How do we get young families back into our Parish?

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jazzy0710

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Good day everyone šŸ™‚

I have been assigned a task by my Priest and the Chair person of our committee and do I ever need some help!

Our committee is the Stewardship and Development Committee. We originally went into this in March of this year wanting to get right into fundraising for the repairs needed around the church but we realized that we had so much work to do before we could even begin. The big thing was getting the roof repaired and we did manage to find some funds to do that but thereā€™s still many other things like our bell tower, windows, and doors that need replacing.

One of the main points that was brought up was that how our numbers have dropped significantly especially young families. There are about 15 of us total on the committee. The average age is 55 and Iā€™m actually the youngest one (29) so they figured they would assign the task to me to figure out how to recruit young families.

Now I understand how I can recruit more younger folks from the parish into our group. I know that I can casually approach them and mention how we are in a lot of trouble if we donā€™t start coming up with some money and if they have the emotional connection to the Parish and want to save it that they are welcome to come check out a meeting.

However as I said, the number of young families in our Parish is really low. I also need to figure out how we can get more in.

Out of the 10 regular Adult Altar Servers at our Parish I am the one that helps our Priest with Wedding ceremonies. One idea that came to me is if he allowed me to that I could follow up with young couples after the Wedding to see our they are doing and invite them to one of our events or something of that nature. What do you think of that?

Has anyone else out there run into this problem at their Parish? What is it that is making young families leave and how do we draw them back in?

I would greatly apprechiate any feedback both positive or negative.

Thanks and God bless šŸ‘
 
Please believe me when I say that I am NOT trying to be controversial, or ignite a war, with my answer to your question, but here it is.

If you have an FSSP parish in your diocese, you might want to check it out. I understand that there are many young families in those parishes. Maybe you could talk with one of their priests and ask them how they do it.

Also, Iā€™ve been hearing your question since the seventies. I remember once being on a retreat at a retreat house run by the Calced Carmelite Fathers and one of them sitting down at our table during mealtime and asking just that: how do we get young families, and young people, back in our parishes.
 
I am currently in the process of changing churches. I love the church I am registered at, it is beautiful and it is where I went through RCIA, where my children were baptized.

However, there is 0 support for young families. There is no nursery or cry room (I know some people donā€™t think there should be, but it is hard to attract young families when some would much rather use those services). There is no childcare at any church events, not at RCIA, not at socials, not at Bible studies, none. I spoke with the priest, they used to provide childcare but decided to convert that space to choir space.

I visited another parish a few weeks ago, and they were starting a bible study for new moms that week. They provide childcare for all their bible studies and social events. They have nursery at one Mass on Sundays. I noticed an abundance of young families (also, itā€™s the only Catholic church on that side of town, so itā€™s pretty much everyone I guess). I started attending the bible study and I have actually finally met some other young catholic families for the first time since I converted. Itā€™s great.

If you want young families, offer things that appeal to young families. Kid friendly. Childcare. A cry room if you donā€™t have one that allows people to attend mass with fussy children. Offer a nursing space maybe if you donā€™t have a good place, not everyone is happy to nurse in public. Make sure there are diaper changing spaces available that are easy to access. Just little things.
 
I think more ā€œyoungā€ activities , I have many friends who are of a different religion. and are so involved with activities at their church . They have ā€œmovieā€ night , ā€œskate nightā€ the point is ā€¦ it incorporates fun and religion , praying , learning , talking about Jesus and Mary and Saints, I know many will disagree because its not traditional but it can be just with a fun twist!
 
misspriss said:
I am currently in the process of changing churches. I love the church I am registered at, it is beautiful and it is where I went through RCIA, where my children were baptized.

However, there is 0 support for young families. There is no nursery or cry room (I know some people donā€™t think there should be, but it is hard to attract young families when some would much rather use those services). There is no childcare at any church events, not at RCIA, not at socials, not at Bible studies, none. I spoke with the priest, they used to provide childcare but decided to convert that space to choir space.

I visited another parish a few weeks ago, and they were starting a bible study for new moms that week. They provide childcare for all their bible studies and social events. They have nursery at one Mass on Sundays. I noticed an abundance of young families (also, itā€™s the only Catholic church on that side of town, so itā€™s pretty much everyone I guess). I started attending the bible study and I have actually finally met some other young catholic families for the first time since I converted. Itā€™s great.

