How do you counter this argument about single parenting?

[Sarcelle]

You hit the nail in the hand.

We keep telling pregnant single women to let their baby live and not abort but then turn around and tell them that we’ll take their babies away from them because they will be bad mothers.

 

[annem]

We keep telling pregnant single women to let their baby live and not abort but then turn around and tell them that we’ll take their babies away from them because they will be bad mothers.

Sorry, but who is saying these things?? I am involved in pro life causes. We help fund a house where pregnant unmarried women can live, and we give them money. We send them to school and help them to find jobs. The care continues for at least a year afterwards.

 

[Sarcelle]

I’ve met too many people online and in real life who say these things.

They say pregnant single women should keep their babies and not abort them and then go on to say that a lot of problems in society is because of women raising kids alone. Single mothers are the problem.

 

[1ke]

actually, i don’t go on fringe sites at all, things honestly just come up, for this particular one, it surfaces a lot of the time in prolife groups

Then those are not groups to be associating with. They ARE firings groups if they are espousing this idea.

Saw Abby johnson essentially get torn apart on facebook because of a post on something like that, just one example

UGH, Facebook groups. Quit wasting your time.

 

[annem]

hey say pregnant single women should keep their babies and not abort them and then go on to say that a lot of problems in society is because of women raising kids alone. Single mothers are the problem.

I’m sorry, but you seem to never have considered the fact that most people talking about single parenting problems are trying to HELP women. Since about 1900, researchers have studied various kinds of single parenthood. Yes, the results of single parenthood are frequently very very sad - and this holds across a century or more of research

The results show that those who are born and raised by their own mother and father are at a huge advantage. Those adopted into a loving family have only a slight deviation from this good outcome.

But, going by the research, those who are born to cohabitating, divorced, or unwed parents have poor outcomes in school, in health, in their adult lives later on. Even being wealthy doesn’t help cure all problems for those born to a single parent. All you have to do is consider the walking wounded children of celebrities. Here is a sketchy overview of the research:

DIVORCE
Parental Divorce and the Well-Being of Children: A Meta-Analysis
P R Amato 1 , B Keith
Affiliations

• PMID: 1832495
• DOI: 10.1037/0033-2909.110.1.26
  Children of divorce scored lower than children in intact families across a variety of outcomes, including social, educational, health, future outcomes in employment, much greater likelihood to abuse drugs or alcohol, much more likely to become promiscuous, at greater risk for school failure, risk for future employment, at a much higher risk for suicide, mental health problems

STEPPARENT

Findings from nationally representative studies and meta-analyses indicate that children in stepfamilies are at an elevated risk of experiencing maladjustment in terms of academic, social, behavioral, and psychological well-being (Hoffman, 2002, 2006; Jeynes, 2006; Tillman, 2007).————

COHABITATION

Children born to cohabiting parents see their parents break up more often than do children born to married parents. In this way, being born into a cohabiting family sets the stage for later instability, and children who are born to cohabiting parents appear to experience enduring deficits of psychosocial wellbeing.

The research shows that there are answers - the children can be helped!! Obviously, millions of people born to single parents turn out well - and the research shows why.

 

[angell1]

well, actually, it was on her actual page, that she uses for her ministries, people didn’t like her opinion of encouraging single parents to keep their children if possible, instead of the default position to try and pressure them to adopt, and it was A LOT of people too, not just a couple, many people seem to think that just the fact of having two parents was better than anything a single parent could provide, o matter what

 

[Lifeisbeautiful3]

A LOT of people too, not just a couple, many people seem to think that just the fact of having two parents was better than anything a single parent could provide, o matter what

That’s just dumb

 

[EloyCraft]

Why reject the child again and completely? I think that’s part of the drive to seek out a unknown biological parent

 

[Rau]

how do you counter that argument which exists in the catholic blogosphere that sincle parents, even if they are capable of raising their children and even if they want to, should not do so because a child should have two parents and unless they give them up for adoption, then they are being selfish no matter what? i’m sure most of you have encountered that line of thinking before, at least i have, all over the place.

Could you link to the making of such an argument?

 

[angell1]

can you give some reasons why not?

