How do we get young families back into our Parish?

[Phemie]

From a practical standpoint, parishes without a grade school will suffer attracting families with children in comparison to parishes with a school, particularly if the parochial schools are in high demand. Why? People know that active parishioners are usually at an advantage when it comes to gaining admission to the school. Often, there is also a tuition break for parish families compared to out-of-parish families. If there is a local Catholic high school, families will consider graduation from a more-demanding Catholic grade school to be an advantage when trying to gain admission there, too.

Let us say, though, that this is not an issue. I’d say you want to do research about why your parish is not attractive to families with children. Where are they on Sunday mornings, if not with you? Are they at the Protestant church with lots of programs? Are they at the local Catholic parish with a children’s choir and an active altar server program? Are they simply going to a larger parish with more families and, therefore, more children the same age as their own? Are they staying home and not regularly going to any church at all?

We are the only Catholic parish and there are no Catholic schools. On the books we have ~1500 parishioners. We see about 10-15% at Mass on any given Sunday. Where are the young couples with children? Hockey, soccer, bed.

You know you have a serious problem when a member of the baptismal preparation team doesn’t come to Mass at all during her sons’ hockey season and that’s tacitly approved. You know you have a greater problem when you hear the leader of the baptismal preparation team tell young couples preparing for Baptism that it’s not important that they come to Mass on Sunday. Then you wonder why they only show up again when it’s time for the kid to make his First Communion.

 

[Xantippe]

You know you have a serious problem when a member of the baptismal preparation team doesn’t come to Mass at all during her sons’ hockey season and that’s tacitly approved. You know you have a greater problem when you hear the leader of the baptismal preparation team tell young couples preparing for Baptism that it’s not important that they come to Mass on Sunday. Then you wonder why they only show up again when it’s time for the kid to make his First Communion.

Oh dear.

 

[Bataar]

We are the only Catholic parish and there are no Catholic schools. On the books we have ~1500 parishioners. We see about 10-15% at Mass on any given Sunday. Where are the young couples with children? Hockey, soccer, bed.

You know you have a serious problem when a member of the baptismal preparation team doesn’t come to Mass at all during her sons’ hockey season and that’s tacitly approved. You know you have a greater problem when you hear the leader of the baptismal preparation team tell young couples preparing for Baptism that it’s not important that they come to Mass on Sunday. Then you wonder why they only show up again when it’s time for the kid to make his First Communion.

In the “modern” church, there really is no reason to go to Mass. After all, everyone goes to heaven anyway because a loving God could never send anyone to hell. The Mass is just a gathering for the community to gather round a “table” to share a “meal”. If that’s all the Mass is and unfortunately, that’s what a lot of people are taught, what’s the point?

 

[clem456]

We are the only Catholic parish and there are no Catholic schools. On the books we have ~1500 parishioners. We see about 10-15% at Mass on any given Sunday. Where are the young couples with children? Hockey, soccer, bed.

You know you have a serious problem when a member of the baptismal preparation team doesn’t come to Mass at all during her sons’ hockey season and that’s tacitly approved. You know you have a greater problem when you hear the leader of the baptismal preparation team tell young couples preparing for Baptism that it’s not important that they come to Mass on Sunday. Then you wonder why they only show up again when it’s time for the kid to make his First Communion.

On Sunday, we have parents actually drive kids to the front door and drop them off for the mandatory catechetical programs. They drop them off and keep on driving, while Mass is taking place right next door. Which makes them hypocrites.

We don’t need youth programs, we need adults to get some basic catechesis on what it means to be a good parent. The kids will follow the parents.

 

[Blessedwithfive]

On Sunday, we have parents actually drive kids to the front door and drop them off for the mandatory catechetical programs. They drop them off and keep on driving, while Mass is taking place right next door. Which makes them hypocrites.

We don’t need youth programs, we need adults to get some basic catechesis on what it means to be a good parent. The kids will follow the parents.

We also need courageous priests who tell the parents that it is their responsibility to take their children to Mass and that it is a sin not to.

 

[Blessedwithfive]

On Sunday, we have parents actually drive kids to the front door and drop them off for the mandatory catechetical programs. They drop them off and keep on driving, while Mass is taking place right next door. Which makes them hypocrites.

