How does cohabitation hurt the chances of a lasting marriage?

[tonnnie2008]

Wow, all i know is i have tried it twice. It doesn’t work, same with fornication. It just doesn’t work for me… I’ve heard the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Well i think even though i am 36 yesterday. I am single mom twice divorced. My first husband passed away though. I will not fornicate or live with first anymore. It doesn’t work. Some people have to learn the hard way…why God makes the laws that He wants to govern us…because he loves us thats why and he created us, so he should know what works…

 

[tonnnie2008]

Through intercourse the two become one flesh. How many pieces of oneself does one give away through serial fornication? If one gives oneself away in a shack up relationship without a commitment to really make any progress on your oneness one because callous to the oneness that is created. One becomes a consumer who devours others and then throws the other away.

CDL

Wow, that’s all i can say…that is exactly the way it is…you said it very well…

 

[tonnnie2008]

Thanks ASimpleS

No offence but this was directed toward the IrishAm to answer.

I appreciate the roomate suggestion though. Thats good sense.

Thanks.

Peace.

No offense Asimple but i think that’s why this forumn is public everyone has right to comment on anyones blog so chill out peace:thumbsup:

 

[tonnnie2008]

If you’re talking a couple of days, that’s a guest in one’s home, not a potential partner “living together”. Longer than a week or two at the most, that’s cohabitation.

Assuming you are committed to chastity and respect, the danger of living together is that it is still an illusion. People who are committed to each other and just want to ‘try it out’ often walk on egg shells in an effort to present themself in the best light to the other. That doesn’t work in a marriage past the honeymoon period. In a marriage husbands and wives get angry, fight, argue, and by being committed to a permanent union, they work through those situations. In cohabitation, anger and fighting is a gun to the head. Husbands and wives, though they love each other, at some point ‘hit the wall’ and realize that marriage is not a perpetual honeymoon, no matter how much one or the other would like it to be. In cohabitation this often never happens because there is no wall to hit, just a back door to walk out of.

In fact, the danger of living together, even for a brief period of time is that if you do not see the negative in your intended, you may possibly construct the illusion that this is how he/she is. Then after marriage, when the illusion crumbles, you may possibly have a greater tendency to feel you were “lied to” by the other’s behavior, and begin to question the marriage with an eye toward ending it. Not a good situation. Sometimes ignorance is, if not bliss, at least beneficial.

Having done just what I’ve said, my advise to you is DON’T !

Good luck.

Wow i know this was for someone else however this is public, so very well put i enjoyed your description it has added to my knowledge. Thank you!!!

 

[tonnnie2008]

Thanks for laying out the law. I am well aware of the law too.

It seems your analogy could be cured with a civil marriage and convalidation.

I am looking for the substantial pitfalls of doing anything different than the Church recommends. Not because I want to but because I want to understand the temptations to.

And then even so, if one does ask a woman to be their wife and do everything “right” who’s to say there won’t be pitfalls anyway? I am quite sure there will be. How is anyone better prepared to deal with these pitfalls by not cohabitating.

I don’t think there is any easy clear cut answer to this though. I know couples who have been married in the Church who attended daily Mass and read the brievery together daily and never cohabitated and still divorced and others who eloped and got convalidated or married outside of the faith and others who got married after 10 years of living together and are still together. There seems to be no rhyme or reason, either you both have what it takes and are compatible or your not.

Maybe that should be the question; how do you know your intended and you are truly compatible over the long haul? I must say it all serves to make one quite afraid of marriage, let alone cohabitation or fornication. Especially for the previously married and divorced.

Peace.

yes it does make one scared, very scared i guess thats why we need to stay in close relationship with God so we can recieve approval of person if it is His will not ours…

 

[tonnnie2008]

Could you explain the meaning of marriage, then?

The idea of commitment and exclusivity is what makes a natural marriage.
Eg: Those married outside the sacramental celebration of marriage.

Adam & Eve, Noah and his 1 wife, and many others simply moved in together and began having relations as the marriage ceremony itself. There was no witnessed marriage.

There is a difference between “marriage” and the sacramental celebration.
I would agree that those who do what Jesus Christ has forbidden through the church – are not committed to the law of Christ, and they will fail to receive the blessing offered only to those who obey his teaching – but I think it goes too far to say in every case the “commitment to marriage is lacking”, unless perhaps I misunderstood you, and you meant something slightly different than what it seems was written, for there are marriages according to ceremonies out side the church.

