How do women feel about chivalrious men?

[Image_of_God]

I am VERY happy! Getting married in 12 days to my real-life “knight in shining armor” and could not be happier!

Image of God - we are using that reading from 1st Peter in our wedding. It is very beautiful, and yes, that is what I think of when I think of the concept of “chivalry” - not just social pleasantries, but real self-sacrifice that comes from a loving heart. And you are right, humility is a virtue which many (including myself) are lacking. I also have noticed that it is more difficult to treat my family with charity than it is to treat people out in the “world.” But charity begins at home!

I’m so happy for you…make sure his heart is shining too.

 

[Image_of_God]

I think perhaps that it is in how one is raised. If you are raised to respect women in a certain chivalrous manner it is bound to influence and become something that is natural to do without question. I think it would be difficult to learn this behaviour once one has learned otherwise; but I must say there may still be hope for those that are of a certain age where they may still be influenced. Also if you are around folks who believe in these good manners they are bound to rub off. Hopefully.

Most people around me don’t have manners, so I didn’t really grow up with them. I for the most part, just spoke to my mom anyhow…sometimes. It really is saddening. Of course, I never use foul language so I never swore at her or anything.

 

[Image_of_God]

We need more of them!!!

When will there be more? They are almost all gone…

 

[Image_of_God]

Excellent post-Belgarion! I think you hit it…‘manners.’ Where have basic manners gone to, these days? I am raising my kids to have manners, but so many of their friends have NONE. No manners with adults, teachers, their own parents…so, to suddenly pull out their bag of manners on a date would definitely seem foreign to them.

My son is not permitted to speak to me and his dad any way he chooses, but we have had to correct it a few times. Now he knows better. Same with our daughter. Hopefully, the extension of being gracious to loved ones at home, will transcend out of the home, when they both have love interests in their lives, and/or pursue the joys of dating. I definitely think that manners has gone out the window!

I don’t know about you, but I feel wrong when I tell my sister to take out the trash or to mow the lawn. It might not be wrong to tell her its her turn to take out the trash, but to me it doesn’t seem right. Honestly, when I’m the only guy in the house when the trash needs to be taken out or the lawn needs to be mowed and someone else does it, I do feel guilty. My sister often says it’s the “man’s job.” Can anyone give their :twocents: on that. I (or she) could be wrong, but…

 

[Belgarion]

I don’t know about you, but I feel wrong when I tell my sister to take out the trash or to mow the lawn. It might not be wrong to tell her its her turn to take out the trash, but to me it doesn’t seem right. Honestly, when I’m the only guy in the house when the trash needs to be taken out or the lawn needs to be mowed and someone else does it, I do feel guilty. My sister often says it’s the “man’s job.” Can anyone give their :twocents: on that. I (or she) could be wrong, but…

I can understand that

I have two little sisters, and an older one. However, they try to boss me around so much that I don’t really feel guilty about asking them to do something for me. BUt I WILL do stuff for my older sister when she asks me, so its not like I treat them with disrespect.
You’re better off than I am though. Apparently you treat your wife like you treat your sisters and mother.
I treat my mother and my sisters better than most people would, but you seem to put me to shame.

 

[Image_of_God]

I can understand that

I have two little sisters, and an older one. However, they try to boss me around so much that I don’t really feel guilty about asking them to do something for me. BUt I WILL do stuff for my older sister when she asks me, so its not like I treat them with disrespect.
You’re better off than I am though. Apparently you treat your wife like you treat your sisters and mother.
I treat my mother and my sisters better than most people would, but you seem to put me to shame.

I am 16. I think that just a little too young for a wife.
But I do feel that now is the time to start learning good manners, if I haven’t.

 

[Belgarion]

I am 16. I think that just a little too young for a wife.
But I do feel that now is the time to start learning good manners, if I haven’t.

well now…you seem to have outshined a 19 year old…
good work.

Keep up on it though. Its quite easy to get too comfortable with cutting back on manners. I think I’ve gotten worse lately, don’t let it happen to you!!

Its never too early to start preparing for a wife though. You work on yourself long enough, you’ll have crowds of nice women chasing you…You can only pick one though…lol

 

[Image_of_God]

well now…you seem to have outshined a 19 year old…
good work.

Keep up on it though. Its quite easy to get too comfortable with cutting back on manners. I think I’ve gotten worse lately, don’t let it happen to you!!

Its never too early to start preparing for a wife though. You work on yourself long enough, you’ll have crowds of nice women chasing you…You can only pick one though…lol

Don’t get the wrong idea though. I’m not perfect. I have a horrible time with good manners, especially with my mother and my sister and my brother. I have a hard time too. But I think it’s worth it.

 

[SeanTom]

Hi y’all,

If anyone accuses me of being chivalrious, I would have to reply “I am guilty”.