We don’t need youth programs, we need adults to get some basic catechesis on what it means to be a good parent. The kids will follow the parents.

We actually make is easier to drop off the kids than park and attend mass. The Catechists walk out and pick up the kids at the curb and bring them back out to the curb after class. And we are surprised that parents don’t attend…

 

[Phemie]

On Sunday, we have parents actually drive kids to the front door and drop them off for the mandatory catechetical programs. They drop them off and keep on driving, while Mass is taking place right next door. Which makes them hypocrites.

We don’t need youth programs, we need adults to get some basic catechesis on what it means to be a good parent. The kids will follow the parents.

Oh, yes, I’ve seen that. Catechism for the kids was right after the 10 a.m. Mass. Roughly half my class couldn’t relate when I’d say “Think about what we do at Mass.” Their parents dropped them off just as Mass ended and picked them up again afterwards. The kids were quick to say, “Miss, I don’t go to Mass. My parents say it’s too early.”

As a province we had taxpayer funded Catholic schools since the early 1900s. In fact, all schools were denominational, there were no “public” schools. When our province joined Canada in 1949 guarantee of denominational education was written into the Articles of Confederation. We never had to do much but send our kids to school for them to be catechized and it didn’t cost us anything.

In 1998 denominational education ended after a referendum that saw over 70% vote in favour of dismantling the denominational system in the belief that it caused unnecessary duplication of service (eg. two poorly equipped labs in two denominational high schools in a small town vs one well equipped lab in a non-denominational high school).

Since then we have had no religious education in our parish beyond the 6-8 sessions of sacramental preparation for First Communion so we now have a generation of children who have had no catechesis beyond that. A good 4/5 of them haven’t set foot in church, except perhaps at Christmas, since the day of their First Communion.

These kids are now becoming parents and presenting their children for Baptism because “Mom (or more frequently, Grandma) will kill me if I don’t.” They can’t possibly pass on a Faith they haven’t got. They don’t have a clue about Church teachings.

Fr. was by two days ago asking what he can do. He came to this parish from one which had a school model catechetical program and he was appalled at what he found here. Sadly, he has no idea what to do to fix the problem. My only advice, catechize the parents. But he has to do that.

In the US, from what I read here, to be a catechist means a lot of training. Here, if someone volunteers (and that’s a big IF), we hand them a teacher’s manual and let them loose on a class without having a clue about what they know, what they believe and if they even relate to kids.

 

[pianistclare]

We are the only Catholic parish and there are no Catholic schools. On the books we have ~1500 parishioners. We see about 10-15% at Mass on any given Sunday. Where are the young couples with children? Hockey, soccer, bed.

You know you have a serious problem when a member of the baptismal preparation team doesn’t come to Mass at all during her sons’ hockey season and that’s tacitly approved. You know you have a greater problem when you hear the leader of the baptismal preparation team tell young couples preparing for Baptism that it’s not important that they come to Mass on Sunday. Then you wonder why they only show up again when it’s time for the kid to make his First Communion.

Agreed. We were out to lunch with the pastor and a family from the parish came by the table:
Here’s how that conversation went:
"Hey! It’s good to see you! Haven’t seen you in a while!
"Yes, Father, it’s softball season, so we’re out of church for a few weeks at least! Great to see you!
“well, God bless”.


I suppose he could have read them the riot act, but what good would it do? Their minds are already set on “when it’s convenient”.
Awful stuff.

 

[pianistclare]

Oh, yes, I’ve seen that. Catechism for the kids was right after the 10 a.m. Mass. Roughly half my class couldn’t relate when I’d say “Think about what we do at Mass.” Their parents dropped them off just as Mass ended and picked them up again afterwards. The kids were quick to say, “Miss, I don’t go to Mass. My parents say it’s too early.”

As a province we had taxpayer funded Catholic schools since the early 1900s. In fact, all schools were denominational, there were no “public” schools. When our province joined Canada in 1949 guarantee of denominational education was written into the Articles of Confederation. We never had to do much but send our kids to school for them to be catechized and it didn’t cost us anything.

In 1998 denominational education ended after a referendum that saw over 70% vote in favour of dismantling the denominational system in the belief that it caused unnecessary duplication of service (eg. two poorly equipped labs in two denominational high schools in a small town vs one well equipped lab in a non-denominational high school).