If you want young families, offer things that appeal to young families. Kid friendly. Childcare. A cry room if you donā€™t have one that allows people to attend mass with fussy children. Offer a nursing space maybe if you donā€™t have a good place, not everyone is happy to nurse in public. Make sure there are diaper changing spaces available that are easy to access. Just little things.
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Not to discourage anyone but it many diocese ANY volunteer who work with children have to go through a CORI check and a training session. This turns off many people from volunteering, not because they are hiding something, but because it is one more hassle. Also in our litigious society, many people do not want the responsibility if something happens or goes wrong.
 
Pray pray pray!

For help on repairsā€¦ ask Our Lord, and listen in your heart to him. Give more time to adoration.

Also, work on specifying a ā€œfamily massā€. Encourage a childrenā€™s choir, and bring livelier music into the liturgy. I also agree big time with providing childcare! The family needs to be a priority. Encourage parishioners to become involved, have a day where all the volunteers have tables out after mass for people to sign up in their ministry. Delegate certain people to consider starting lively groups that cater to moms, and also menā€™s programs, too. Send out ads and fliers of your programs to other parish bulletins as well.
 
misspriss said:
I am currently in the process of changing churches. I love the church I am registered at, it is beautiful and it is where I went through RCIA, where my children were baptized.

However, there is 0 support for young families. There is no nursery or cry room (I know some people donā€™t think there should be, but it is hard to attract young families when some would much rather use those services). There is no childcare at any church events, not at RCIA, not at socials, not at Bible studies, none. I spoke with the priest, they used to provide childcare but decided to convert that space to choir space.

I visited another parish a few weeks ago, and they were starting a bible study for new moms that week. They provide childcare for all their bible studies and social events. They have nursery at one Mass on Sundays. I noticed an abundance of young families (also, itā€™s the only Catholic church on that side of town, so itā€™s pretty much everyone I guess). I started attending the bible study and I have actually finally met some other young catholic families for the first time since I converted. Itā€™s great.

If you want young families, offer things that appeal to young families. Kid friendly. Childcare. A cry room if you donā€™t have one that allows people to attend mass with fussy children. Offer a nursing space maybe if you donā€™t have a good place, not everyone is happy to nurse in public. Make sure there are diaper changing spaces available that are easy to access. Just little things.
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Yes! Make it easy for them to come šŸ™‚

Also, the priest should definitely let people know that welcoming young families and children to church is vitalā€“they are providing the future of the Church!

Snarky comments and complaints should *never *be directed to or said in a way to be overheard by young parents!!! If there is an actual problem, it should be taken to the priest, who should he allowed to deal with it
 
From a practical standpoint, parishes without a grade school will suffer attracting families with children in comparison to parishes with a school, particularly if the parochial schools are in high demand. Why? People know that active parishioners are usually at an advantage when it comes to gaining admission to the school. Often, there is also a tuition break for parish families compared to out-of-parish families. If there is a local Catholic high school, families will consider graduation from a more-demanding Catholic grade school to be an advantage when trying to gain admission there, too.

Let us say, though, that this is not an issue. Iā€™d say you want to do research about why your parish is not attractive to families with children. Where are they on Sunday mornings, if not with you? Are they at the Protestant church with lots of programs? Are they at the local Catholic parish with a childrenā€™s choir and an active altar server program? Are they simply going to a larger parish with more families and, therefore, more children the same age as their own? Are they staying home and not regularly going to any church at all?

You canā€™t fish if you donā€™t know what body of water the fish live in. Otherwise, how do you choose bait? How do you choose when to fish and where to fish? Youā€™d be working totally in the dark.

On that note, do not neglect to pray for help. Whatever you do, remember that the main thing is to continue to make the main thing the main thing, as Steven Covey would say. Make certain that people who are coming to your parish are coming for what they need and are given every help to courageously ask for what they need: the Lord Himself, giving His grace. If you donā€™t have that, you wonā€™t attract warm bodies ready to pony up to fix the roof. Even if you did, though, you would have failed to do what you set out to do in the first place, losing your way even as you tried to help someone else find theirs. Seek ye first the Kingdom, and all the rest will be added unto you.