Yes, I still open doors for women and elderly people. Yes, I do respect all women and elderly. If I wore a hat, I would tip it when approaching a woman - but since I don’t wear a hat, I would smile and say “Good morning” or whatever. If a woman / elderly/or someone who has a handicap drops something, I will be the first to pick it up.

I like people and I know that people do appreciate kindnesses, even if they won’t acknowledge them. Only once was I rebuked for opening a door for a young lady, and she said, “That’s not necessary, I can open my own door”. All I said was, “Sorry - have a good day” and walked off.

I am not a youngster or a middle aged man, but I am not old enough to render assistance and courtesies to women and those older than me. I do it in the spirit of kindness to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I have to admit I do get a lot of “thank you’s” and smiles, and it does feel good.
Try it - you’ll like it.

 

[Image_of_God]

Hi y’all,

If anyone accuses me of being chivalrious, I would have to reply “I am guilty”.

Yes, I still open doors for women and elderly people. Yes, I do respect all women and elderly. If I wore a hat, I would tip it when approaching a woman - but since I don’t wear a hat, I would smile and say “Good morning” or whatever. If a woman / elderly/or someone who has a handicap drops something, I will be the first to pick it up.

I like people and I know that people do appreciate kindnesses, even if they won’t acknowledge them. Only once was I rebuked for opening a door for a young lady, and she said, “That’s not necessary, I can open my own door”. All I said was, “Sorry - have a good day” and walked off.

I am not a youngster or a middle aged man, but I am not old enough to render assistance and courtesies to women and those older than me. I do it in the spirit of kindness to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I have to admit I do get a lot of “thank you’s” and smiles, and it does feel good.
Try it - you’ll like it.

Yes, but I think it’s just the possibility of rejection that makes it difficult to do kind acts.

 

[whatevergirl]

I don’t know about you, but I feel wrong when I tell my sister to take out the trash or to mow the lawn. It might not be wrong to tell her its her turn to take out the trash, but to me it doesn’t seem right. Honestly, when I’m the only guy in the house when the trash needs to be taken out or the lawn needs to be mowed and someone else does it, I do feel guilty. My sister often says it’s the “man’s job.” Can anyone give their :twocents: on that. I (or she) could be wrong, but…

It’s funny you say this…my son empties the garbage, and we have a landscaper for the lawn, as he has a heavy football obligation…not home a lot doing that. But, that being said, if we did not have a son, my daughter wouldn’t mow it. She has her own chores to do, but taking out the trash has always been my son’s job, as it’s heavy often times, and this is just his chore that he does. They both argue over who does more chores though…

 

[whatevergirl]

I find it curious that holding a door is considered a masculine, chivalrous trait. If I see a UPS guy struggling to get a door open because his hands are filled with packages, I rush over to help out. While I think I get the meaning here, and I do think that we need to see more chivalry…I don’t think that holding doors is a trait synonymous with males. Now, my husband typically lets me out of the pew first when we go up for communion, or he opens the door and lets a gazillion people walk through at church or wherever…I do think my husband is chivalrous. We teach our son to treat women with respect, etc…as well. But, we also teach our daughter the same thing. It is necessary for both to go out into the world when they are adults, being respectful, considerate, and generous with others.

I will say that I personally teach my daughter, that she should not ask boys out, and shouldn’t ask a man to marry her. I believe in old fashioned values when it comes to dating etiquette, and proposals. I have seen far too many of my friends make the first move, and the men treated them as though they were easy, or should pay for everything. While asking a guy to hang out, etc is not a bad thing–I did so in college, if I felt a friendship was established, I don’t believe a woman should take on the more manly role of being the person to romantically pursue another. I have a friend who asked her husband to marry her, and she does everything now–makes all decisions, and always laments as to why her husband is not a take charge kinda guy. I believe that if the lines are blurred before marriage, the lines can’t get*** unblurred ***after marriage.That’s just me.:tiphat:

 

[holly_potter]

This is a sensitive topic for many, but I just wanted to ask. Some women feel that such men are degrading them. That’s just some of the things I’ve felt that other women believe. So how do you feel about these type of men (if their “chivalry” be sincere)?

Sorry, I’m too lazy to read all the other posts

But I have to say that I really do appreciate chivalry. I always say thank you, and then I am chivalrous myself…it’s reciprocal. It is not degrading at all–rather it’s quite conducive to a healthy society.

My boyfriend is very chivalrous He always is very helpful and respectful to everyone…and I once remarked a few days ago that is one of the things I love about him, and then since then, I don’t know, it seems like he’s even more chivalrous, going out of his way to open doors now, not just for me, but he will quickly walk ahead and get the door before other people do, to let them through as well as me How sweet!

 

[1ke]

This is a sensitive topic for many, but I just wanted to ask. Some women feel that such men are degrading them. That’s just some of the things I’ve felt that other women believe. So how do you feel about these type of men (if their “chivalry” be sincere)?

I would not have considered marrying a man who lacked this quality. My DH is quite chivalrous, and I expect it of men.

