How do we get young families back into our Parish?

[jazzy0710]

I think more “young” activities , I have many friends who are of a different religion. and are so involved with activities at their church . They have “movie” night , “skate night” the point is … it incorporates fun and religion , praying , learning , talking about Jesus and Mary and Saints, I know many will disagree because its not traditional but it can be just with a fun twist!

Very good suggestions thank you so much

 

[jazzy0710]

Pray pray pray!

For help on repairs… ask Our Lord, and listen in your heart to him. Give more time to adoration.

Also, work on specifying a “family mass”. Encourage a children’s choir, and bring livelier music into the liturgy. I also agree big time with providing childcare! The family needs to be a priority. Encourage parishioners to become involved, have a day where all the volunteers have tables out after mass for people to sign up in their ministry. Delegate certain people to consider starting lively groups that cater to moms, and also men’s programs, too. Send out ads and fliers of your programs to other parish bulletins as well.

Our children and Adult Choir actually combine together for our 930 am mass

 

[jazzy0710]

From a practical standpoint, parishes without a grade school will suffer attracting families with children in comparison to parishes with a school, particularly if the parochial schools are in high demand. Why? People know that active parishioners are usually at an advantage when it comes to gaining admission to the school. Often, there is also a tuition break for parish families compared to out-of-parish families. If there is a local Catholic high school, families will consider graduation from a more-demanding Catholic grade school to be an advantage when trying to gain admission there, too.

Let us say, though, that this is not an issue. I’d say you want to do research about why your parish is not attractive to families with children. Where are they on Sunday mornings, if not with you? Are they at the Protestant church with lots of programs? Are they at the local Catholic parish with a children’s choir and an active altar server program? Are they simply going to a larger parish with more families and, therefore, more children the same age as their own? Are they staying home and not regularly going to any church at all?

You can’t fish if you don’t know what body of water the fish live in. Otherwise, how do you choose bait? How do you choose when to fish and where to fish? You’d be working totally in the dark.

On that note, do not neglect to pray for help. Whatever you do, remember that the main thing is to continue to make the main thing the main thing, as Steven Covey would say. Make certain that people who are coming to your parish are coming for what they need and are given every help to courageously ask for what they need: the Lord Himself, giving His grace. If you don’t have that, you won’t attract warm bodies ready to pony up to fix the roof. Even if you did, though, you would have failed to do what you set out to do in the first place, losing your way even as you tried to help someone else find theirs. Seek ye first the Kingdom, and all the rest will be added unto you.

OK, so what if you don’t have a school and can’t get one? I’d suggest considering joint youth programs with a parish that does. They can probably use the help and would want to have your parish as a “feeder” into their school. The more, the merrier!

Thanks very much for your feedback. It was very helpful.

We don’t have any Catholic High Schools around here in Nova Scotia. Catholic High Schools seem to be more of an Ontario thing as far as I know. The only Catholic School that we have around here is a private school with ridculously high tuition and the High School only takes girls and they only take boys up to grade 9.

 

[jazzy0710]

God bless your heart, but NO.

Coming up with some ideas? Yes! Figuring out how to recruit young families into a parish single-handedly, absolutely not. This is too big of a task for one person, I don’t mean that to be critical in any way I am sure you are a huge hearted person and willing to do the work! You need to interview people, ask questions, find out what is in people’s hearts and have the power to implement programs OVER TIME. This is a long-term process I promise you that.

People are usually unwilling to join a parish that seems stagnant when there are other parishes that may be more dynamic. You might be able to get a few programs going here and there, however getting people joining and STAYING takes time, years in fact. For the parish to pick you to figure out a way to recruit young people to the parish because you are 29 years old seems an unfair burden to me. This is the job of the pastor with the help of the local diocese giving guidance with the backup of years of wisdom and experience of other programs that have been tried. Can you tell your parish that you are willing to volunteer and try a few things but need some more guidance? Can you call your diocese for suggestions? Can you call parishes that are close to you to see what they are doing? It seems foolish to duplicate something that is being done just a few miles away, perhaps you can try something new?