OK, so what if you donā€™t have a school and canā€™t get one? Iā€™d suggest considering joint youth programs with a parish that does. They can probably use the help and would want to have your parish as a ā€œfeederā€ into their school. The more, the merrier!
 
jazzy0710 said:
Out of the 10 regular Adult Altar Servers at our Parish I am the one that helps our Priest with Wedding ceremonies. One idea that came to me is if he allowed me to that I could follow up with young couples after the Wedding to see our they are doing and invite them to one of our events or something of that nature. What do you think of that?

Has anyone else out there run into this problem at their Parish? What is it that is making young families leave and how do we draw them back in?

I would greatly apprechiate any feedback both positive or negative.

Thanks and God bless šŸ‘
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Excellent idea! I didnā€™t think ā€˜follow-upā€™ was in the churchā€™s vocabulary.

I like MissPrissā€™ advice, also. Our parish has a cry/nursing room built into the back of the sanctuary with glass windows, so you are participating, but quietly tucked away so littles can get their wiggles out. The lighting is subdued so you can nurse or a toddler can doze.

Now for what is making young families leave, I think Lormar hit the nail flat on. Where are the young families? They are headed miles away to be a part of an FSSP or other Latin Mass offering and make the day of it with a fellowship meal afterwards where they are with other young families and mingle with the priest and other religious. That is where I have found young families.
 
Intentional Disciples is an EXCELLENT book. Get it. Read it. Read it again.

The way to attract young families to offer EXCELLENT Religious Ed. and many opportunities for them to meet other young marrieds socially, and magisterially.

The way to attract good catechists is to approach people in person, not just make a plea from the pulpit. Go up to someone and say ā€œyour look like you enjoy children. Can we help you get the proper training and would you like to work with the children of the parish?ā€
And then FOLLOW THROUGH.
So many people volunteer and folks who think their ā€œministryā€ is their life and their possession push them aside or donā€™t make them welcome.
Liturgy, ministry, or any kind of community service is never anyoneā€™s possession.
Weā€™re all called to do something according to our gifts. For some people that may be praying for the ill members of the parish. For others, it may mean sitting on the Finance council.

Good luck.
Many of those stewardship things devolve into gimmicks.
Gimmicks donā€™t work, but sincerity does. šŸ˜‰
 
Right.

When our oldest kids were small, my husband and I mostly went to different Masses because there wasnā€™t any cry room or nursery and not even a vestibule at the nearby churches.

Weā€™re in a different area now, and while we love the college chaplaincy, ever since our youngest was around 17-18 months old, itā€™s been a pain in the neck scampering after her in the large vestibule and trying to keep her from making a dash to the altar when the doors are opened. So, around that time, we started going to the parish across town with the elementary school, large CCE program, large youth group and nursery staffed with high school students. There have occasionally been glitches (no, Iā€™m not going to leave my toddler with a single male high school student), but the nursery has been a great addition to the family repertoire.

One of our old parishes also used to have a staffed nursery on Wednesday night, so CCD teachers with little kids could leave their kids there and we also had adult education classes.
misspriss said:
I am currently in the process of changing churches. I love the church I am registered at, it is beautiful and it is where I went through RCIA, where my children were baptized.

However, there is 0 support for young families. There is no nursery or cry room (I know some people donā€™t think there should be, but it is hard to attract young families when some would much rather use those services). There is no childcare at any church events, not at RCIA, not at socials, not at Bible studies, none. I spoke with the priest, they used to provide childcare but decided to convert that space to choir space.

I visited another parish a few weeks ago, and they were starting a bible study for new moms that week. They provide childcare for all their bible studies and social events. They have nursery at one Mass on Sundays. I noticed an abundance of young families (also, itā€™s the only Catholic church on that side of town, so itā€™s pretty much everyone I guess). I started attending the bible study and I have actually finally met some other young catholic families for the first time since I converted. Itā€™s great.

