How do I explain same sex marriage to my seven year old?

[Le_Crouton]

Your kid is seven. Just say whatever you think is right and he’ll probably forget about it and think about legos two seconds later

 

[Le_Crouton]

Many here in this post are being super uncharitable. Imagine if I grew up with just my grandfather or imagine an orphan who was raised by monks in a monastery. You telling me that I don’t have a family is hurtful. Also it’s dishonest. Families are all different. They all may not be ideal but they’re still families.

By the way I’ve encountered families with a mom and a dad who do a worse job than some single dads or some single moms. And I’m sure there are some families with two dads or two moms that do a better job than some traditional families.

 

[AdamP88]

You’re moving the goalposts. A family not being the platonic ideal of a family does not render it not a family. By that logic, there hasn’t been a family ever anywhere. We’re all flawed in some way.

I’m not moving the goalposts. I’m prepared to say that a single parent/widow with child is a “broken/incomplete” family.

But the conversation started with the idea of a gay family, which is really not a family at all.

Sure, all those things that started out well could be families, albeit broken, but to obstinately insist that they are equal to a family with biological parents and kids is simply wrong.

 

[PetraG]

That is one of many definitions, and leaves out myself and my children after my first wife died. It also leaves out single parents, adoptive parents, grandparents raising children whose birth parents are deceased, and many other groupings that have nothing to do with SSA or sin in general.

A family is something more than a mere household. Adults who choose to be roommates form a household, but they do not have familial duties. A family can be nuclear or it can be extended, but a family is a unit which is united in mutual duties of parent to child, child to parent, sibling to sibling, and spouse to spouse. Yes, it ought to be united by affection, and sanctified by the graces of Holy Matrimony, but that doesn’t always happen. And yes, every family marred by sin is marred by dysfunction. Sin is never entirely personal, and it tends to affect our families more than we ever intend or appreciate.

It is worthwhile to keep this in mind when we appreciate how the sins of other people obviously affect their families. How, we might ask, is our sin affecting our family? How far does our family fall from the ideal of the Holy Family because of our personal sin? What are we doing to make adjustments to address that sickness?

Lent is coming up; a good time to recognize these things and make adjustments for healthier families.

 

[AdamP88]

Many here in this post are being super uncharitable.

It’s not uncharitable to tell the truth.

You telling me that I don’t have a family is hurtful.

Everyone has a family. (Unless you’re a clone). But the fact is that everyone doesn’t live in that “ideal” family.

By the way I’ve encountered families with a mom and a dad who do a worse job than some single dads or some single moms. And I’m sure there are some families with two dads or two moms that do a better job than some traditional families.

Nobody denies that but statistics overwhelmingly show that kids do best in situations where they are raised by their biological parents.

On a Catholic site, that should not be at all controversial.

Heck…I’M from a single parent background and I’m not going around promoting “single parent families”.

 

[whatistrue]

I am not Catholic at this time and had not even begun to consider it then. Would you say that it was not complete or was somehow “less than” because my wife and the mother of my children died suddenly and unexpectedly? Also, your rigid definition said nothing about “complete”, it just implied that only your model counted. Flagged.

 

[JMMJ]

Well put. I agree with that.

I’m a new parent to a 2 week old, so I won’t pretend to know exactly how things work with raising children. Things are a lot different than when I was a kid. I didn’t know what gay was until I was in late middle school.

Oh no. Things aren’t going to go well if you don’t work on some of that attitude.

 

[JMMJ]

My mom was a single parent with me and I don’t think she’d have regarded her and me as a family.

This explains a lot of the views you have expressed in this thread. I am so sorry your mom didn’t consider you and her a family. Of course you were.

 

[AdamP88]

I am not Catholic at this time and had not even begun to consider it then. Would you say that it was not complete or was somehow “less than” because my wife and the mother of my children died suddenly and unexpectedly? Also, your rigid definition said nothing about “complete”, it just implied that only your model counted. Flagged.

My original post was in the context of the discussion on Gay marriage. I may not have expressed myself properly but I already said that I’ll admit that other forms can be a broken or incomplete family. The only family that is the actual, natural family however, is that that is upheld by the Church and consists of the two biological parents and children.

You can flag the post all you like, all that will do is cut the discussion short.

 

[JMMJ]

Do you mean we should tell our 7 year old to tell the world that there are “best” families and there are “non-families” and nothing in-between?

No, you didn’t mean that. Yes, a 7 year old will often think you did.

Actually, I am pretty sure that is exactly what he meant.

