How do you know when you've found your soulmate?

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When you think this way…it’s time to back away and re-think. How does it go: “release the butterfly and if it returns…”
 
It is far easier to discern if someone is your intended spouse if you are of an age/in a position in life to be married. But for now, the qualities in this friendship you like most will help you sharpen a hazily forming image of your future spouse that your heart will recognize someday.
 
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I don’t know. It seems there is no signal to know it. I even have no boy friends.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Yeah, people have “types” but in many cases end up in a happy long-term relationship with the last person they thought they would have picked because “s/he isn’t my type”.
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This is true. My husband was not my type. :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:
 
I would suggest if you are having trouble to find male friends, to keep St. Ann, St. Joseph, St. Raphael, St. Gabriel, and St. Valentine in your prayers. All of these saints are specifically helpful for those hoping to find their future spouse and needing guidence. I call upon them as well as other saints daily in the hopes of eventually finding my wife, if that is the vocation I am called to
 
I suppose I’d say you’ve found your soulmate when they’re beside you as God calls you home, having obeyed their marriage vows faithfully all your life together.

Basically, God made you to work with a certain kind of person, but you never truly know if somebody is that kind of person until you know they never weren’t.
 
Going off this, who someone marries isn’t an alignment of the cosmos that was designed to take place since the beginning of the Age. God knows who someone will marry but there is free will to chose that. Keep in mind that marriage most fundamentally, is to help your spouse reach Heaven through bringing about our worst sins to the surface so that they may be purified 🙂
 
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GospelOfMatthew said:
Keep in mind that marriage most fundamentally, is to help your spouse reach Heaven through bringing about our worst sins to the surface so that they may be purified 🙂
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Would you point me to the official Church teaching on this? It is a brand new teaching to me.
 
Well I can’t think of something specific, but Christopher West and Matt Fradd have talked on this before numerous times. West calls marriage like oil in water. Your sins float to the surface for purification.

Is that not what you have heard/experienced?
 
Um, no. The closest thing I can think of is scripture Proverbs 27:17, but, that is an extreme stretch (also this verse is not limited to spouses)

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Proverbs, CHAPTER 27

Daily Bible Readings, Podcast Audio and Videos and Prayers brought to you by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops.
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“Iron is sharpened by iron; one person sharpens another”

There are primary and secondary ends of marriage, none of them are to “bring our worst sins to the surface so that they may be purified”.
 
TheLittleLady said:
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GospelOfMatthew:
Keep in mind that marriage most fundamentally, is to help your spouse reach Heaven through bringing about our worst sins to the surface so that they may be purified 🙂
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Would you point me to the official Church teaching on this? It is a brand new teaching to me.
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Yes, this is news to me too.
Perhaps GospelOfMatthew can be more specific about this. Can you find where this is so we can read it ourselves?
 
Closest I can think of is Fr Corapi’s comment that some people marry their hair shirt 😉
 
I will see if I can find what podcast/talk West or Fradd mentioned this and if I can find it I’ll link it.

I feel like I’ve also heard this from Jackie Francois and Bobby Angel as well as Fr. Mike Schmitz, hope I can find the videos
 
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Helping your spouse get to heaven is a purpose of marriage, as taught by the Church.

“Bringing the worst sins to the surface” sounds like one guy’s opinion though. That’s not how I would typically help anyone get to heaven, spouse or not.

Spouses help each other by encouraging each other to live good lives as God wants us to, by setting a good example for each other and by being loving. Any guy who told me he wanted to bring my worst sins to the surface would not have made it to another date, much less the altar. I wanted a husband, not a confessor or a shrink.

It may be what these apologists are getting at is that in a marriage, two people become so very close that they are necessarily going to see the worst sides of each other as well as the good sides, and will have to deal with that. I’m pretty sure my husband saw more of my dark sides than anyone else in my life including my mother, because I would hide some things from her, but not from my husband. But it wasn’t him who brought out the worst side of me, nor did he make a conscious effort to dredge stuff up.
 
Well said cajunjoy. The true destiny of the human soul is union with God.
 
@Tis_Bearself @TheLittleLady @Irishmom2

I spent a couple hours looking of Fr. Mike Schmitz videos, Christopher West talks, Matt Fradd vids and I’m not finding it but I am sure, the exact quote is “marriage is like oil in water, it brings our sins to the surface for purification”. I have heard this concept of marriage bringing our sins to the surface many times not only from priests but also specifially from these apologists. I’m wondering if it’s in one of Cameron Fradd’s hour long podcasts with Matt somewhere in the middle.

I’m getting pretty irritated and anxious with myself that I can’t find it… so for now I’ll bow out to those who have experience. Urrr this is gonna bug me until I find it. This isn’t something I just made up, I did legitimately hear it from these people.
I would like to offer this because I can explain their point until I find the evidence. You all admit that marriage is to help your spouse get to Heaven right? Well how?? Fradd and West were saying this is done by the struggles with personal sins everyone brings into marriage, marriage puts these sins on display and overtime these sins get worked on (purified) and thus it helps you reach Heaven. 1 Corinthians 7:14 comes to mind
 
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This isn’t the oil and water quote I’m referring to but Fr. Mike Schmitz is making the same point I was referring to in this video. Watch 5:49-6:29

 
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I don’t mean to sound like the old woman of the mountain here, but it’s kind of hard for people who have been married for several decades to have discussions about marriage with people who aren’t even engaged and also aren’t their children or close relatives.

You may well find that when you actually meet a lady you’re interested in marrying, these “marriage apologist” concepts don’t fly very far with her. Of course, it’s also possible you’ll meet a girl who’s a huge fan of Matt Fradd, in which case you’re free to craft a marriage just like what he says. Marriages aren’t one-size-fits-all and, other than maybe Fulton Sheen (whose marriage book I sadly still haven’t read, but I like Sheen and trust that he had good stuff in that book) , I am highly suspicious of those apologists who write about them.
 
I’m not saying any of these are good or bad things to read. If they’re generally approved by Catholic priests and bishops, you can read them. But like I said, don’t assume “one size fits all” when you’re reading books or advice about how to have a good marriage. People are all individuals and they can have very different needs and values and ways of going about a marriage. My marriage may be different from Christopher West’s marriage and both those marriages may be different from your own marriage. All three marriages can still be moral and good.
 
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