If you want young families, offer things that appeal to young families. Kid friendly. Childcare. A cry room if you donā€™t have one that allows people to attend mass with fussy children. Offer a nursing space maybe if you donā€™t have a good place, not everyone is happy to nurse in public. Make sure there are diaper changing spaces available that are easy to access. Just little things.
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Yeah a cry room is a must. But as a parish employee, when we ask for volunteers or families to take a turn they ALL refuse.
Last Sunday we had people really upset because there was a horribly behaved 5 yr. old boy running amok. Everyone was more than willing to opine that ā€œsomeone should take him in there and watch himā€ but no one stepped up. Finally a gentleman said heā€™d watch him, and that child literally DESTROYED the nursery. Looked like a bomb went off.
Easier said than done to get someone to watch other children.
And the Archdiocese will not permit anyone under 21 to do it so donā€™t bother saying the Teens can do it for community service hours. Theyā€™d like to. They are not permitted.
Safe Environment, and allā€¦:rolleyes:

Such a shame. Thereā€™s a real need.
 
Thereā€™s also the questionā€“is there anybody who is actively running off young families?

We once had our oldest (who wasnā€™t 2 at the time) shushed by two different ladies at the same Mass in a church with no cry room, no nursery and no vestibuleā€“there was literally no place to take her other than outside. (She wasnā€™t crying, just talking happily.)

It was probably after that that my husband and I went to a two-Mass solution for Sundays, but a lot of people wouldnā€™t stick around after that.
 
Xantippe said:
Thereā€™s also the questionā€“is there anybody who is actively running off young families?

We once had our oldest (who wasnā€™t 2 at the time) shushed by two different ladies at the same Mass in a church with no cry room, no nursery and no vestibuleā€“there was literally no place to take her other than outside. (She wasnā€™t crying, just talking happily.)

It was probably after that that my husband and I went to a two-Mass solution for Sundays, but a lot of people wouldnā€™t stick around after that.
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You bring up a good point. I remember someone asking the previous pastor why he never asks people to take out unruly children.
His response was that some people only need to ā€œthinkā€ they see a priest eye-rolling or glancing their way to excuse running off and never returning.
He said he didnā€™t ever want to be responsible for that. On the last day, Jesus would never say to him that he was unkind to a young family.
But lots of people do stare and harrumph.
 
coachdennis said:
Not to discourage anyone but it many diocese ANY volunteer who work with children have to go through a CORI check and a training session. This turns off many people from volunteering, not because they are hiding something, but because it is one more hassle. Also in our litigious society, many people do not want the responsibility if something happens or goes wrong.
Click to expand...
The training has different names or different programs depending on the diocese, it is called Virtus here and training are offered quite frequently. Iā€™m Virtus trained myself, I woudlnā€™t consider it too much to ask for people to be certified.
 
Lormar said:
Please believe me when I say that I am NOT trying to be controversial, or ignite a war, with my answer to your question, but here it is.

If you have an FSSP parish in your diocese, you might want to check it out. I understand that there are many young families in those parishes. Maybe you could talk with one of their priests and ask them how they do it.

Also, Iā€™ve been hearing your question since the seventies. I remember once being on a retreat at a retreat house run by the Calced Carmelite Fathers and one of them sitting down at our table during mealtime and asking just that: how do we get young families, and young people, back in our parishes.
Click to expand...
What is FSSP?
 
misspriss said:
I am currently in the process of changing churches. I love the church I am registered at, it is beautiful and it is where I went through RCIA, where my children were baptized.

However, there is 0 support for young families. There is no nursery or cry room (I know some people donā€™t think there should be, but it is hard to attract young families when some would much rather use those services). There is no childcare at any church events, not at RCIA, not at socials, not at Bible studies, none. I spoke with the priest, they used to provide childcare but decided to convert that space to choir space.

I visited another parish a few weeks ago, and they were starting a bible study for new moms that week. They provide childcare for all their bible studies and social events. They have nursery at one Mass on Sundays. I noticed an abundance of young families (also, itā€™s the only Catholic church on that side of town, so itā€™s pretty much everyone I guess). I started attending the bible study and I have actually finally met some other young catholic families for the first time since I converted. Itā€™s great.

If you want young families, offer things that appeal to young families. Kid friendly. Childcare. A cry room if you donā€™t have one that allows people to attend mass with fussy children. Offer a nursing space maybe if you donā€™t have a good place, not everyone is happy to nurse in public. Make sure there are diaper changing spaces available that are easy to access. Just little things.
Click to expand...
Thank you very much for your (name removed by moderator)ut itā€™s been very helpful šŸ˜‰
 
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