How do I minister to my husband in this situation?

[Lone_Catholic]

Catholic4aReasn:

I was writing down the verse that the last poster recommended and a question came to mind that I’ve been trying to figure out for a while.

How do I set a good example for my husband without turning him off to Christianity? I’m not going to get drunk with him etc…so how does one balance pleasing God and not turning off the unbelieving husband?

In Christ,
Nancy

Nancy,

Did you get a chance to look at that book Created to be His Help Meet ? She makes some good suggestions for wives with unbelieving (and even really terrible) husbands.

Off the top of my head, I would say just be as fun as you can, and as loving as you can, without compromising your principles. You could have a drink or two with him without getting drunk. And I think it is very important to not say anything to him about his “sins.” (It sounds like from your other posts that you do very well with this).

I do think the book will have some good suggestions.

 

[Catholic4aReasn]

I wasn’t referring to anything in particular, it was just an example. My husband would like me to “break the rules” every once in a while, he thinks I’m too “good”. I’m just trying to figure out a balance point. How do I please God and my husband at the same time? That’s all I’m wondering.

In Christ,
Nancy

AnneBOK:

I do not think that anyone suggested you get drunk with your husband…I think you are refering to the post that suggested sharing a bottle of wine and a good movie? Am I worng? Just sharing some wine - which CAN help you both relax in a potentially uncomfortable/difficult situation - does not by any means suggest you “get drunk” with your husband. If you think you or your husband may drink too much, make it a ~small~ bottle of wine If neither of you drink, then make it a couple of cups of cocoa. The point is to do whatever you can to make sure you are both relaxed.
Anne
Anne

 

[AnneBOK]

Catholic4aReasn:

I wasn’t referring to anything in particular, it was just an example. My husband would like me to “break the rules” every once in a while, he thinks I’m too “good”. I’m just trying to figure out a balance point. How do I please God and my husband at the same time? That’s all I’m wondering.

In Christ,
Nancy

I wish I had the answer for you. I have always been counseled to put God first - even before family - above all else. This is so much easier said than done. Please GOD first then your husband…as far as how exactly to do that I do not know.
Anne

 

[wisdom_3_5]

Catholic4aReasn:

I was writing down the verse that the last poster recommended and a question came to mind that I’ve been trying to figure out for a while.

How do I set a good example for my husband without turning him off to Christianity? I’m not going to get drunk with him etc…so how does one balance pleasing God and not turning off the unbelieving husband?

In Christ,
Nancy

Have you read about St. Monica (mother of St. Augustine)? She was a Christian woman married to a pagan. You can read more about her here:

newadvent.org/cathen/10482a.htm

You can also read St Augustine’s Confessions He writes about Monica and her marriage in Book 9, chapter 9. I can summarize it for you: Patience, faith and holding your tongue .

Your husband has to see the joy in you that your Christian walk gives you. Unless he sees that he’s just going to think Christianity is alot of “don’t do this” rules. Keep firm in your faith, don’t do anything outside of it, but show your joy of life. There are many ways to have fun that don’t involve sex, drugs and rock 'n roll (we still listen to R&R ) . My husband told me I wasn’t fun anymore. Part of the problem was him and part of it was me. I was so caught up in the bad things in my life at the time that I couldn’t have fun, I didn’t even know what was fun anymore because I spent so much time being serious.

There is a time for everything. Now is the time for you to have fun with your husband. When you spend time with him don’t discuss religion, sex whatever you two are at odds on. Make an effort to focus on what you both like and agree on. And if something does come up that is against your belief’s tell him you don’t believe that (or whatever) in a non-judgemental way and move the conversation on. Not easy, I know. Pray for his conversion. Pray for you marriage. Pray for strength for you to persevere. Let God handle the rest.

 

[Lone_Catholic]

wisdom 3:5:

Patience, faith and holding your tongue .

Your husband has to see the joy in you that your Christian walk gives you. Unless he sees that he’s just going to think Christianity is alot of “don’t do this” rules. Keep firm in your faith, don’t do anything outside of it, but show your joy of life. There are many ways to have fun that don’t involve sex, drugs and rock 'n roll (we still listen to R&R ) . My husband told me I wasn’t fun anymore. Part of the problem was him and part of it was me. I was so caught up in the bad things in my life at the time that I couldn’t have fun, I didn’t even know what was fun anymore because I spent so much time being serious.

There is a time for everything. Now is the time for you to have fun with your husband. When you spend time with him don’t discuss religion, sex whatever you two are at odds on. Make an effort to focus on what you both like and agree on. And if something does come up that is against your belief’s tell him you don’t believe that (or whatever) in a non-judgemental way and move the conversation on. Not easy, I know. Pray for his conversion. Pray for you marriage. Pray for strength for you to persevere. Let God handle the rest.

I think this is very good advice indeed! Holding your tongue is important, albeit very hard. I read another marriage book called Love and Respect (very good by the way) and I concluded that the best way for me to respect my husband is to keep my mouth shut more.

I was also told that I wasn’t fun any more. I’ve tried to get the fun “me” back without the sin. Dh does seem to be enjoying me and liking me more lately.

 

[whatevergirl]

It sounds like more might be wrong with your marriage, than we’re reading. If your spouse (whether he’s a practicing christian/catholic or not) doesn’t see the need to simply apologize when he’s said/done something offensive, there’s more to this than just a sexual occurence. I think you had a right to object to his language, if you didn’t like it. He could just have said, “I’m sorry,” and you both would be past this by now. (We don’t know if this is a pattern of his, though.) I wouldn’t initiate ANYTHING SEXUAL until you discuss this with him, and you both come to some sort of agreement. You’re his wife, and he should respect your feelings. It’s admirable that you want to be a ‘good christian wife,’ but that doesn’t mean you need to accept whatever your husband dishes out. I can’t imagine that God would expect this of us.

 

[Michael038]

Catholic4aReasn:

Let me preface this post by saying that it’s a rather personal, sensitive issue and I’d appreciate posts only offering genuine advice. Also, my husband is not a believer so voicing the opinion that he’s a jerk, or any other such name, will not be in the least informative or helpful. I’m trying my best to be a Christian wife.

That being said, here’s the situation.

A couple weeks ago, in the middle of making love, my husband asked “How do you want me to f*** you?”. It completely caught me off guard and totally turned me off. Afterwards, he asked me if something was wrong and I said “I just didn’t like what you said.” Consequently, my husband has not initiated anything since and continually rejects my attempts to initiate anything.

I’m feeling very sad and rejected and I’m not quite sure what to do about it. My husand very much feels that I’m a prude and a priss and sees my attempt to live a life pleasing to God as a judgement on his immorality. Talking to him about this is out of the question unfortunately because he will, without a doubt, see my attempt to talk to him about it as a personal judgement. Any other suggestions?

It probablly is best to sit down with your Husband and explain to him that you dont feel comfortable with that sort of talk. Explain your views then listen to his. Communication is the key. I’m sure your Husband loves you and will respect your beliefs.