How do i stop resenting my sister

  • Thread starter Thread starter TarAshly
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Ana:
TarAshley,

But first you have to admit to yourself that it was wrong. You do see it was wrong don’t you?

God bless!
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to be honest i dont think it was wrong i think i “yanked” my pregnant sister out of a very bad situation for her and her baby. i wont ever apologize for that. i have explained my side of the story for that to her and now she seems to understand it. i dont think what i did was wrong. i did what i had to do. i didnt do it just for her i did it for my unborn niece to. i dont regret that. never will regret it.
 
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Sweetcakes:
TarAshely, there you go again.

The Eagles have a song that covers this situation: Get Over It.
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Sweetcakes,

If you ever had a drug addicted screw-up in your family, who managed to mess up your life and your parents’ lives and the lives of everybody else he/she touched, you would see that “getting over it” can be difficult. Especially when you’re 20.

It took me almost 30 years. But now I’m old and mean. I no longer include our addict in family gatherings and remind myself that to include her is to hold the rest of my family and guests (often more than 20) hostage to her tantrums.

TarAshly did something excellent in helping her sister return home – and you can see what it has cost her: may God reward her.

As for “lying” – maybe it was “wrong” but if TarAshley’s experience is in any way parallel to mine, the truth would never have exctracted her sister from danger. We hear a lot about “autonomy” in cases like this but in acutal fact, TarAshley’s sister didn’t have any autonomy to start with if she was on drugs.
 
Tarashley,
You seem like a very nice woman. You obviously love your sister and her child, because you activly stepped in to help her, and remove her from a dangerous situation. These things are commendable and speak of your love for her and your family.I am not questioning your intentions.🙂

If my children were starving, and I resorted to prostitution or stealing to feed them, my intentions were good, but my action was morally wrong.
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TarAshly:
to be honest i dont think it was wrong i think i “yanked” my pregnant sister out of a very bad situation for her and her baby…
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It was not wrong that you helped your sister, only that you lied.You said in your other posts that she was having major trouble getting over it and she still resents you for it.
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TarAshly:
i wont ever apologize for that
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.

It could be a very good opportunity start a process of healing between you and your sister.:love:
According to the CCC, a lie violates the virtue of truthfulness. That it affects the others ability to know which is a CONDITION of every judgement and decision.
It also states that culpability is lessoned depending on harm to the recipient and intention. Which you have stated previously, your intentions and the outcome. But it says culpability is LESSENED, not eliminated.:tsktsk:

Think of this, you have a very small thing to humble yourself and ask your sister to forgive you for. It is a wonderful opportunity to set an example and encourage her to do the same.

If you cannot fathom doing this yourself for such a little thing, how can you possibly expect her to have the courage to face the immense reality of the much graver things she has done?:hmmm:
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TarAshly:
i dont think what i did was wrong. i did what i had to do. i didnt do it just for her i did it for my unborn niece to. i dont regret that. never will regret it.
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Even if you don’t regret what you did, you can still regret how you did it.

Example:
Sister, I just wanted to say that I am sorry for lying to you. I realize that it has probably affected your trust in me. I just care about you so much, and it was killing me to see you and your unborn child in such a situation. I just didn’t know what else to do, and to be honest I don’t know if I still wouldn’t do the same thing if having to do it over. But I am sorry that I lied. Will you please forgive me?

I know you said you will never apologize, and that is your decision and your right. But I only ask that you consider exploring this further. Discussion is not a commitment. I would also recommend bringing this to prayer.

I have found in my experience that an area of my life that I am especially resistant to something is usually an area that I am in need of examination.

God bless TarAshley, and please do not feel I am trying to imply that you are a mean horrible person, nothing could be further from the truth.
 
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Sweetcakes:
TarAshely, there you go again.

The Eagles have a song that covers this situation: Get Over It.
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Lately it seems the only time you participate in a thread is to jump in and say something mean. Weren’t you the one that started a thread a few days back about how you were thinking of converting to Catholiscm, but the unchristian attitudes of others changed your mind?:confused:
 
Just wanted to thank you all for the advice! my sister and i are getting along much better. i prayed a rosary for our relationship and things have gotten so much better! she came to my shower, helped my friends plan my bachelorette party and even planned another party for us the night after our rehersal dinner, we’ve been shopping twice and have been just hanging out and talking more together! we even went and had lunch together today and we havent done that in years! the power of prayer! wow! i have a new found relationship with her that i am SO thankful for! thank you all!:dancing:
 
Yippee! I am very happy to hear that things are getting better. That must take so much stress off you.

The rosary certainly is powerful.
 
What a wonderful way to approach your wedding! May God reward your persistence.

(Got a picture of your wedding dress?)
 
How wonderful! I am so happy to hear of so much improvement in so short of time! The Rosary IS a powerful prayer. I am especially glad things are beginning to improve BEFORE the wedding. It will help your wedding day to be that much more peaceful and beautiful.

God bless!
 