Please be assured of my prayers. I apologize if I came across as critical, I am in no way in doubt of your abilities it just seems an unfair burden on one person when it is not your pastoral responsibility that’s all. God bless.

Thank you very much for your feedback. As always I greatly apprechiate it.

As I thought about it afterward I agreed that it was a huge task. My plan is to do what I can between now and the next meeting in early November but when I attend that meeting I will request that they give me some help in order to go further.

 

[jazzy0710]

There’s also the question–is there anybody who is actively running off young families?

We once had our oldest (who wasn’t 2 at the time) shushed by two different ladies at the same Mass in a church with no cry room, no nursery and no vestibule–there was literally no place to take her other than outside. (She wasn’t crying, just talking happily.)

It was probably after that that my husband and I went to a two-Mass solution for Sundays, but a lot of people wouldn’t stick around after that.

You know I have never thought about that before. I’m going to look around now. Thank you

 

[EasterJoy]

Thanks very much for your feedback. It was very helpful.

We don’t have any Catholic High Schools around here in Nova Scotia. Catholic High Schools seem to be more of an Ontario thing as far as I know. The only Catholic School that we have around here is a private school with ridculously high tuition and the High School only takes girls and they only take boys up to grade 9.

Are you not seeing baptisms in your parish, or are the parents with children having their children baptized and then vanishing? Do children receive their First Holy Communion and then vanish? Do families with children who do go there attend Mass every week? What do the people who do go there say? What would they like to see? What do their friends do–go to church, not go to church, like their parish better? Where do the people in your parish live? Are those neighborhoods with lots of kids?

I think you were on to this kind of investigation when you got here. You have some detective work in store for you! Keep praying, and good luck to you!

 

[pianistclare]

Good day everyone

I have been assigned a task by my Priest and the Chair person of our committee and do I ever need some help!

Our committee is the Stewardship and Development Committee. We originally went into this in March of this year wanting to get right into fundraising for the repairs needed around the church but we realized that we had so much work to do before we could even begin. The big thing was getting the roof repaired and we did manage to find some funds to do that but there’s still many other things like our bell tower, windows, and doors that need replacing.

One of the main points that was brought up was that how our numbers have dropped significantly especially young families. There are about 15 of us total on the committee. The average age is 55 and I’m actually the youngest one (29) so they figured they would assign the task to me to figure out how to recruit young families.

Now I understand how I can recruit more younger folks from the parish into our group. I know that I can casually approach them and mention how we are in a lot of trouble if we don’t start coming up with some money and if they have the emotional connection to the Parish and want to save it that they are welcome to come check out a meeting.

However as I said, the number of young families in our Parish is really low. I also need to figure out how we can get more in.

Out of the 10 regular Adult Altar Servers at our Parish I am the one that helps our Priest with Wedding ceremonies. One idea that came to me is if he allowed me to that I could follow up with young couples after the Wedding to see our they are doing and invite them to one of our events or something of that nature. What do you think of that?

Has anyone else out there run into this problem at their Parish? What is it that is making young families leave and how do we draw them back in?

I would greatly apprechiate any feedback both positive or negative.

Thanks and God bless

Does the parish leadership want the families because they want to revitalize and offer support to the young families? Or do they think that young people will provide the money for all those repairs? Because I can tell you, young families don’t have a lot to spare, and if they think that young couples will beef up the collection they are going to be sorely disappointed. In many parishes, it’s the older generation, those who feel strongly about giving to the support of the church and supporting the liturgy, who tithe bigtime. And now that they are moving to fixed incomes , sometime they must cut back. Which is why I suggest offering more programs that they could really use. They won’t be charmed by being thought of as some sort of wallet to tap. Not saying you are doing this, but it is something to keep in mind. Appearances are everything.
Every time we roll out yet another “Stewardship Campaign” either locally, or from the Archbishop people sigh, and mutter under their breath about us just wanting more $$$$.
Of course people believe that the church is rich and that they shouldn’t ever ask for money. Everyone’s a volunteer, right?