 

[angell1]

no i think they mean an actual adoptive family, since you bring up church teaching, is there anything about it in there? i mean, we can say adoption is a loving option and encourage, but i don’t think the church can actually force people to adopt other peoples’ children.

 

[blackforest]

You are correct. I know of no Church teaching indicating that a single mom is obligated to place her baby up for adoption.

 

[1ke]

people didn’t like her opinion of encouraging single parents to keep their children if possible, instead of the default position to try and pressure them to adopt, and it was A LOT of people too, not just a couple, many people seem to think that just the fact of having two parents was better than anything a single parent could provide, o matter what

Oh, well, random people commenting on a blog post. That’s entirely different. Note sarcasm.

That isn’t the “Catholic blogosphere”. That’s a famous pro life person, who is also Catholic, posting her own opinion on her blog and the comment section which could be anything from atheists to Protestants, to Catholics and everything in between.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

i’m sure most of you have encountered that line of thinking before, at least i have, all over the place.

I actually have never heard such a ridiculous thing, ever. Not from Catholics or from anyone else.

I don’t read random comments in the “blogosphere”. In my experience, there’s a high percentage of whackadoodles there.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

You are correct. I know of know Church teaching indicating that a single mom is obligated to place her baby up for adoption.

Plus, there are dozens of Catholic saints who grew up in one-parent households, usually because the other parent died when the saint was quite young, or in some cases the other parent abandoned the family.

 

[Lea101]

I’m sorry, but you seem to never have considered the fact that most people talking about single parenting problems are trying to HELP women

They have a funny way of showing it.

There’s a right way to talk about these issues honestly. Blaming single mothers for society’s ills isn’t the way.

It’s also better imo to focus on the issues that lead to single motherhood like dating, crime etc. But regardless of that, we can talk about the effects of single motherhood and how to mitigate existing cases without putting them down for it.

Because when we all just talk about how single motherhood is bad, all we’re doing is stigmatising it and not the factors that caused it in the first place. Your end result would be a woman considering abortion even more, not a woman choosing not to have sex with someone tbh.

 

[Sarcelle]

The only way the problem of solving the soaring rates of out of wedlock’s births is for people to wait to get married before having children and finishing secondary education. This will also alleviate the problem of poverty.

Due to the sexual revolution and the decline of Christianity, people no longer do this and chances are it will get worst in the future. So what do you propose in the meantime?

Will we take away children from all single mothers by force?

If a woman finds herself widowed or divorced or pregnant out of wedlock do we take away her children?

Who will do the taking away?

Who will do the adopting?

Is being in an orphanage or foster care system any better than being with a single mother?

 

[annem]

Will we take away children from all single mothers by force?

If a woman finds herself widowed or divorced or pregnant out of wedlock take away her children?

I have never heard, not even once in my life, the suggestion that an illegitimate child should be taken away from her mother. Come on.

However, by never saying that there are problems with single parenting we may, inadvertently, be giving a woman the idea that there are no problems. Furthermore, we then cannot explain what the research, not to mention Catholic belief, about how to raise a child as a single parent.

There’s lots of reteach that shows what helps. For example, after a divorce or a breakup with a boyfriend, most research suggests the single parents plows into heavy dating, or flinging herself into working harder and going back to school. And guess what, while certainly not meaning to, that poor single woman is then leaving the child to feel abandoned.

As for adopting, most adopted children who are given to a happily married couple, tend to do better than those raised by a single mother.

 

[Sarcelle]

But you did mention that single mothers are the cause of society’s problems and that children are suffering.

You also mentioned that we should not be blind to the suffering of children.

We should do something.

What do we do then?

 

[annem]

But you did mention that single mothers are the cause of society’s problems and that children are suffering.

Of course I did not claim single mothers were to cause of all our problems, or even most of our problems. Where on earth did you get that idea?

But we do have a terrible problem with our children, who are clearly being harmed. Please look at the statistics. Even with all the wealth in America, our children are suffering, which, no, is certainly not caused by single parenthood, although it does contribute.

Consider first the corrosive effects of our culture. Consider how we seem to value self love more than loving others.

What should we do? The first and most positive thing would be a return to God. And good luck with that one. But at the least, just to help the children, the massive amounts of research on the family should be published. Nobody puts our the information.