Civilly, often such unions are called common law marriages, and the state courts recognize them in many places even with no formal marriage certificate. Estates become entangled over such issues – so in the civil arena, this comittment is sometimes supplied by the State.

Sorry had to comment. Look theres just no use in trying to find loopholes in the word… It says get married first and thats it…

 

[istaru2001]

Wow, all i know is i have tried it twice. It doesn’t work, same with fornication. It just doesn’t work for me… I’ve heard the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Well i think even though i am 36 yesterday. I am single mom twice divorced. My first husband passed away though. I will not fornicate or live with first anymore. It doesn’t work. Some people have to learn the hard way…why God makes the laws that He wants to govern us…because he loves us thats why and he created us, so he should know what works…

Hello All,

I’m 46 and I’m married to husband number 2. I lived with each man before I married, The first man was worried that I would leave him so his proposel was “Marry me or move out.”(he knew i hadn’t any other place to go)
That marriage lasted 4 years. After being happily divorced for 8 years, I met another man and started living with him. After 3 years his proposel was “I guess we ought to do this thing.”
We’ve been married for 13 years and not one day goes by that I think that he married me out of duty or pity or I don’t know what.
If I could go back in time I would save my virginity for marriage and a man that I knew really loved and wanted me.

paula

 

[Gottle_of_Geer]

Thanks for laying out the law. I am well aware of the law too.

It seems your analogy could be cured with a civil marriage and convalidation.

I am looking for the substantial pitfalls of doing anything different than the Church recommends. Not because I want to but because I want to understand the temptations to.

And then even so, if one does ask a woman to be their wife and do everything “right” who’s to say there won’t be pitfalls anyway? I am quite sure there will be. How is anyone better prepared to deal with these pitfalls by not cohabitating.

I don’t think there is any easy clear cut answer to this though. I know couples who have been married in the Church who attended daily Mass and read the brievery together daily and never cohabitated and still divorced and others who eloped and got convalidated or married outside of the faith and others who got married after 10 years of living together and are still together. There seems to be no rhyme or reason, either you both have what it takes and are compatible or your not.

Maybe that should be the question; how do you know your intended and you are truly compatible over the long haul?

Only by first counting the cost, & then risking disappointment.​

I must say it all serves to make one quite afraid of marriage, let alone cohabitation or fornication. Especially for the previously married and divorced.

Definitely​

Peace.

There are pitfalls ***whatever one does *** - that is not a reason to cohabit. That marriages fail is not a reason either. You wanted some reasons why cohabiting is wrong - you got some. ​

 

[Joab_Anias]

You wanted some reasons why cohabiting is wrong - you got some.

More so WHY its wrong. Got some of those too. Thanks

Next question:

What if someone has already cohabitated, how can they get out of it and repair the damage?

Peace.

 

[jmcrae]

Next question:

What if someone has already cohabitated, how can they get out of it and repair the damage?

I haven’t personally had to deal with this, but I suspect that it shares many features in common with live land mine removal.

If you are in this situation for real, then the first thing I would recommend is an hour of Adoration every day for nine days in a row (or the best you can do that approximates this - better to do it badly than to put it off for even one day waiting for perfection), and only after that, initiate “the chat.” Also, pray to your beloved’s Guardian Angel, Patron Saint, and all the host of Heaven, for the wisdom to use the right words and do the right actions.

 

[love4mary]

Despite the evidence that cohabitation results in a higher rate of divorce, I (before my conversion) lived with my husband for 3 years before we married. We were together a total of 14 years before he died and we had a solid marriage.

Would I do the same today with my faïence? NO I would not, not so much because I believe it would lessen the strengthen of our marriage as much as it is wrong in the eyes of God.

 

[Texas_Roofer]

Despite the evidence that cohabitation results in a higher rate of divorce, I (before my conversion) lived with my husband for 3 years before we married. We were together a total of 14 years before he died and we had a solid marriage.

Would I do the same today with my faïence? NO I would not, not so much because I believe it would lessen the strengthen of our marriage as much as it is wrong in the eyes of God.

The curved path is both longer and harder, I am glad you made it!

 

[love4mary]

Thank You Texas Roofer…Trust me, doing things God’s way has made my life much happier and my marriage will be all the stronger.