How Catholic teaching has ruined my dating life.

[Sierrah]

When I saw this thread resurrected (again ), I thought, “He’s totally married now, with at least a kid or two…” You poor guy, for some strange reason, this thread just won’t die! (Maybe a mod can close it for you? )

Well I guess that shows there’s still hope for the rest of us…lol

 

[montanaman]

I don’t know, I think it’s a great thread. Ask and ye shall recieve, you know?

But the middle of the story is missing. Is the girl you went on the date with the one you married, I assume?

Probably not. I accidentally dated the girl who would be my wife once. She and I planned to go skiing, but both of us had car issues (blown water pump on mine, flat on hers), and because she seemed pretty bummed, I said “Well, let’s get dinner tomorrow.” “Tomorrow” was Valentine’s Day. I had no idea. And I had no idea she liked me “that way.” So, she was pretty miffed when I dropped her off at her car in our work’s parking lot without so much as a hug.

About a year later we were still working in the same place (a newspaper in D.C., back before that was COMPLETE financial suicide). We decided to “hang out” after work. Well, that turned into dinner, then a walk through a Franciscan Monastery, then a walk around the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, then pool downtown, then back to her car at work. It was a six-hour marathon date. And then we smooched.

About a year-and-a-half later, I popped the question, but that’s another story.

I’ve got a good buddy (who, unfortunately, works for me), who’s 33 and going through all the dating games. He’s a Protestant, but a faithful guy. Unfortunately, he keeps running into all these girls who lead him on for a bit and then go for someone better. He thought God was making fun of him the other day when one of our customers, an attractive gal, but unchurched, asked HIM out. “I can’t believe she wants anything to do with me even after she’s seen what I look like and knows what I believe.” She grilled him for a few hours about his beliefs on sex before marriage. Oy.

All I can say is that I’m glad I’m out of that. Marriage is ten times harder, but at least a little less fraught with peril.

No, plenty of peril. I can’t explain it. At least I know that when my wife doesn’t like me very much, she believes Hell is a real possibility if we can’t work it out. Lol. Yes, that’s better than dating for me…

 

[faithfully]

Probably not. I accidentally dated the girl who would be my wife once. She and I planned to go skiing, but both of us had car issues (blown water pump on mine, flat on hers), and because she seemed pretty bummed, I said “Well, let’s get dinner tomorrow.” “Tomorrow” was Valentine’s Day. I had no idea. And I had no idea she liked me “that way.” So, she was pretty miffed when I dropped her off at her car in our work’s parking lot without so much as a hug.

About a year later we were still working in the same place (a newspaper in D.C., back before that was COMPLETE financial suicide). We decided to “hang out” after work. Well, that turned into dinner, then a walk through a Franciscan Monastery, then a walk around the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, then pool downtown, then back to her car at work. It was a six-hour marathon date. And then we smooched.

About a year-and-a-half later, I popped the question, but that’s another story.

I’ve got a good buddy (who, unfortunately, works for me), who’s 33 and going through all the dating games. He’s a Protestant, but a faithful guy. Unfortunately, he keeps running into all these girls who lead him on for a bit and then go for someone better. He thought God was making fun of him the other day when one of our customers, an attractive gal, but unchurched, asked HIM out. “I can’t believe she wants anything to do with me even after she’s seen what I look like and knows what I believe.” She grilled him for a few hours about his beliefs on sex before marriage. Oy.

All I can say is that I’m glad I’m out of that. Marriage is ten times harder, but at least a little less fraught with peril.

No, plenty of peril. I can’t explain it. At least I know that when my wife doesn’t like me very much, she believes Hell is a real possibility if we can’t work it out. Lol. Yes, that’s better than dating for me…

Very funny… DH and Joke that we stick together because “have you see the dating world… OMG!!! Nothing is worse than that!”

Tell your friend that these women didn’t move onto someone BETTER… but someone better suited to THEM… that’s a gift! I know it doesn’t feel like it… But what if they had stuck around. He could be married when THE ONE walks into the room… just for the sake of marriage…

 

[qui_est_ce]

Man, oh man… When it rains, it pours. Sorry guys, I’ve got good news to report for a change.

Short version: I have this protestant co-worker friend with whom I’ve had a long, on-going e-mail relationship with. Just friends–we laugh at the absurdities of our jobs. The occasional walk, yadda yadda. She got back from a long work trip in Texas, and (sorry if you’ve heard this before, by the way), and we had what could only be called a loooong date. Coffee, taught her to play pool, (she turned out to be a shark), then dinner on the Potomac while watching sailboats and sunsets.

