How do i stop resenting my sister

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That is something you need to search deep in your heart to do, and pray for God’s Grace to help you… I am sure it is difficult for you when your sister is not taking responsability for her actions. Just keep praying about it.

Forgiveness is a gift you give your heart.

Just keep focusing on that precious niece of yours, you saved her life too.
 
thanks everyone for your kind responses. my sister and i actually spent sometime together on saturday night with our fellows. it went well. this morning shes being strange but shes just moody like that. i’ll keep all of yall advice with me while i pray for her. thank you all so much. God Bless
 
Look in the mirror. You can’t follow the rules Christ has set for you and you are telling us the story of your sister.

You co-habit and you were on a thread started by another woman doing essentially telling her it was okay, that god was “infinately merciful”… etc. as if you presume to know he is not angry at your sin and your scandal - and your continued defense of said scandal on a public, even mostly Catholic forum!

Three others here in that forum and in other forums gave you very good advice - listen to, follow and obey Christ, not the norms of our sick, secular culture.

Yours is the Ikea theology. We can pick and choose, mix and match what we like. The Church is a store there to serve you with a chapel wedding, baptisms etc. But you are not there to serve the Church and obey its teachings - just the one’s convenient to you.

Then you called parishioners in your church who “disapprove” of you openly sinful arrangements “judgemental” and “closeminded”.

You said you can’t wait to get married so that you don’t have to deal with their disapproval.

And you are here again prattling on about your sister.

Why don’t you leave her alone and take the timber out of your own eye. Stop living in sin with your boyfriend.

Stop deciding the rules for moral living yourself, or with his help and obey the Holy Mother Church.

Get off the internet and find other living arrangements. And if you can’t obey Christ there, don’t commit the serious sin of scandal by going and talking it about it in public.

That leads others to think it is not as serious as it is.

If you have noticed others getting tired of you moralizing about others or your own very flawed choices there is a good reason.

My advice is get on your knees and pray, then do the right thing. What you are doing is an insult to Christ.

You getting through on a loophole and this family friend Deacon of yours does not have to marry you and there are many Deacons and priests who would just simply tell you they won’ t marry you.

Maybe 21 is too old to be reading Harry Potter which is poorly written children’s literature anyway. Maybe you should read the catechism, Kempis’ “The Imitation of Christ”, some Teresa of Avila or Karl Rahner because you seem to have absolutely no concept of the connection between faith and obedience and between salvation and obedience.

Religion comes from the latin “to be bound” religio - as if one’s hands were bound up and helpless as a slave or servant to one’s Lord.

Are your hands free and unfettered? If so then don’t mock those who obey as “busybodies” or “judgemental” - they rightly resent your mocking the rules of our Master’s household.

 
George, it just seems like you have it out for Tarashley. Yes, we all know she’s co-habitating and seems to have a very busy life with an excess of issues, some of which she may or may not handle appropriately or even within the morality of the Church, but let’s keep in mind that we have to treat each other with mercy and compassion.

We don’t win souls by knocking them down and continually beating them at any opportunity whenever they attempt to get back up and dust themselves off.

I feel that you make it very hard for Tarashley to swallow her pride and admit that anything she’s doing is against Church teaching–it is much easier to respond to a kind person who simply offers the truth without any malice or character assasination.

I think the natural law that is written upon the heart of every precious soul is kicking in with Tarashley–if she didn’t have an inkling that something was awry, she wouldn’t be asking in the first place.

It’s her perogative to bash all of our advice, but let’s not bash her back.
 
Bash???

Don’t accuse me of anything more than recounting the facts to her an all those she is trying to mislead.

She was on a forum last week telling others here that those in her parish who were faithful to the magisterium were “closeminded”.

She was bashing those who disapproved of her open sin and scandal and calling them “judgemental”.

And she has the nerve to judge her sister?

As long as she is on these boards downplaying her sin and her scandal and mocking faithful Catholics with terms like that, I am going to be reminding her.

