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sparkle
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Hey thx mschoir01 for the beautiful little poem. Yes, isn’t it hard sometimes to "Let go and let God.??? What a nice reminder this poem is.
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sparkle
Guest
Hello All. Just got a call from my folks who are coming into town with this leech sibling who is “sending dad to his grave with a heart attack”–(per my mom) to go to some big classical concert in town. They invited us, but “without our children”. I feel this is very un-called for and un-loving, considering how they’re bending their backs to accommodate this most sick sibling. Plus all my children love music and are very musically inclined, to say the least. I really feel I do not want to go to this if they are not welcomming my children to come along. Mom has said, “oh–can’t you get a sitter”??? I guess some fancy restaurant first, at the “country club”---- then the concert. This really makes me feel lousy, and unappreciated. What would you guys do? Sure, I would love to see my parents. They hardly ever travel the 6 hours distance to come see our family or other siblings in other states too, but of course they “drop everything” when this one particular son “moves in” for $$$$, and more. Gosh, I really feel I do not even want to go, no matter. Just by the tone of the conversation to begin with and how my children were not even welcomed, at the outset. etc. I just would really appreciate what any of you would do, and some thoughts on the matter. Thx so much. God Bless~~
God Bless~~
C
Cupofkindness
Guest
Sparkle:
If I was in this situation, with all of the conflicting emotions running high, I’d bow out of the invitation and be grateful that I’d have an excuse like “since the children aren’t invited, we really can’t join you for the concert. Thank you for the invitation, perhaps another time.” Then, I’d go to a music/book store and I’d buy myself a beautiful classical or jazz or country (or whatever!) CD that I’ve been wanting to listen to, and remind myself every time it plays that I had successfully avoided an unpleasant evening at a vulnerable time of life. But then, I don’t know how much you love live music! Good luck!
If I was in this situation, with all of the conflicting emotions running high, I’d bow out of the invitation and be grateful that I’d have an excuse like “since the children aren’t invited, we really can’t join you for the concert. Thank you for the invitation, perhaps another time.” Then, I’d go to a music/book store and I’d buy myself a beautiful classical or jazz or country (or whatever!) CD that I’ve been wanting to listen to, and remind myself every time it plays that I had successfully avoided an unpleasant evening at a vulnerable time of life. But then, I don’t know how much you love live music! Good luck!
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sparkle
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Thank you so much “cupofkindness” for your sensitivity to my situation. I really do appreciate hearing from you. Yes, I think “I will bow out of this one” gracefully, and cordially as you say. I just, to be most honest, do not feel welcome in this little get together. I’m learning on this one. Maybe it takes a while, but all the same, I do feel I am learning here and that is a good thing. Thx again. I know there are plenty of other concerts our family does attend, many actually, so we’re not missing anything culturally speaking, it’s just such an unfortunate situation all the same.
God Bless~
C
Cupofkindness
Guest
Sparkle:
Thanks for the kind reply. As a parent myself (all of my kids live at home, most of them are very young) I do pity your parents. It must be so hard for them to know, deep down, that this discord exists within the family they created. Obviously, they care about you a great deal and probably can’t see how painful all of this is for you or your other siblings since their focus is their “black sheep” son. I hope I’m not repeating what has been said earlier. The passage of time will heal things, and God willing, everyone will be open to the Spirit when the time is right for change. Hang in there!
Thanks for the kind reply. As a parent myself (all of my kids live at home, most of them are very young) I do pity your parents. It must be so hard for them to know, deep down, that this discord exists within the family they created. Obviously, they care about you a great deal and probably can’t see how painful all of this is for you or your other siblings since their focus is their “black sheep” son. I hope I’m not repeating what has been said earlier. The passage of time will heal things, and God willing, everyone will be open to the Spirit when the time is right for change. Hang in there!
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sparkle
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Hey thx “Cup’o’K”!! “Top of the mornin to you”!!! Yes, everyone does indeed have their “issues” even the old folks, namely our parents. We just can’t help seeing them as “so perfect” when we are growing up, with blinders on sometimes–then we grow up and grow to really “see reality”, and see them as “real people”, with their faults, inconsistencies and frailities, just like anybody. THIS is a real learning experience. It has been for me. Big time. Why just this a.m. in my conversation with my mom, I can see how she is in total and complete denial of the truth about this “black sheep” son, and his fraudulent schemes, choosing to deny it. I finally do realize it is THEIR choice, all the same, and has nothing to do with me or my other siblings, nor can any of us be “lifesavers” any longer in this situation. I feel it is wisdom we learn with age, and through experiences, hopefully. Thx again for your reply. And have a blessed day
Sparkle
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sparkle
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I just wanted to say “thank you” to everyone who really helped me alot by responding to this thread and offering your comments and advice in this situation. It just might not be over yet, but if it is not, I think I have learned a lot more maturity in how to handle things as they come up. Perhaps I’ll be e-mailing here, perhaps not. Want you to know I really did learn something from it. As this has been an issue in my life and in my family for some time now, I really have learned how to separate from it all, how to own my place in it all, how to recognize when I was “teaching a pig to sing opera”, when I was being loving, charitable, and when really I just needed to withdraw, and how to recognize the difference, (most important). This forum has really helped me with this. Thank you. Thank you LSK, among others. It still is a very painful topic.