Since then we have had no religious education in our parish beyond the 6-8 sessions of sacramental preparation for First Communion so we now have a generation of children who have had no catechesis beyond that. A good 4/5 of them haven’t set foot in church, except perhaps at Christmas, since the day of their First Communion.

These kids are now becoming parents and presenting their children for Baptism because “Mom (or more frequently, Grandma) will kill me if I don’t.” They can’t possibly pass on a Faith they haven’t got. They don’t have a clue about Church teachings.

Fr. was by two days ago asking what he can do. He came to this parish from one which had a school model catechetical program and he was appalled at what he found here. Sadly, he has no idea what to do to fix the problem. My only advice, catechize the parents. But he has to do that.

In the US, from what I read here, to be a catechist means a lot of training. Here, if someone volunteers (and that’s a big IF), we hand them a teacher’s manual and let them loose on a class without having a clue about what they know, what they believe and if they even relate to kids.

Yes. In our area (the South East U.S.) a Basic Catechist needs 2 hours in 12 different topics ranging from classroom management to Scripture Study. It takes them about 2 years of steady seminars and private sessions to get certified. the next level requires many hours observing seasoned catechists, and the Master Catechist requires some paper writing as well. All levels require retreats.

It’s tough getting everyone certified. Many just don’t want to do it. I often offer to teach them on an individual basis just to get it done. Some people are really reluctant to learn. I don’t understand why they want to teach religion f they don’t want to grow in their faith themselves. :whacky:

 

[Usige]

In the US, from what I read here, to be a catechist means a lot of training. Here, if someone volunteers (and that’s a big IF), we hand them a teacher’s manual and let them loose on a class without having a clue about what they know, what they believe and if they even relate to kids.

That completely depends on the diocese and perhaps the parish. Because we require two teachers in every classroom the DRE is generally begging for parents to “teach”. As a general rule about 80-90% of our catechists only serve for about 2 years. The reason? They don’t have to pay the $75-100 class fee for the two sacramental prep years before 1st Eucharist or Confirmation.

There is no other requirement than to have a pulse and watch the safe environment video each year. Even some of our “long term” catechist don’t exactly hold to Church teachings. We had two in NFP training last year that proudly proclaimed that they knew Church teaching because they taught 7th and 8th grade. The groom asked how long they needed to stop having sex to learn NFP. I asked how long until their marriage and he said 10 months, so I said 10 months and a couple hours. They were so offended that they were told that premarital relations were grave offenses against the 6th commandment that they reported us to the pastor. To his credit, he told them we were right. Wouldn’t be a huge issue except my parish offers Theology of the Body for pre-teens and teens. I guess these “highly qualified” catechists stepped out for these discussions.

 

[jazzy0710]

The OP isn’t going to be able to anything about young people who do not marry or contracept. S/he has to work with the demographics in her own parish as they are now. l

I used to listen to my Protestant friends talk about the sense of community they had within their “church family” with a sense of longing. They had so many opportunities to form bonds, seek or provide help, interact with others. When this community spirit is mentioned on CAF or in other Catholic, real-life settings, it’s often met with the retort that we have the one true Church and the Eucharist; we don’t need the other things.

I have seldom felt really welcomed in a Catholic Church, even though I’ve been Catholic all my life. We tried attending Mass at the church which has the school DGS attends. The ushers were the two sourest old ladies (probably younger than I) I’ve ever seen. “Good morning/evening” was never returned, but merited a scowl. I’ve joined committees or the few service groups my own parish has and never felt my presence, let alone my help, was wanted. The Old Guard had it all covered. My attempts at light conversation or offers to help were never acknowledged. I’m not some odd, socially inept person; I have joined many secular organizations–book clubs, volunteer organizations, social clubs, neighborhood groups–and never encountered this, I make friends easily and have many of all ages. Some of them have also mentioned the lack of community in their own churches, so I really don’t think this is a problem specific to me.

My suggestions would be to follow the advice about having a crying room or nursery for families with young children. I’d also do some training of the ushers to make sure they offer a warm welcome, especially to families with young children. It’s amazing how a friendly smile and kind word as you enter the church can make you feel the warmth of Christ’s love as you join in His sacrifice. A mother’s group is also a great idea. It could be a bible study with baby-sitting and/or a play group. In DD’s group, whenever a family has a baby, each woman volunteers a meal to give the family a little break.