If she wants to turn her life around great - but so many here have given her excellent advice and the Church’s advice and she just acts like a spoile, petulant princess who will do things her way - consequences be damned.

Fine be that way TarAshley, but don’t expect silence if you want to mock the faithful and abuse the Church’s good mercy to you.

You should not be in a public forum or even telling a stranger on a bus that you are a co-habiting Catholic being permitted the sacrament of matrimony.

You flew in under the radar on this one. Your posts defending it are unChristian in their mocking tone and they absolutely mock and bash everything we believe in and follow.
 
you twisted my words george. i do believe your being uncharitable and i dont appreciate you consistently tearing me down and anything i say. its like you search me out just to berate me and thats extremely wrong of you. i have just as much right as anyone on here to seek advice and to speak to fellow believers. if you cant accept that then i feel sorry for you. may i suggest getting your own forum. i dont know how someone does that but im sure someone on here will know.
 
George2–I’m afraid I must agree with P’cessAbby, here.

I responded earlier in the thread to TarA’s question about dealing with a difficult sibling. I for one was not aware of any of the scandalous information you have seen fit to re-publish in your post above. Even had I been, it has no bearing on the topic for which TarAshley was seeking advice in this thread.

You obviously have some very strong emotions about this person and some of the issues with which she is struggling. But how encouraging it is that she has sought counsel from a Catholic forum. As observant Catholics, we have been blessed with gifts of the Holy Spirit including Wisdom, Understanding and Right Judgement/Wise Counsel. These gifts are to be employed along with Fruits of the Holy Spirit such as charity, patience, kindness and self-control. It may have made you feel better to vent, but perhaps the wiser + kinder course would have been to address your concerns in a private post to TarAshley.
 
No Island oak,

You have it backwards. My point was not so much about her continued defence of her public sin and scandal - it is about her hypocrisy.

re-read her post. She judge her sister.

I am only cutting and pasting what the Church has taught about this for centuries.

TarAshley has emotional baggage if she cannot stop calling faithful Catholics “judgemental” or “closeminded”.

She should not waste one more keystroke telling bleeding hearts here about her opinions of her sister - she should be moving her stuff out of that apartment and heading for a confessional.

That is the advice many have given her and I wouldn’t keep repeating it had she not gone on a public forum to mock those who support the Church, indirectly mock the church as oldfashioned and lead another into sin.

Do any here have any appreciation of the magnitude of her scandal. Thankfully the moderate closed her old thread after too many got after her for her brazen defense of sin and scandal but that is what it is.

I have no emotional problems with her. -I get emotional about it as any faithful Catholic should.

This woman is mocking our faith, our church, denigrating her fellow parishioners for their faith and then she starts another thread about another’s sin???

Please…I am writing God’s honest truth. There is nothing original in what I am reminding her.

Those who want to hold her hand and comfort her had also better be reminding her that she must obey the laws of the Church the same as the rest of us.

Don’t psychoanalze anyone who protests what we know about TarAshley.

Focus instead on the arguments not the arguer.

The argument is rock solid. This woman is attacking the very Church whose teachings could help her.

Her punishment in purgatory or hell will most likely be much worse than any pleasure she gets from shacking up or mocking Catholics who disapprove as “judgemental” or “closeminded”.

God will judge those who are really judgemental and closeminded to the gospel.

Matt. 18:16-18
 
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TarAshly:
you twisted my words george. i do believe your being uncharitable and i dont appreciate you consistently tearing me down and anything i say. its like you search me out just to berate me and thats extremely wrong of you. i have just as much right as anyone on here to seek advice and to speak to fellow believers. if you cant accept that then i feel sorry for you. may i suggest getting your own forum. i dont know how someone does that but im sure someone on here will know.
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TarAshly, don’t let people like that bother you. We all sin and have our faults, some people raise them selves up to put others down. None of us are living a completly sin free life. Yes we all need to try as hard as we can to live the way Jesus taught us to live and some do better than others, however that doesn’t give anybody the right to tear each other down. Make sure that you don’t do to your sister what others on this board have done to you.
 