Then, just as the humidity is starting to cause me to sweat through my shirt, she says, “Hey, you think the National Shrine is open this late?” I say, “Well, heck, let’s find out!” So, we go. It was closed, but we walked around it and talked God for a while. Then I ask if she’s ever seen the Franciscan monastery. She says “no,” so we go.

The monastery has a long walkway around gardens with scenes from the rosary all along it. She was amazed by the mosaics, the “Hail Mary” in dozens of languages, etc. Fireflies are streaking through the roses, the moon is coming out, the sky is clearing off, leaving everything warm and dewey. We have perfect silence with each other and it’s just dandy.

So, we drive back to work, (where she’d left her car), and she says, “So, are you going to say it, or am do I have to?” I laugh because I was feeling it too. I told her the truth–she amazed me. She said the same. (There’s actually a lot more to this–we’ve known each other for two years). Then, well, modesty prohibits me from going on. But I can say nothing happened I should confess. (And I have an overactive conscience.) Suffice it to say…wow. Good, clean kissing. Can’t beat it.

I get home, check my inbox, and I’ve got half a dozen messages from CatholicMingle.com. I’m not going to pursue any of those, (besides, they’re nowhere NEAR me), but still, it’s a good feeling.

Lol. I’m sure I’ll be posting questions she brings up about Catholic theology in the near future, but for now, wow. We both don’t need it, we’re both extremely cautious, and we both know where the lines are. (She laughed when I told her how Catholic teaching has ruined my dating life–and she understood exactly what I meant!) Even if it isn’t meant to be, this kind of thing gives me hope.

Alright, sorry for the long post. I’m just in a good mood.

Is this the one?

 

[Krysia2178]

LOL…this thread has been going on for six years!!!

Did you find a girl or what?

I only read the first few posts, so my brief advice is based on those:

Only date Catholic girls who are as Catholic as you!
So that they will believe the same things!

Okay, now…
Let’s see how you fared…

Now I’m curious too! Did you find the one OP?!

 

[CatholicMedic]

My wife and I met on CatholicSingles.com…give it a try.

 

[chevalier]

Well, obviously that has never worked well. I’m single, (though I’m loving it for a change), but now as I consider taking a dip in the dating pool again, I have several self-or-Jesus-imposed rules I that drain that pool considerably. Generally speaking, if she wants to grope, I lose interest, (ideologically speaking, of course. It’s not to say that a certain animal part of me isn’t on board with that thought…). If she departs radically from Catholic-inspired beliefs, she’s out. She doesn’t have to BE Catholic, but it helps. However, if she suggests at some point during the relationship that “after our third child you can get snipped,” I’m gone. (It’s happened before–and she taught CCD).

If a woman used that kind of language to refer to me, she’d be gone.

So, by my calculations, that means there might be three or four girls in the world that make the final cut. (I hope they’re in America). Now, do you see how this drastically effects my dating life? Anyone else run into this? Any other guys rearranging their socks on nights when they used to be out partying?

MM

I’ve actually played around with probability calcs from UN statistics. Maybe not two or three in the whole world but definitely not a bing range of values.

Very funny… DH and Joke that we stick together because “have you see the dating world… OMG!!! Nothing is worse than that!”

Tell your friend that these women didn’t move onto someone BETTER… but someone better suited to THEM… that’s a gift! I know it doesn’t feel like it… But what if they had stuck around. He could be married when THE ONE walks into the room… just for the sake of marriage…

Yeah, it’s really simple. When I look at the man in whose favour I was skipped or dropped, I tend to question if that woman really is my type. Just looking at what kind of men she likes makes me rather sure she’s not.

 

[agapewolf]

Now I’m curious too! Did you find the one OP?!

He’s been married 5 years…2 kids.

 

[RyanK]

He’s been married 5 years…2 kids.

 

[anp1215]

Ha, I think this is an awesome thread. It shows that there is indeed, hope for those who are losing hope of finding a spouse!

 

[m_crane]

Maybe you should consider dating only practicing Catholics.

And if they like Michael Moore maybe you can open a discussion and educate them.

Though people may be profoundly ignorant about faith and morals never accept behavior or a world view that violates human dignity. If you can’t educate then walk away.

I congratulate you on your respect for yourself , the people your are dating and your future wife.
God Bless!