Hey guys just wanted to update you and am again in need of help. things between my sister and me were going good for a while and now they are back into their old routine. heres the problem. my husband and i recently found out that due to his diabetes and my internal “plumbing” problems, hubby and i are going to have a hard time concieving. we tried to get pregnant on our honeymoon and it didnt take. im at a loss. instead of being supportive of me my sister whenever she gets angry dangles my niece and motherhood in front of me like a piece of meat! it infuriates me. to make matters worse she came to my husband and me and stated that she didnt want us to be the God parents of her daughter because we ourselves are not parents and she didnt think we could “handle” it. she only did this to hurt me because she was angry with me at the time over an argument we had at work. i burst into tears the moment she left and my husband was livid and said he didnt want my sister in our home again. he’s since backed off of that postition thank God. however i find myself increasingly angry with her to the point that i dont want to be around her but thats impossible because of my niece. she dangles motherhood in front of me because she knows im jealous that she has a child and that i may not. what do i do friends please help!!
 
Tar,
I know your disappointed but it’s too early in the game to worry about fertility after only one shot at it. I don’t know if you and your hubby have looked into NFP but it can be used to improve your chances of getting pregnant by determining when you ovulate.

As far as your sister try not to let her suck you in to her game. The truth is she is probably jealous of you being married while she is a single mom and trying to hit you in the one place where she has something that you don’t - yet.

The best thing is to kill her with kindness, her situation is not one to be envied. God Bless.
 
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TarAshly:
…instead of being supportive of me my sister whenever she gets angry dangles my niece and motherhood in front of me like a piece of meat! it infuriates me. to make matters worse she came to my husband and me and stated that she didnt want us to be the God parents of her daughter because we ourselves are not parents and she didnt think we could “handle” it. she only did this to hurt me because she was angry with me at the time over an argument we had at work. i burst into tears the moment she left…
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Hi Tar…I’m so sorry that things have gone bad between you and your sister…again.

You state above that she says things to hurt you and that you get infuriated. You also said that you cried after she left…

Can I ask what you did before she left? What I guess I’m wondering is why didn’t you cry in front of her? I’m sure you got infuriated in front of her… what would she do if she saw you crying and how hurt you really were?

I think Rayne nailed it when she said:

"The truth is she is probably jealous of you being married while she is a single mom and trying to hit you in the one place where she has something that you don’t - yet.

The best thing is to kill her with kindness, her situation is not one to be envied. "

I agree completely. Your sister needs your compassion and prayers more than ever.

I also agree with the advice of using NFP to try and conceive…it can show you all kinds of things about your cycle. For example, many woman do conceive each month while trying to… but they have very early miscarriages each time due to different hormones etc (please excuse me, I forget the technical terms).

It is still too early to worry about infertility. Pray lots (I know you do) and educate yourselves as much as possible on the entire conception process. You know as well as any of us that when God wills you to be pregnant, you will be pregnant. Patience is one of the hardest virtues to master, but is one of the most necessary.

Malia
 
Thanks Maili its so good to hear from you again. you have my email address hun so update me on your situation! i think you and Rayne are right. i know you are its hard. what i did before my sister left was just stayed quiet and told her that i respected her decision. i just dont know what else to do anymore. im tired of watching her use my parents for money. shes dating my husbands best friend and hes tired of how she treats him. they have a weird relationship,im definately not envious of that. i guess the only thing i can do is love her and love my niece to the best of my abilities.
 
Hi Tar,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. Maybe God is blessing you with some alone time with your husband before the kids come along.
This is a very special time in your life and great relationship building time. Maybe God is urging you to focus on each other first. Kids will come, when they are supposed to, if it’s God’s will and when it’s God’s timing.

Enjoy the NOW. That is a gift from God.

Some times God also uses the people around us to help us grow in grace and virtue. He does this by placing people around us that already have what we are praying for (like a baby). Just as you described, you want a child. You sense your sister flaunting and taunting her motherhood in front of you. Maybe He is urging you to grow in patience, good attitude, less jealousy or whatever He thinks you need to work on. Please note - I am not saying you are any of these - just my example.

In my life, I have been waiting for a trial to be over. There are times when it seems those closest to me are getting what I have been praying for - and they don’t even pray! It seems unfair - but it’s actually God’s way of making me dispose of my jealousy, to be happy for others, be patient, trust in His timing and His will, and seek Him out.
 
George,

Although it isn’t right for her to call devout Catholics names, nor is it right for you to be so UnChristian and mean to her. She’s young~~And as for her moving out of her apt…where is she to go? Are you opening your house to her? Or are YOU being hypocritical? However, I think she’d rather live in a broke down cardboard box that in your house.
 
Leah Mommy of 2:
George,

Although it isn’t right for her to call devout Catholics names, nor is it right for you to be so UnChristian and mean to her. She’s young~~And as for her moving out of her apt…where is she to go? Are you opening your house to her? Or are YOU being hypocritical? However, I think she’d rather live in a broke down cardboard box that in your house.
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George has been suspended twice for his harrassment of Tar, I believe he has psychological issues. No matter what she was posting about he was there to demean her. I’m glad he’s gone.
 
I hope that both Tar and George find healing and peace in their family and in their hearts.

:blessyou:
 
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