La Chiara:
TarAshly, honey, why don’t you cut to the chase and tell us what you want us to say, so that we don’t waste time giving you advice which you will just reject and get huffy about anyway!
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Woa!! What a wonderful, kind, Christian way to treat somebody!
 
George2:

I disagree. I responded to a thread about a conflict with a sibling. Period. YOU have taken it upon yourself to spread information that, while perhaps true, is scandalous. It has no bearing on the question TarA raised here and you had no cause nor justification for degrading TarA’s reputation in the eyes of people such as myself.

As far as the threat of being infiltrated by hypocrites, please let us remember how our dear Lord dealt with the sinful woman who was to be stoned for her scandalous conduct.
 
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TarAshly:
you twisted my words george. i do believe your being uncharitable and i dont appreciate you consistently tearing me down and anything i say. its like you search me out just to berate me and thats extremely wrong of you. i have just as much right as anyone on here to seek advice and to speak to fellow believers. if you cant accept that then i feel sorry for you. may i suggest getting your own forum. i dont know how someone does that but im sure someone on here will know.
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Since I don’t take this personally, don’t know you, never met you, let me enumerate the reasons you are wrong, the reasons many of us have felt absoltely compelled to reply to your falshoods, and the exasperation many of us have had towards you. They are as follows:
  1. I have not twisted your words - your defense of your public sin and scandal has not abated.
  2. No one has been uncharitable to you. In fact, all of the advice given you here by everyone has been in accord with the Church’s teaching.
  3. However, your calling your disapproving parisioners “judgemental” and “closeminded” is clearly mean and uncharitable. They are not causing public scandal, you are when you mislead Catholics and non-Christians into thinking that those who disapprove of your openly sinful lifestyle are a busybodies. You had better read Christ’s teaching about admonishing sinners in the Gospel of Matthew. It is called the basis of Church ord and you are clearly with the publicans.
  4. You are lying, exaggerating, overly emotional, or conflicted from the stress of sinning because:
I don’t seek you out or follow you into every thread. I follow those threads and posts of yours which harm the church or which display scandal or hypocrisy. This is one.
  1. Yes you have just as much right to be here. So why are you accusing me of hounding you personally which is a lie. I have only ever replied to your scandal and public defense of it. I don’t know a thing about you personally - anyone can assume any identity in cyberspace - but your arguments are legion. Catholics have been fighting this lie for centuries.
  2. You suggest a Catholic who disagrees with your blatant hypocrisy - attacking your sister’s failings while defending your own should “…get their own forum”?
I have an argument Miss, you may reply to it. To suggest I leave because I find your defense of cohabition to be harmful to others is both undemocratic, and uncharitable.

If your argument has merit, it will stand against all comers.

Yours is an ugly argument defending an ugly and compromising arrangement.

Ugliness never prevails because as Yeats noted “Beauty is truth and truth beauty.” The truth shines so beautifully TarAshley.

Don’t mistake an attack on your argument as one on you.

That is a weak defence.

If you want to judge your sister and seek advice then let us put you in context for those here that they may not get taken into that bottomless tarpit.

Grow up. Stop mocking the Church’s teaching. Stop mocking those in the Church who are faithful to it. Stop causing scandal in these forums.

Then you will probably won’t even care that much about your sister and her real or purported sins but it is bizarre and hypocritical to be wasting your time speaking of her sins when yours are so brazen, so much defended by you and you almost appeared in that thread to be encouraging another that cohabition is no big deal.

I encourage others to read what she wrote. The thread is close but what she wrote to that poor woman who was confused about sexual morality is shameful and - there’s that word again - scandalous.

reply to the argument TarAshley. Can you divorce reason from emotion?
 
Maybe I read this thread too fast but here’s my take:

TarAshly has a “difficult” sister who, like the prodigal son, ran off against all counsel, did the equivalent of “squandering her substance in riotous living,” came home pregnant, had a baby and moved into TarAshly’s room. (Was it your room, Tar?)

Tar felt compelled to move out.