 

[peregrinator_it]

To the OP: Yes! Women appreciate chivalrous men. That is, I appreciate a guy who acts out of thoughtfulness/consideration for others.

And I agree, this goes both ways. Women should also try to be considerate towards the opposite sex.

---

Apologies in advance for taking the thread a little off-topic, but I’ve just got to respond to this:

I of course would offer to pay my half on a first date, because that is the polite thing to do. I’ve never had a decent guy actually accept my offer to pay. I also have never asked a man on a date.

Let me frame my question (and introduce a whole new region into the discussion ) by saying that I’m a born-and-raised California now living in DC.

Where I come from, being under 30 and a devout Catholic almost necessarily means being under financial strain, and really, California society is very laid back, so people’s “roles” so to speak aren’t very defined. Consequently, in California, I wouldn’t think twice about offering to pay/go Dutch on a date. (I wouldn’t worry about offending anyone.)

But I don’t know what’s considered polite in the rest of the country. I’ve heard that the woman shouldn’t try to pay, as that would be considered rude. (People here are much more formal and I don’t want to offend.)

But now reading the quote above, I have to ask is this true in the rest of the country? Should I be offering to pay? Help!

 

[1ke]

Should I be offering to pay? Help!

No Way.

If you are asked on a date, you do not pay. You are invited, accept graciously.

You can always *reciprocate *at a later time with an invitation to a home cooked meal, pic-nic, tickets you have to a theater production, etc.

 

[peregrinator_it]

No Way.

If you are asked on a date, you do not pay. You are invited, accept graciously.

You can always *reciprocate *at a later time with an invitation to a home cooked meal, pic-nic, tickets you have to a theater production, etc.

Whew! Thanks .

 

[CountryMom27]

I’m a feminist, in that I believe that women have the power to do most anything, and certainly that we have the intelligence and the strength to be on par with men. I don’t think that has a negative effect on chivalry. My husband opens doors for me often, treats me with respect, and would never use foul language around me (or anyone else for that matter). I treat him with respect - I support him and encourage him, and never say anything that would embarrass him or make him feel less of a man.

Part of being a woman is accepting that you are worthy of respect. We have an easy time caring for others but a harder time accepting others’ help and respect. I’m teaching my boys that part of being a man is taking care of others and being kind to people. As they get older (they are 2 & 4), I will teach them how to be gentlemen. But right now they are working hard enough learning how to be kind boys.

An aside - last Christmas, I was shopping with my boys, the youngest in a stroller, in an outdoor shopping area. We had a number of stops to make, and I had packages, the stroller, my big mom-purse, and my oldest’s hand to hold. Men and women didn’t hold doors for us. I held doors for others even if it was only with the tip of my foot as I wrangled the stroller around. Finally, at one store, my oldest helped me open the door and then proceeded to hold it open for several people as they passed through. No one acknowledged this little boy holding a very heavy door for his mother and for them in the cold wind. I took him aside in the store, gave him a big hug, and told him how proud I was of his behavior. You should have seen his smile.

Chivalry is not dead, it just needs encouragement.

 

[CountryMom27]

No Way.

If you are asked on a date, you do not pay. You are invited, accept graciously.

You can always *reciprocate *at a later time with an invitation to a home cooked meal, pic-nic, tickets you have to a theater production, etc.

I agree 100%

 

[whatevergirl]

I’m a feminist, in that I believe that women have the power to do most anything, and certainly that we have the intelligence and the strength to be on par with men. I don’t think that has a negative effect on chivalry. My husband opens doors for me often, treats me with respect, and would never use foul language around me (or anyone else for that matter). I treat him with respect - I support him and encourage him, and never say anything that would embarrass him or make him feel less of a man.

Part of being a woman is accepting that you are worthy of respect. We have an easy time caring for others but a harder time accepting others’ help and respect. I’m teaching my boys that part of being a man is taking care of others and being kind to people. As they get older (they are 2 & 4), I will teach them how to be gentlemen. But right now they are working hard enough learning how to be kind boys.

An aside - last Christmas, I was shopping with my boys, the youngest in a stroller, in an outdoor shopping area. We had a number of stops to make, and I had packages, the stroller, my big mom-purse, and my oldest’s hand to hold. Men and women didn’t hold doors for us. I held doors for others even if it was only with the tip of my foot as I wrangled the stroller around. Finally, at one store, my oldest helped me open the door and then proceeded to hold it open for several people as they passed through. No one acknowledged this little boy holding a very heavy door for his mother and for them in the cold wind. I took him aside in the store, gave him a big hug, and told him how proud I was of his behavior. You should have seen his smile.

Chivalry is not dead, it just needs encouragement.

Aw–that is truly a great uplifting story. What a great kid you have there!! I think that manners, as Belgarion pointed out above, is really lost in our society today…everyone is out for him/herself…it’s becoming sad. I think the future has a shot, as long as we raise our own kids to head out into the world being considerate of others!