 

[anp1215]

Maybe you should consider dating only practicing Catholics.

And if they like Michael Moore maybe you can open a discussion and educate them.

Though people may be profoundly ignorant about faith and morals never accept behavior or a world view that violates human dignity. If you can’t educate then walk away.

I congratulate you on your respect for yourself , the people your are dating and your future wife.
God Bless!

The OP is married with two children now.

 

[Paddy1989]

The OP is married with two children now.

Well fair play and congratulation’s to him. I’m so glad it has worked out. For me coming back and accepting my faith fully has only happened in recent time’s. I still go out with my mate’s but i am limited to what i can do, in a few week’s for example they are heading for a night partying away and wanted me to come but i rejected because they will also be heading to strip club. Anyway as for dating well i can honestly say i know no practicing Catholic or even Protestant’s for that matter so best i can hope for is a secularist who at least has a strong feminine Christian character even if she doesn’t embrace the Christian belief herself. Secular women and their attachment to secular culture bore’s me, i find Christian and especially Catholic women in general has so much more personality and femininess about them so if i can find one like that and who will respect my belief’s and not force a compromise on the fundamental issue’s then i will be very happy. Just need to find that needle in a haystack lol

 

[Bataar]

Maybe you should consider dating only practicing Catholics.

That’s the ideal, but for many of us, that’s not an option. Personally, I’m single and don’t know another single, Catholic woman and don’t have a viable way to meet any.

 

[anp1215]

Well fair play and congratulation’s to him. I’m so glad it has worked out. For me coming back and accepting my faith fully has only happened in recent time’s. I still go out with my mate’s but i am limited to what i can do, in a few week’s for example they are heading for a night partying away and wanted me to come but i rejected because they will also be heading to strip club. Anyway as for dating well i can honestly say i know no practicing Catholic or even Protestant’s for that matter so best i can hope for is a secularist who at least has a strong feminine Christian character even if she doesn’t embrace the Christian belief herself. Secular women and their attachment to secular culture bore’s me, i find Christian and especially Catholic women in general has so much more personality and femininess about them so if i can find one like that and who will respect my belief’s and not force a compromise on the fundamental issue’s then i will be very happy. Just need to find that needle in a haystack lol

You will one day…just be patient.

 

[anp1215]

That’s the ideal, but for many of us, that’s not an option. Personally, I’m single and don’t know another single, Catholic woman and don’t have a viable way to meet any.

That’s very sad
There aren’t any in your parish?

 

[Bataar]

That’s very sad
There aren’t any in your parish?

Not that I can tell. There are very, very few women at all in what I would consider an appropriate age and two or three that are, are usually with what I assume is their husbands.

 

[anp1215]

Not that I can tell. There are very, very few women at all in what I would consider an appropriate age and two or three that are, are usually with what I assume is their husbands.

Well, you do live in a relatively secular area. I’m sure that has something to do with it.

 

[CapeWind]

Its not so much about the women in the parish or about living in a secular neighbourhood but about what the Church has come to mean. I have lived in several different cities in the world and attended very diverse parishes. However it seems that finding women at dateable age is generally a difficult thing. Young ladies stay in a parish long enough to go through Catechism and be confirmed and then they suddenly disappear, only to found again when they wish to be married and have their kids educated in the faith.

Is there any neighbourhood which isn’t secular? Its difficult to promote an alternate view to the morals of the world when there is so much scandal in the Church. Our Lady when she appeared at Fatima promised that in Portugal the faith will be preserved yet a colleague has just conducted a study of young Portuguese adults and found the majority of them identify as “atheist”? [Have the chicken come home to roost?]

 

[anp1215]

Its not so much about the women in the parish or about living in a secular neighbourhood but about what the Church has come to mean. I have lived in several different cities in the world and attended very diverse parishes. However it seems that finding women at dateable age is generally a difficult thing. Young ladies stay in a parish long enough to go through Catechism and be confirmed and then they suddenly disappear, only to found again when they wish to be married and have their kids educated in the faith.

Is there any neighbourhood which isn’t secular? Its difficult to promote an alternate view to the morals of the world when there is so much scandal in the Church. Our Lady when she appeared at Fatima promised that in Portugal the faith will be preserved yet a colleague has just conducted a study of young Portuguese adults and found the majority of them identify as “atheist”? [Have the chicken come home to roost?]

Of course much of the world is becoming increasingly secular, but there are definitely areas that are more secular than others.