Against her own personal better judgment, she moved in with her fiance and now gets a lot of criticism because her situation is considered to be scandalous (which it is in the public forum, even if not in actual fact because she is living in continence with her fiance).

Man! who wouldn’t resent that?

Even the best-case scenario here is lousy if , for example Tar perhaps chooses not come forward for Communion lest she give scandal. Yet she is trying (and mostly succeeding) to live in continence in these few weeks before the wedding, so she feels she should not have to forego the Eucharist. It’s a miserable situation.
 
If she were my relative or in my parish, I would say my piece once and leave it at that.

The reason I reply is that I am not replying to TarAshley, I am seeking to defeat the argument.

Her argument, fairly sumarized is:
  1. Cohabitation is no big deal
  2. Her cohabitation is no big deal and she does not expect much punishment from God or she discounts the eventual severity of it
  3. Those in her parish who disapprove of her behaviour are “judgemental” and "closeminded.
  4. She can, as a Catholic, go on a public forum and tell another who is questioning this teaching that it is not that big an issue.
Finally, they are not living in continence. They are living in scandal.

The Church tells us to avoid near occasions of sin. The Church cannot tell which couples are being continent, but it does teach us which are causing scandal.

Tarashley should not be complimented for telling us - with no proof - that she is cohabiting but not sleeping together.

That is not the point.

The problem is her consistent public defence of scandalous behavior.

This is a debate about ideas and what constitutes proper behaviour for Catholics.

It is not about TarAshley. There is not one person here who wishes her harm, who wishes her marriage to fail but we do not want the Church harmed by what she is doing.

She is a liar and a hypocrite to criticize any Christian here who points out that what she is doing is wrong. She is not being hounded.

She has resurrected this subject - a subject she of all people should be very quiet about while she is living in sin - in threads with other people.

She has sought to undermine the Church’s magisterial authority both by her lifestyle, her defence of it here and her soothing words of dissent to another questioning the morality of this lie called “trial marriage”, “shacking up” etc.

I have as much right to debate her on this idea as others debate Iraq, politics or the proofs of Catholicism here.

There is no personal hounding going on as long as she holds to this belief and defends it here in a “forum” - a free and open marketplace of ideas.

To call others names for their opposition to your idea or to tell them to go find or found their own forum is fascistic at worst, bullying at least.

Those defending poor ideas often go for the jugular and that is what she has done to those who have tried to show her the illogic and unChristian character of her behavior and public defence of it - a public defence that is clearly scandalous as it leads others away from Christ’s teaching.
  • That is the basic summary.
 
Tar Ashley, it’s good you had a positive time with your sister. You mentioned she was “moody”. You are not concerned she is on drugs again, are you?
 
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George2:
Those defending poor ideas often go for the jugular and that is what she has done to those who have tried to show her the illogic and unChristian character of her behavior and public defence of it - a public defence that is clearly scandalous as it leads others away from Christ’s teaching.
  • That is the basic summary.
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Maybe it’s the way you go about showing her the “illogic and unChristian character of her behavior”. Maybe it’s not your message but your word choice and how you say it. Your comments come across in a very rough, cruel way. Even I have taken offense to your replies and they weren’t directed at me. Maybe you should try changing your tone a little and you might actually get through to someone.
 
You commented on my tone?

What is tone? It is a subjective quantity.

You had nothing to say about my arguments. That is uncharitable as it takes the focus off what I had to say and at me.

I don’t care a fig what you think of my tone. If you want my opinion people who jump into debates to scold others about their tone are potholes on the truth highway.

What do you think of TarAshley’s continued support for her cohabitation and cohabitation in general.

What do you think of her comments that those who disapprove of her scandal are somehow “judgemental” or “closeminded”?

That is the subject at hand. My tone is deliberately indelicate and blunt as can be here - because I want others to focus exactly on what Ms.Ashley has said, who she said it to and what her opinion of Church teaching happens to be.

She has not said it once and then been hounded by me or others - she has repeatedly defended her sin and her scandal.

Now I have not seen you commenting on her sly tone, or even her arguments.