As it stands now, this brother is still at my folks, sapping them for more $$$$ and telling his endless lies and endeavoring his fraudulent schemes. My parents falling for every word.
But I’ve finally realized that they, for some reason,MUST need to hang on to this, and that it is OK, and that there is nothing I, nor my other brothers and sisters could ever do or say, to change this. We have at this point pointed it out to them, but it obvious they do not want to know or hear about it. They choose to deny reality, and a very serious and legal one at that. One that could cost them everything.! The letter I wrote, there was no reply. The past phone conversations I, and all my other brothers and sisters have had with my dear folks, all they have talked about is this “gifted” brother who is doing this, doing that, etc…not choosing to see how they are being duped. I fear all s___ will hit the fan very soon, but that there is nothing I can do to stop it, nor my other siblings either. Parents have chosen NOT to see reality, and although it is very hurtful, all my other brothers and sisters, now know this one brother is and always will be their “dream child” and their favorite. They hang on to the promise of him with all their might. He is the most gifted of all of us. Maybe this gives them their dream. ??? Perhaps it was too painful for me to realize this, as one poster boldly mentioned, but I suppose all our parents DO have favorites all the same, and it sometimes is not the ones who always do the right thing, sometimes it is the ones who are the most dishonest, and there is nothing we can do about it. I thank you for pointing this out to me poster who mentioned such. This was a real eye-opener. I have realized thru it all, that I really do not hold any resentment whatsoever, that I and my other siblings, were worrying so endlessly about our parents, that we could not change their choices, and “protect” them from harm. For we love them so much. That usually when harm happens, one plays a part in it, as in this case, my parents don’t care that it is happening.
Thank you posters for following my story, and supporting and praying for me throughout. I really appreciate it so much, your Godly wisdom offered. This a.m. mom and dad are here in town, but only to go to the airport and buy 500 cartons for this brother to “fly to Europe”, with their money of course. Because “he has such a venture he cannot pass up”… No effort to visit their other kids, me or my siblings. They do not even care that our phone is now disconnected cuz of lack of $$$ and we have been eating mac’n’cheese for a month. They bend over backwards for this brother, yet my other sister has several traumas with her teens as well, and one other sister, divorced, is nearly on the street----but Mom and Dad (Dad a supposed pastor I might add) --have not been “there” for her either. This IS hard. But we have to let go, and let God do his work. Perhaps some of you might understand this. For Rom. 8:28 we just need to hold to. Thx to everyone~~
Sparkle
As it stands now, this brother is still at my folks, sapping them for more $$$$ and telling his endless lies and endeavoring his fraudulent schemes. My parents falling for every word.
But I’ve finally realized that they, for some reason,MUST need to hang on to this, and that it is OK, and that there is nothing I, nor my other brothers and sisters could ever do or say, to change this. We have at this point pointed it out to them, but it obvious they do not want to know or hear about it. They choose to deny reality, and a very serious and legal one at that. One that could cost them everything.! The letter I wrote, there was no reply. The past phone conversations I, and all my other brothers and sisters have had with my dear folks, all they have talked about is this “gifted” brother who is doing this, doing that, etc…not choosing to see how they are being duped. I fear all s___ will hit the fan very soon, but that there is nothing I can do to stop it, nor my other siblings either. Parents have chosen NOT to see reality, and although it is very hurtful, all my other brothers and sisters, now know this one brother is and always will be their “dream child” and their favorite. They hang on to the promise of him with all their might. He is the most gifted of all of us. Maybe this gives them their dream. ??? Perhaps it was too painful for me to realize this, as one poster boldly mentioned, but I suppose all our parents DO have favorites all the same, and it sometimes is not the ones who always do the right thing, sometimes it is the ones who are the most dishonest, and there is nothing we can do about it. I thank you for pointing this out to me poster who mentioned such. This was a real eye-opener. I have realized thru it all, that I really do not hold any resentment whatsoever, that I and my other siblings, were worrying so endlessly about our parents, that we could not change their choices, and “protect” them from harm. For we love them so much. That usually when harm happens, one plays a part in it, as in this case, my parents don’t care that it is happening.Thank you posters for following my story, and supporting and praying for me throughout. I really appreciate it so much, your Godly wisdom offered. This a.m. mom and dad are here in town, but only to go to the airport and buy 500 cartons for this brother to “fly to Europe”, with their money of course. Because “he has such a venture he cannot pass up”… No effort to visit their other kids, me or my siblings.
They do not even care that our phone is now disconnected cuz of lack of $$$ and we have been eating mac’n’cheese for a month. They bend over backwards for this brother, yet my other sister has several traumas with her teens as well, and one other sister, divorced, is nearly on the street----but Mom and Dad (Dad a supposed pastor I might add) --have not been “there” for her either. This IS hard. But we have to let go, and let God do his work. Perhaps some of you might understand this. For Rom. 8:28 we just need to hold to. Thx to everyone~~Sparkle
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