Service is so important. One of my friends told me her DD and her DH started attending a Protestant church because they felt it offered so many more opportunities for them to be of service to others.

An after-Mass coffee and juice social hour offers opportunities to get to know your fellow parishioners and point out programs the Church offers.

I know that these suggestions are very secular and don’t address the real issue of religious indifference. But you can’t spread the gospel to people who aren’t within hearing distance of you.

Thank you very much for your feedback

 

[jazzy0710]

We also need courageous priests who tell the parents that it is their responsibility to take their children to Mass and that it is a sin not to.

Agreed!

 

[phil19034]

The best way for the Church to get more young families in the Church is to focus on creating families. Start when they are single. Single adults are the majority in America and yet the Church still treats them source of ministry instead of group that needs it.

VERY TRUE.

This is why I think FORMED.org will help big time with this. It’s has YDisciple for teens, etc and then other programs that are GREAT for young adults.

The new REBORN series on Baptism is incredible and brings tears to my eyes.

 

[Naskor]

VERY TRUE.

This is why I think FORMED.org will help big time with this. It’s has YDisciple for teens, etc and then other programs that are GREAT for young adults.

The new REBORN series on Baptism is incredible and brings tears to my eyes.

You’ve gotten my curiosity. Does it actually help young marriage-minded Catholics meet up and date and have relationships?

From my experiences, lots of so called youth ministries, like theology on tap, either forbid their members/participants from dating or make it a serious faux pas for the men to purse relationships with women there.

 

[phil19034]

You’ve gotten my curiosity. Does it actually help young marriage-minded Catholics meet up and date and have relationships?

From my experiences, lots of so called youth ministries, like theology on tap, either forbid their members/participants from dating or make it a serious faux pas for the men to purse relationships with women there.

In regards to dating… that depends on how you run the group.

The YDisciple part of FORMED is designed to be for all male and all female small discussion groups. The single sex groups is best because boys and girls have different peer pressures, etc.

(NOTE: Kids can watch them with their families instead of using the small discussion groups, but the groups are powerful when the parish, school, youth group, etc is running them.)

However, you can set it up to have larger sessions where the groups come together. The program includes activities like “movie night” etc. where you can bring the all the small groups together.

There are also programs on dating from people like Jason Evert, etc.

If your parish subscribes, you will have access to all of the leader materials online so you can read about how to run the sessions.

If you have any questions, please feel free to PM me.

God bless!
Phil

 

[Usige]

You’ve gotten my curiosity. Does it actually help young marriage-minded Catholics meet up and date and have relationships?

From my experiences, lots of so called youth ministries, like theology on tap, either forbid their members/participants from dating or make it a serious faux pas for the men to purse relationships with women there.

If you mean does the FORMED website do that, then no. It is basically a centralized place for catholic media. It basically takes the Symbolon site that the Augustine institute started a year or two back and has joined forced with Word on Fire media (Catholocism Series), Ignatius Press (eboooks), Lighthouse Catholic Media (a number of audio CDs), and a few others. So it’s clearinghouse to multiple media fomats with a single subscription. It is not a social networking site nor does it actually run the programs. I’ve been looking over the content since we have a parish subscription and it looks great.

My apologies if that is not what we’re asking.

 

[white_sheep]

They’re all at a more traditional parish somewhere.

 

[white_sheep]

At least the ones who follow Church teaching. They are the only ones that matter as the others aren’t going to church anyway. So what you are trying to do is compete for the young couples with another parish.

Getting rid of the hippie hymnal might be a good start. Also, tell the heretics to stop asking if we are done having kids yet during mass. Get that enough at Wal-Mart.

 

[Casilda]

They’re all at a more traditional parish somewhere.

At least the ones who follow Church teaching. They are the only ones that matter as the others aren’t going to church anyway. So what you are trying to do is compete for the young couples with another parish.

Getting rid of the hippie hymnal might be a good start. Also, tell the heretics to stop asking if we are done having kids yet during mass. Get that enough at Wal-Mart.

 

[Maximilan_Kolbe]

Ours come in through the narthex. Beyond that, I got nothin.