 

[AdamP88]

This explains a lot of the views you have expressed in this thread. I am so sorry your mom didn’t consider you and her a family. Of course you were.

We weren’t though. And I’m completely fine with that. Sure we were later when she married my stepdad, who was awesome. But I’m glad they never pretended that that was the ideal family model. It was grand for me. But it’s not the ideal.

 

[GhostOfBBM]

But it’s not the ideal.

Literally no family ever has been “the ideal.”

 

[whatistrue]

If that’s what you think then you weren’t paying attention.

 

[GhostOfBBM]

That doesn’t negate the necessity of having an ideal.

Of course not. But that’s like saying that there are no “real” cars out there, because even a meticulously crafted car fresh off the assembly line has some minute flaws. The fact that something isn’t the literal ideal doesn’t render it not a real (whatever).

When we say “this is a (whatever)” we’re implicitly allowing for some deviations from the platonic ideal of (whatever) because otherwise there are literally no (whatevers)

 

[PetraG]

It’s not uncharitable to tell the truth.

That’s just plain false. It is not as if it is impossible to relate facts in an uncharitable manner. Of course it is. Frankness is not a spiritually unassailable manner of communicating.

Nobody denies that but statistics overwhelmingly show that kids do best in situations where they are raised by their biological parents.

On a Catholic site, that should not be at all controversial.

Heck…I’M from a single parent background and I’m not going around promoting “single parent families”.

Let’s remember the assignment:

My son who is seven years old was watching a children’s show on TV… he thought it was so funny that someone could have two Daddy’s. He keeps asking me about it since then and I really don’t know what to say. I keep changing the subject but he keeps bringing it up again.

The answer needs to be given in a way that will not lead the child into sticking his foot into his mouth later. He should be told that while everyone has to have exactly one mom and exactly one dad, period, it is becoming common in our society for someone who lives in the household with a child to be given honorary status as a mom or a dad, even when they are neither biological parents nor legal parents, just as it once was common for parents without siblings nearby to have their children refer to the parents’ closest friends as an aunt or an uncle. He should know it is not wise to tell somebody that someone they refer to as a mom or a dad isn’t “really” a mom or a dad, whether or not it would stand up in court. When someone says something about themselves, just let it go unless you’re asked for your opinion. (For those of you who would object, I’d point out this falls under the category of “pearls before swine.” Not every opportunity to tell the truth is a good opportunity, but only those with some likelihood of being accepted rather than being trampled underfoot, and this caution came straight from Our Lord Himself.)

 

[JMMJ]

We weren’t though. And I’m completely fine with that. Sure we were later when she married my stepdad, who was awesome. But I’m glad they never pretended that that was the ideal family model. It was grand for me. But it’s not the ideal.

Why are you so hung up on the “ideal” family model. Did you feel cheated as a kid? I grew up in the ideal family model. Bio mom and dad and more kids than you can count on two hands. It was pure misery. Nothing ideal about it. Mom and dad did their best, kids were great kids. The circumstances were horrible and it brought out the worst in people at times.

You see? There is no such thing as an ideal family. Families are messy. If they say they aren’t, they aren’t being truthful. Some messes are bigger than others, to be sure, but it doesn’t invalidate the family itself.

 

[PetraG]

Actually, I am pretty sure that is exactly what he meant.

You might be right, but I didn’t think it charitable to assume that. The position is quite extreme, and we are bound by charity to make the most generous interpretation we can of what people say.

 

[PetraG]

Jesus Christ with his human nature, gave us the image of THE ideal man. None of us live up to that ideal, but having it makes us better.

I don’t know how many Christians we’ll make by going around and telling people who don’t know the Gospel that there aren’t any men in the world, save the saints. There is a way in which it is true, but the truth in the statement is not likely to be appreciated by the uninitiated.

 

[JMMJ]

You might be right, but I didn’t think it charitable to assume that. The position is quite extreme, and we are bound by charity to make the most generous interpretation we can of what people say.

He has made several posts, making his point. I don’t know how it can be interpreted any other way, particularly when he has been asked to clarify and just comes back with more of the same.

I worry there will be readers here who aren’t aware that the ideas he is promoting are not of the Church.

 

[PetraG]

He has made several posts, making his point. I don’t know how it can be interpretted any other way, particularly when he has been asked to clarify and just comes back with more of the same.

I’m willing to concede that you may be interpreting his statements in the most generous way that his words allow you to do. Sometimes, people don’t mean what they literally say, though. We each try to do our best.