 

[pensmama87]

Does the parish leadership want the families because they want to revitalize and offer support to the young families? Or do they think that young people will provide the money for all those repairs? Because I can tell you, young families don’t have a lot to spare, and if they think that young couples will beef up the collection they are going to be sorely disappointed. In many parishes, it’s the older generation, those who feel strongly about giving to the support of the church and supporting the liturgy, who tithe bigtime. And now that they are moving to fixed incomes , sometime they must cut back. Which is why I suggest offering more programs that they could really use. They won’t be charmed by being thought of as some sort of wallet to tap. Not saying you are doing this, but it is something to keep in mind. Appearances are everything.
Every time we roll out yet another “Stewardship Campaign” either locally, or from the Archbishop people sigh, and mutter under their breath about us just wanting more $$$$.
Of course people believe that the church is rich and that they shouldn’t ever ask for money. Everyone’s a volunteer, right?

Yeah.

We give as much as we can afford, which is very little at the moment, and we also volunteer when we can, which with all young children is also difficult. There’s a lot of effort being made by our parish to engage people which is great, but the reality is that the life situation of many young families is just not suited to heavy parish involvement.

 

[TheFraggle]

The problem with the Church is 80% of Catholics are on contraception according to the Gallup polls, so that could be the reason why there are no young families in Church because Catholics have simply stopped having children.

 

[coachdennis]

The problem with the Church is 80% of Catholics are on contraception according to the Gallup polls, so that could be the reason why there are no young families in Church because Catholics have simply stopped having children.

The Catholic school at our current parish has over 400 students grades K - 8 with two classroom per grade. Somebody’s having babies somewhere.

 

[coachdennis]

The training has different names or different programs depending on the diocese, it is called Virtus here and training are offered quite frequently. I’m Virtus trained myself, I woudln’t consider it too much to ask for people to be certified.

I have taken the Virtus training myself and I agree with you, but you would be surprised at how many people DO consider it too much.

I will admit that my experience is skewed being from the Boston area where the clergy abuse scandal still impacts the Church. The pastor at my former parish in Boston and I were at an Evangelization meeting and he felt that the scandal will have repercussions in that area for an entire generation. Young people do not trust the Church, its priests, and are reluctant to leave their children in the care of “church people”.

Now, we can have a discussion as to whether these are just excuses on their part or they are sincere, but in certain parts of the country the Church has an image problem that it needs to address.

Young families need to feel their churches are welcoming and SAFE places.

 

[misspriss]

I have taken the Virtus training myself and I agree with you, but you would be surprised at how many people DO consider it too much.

I will admit that my experience is skewed being from the Boston area where the clergy abuse scandal still impacts the Church. The pastor at my former parish in Boston and I were at an Evangelization meeting and he felt that the scandal will have repercussions in that area for an entire generation. Young people do not trust the Church, its priests, and are reluctant to leave their children in the care of “church people”.

Now, we can have a discussion as to whether these are just excuses on their part or they are sincere, but in certain parts of the country the Church has an image problem that it needs to address.

Young families need to feel their churches are welcoming and SAFE places.

’

If someone considers one two hour training class too much, I don’t consider them qualified to watch my children for sure! I did read once that more Protestant ministers abused children, dollars to donuts, but because they are all different denominations it doesn’t get counted as such.

I grew up protestant, nursery was an accepted part of church for sure! We had THREE “bed baby” classes for each services because there were so many newborns being left in nursery…it was just an accepted thing.

 

[Allegra]

Are you asking how to get Catholic families to come to your parish, how to convert young families to Catholicism, or how to get the young families that are currently in your parish to be more active? They really are three different questions.

We are currently not registered in our geographical parish. To be honest, the main reason is that my husband works for a different parish, however, if he did not, we would still prefer to register in a different nearby parish. The reason is that our geographical parish has a history of treating their public school children somewhere within the range of acting like they are a disease and pretending they don’t exist. At the same time, the “day school” is an abysmal failure that’s mission has never been to spread the Gospel, but to keep the children away from less desirable children such as poor children and especially minorities. They are most recently famous for losing a soccer game where the drunken parents began shouting at the mostly Hispanic opposing team, “Mow our grass!”

