while He pointed out to the woman at the well she was living with a man to whom she was not wed, He didn’t tell her to change anything?

If I say to someone 'that is stealing" but do not add “you should stop doing that” …that does not mean that I was not indicating a need for a change?

Sometimes we see him being quite direct such as “go and sin no more”…other times he is drawing others to himself the Savior and Son of God --from which can come radical change.

He indeed began his public ministry with “repent!”…

And it is very important to note that while Jesus ate and drank with sinners etc – Jesus did not engage in celebrating (which is what this party can be said to be doing) a sinful living situation.

---

This will be of interest:

blog.adw.org/2010/06/correcting-the-sinner-is-not-being-judgmental-it-is-an-essential-work-of-charity/

blog.adw.org/2009/11/fraternal-correction-the-forgotten-virtue/

The particular problem here is that one is “celebrating” and thus praising and approving the objectively wrong living arrangements. And such does not only involve the couple themselves but others there too who see that one is celebrating such. See the Catechism above (forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=9905036&postcount=9)

I will add this too for readers from Pope Benedict XVI (this wonderfully written of course):

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/messages/lent/documents/hf_ben-xvi_mes_20111103_lent-2012_en.html