If you have and I am wrong, you may repost them for me but stick to arguments and leave tones to musicians and choirs.

What a waste of time some people’s posts are here. Either apologizing for their own sins, encouraging others to sin, judging sisters, strangers, parishioners and - by implication - the Church.

Go waste keystrokes scolding others tone. I do not have one tone for all my posts, but this woman’s argument is that my Church is wrong and she is right.

I am not going to let that go unreplied to. You may if you wish to, but the hand-holders of TarAshley are in the majority here. Most support the Church and admonish her.

What part of admonish don’t you get? Or should Christians never do that?

-just amazed at the liberal bs being ladled here
 
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George2:
You commented on my tone?

What is tone? It is a subjective quantity.

You had nothing to say about my arguments. That is uncharitable as it takes the focus off what I had to say and at me.

I don’t care a fig what you think of my tone. If you want my opinion people who jump into debates to scold others about their tone are potholes on the truth highway.

What do you think of TarAshley’s continued support for her cohabitation and cohabitation in general.

What do you think of her comments that those who disapprove of her scandal are somehow “judgemental” or “closeminded”?

That is the subject at hand. My tone is deliberately indelicate and blunt as can be here - because I want others to focus exactly on what Ms.Ashley has said, who she said it to and what her opinion of Church teaching happens to be.

She has not said it once and then been hounded by me or others - she has repeatedly defended her sin and her scandal.

Now I have not seen you commenting on her sly tone, or even her arguments.

If you have and I am wrong, you may repost them for me but stick to arguments and leave tones to musicians and choirs.

What a waste of time some people’s posts are here. Either apologizing for their own sins, encouraging others to sin, judging sisters, strangers, parishioners and - by implication - the Church.

Go waste keystrokes scolding others tone. I do not have one tone for all my posts, but this woman’s argument is that my Church is wrong and she is right.

I am not going to let that go unreplied to. You may if you wish to, but the hand-holders of TarAshley are in the majority here. Most support the Church and admonish her.

What part of admonish don’t you get? Or should Christians never do that?
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-just amazed at the liberal bs being ladled here
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Keep on telling yourself that you are right. But I think that you are judgemental and closeminded…Blind to your own sins. You place yourself so high that you continue to attack this girl for her sins, yet you fail to recognize your own.
 
George i dont let people like you bother me i have peace and love in my heart. a heart that God made for me and people like you dont effect that your wasting your breath. you meaness and cruelty got you suspended before i had hoped when you came back maybe you would have cooled off a little but i am wrong. i’ll pray for you brother.

I cant remember who asked me i apologize. it was my room that my sister moved into and sleeping on the couch was fine until the baby came home and my poor sis was up every two hours. and unfortunatley so was i. when my health came to the point of expensive surgery it just became necesary and i made my peace with it. i have confessed it. as for proof of being chaste what can i give you other than saying it.

Lily i think it was you, im not concerned that my sister is on drugs. i found out that the babys father has been calling her again and she is afraid of him, so that kind of spoiled her day as it would anyones. i think things between me and my sister are on the right track now. i have been praying and even dedicated a rosary to her the other day, since then we seem to be communicating better.

Thanks everyone for the advice. God Bless.
 
Tar: My situation was similar to yours about 14 years ago. I too was planning a wedding, my sister was both jealous and resentful of me and everything I had accomplished with the exception that she didn’t have a child or moved back in with our parents. Over the years, I tried to have a normal sister relationship to no avail. After years of trying and years of agonizing about this, I finally got fed up and distanced myself from her. I spoke to her on occassion, but nothing more. The distance has been good for us both. We are still not as close as two sisters should be, BUT there is no longer any hostility because I refuse to let there be any! There is probably nothing you can do about this situation except pray, pray then pray some more. I wish I would have done this years ago. As for you cohabitating before marriage, I cannot and will not judge you, but only give you advice on your current problem. That is between you and God. As Jesus said, He who is without sin should cast the first stone." Good luck and God bless you on your marriage.
 
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