From my perspective as the mother of a young family, attempting to be faithful Catholics, we want lots of authentic opportunities for our children to grow in Christ. We don’t care about plaid skirts. We don’t care about “youth Masses” with lousy music. We want support for our family and our marriage. We want service opportunities that involve the whole family.

 

[pensmama87]

’

If someone considers one two hour training class too much, I don’t consider them qualified to watch my children for sure! I did read once that more Protestant ministers abused children, dollars to donuts, but because they are all different denominations it doesn’t get counted as such.

I grew up protestant, nursery was an accepted part of church for sure! We had THREE “bed baby” classes for each services because there were so many newborns being left in nursery…it was just an accepted thing.

In our diocese we have to do the Virtus training (only once as long as we keep the certificate), plus pass a state criminal background check every five years (the fee is now waived if you’re a volunteer, that’s a recent change), and you have to pass a FBI clearance including fingerprinting if you have lived out of state in the past 10 years. Fingerprinting has a fee.

I have done everything except get the fingerprints to renew my clearances. The nearest facility is half an hour away and only operates from 11-4 four days per week (no weekends.) I have three young children at home. I will do it because I am already a volunteer and don’t want to have to stop, but it does complicate things.

 

[Usige]

Like EasterJoy says you need to figure out where, if at all, they are going. Some will tell you you need good RE, some will say a children’s choir, other’s X, and yet another Y. In reality none of it applies unless they are in your area.

Some families are attracted to “family masses”, my family, not so much. We’d rather go to more traditional Mass (ordinary or extraordinary). We actually see more young families at an extraordinary mass because the pastor embraces home schooling families. He has catechetical talks for the homeschoolers for First Friday. But that being said, that is my area and might not apply to your area.

Some baseline questions are:

• Is the geographic parish population aging in general?

Many parish loose young families simply because of demographic shifts.

• Are parish activities convenient for people with young kids?

Many of our local parish activities are convienent for retirees, but then offer no child care. Those in the evenings last through bed time.

• Does the local area tend toward contemporary or traditional worship styles?

As stated above, many younger familes in my area prefer traditional worship, so making it more contemporary has caused more to leave the parish rather than join. Guitar and drums at mass makes me grit my teeth and I’d rather have no music or a single acapella cantor.

• Do homilies strike the right cord?

Different generations will be drawn by different things. I find many younger people (i.e. mid-20s to early 40s) want to be challenged in their faith. They don’t want homilies that are just warm fuzzies.

Unfortunately there is no magic bullet. Don’t assume that what worked at one parish would work at yours. As others said also don’t just bring in young familes for the money. The bulk of our donations actually come in from those in their mid 40s to early 50s. They are establish in their careers, but not yet on a fixed income. A vibrant parish will actually have a good mix of parishioners in multiple stages of life so you have to balance with that in mind.

 

[Naskor]

Has anyone else out there run into this problem at their Parish? What is it that is making young families leave and how do we draw them back in?

I think you, or who ever put you in charge is framing the issue wrong. The problem isn’t that young families are leaving the Church. The issue is that the young families haven’t formed. Young people aren’t getting married anymore. For the first time in American history single adults outnumber married adults. nypost.com/2014/09/09/single-adults-now-outnumber-married-adults/

Huge numbers of men, for reasons only God knows, are giving up on marriage.
lifesitenews.com/news/young-men-giving-up-on-marriage-women-arent-women-anymore

Yet counter-intuitively the marriage rate for women is falling faster than it is for men.
justfourguys.com/womens-marriage-rates-dropping-faster-than-mens/

The few that do get married are well past the age where we consider someone a “young adult”.

Instead on trying to win back people who’ve left the Church, start with the people who never left. There is a singles crisis in the Church. Tons of Catholics who want to marry but haven’t.
geeksjourney.com/how-churches-today-abandoned-the-christian-single

Go through your Church’s records. How many young marriages where form? How many were Catholic-Catholic marriages? Is your Church doing enough to create young marriages?

Want more young families in the Church? Start with the single Catholics.

 

[pianistclare]

I have taken the Virtus training myself and I agree with you, but you would be surprised at how many people DO consider it too much.

I will admit that my experience is skewed being from the Boston area where the clergy abuse scandal still impacts the Church. The pastor at my former parish in Boston and I were at an Evangelization meeting and he felt that the scandal will have repercussions in that area for an entire generation. Young people do not trust the Church, its priests, and are reluctant to leave their children in the care of “church people”.

Now, we can have a discussion as to whether these are just excuses on their part or they are sincere, but in certain parts of the country the Church has an image problem that it needs to address.

Young families need to feel their churches are welcoming and SAFE places.

I agree that people find it overwhelming. Not so much because they resent having to do it, but in our Archdiocese, because the programs change often, they lose the info, they are asked to do it over and over and over again.
My High School Catechists literally have gone through the screening every year for the last 5 years for teaching and for driving, and we’ve just been told that they are starting up a “new” program in January.
I think all of my volunteers will quit.
They’re just sick of it. And they are afraid of someone getting their personal info. You know, since the Diocese “loses” it so often.
I don’t blame them.

 

[alphawoman]

What are the demographics in the parish catchment? You can usually look up age cohort calculations in 5-year increments using census metropolitan area data. Look at household formation rates in your region, average number of household members, housing costs, and incomes in your area. These point to economic drivers impacting family migration into or out of you area, broadly speaking.

Has your parish conducted a parish census lately? Done an inventory of the programs on offer and compared the menu to that of successful analogs in your Archdioscese?

If your parish is in an area where families are demographically underrepresented, perhaps your pastor can advocate for funds from the Archdioscese to implement family-centric programming out of your parish. My parish is one such location, and my pastor has since successfully petitioned to have our church be the seat of training for other parishes in the instruction of faith to children under 6 within the Archdioscese.

Also, don’t forget that young adults are the future parents of families, so creating a culture that attracts and retains young adults is key.

 

[FreeEver]

I think you, or who ever put you in charge is framing the issue wrong. The problem isn’t that young families are leaving the Church. The issue is that the young families haven’t formed. Young people aren’t getting married anymore. For the first time in American history single adults outnumber married adults. nypost.com/2014/09/09/single-adults-now-outnumber-married-adults/

Yes, I also am greatly concerned about what is occurring in the US with young Catholic adults. I assume the same issue exists in Canada. I am alarmed, when I view marriage statistics such as these being reported by CARA originating out of Georgetown University ( cara.georgetown.edu/caraservices/requestedchurchstats.html).

From the 1965 – 1970 reported statistics, the identified US Catholic population was approximately 47 million and in 2014 had grown to 66.6 million. However, Catholic sacramental marriage peaked at 426,309 in 1970 and in 2014 had fallen to 154,450.

To answer the question posed, with a question, how can young new families be attracted when they are not even being married in the Catholic Church? Not to stir controversy, but I would suggest a review of the marriage preparation practices of the late 60’s and early 70’s and identify the differences with what is being required today.

To jazzy, I wish you the best in your assigned endeavor.

God Bless and Peace to all.

 

[AClaire11]

Are people friendly at your parish? Do they socialize and say hello or does everyone rush off to their cars as soon as the final hymn ends? Is there a sense of community?

I grew up in a small town where a lot of socializing was done through church and where everyone at church knew each other. It’s been a big struggle for me, living in a new and fairly unfriendly area, to attend parishes where not only do I not know anyone, but not one person will say hello to me. When I went to young adult events, very occasionally someone would break away from their previously formed group of friends to greet me, but no one ever made any attempt to continue the acquaintance. I attended my former parish for almost 2 years without making one friend. Now I attend an Eastern church with a much friendlier community. I most likely would not have left if people had been more welcoming.